Love

The Real Reason Men "Can’t Handle" Powerful Women

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The real reason women believe that men can’t handle our greatness? It gives us an excuse not to handle theirs.

 
When I first saw the headline, I balked a bit. Okay, a lot. Especially after clicking through and reading these ’10 reasons most men can’t handle a deep woman’. Because ‘deep women’ are honest! And know what they want! And are looking for a deep, intimate, real relationship!
 
In other words, the reasons are: because men are shallow, dishonest, distant, closed off, and incapable of real love. That’s what this viral article is really saying. And it’s not unique. It’s proliferated around the web, being republished over and over, in the few days since I first saw it, and there are thousands of others like it, with similar ideas about just how useless, unreliable, inherently disappointing, and frankly inferior men really are. The idea that most men can’t handle women, that men are letting us down, is everywhere these days.
 
Here’s the thing. These articles and ideas? They’re wrong. And they damage all of us in profoundly deep ways. In particular, these beliefs cause women to have terrible, unsatisfying and heartbreaking relationships with men.
 

This isn’t about men. It’s about women. It’s about unhealed pain. And these beliefs don’t just prevent healing that pain – they create even more of it.

 
Imagine an article titled ‘Most people can’t handle deep people.’ What would that really mean? It would mean that most people have difficulty meeting deep people where they are. Fully showing up, in the way that ‘deep’ people do, and want others to do, in the way that’s needed for true, satisfying intimacy.
 
In our culture, we have this story that men never show up for us. From the absent father and mid-life-crisis abandoner to the ‘best friend’ who secretly just wanted to get laid, the ghosting tinder date and the guy we lost our virginity to who didn’t know what a clitoris was, our very identity as women is shaped by stories of men letting us down.
 
Over, and over, and over.
 
Almost all of us have experienced that sense of abandonment, rejection and deep shame at some point in our lives. And in the context of a culture that tells the story that ‘good men are as rare as unicorns’, and that men are so unreliable, so unable to meet our needs that we must pretend we don’t need them, or need them ‘as much as a fish needs a bicycle’, that pain feels even more powerless, because it is tinged with fear.
 
The fear that no man will ever show up for us. That no man will ever provide us with what we need.
 
Now imagine an article titled ‘Most women can’t handle deep men.’ I don’t know about you, but I can already hear the outcry – that it’s misogyny, the hatred of women; that it’s just men who are angry they’ve lost a bit of power and privilege; that it’s sexist.
 
Those things are all correct. And it’s vital to understanding what happens when we as women believe that men will always let us down; to understanding why articles like the one mentioned go viral:
 

Because when we feel powerless, we have a choice. We can either look within, take our power back by taking responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, and heal… or we can blame someone else, and get angry.

 
The author of the original article wasn’t trying to be sexist against men. No, this belief doesn’t have hatred as it’s motivation – quite the opposite. It comes from powerlessness, which is based on fear that men will always let us down… And pain, from times that they have. It’s written from a place of woundedness, fear, and scarcity.
 
Not from a place of writing about reality.
 
Spoiler alert: men can handle deep, or strong, or smart, or otherwise powerful women just as well as women can handle powerful men.
 
But articles like that one, they act to confirm the belief, presented all around us, that men will never fully love us, for who we are, never give us what we need, never truly meet us.
 
And because we learn to believe that they can’t, our actions towards men change. We close our hearts, find what we expect, and end up in relationships where our deepness isn’t met, accepted and celebrated. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, and a heartbreaking one: we learn to sabotage our relationships with men.
 
The truth is that, to the extent that individual men are able, based on maturity and experience, nine out of ten men are dying to share our real, deep emotional selves, to witness us, to be truly intimate. To be the one we choose, the one we give the chance to step up and be a great man, for the world, and for us.
 
Nine out of ten are so, so eager to do that. To love us. Truly and deeply. They won’t do it perfectly – no one can. But they will do it, they will give it their all, they will love us honestly.
 
If we let them.
__________
 
Hi! I’m Kathryn Hogan. If you liked this article, you’ll love my new book, which provides practical tools for overcoming the most common types of self sabotage. Your Big Life: Ground Rules to Get Unstuck and Stop Sabotaging Yourself, is coming now available! I’m a wellness and relationship coach, and author. I share powerful tools and mindful practices to help you live that Big, Rich, Satisfying life your heart knows you’re meant to be living.
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Man Of The Week – Chris Unwin

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Our newest Man Of The Week is a Man who believes in the power of connection, community and creativity. More important though is the role these factors play in positively impacting our media, culture and mannerisms as a society. Chris Unwin is the Founder and Executive Director of ‘Free’, a creative studio that promotes collaboration with artists so brands can connect with millennial consumers in person, and across the social web. Chris is a founding member of two national media brand launches- MTV Canada and Dose Magazine. His unique and versatile approach to brand management is illustrated through his work with partners such as Apple, Bell, Microsoft, Nokia, RIM, Rogers, Sony, Virgin Mobile, and all major record labels, to name just a few big brands.

