Purpose & Direction

Dr. Warren Farrell – What’s Weighing Down Young Men?

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Talking points: culture, masculinity, relationships

Warren’s been a consistent and committed voice for men for decades now, an it’s been far too long since we’ve talked, so when I wanted to get some insight on how things have changed—or not—he was the obvious choice! We cover the complexity of what “makes” a man, get into politics, and some solid practical advice for couples. Enjoy and dig in.

(00:00:00) – What’s happening to young men in today’s culture
(00:09:47) – Warren’s take on why there seems to be negation or dismantling of biological underpinnings of maleness 
(00:17:53) – Is there really a difference between men and women, and Warren on listening first, solving second
(00:26:08) – Why do we see a gender divide in politics?
(00:36:06) – What Warren would say to men in their 20s and 30s
(00:41:54) – On Warren’s book Role Mate To Soul Mate, and what makes falling in love easy but sustaining love difficult
(00:52:27) – Advice if you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells with your partner

Warren Farrell, PhD, has been chosen by the Financial Times of London as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders. His books are published in 19 languages. They include The New York Times bestseller Why Men Are the Way They Are, and the international bestseller The Myth of Male Power. Dr. Farrell presented the findings of The Boy Crisis (2018) worldwide, from the White House to the Norwegian Parliament. It was a catalyst for bipartisan legislation for father involvement in Florida.
Dr. Farrell’s most recent book, Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Seven Secrets to Lifelong Love (2024), is based on his teaching couples’ communication for the past 30 years to more than a thousand couples and psychologists. Warren has been a pioneer in both the women’s movement (elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women in NYC) and the men’s movement (called by GQ “The Martin Luther King of the men’s movement”). He advocates for a “Gender Liberation Movement, freeing both sexes from the rigid roles of the past.” His life journey is the subject of a forthcoming documentary.

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Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
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These Two Things Are Killing Men

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Talking points: suicide, culture, masculinity

This isn’t an easy episode, but it’s important. If you’re someone who works with men, whatever kind of work that is, please share.

(00:00:00) – A part of my story I rarely share
(00:04:30) – What I’ve learned
(00:07:35) – What’s contributing to this?
(00:10:36) – If you’re somehow involved with men, here’s what to do. If you’re in this situation, here’s what I’ll tell you

***
Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Francis Weller – Collapse, The Psyche, And The Role Of Soul

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Talking points: collapse, culture, masculinity, psychology, Jung

There are very few people out there I consider genuine, authentic elders. Francis Weller is one of them. With a perfect marriage of gentle compassion and firm sincerity, Francis is the man you want to share a campfire with when times are tough. He lays out what we’re facing collectively from the perspective of someone deeply in tune with the natural world, and how we need to respond.

(00:00:00) – Why we’re in “the long dark”, and what needs to dissolve collectively
(00:09:04) – Navigating the things that are negatively affecting the psyche, and “death cafes”
(00:14:40) – What Francis has been noticing and gathering from our current times 
(00:21:03) – The balance between being aware of what’s going on and catastrophizing
(00:27:31) – Is talking about collapse and degrowth inherently anti-American?
(00:34:49) – How does someone stay present and grounded in the face of a collapse, and how people normally navigate
(00:44:09) – How do you find satisfaction without relentless pursuit? How do you get okay with “adequate”?
(00:50:30) – Francis on the nuance and variance of masculinity and masculine culture
(00:56:31) – How to be the medicine, and how to develop a deeper relationship with nature

Francis Weller, MFT, is a psychotherapist, writer, and soul activist. He is a master of synthesizing diverse streams of thought from psychology, anthropology, mythology, alchemy, indigenous cultures, and poetic traditions. Author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow, The Threshold Between Loss and Revelation, (with Rashani Réa), and In the Absence of the Ordinary, he has introduced the healing work of ritual to thousands of people. He founded and directs WisdomBridge, an organization that offers educational programs that seek to integrate the wisdom from indigenous cultures with the insights and knowledge gathered from Western poetic, psychological, and spiritual traditions. 

Francis received a B.A. from the University of Wisconsin Green Bay and two Master’s Degrees from John F. Kennedy University in Clinical Psychology and Transpersonal Psychology. His writings have appeared in anthologies and journals exploring the confluence between psyche, nature, and culture. He is currently completing his third book, A Trail on the Ground: The Geography of Soul.

He has created three CD sets, two focusing on healing shame and one on “Restoring the Soul of the World.” His latest offerings are a 10-session audio series on “Living a Soulful Life and Why It Matters.” and ​”The Alchemy of Initiation: Soul Work and the Art of Ripening.”
 
Connect with Francis:
-Website: https://www.francisweller.net/
-Books: https://www.francisweller.net/books.html
-Programs: https://www.francisweller.net/programs–workshops.html

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This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Easily match with a therapist who can help you through the tough times and empower your best self. Visit BetterHelp.com/mantalks today to get 10% off your first month.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5 Things Men Must Do To Rebuild In Their 30s

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Talking points: aging, mindset, personal growth

I bottomed out in my 20s and nearly lost everything. When I finally emerged from the rubble, I had NO idea where to even begin. The following are things I learned the hard way, so if you’re in a similar spot, strongly encourage you to listen in. Here’s how you rebuild.

(00:00:00) – Intro and number 1: make competency your aim
(00:03:33) – Number 2: get in shape
(00:05:24) – Number 3: learn how to save and invest, and get yourself out of debt 
(00:07:45) – Number 4: figure out if you’re a number one, number two, or a worker bee
(00:10:23) – Number 5: take women off the pedestal 

***

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4 Hard Truths Men Over 30 Need To Hear

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Talking points: mindset, death, change

Alright, you’re past 30. Assuming you’re past the usual advice you get from all the corners of the internet, what’s next? 

Because all the “you need to make more money, you need to get to the gym, you need to wake up earlier” stuff is fine—don’t get me wrong—but it’s also entry-level work. Listen in for the harder stuff.

(00:00:00) – Intro and the first thing: regret
(00:03:10) – Don’t make your future self suffer because of who you’re being now
(00:06:06) – Death is right around the corner
(00:10:52) – Your unwillingness to find or create your definition of freedom is a kind of death, too

***
Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

David Kessler – Finding Meaning In Grief And Loss

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Talking points: grief, loss, relationships, masculinity, anger

I met David at a psychotherapy symposium a while back, and it wasn’t long before we were sharing some of the things we’ve grieved. He just has that calm yet strong presence. He’s also, of course, an absolute expert therapist. We dig into everything loss in this episode; how the 5 stages actually work, what death does both for and to us, and much, much more. This is absolutely an episode to share with someone you feel could use it.

(00:00:00) – Intro, do men and women grieve differently, and the toll of not grieving
(00:06:34) – Why unprocessed grief manifests as anger, anxiety, and more
(00:11:10) – What brought David into grief work, the five stages, and where people get stuck
(00:24:43) – On the loss of David’s son
(00:32:12) – Does grief reshape identity, and the different ways of moving through it
(00:35:50) – How to move through grief, and discerning when to “live again”
(00:42:51) – David’s take on death denial, living currently, and how death challenges our assumptions
(00:50:43) – The sixth stage of grief, and the nuances of meaning after loss

David Kessler is one of the world’s foremost experts on grief and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even after life’s tragedies. He is the author of six books, including the new bestselling book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler Ross, including On Grief and Grieving updated her 5 stages for grief. His first book, The Needs of The Dying received praise from Saint (Mother) Teresa.
David’s personal experience as a child witnessing a mass shooting while his mother was dying in a hospital helped him begin his journey. For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. He facilitates talks, workshops and retreats for those experiencing grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It inspired him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning.
David’s volunteer work includes being an LAPD Specialist Reserve for traumatic events as well as having served on the Red Cross’s disaster services team. He worked for over a decade in a three-hospital system, and was even trained for bio-terrorism events and epidemics/pandemics. 

Connect with David
-Website: https://grief.com/
-Book: Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief: https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/
-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamdavidkessler/
-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IamDavidKessler/
-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/davidkesslerongrief

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This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. Easily match with a therapist who can help you through the tough times and empower your best self. Visit BetterHelp.com/mantalks today to get 10% off your first month

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Henry Shukman – A Path To True Mindfulness

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Talking points: zen, meditation, mindfulness, psychedelics, mindset

I’m one of those people who hated sitting down and meditating, even after a few years of trying to practice. It’s now something I do nearly every day, and it grounds me in ways I can’t explain. This is a pretty common story, especially among men I’ve worked with, so I brought Henry Shukman back on the show to dig into what novice meditators get wrong, what some good starter methods are, and really: what IS thought, anyway?

Listen in for a great look at the start and “end” goal of mindfulness, and Henry’s infectious enthusiasm for this powerful practice.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:03:47)- Do men and women have different struggles with meditation?

(00:08:35) – Why do meditation and mindfulness draw more women than men?

(00:18:45) – What are the initial resistance points when people start a meditation practice?

(00:25:03) – What IS thinking?

(00:31:57) – But what’s the actual goal of mindfulness, and how do you get there?

(00:38:56) – The power of allowing, and what it actually means

(00:49:29) – What is “original nature”?

(00:56:16) – Do psychedelics offer the same glimpse into reality as meditation does?

(01:04:24) – Henry’s upcoming app

Henry Shukman is a mindfulness teacher and the spiritual Director of Mountain Cloud Zen Center. He has been trained by several Zen teachers, particularly the roshis Joan Rieck, John Gaynor, Ruben Habito, and Yamada Ryoun Roshi, as well as by teachers and mentors in other traditions. Henry has an MA from Cambridge and an MLitt from St. Andrews, and has written several award-winning books of poetry and fiction.

He currently guides a wide range of students from all walks of life. He received dharma transmission (inka shomei) from Yamada Ryoun Roshi, the abbot of Sanbo Zen, and is a Zen Master of the Sanbo Zen lineage of Kamakura, Japan.

Connect with Henry

-Upcoming app: The Way: https://www.thewayapp.com/

-Website; Mountain Cloud Zen Center: https://www.mountaincloud.org/

-Website; Original Love Meditation: https://originallove.org/

-Book; One Blade Of Grass: https://bit.ly/3CFLuFz

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mountaincloudzencenter/

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men’s Weekend

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

A Man’s Guide To Ending Codependency

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Talking points: relationship, mindset, psychology

This is a big one, dear listener. This is a slightly new format for the series; specific topics I’ll do a deeper dive on, centering on how you as a man can better understand them, better work through them, and better help others through as well. First up? Codependency. If you’ve got a specific topic you’d like me to cover, hit me up on Instagram @mantalks!

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:04:11) – What is codependency?

(00:08:30) – One the hallmark indicators you’re in a codependent relationship

(00:10:43) – Major causes of codependency: the peacekeeper, abuse, emotional unavailability, and the caretaker

(00:30:24) – The tale of Johnny Niceguy

(00:35:54) – The signs of a codependent relationship

(00:38:59) – Seven questions to ask yourself

(00:40:47) – Ways to actually move OUT of codependency, plus one that guys generally don’t like

(00:49:48) – Perfection is a fuel for codependency

***

Want a more intense, in-person experience? Join a Men’s Weekend

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

The One Thing Every Man Should Fight For His Life To Build

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Talking points: collaboration, friendship, masculinity

Men, few things are more powerful, fulfilling, and expansive than this, so guard it with your life. It took me way too long to learn and understand, and many people diminish or degrade its importance. Listen in.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:01:53) – Men are isolated and less collaborative than ever before, and we miss out on important things

(00:05:06) – Without male collaboration, our society would cease to exist

(00:06:40) – What I’ve learned over the last decade about male friendships—and male isolation

(00:10:02) – Maybe you yourself are one of those men who could use more friendships

(00:11:34) – We’ve got to protect this

(00:13:16) – Things you can do to foster male collaboration

(00:44:28) – The evolutionary case for vulnerability

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

ManTalks Best Of 2023

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Talking points: porn, masculinity, culture, redpill, relationships, dating, anxiety, mental health, loneliness

Every January, we get a spike of newcomers to the podcast, and this year I decided to give them a warm welcome by compiling some of the hardest-hitting and most popular episodes of the year.

If you’re new to the show, dig in and see what convos mattered most to the community. If you’re a longtime listener, now may be the chance to catch something you missed!

(00:00:00) – Stirling Cooper on how porn impacts a man in the bedroom
(00:04:46) – Advice for talking to your son about porn
(00:10:43) – Scott Galloway on how the conversation around men is shifting, and why
(00:13:21) – The knock-on effects of what men are struggling with
(00:10:26) – Again, NOT saying this is wrong, but what are we creating further down the line?
(00:11:40) – You can already see some consequences in the data
(00:19:13) – A new definition of masculinity
(00:26:42) – Scott on why guys like Andrew Tate are so popular
(00:31:21) – Jillian Turecki on helping a partner through hardship, grief, and regret
(00:39:17) – What goes into choosing a partner—and why we sometimes choose the wrong one
(00:49:19) – The Disneyfication of modern relationships 
(00:52:20) – John Delony on the correlation between body disconnection and anxiety
(00:56:16) – John’s definition of anxiety
(01:00:53) – Do men have different things generally making them anxious?
(01:05:09) – Loneliness CAUSES anxiety

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Five Steps I Used To Unf**k My Life

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At a men’s weekend, one of the guests asked me to give a simple breakdown of what I did to climb out of the wreckage of my life. While life is always more complicated than some 5-step solution, these are the biggest, most impactful steps I took—just in time for the new year!

(00:00:00) – Intro
(00:00:40) – Stop lying
(00:03:03) – Do what you need (but don’t want) to do
(00:04:30) – Replaced coping mechanisms with generative habits—one at a time
(00:06:06) – Do some more of what you love
(00:07:13) – Learn to regulate your nervous system, aka get better impulse control

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why Most Men Have A Midlife Crisis—And What To Do

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Talking points: middle age, mindset, death, nice guys

I’ve worked with legions of middle-aged men. As of 2023, I’m one of them. It got me wondering why so many of us radically change (or catastrophically implode) our lives in our 40s and 50s. Here’s what I’ve seen, where I think it comes from, and where to begin ensuring it doesn’t happen to you.

(00:00:00) – Intro and why I call it the “middle passage”
(00:02:52) – The biggest reason men go through a midlife “crisis”
(00:06:59) – Pleasing Syndrome, and how to fix it
(00:10:26) – Fear of our own depths
(00:13:29) – The collapse of the illusion that right action leads to right outcome
(00:17:34) – What do you actually do with this info?

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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