What may seem like a regular agency, Chris has formulated a secret recipe that promotes collaboration between brands hoping to communicate an emotion/story, creative artists who have the experience, but may lack the platform, to produce engaging content that inspires millennials. His work has given previously-unknown artists the space to showcase their talents and blossom into leading figureheads in the community who help shape our everyday culture. Chances are you’ve come into contact with branding that Chris was directly, or indirectly, involved in without really knowing the story behind the man. Check out his story below!

Age – 34

What do you do? (Work)
Founder and Executive Director of Free, and our community-powered channel, The Creator Class.

Why do you do it?
Because I believe in the power of community, creativity and entrepreneurship and that, when given the chance, our generation can positively impact our media and culture.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Ultimately, I see myself as building “sandboxes” – spaces and moments in time that are opportunities for people I value to come together, share experiences, and create together. Though so much of my focus is currently applied to work, I intend to extend such a strategy to my friendships and family.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1. Leaving Vancouver in favour of a media/music career in Toronto.
2. Leaving a comfortable, established career path at MuchMusic and MTV.
3. Finding the audacity to start Free. Come to think of it, every defining moment has been borne out of discomfort.

What is your life purpose?
To pursue my passions for a living, and to empower others around me to do the same.

How did you tap into it?
By losing patience with my own complacency, and following gut instinct.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Role Models – There are a number of careers that have informed my approach such as Stephan Sagmeister, Alain De Botton Jeff Staple, Seth Godin.
Mentors – My mother, my financial advisor and coach Josh Zweig from LIVECA.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I try to maintain “Inbox Zero” daily – the act of clearing out all emails by the end of the day. By assigning tasks, and capturing action items in my productivity apps, I diminish the chance for things to fall through the cracks.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
If I fail to make my bed in the morning. Failing to accomplish this simple first task of the day is the “canary in the coal mine” for my state of mind. This sentiment was once brilliantly conveyed by Admiral William McRaven.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I felt like a fool the first time I practiced yoga. I was awkward, tangled, and feeling totally out of my element. However, over time I adjusted and it’s led to balance and positivity at some crucial points in my life.

What did you learn from it?
Embracing being terrible at a new activity can open doors in life.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Establish life priorities, and stick to them. Don’t waste time on anything else.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Be present. See them, listen to them, feel them consciously.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
To date, we’ve been fighting to make a very pro-social for profit model succeed. Though our projects have been associated to causes idiosyncratically, we’ve yet to align to a specific charity, which I’d like to change in 2017.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
“Now I’m Ready” by Arcade Fire

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Instigating collaborations centered around creativity, entrepreneurship, and the future of work with collaborators I admire. Spending my time between Toronto, New York and Europe.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
That one can create the conditions of their own freedom with creativity, intellect, and determination.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
“Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter” by Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown

Man Of The Week – Jordan Bower

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While life started decades ago, his real life adventure and the path to his purpose began in 2010 when he walked by himself from Canada to Mexico. Jordan Bower begun his 316-day journey most would only dream off doing. Over the 316 days he spent on his feet — first crossing Washington State, before heading down the Oregon Coast into the redwoods of Northern California, and all the way across the Golden Gate Bridge and making his way down to the white sandy beaches in Southern California — Jordan learned his story was my most valuable possession. By the time Jordan reached the Mexican border, he learned his experience gave him a story, one that would help shape his reality, as a life story does to most. Jordan also learned that storytellers were made, not born and that he had a unique ability to help people share their stories. Storytelling sets the framework for the way we engage with one another, and by changing how we tell our story, we set the foundation for meaningful and innovative work, authentic communication and mutually beneficial relationships.
In 2015, Jordan moved to the small city of Victoria, BC, where he started a communications business,  offering story-telling services professionally to clients. His hard work was honoured with an invitation to teach at the Future of Storytelling Summit — an annual event in New York City that also included teachers like Al Gore, Margaret Atwood and Edward Snowden. Today, Jordan has the good fortune of working with dozens of interesting and inspired clients around the world. Each day, he learns more about integrating what he has learned on the road to benefit my clients and community.
As Jordan humbly once said, “I’m one of those lucky people who does meaningful work I love that engages my creativity. I feel privileged for what I’ve experienced, and excited for the road ahead.”
Age – 35
What do you do? (Work)
I’m a Strategic Storyteller. In my work, I help leaders, teams and brands find a more dynamic, purposeful and inclusive way to frame what they do, and to connect it with others.
Why do you do it?
We live in a time that pundits are calling the Age of Loneliness — a time when more of us spend more of our lives isolated and online. I think storytelling is the antidote. By making sense of our own stories and by listening to the stories of others, we become more conscious of who we are — and more conscious of the mystery that surrounds and fills us.
For me, it’s really fulfilling to help my clients put language around ideas they didn’t feel confident expressing before, and to restore authentic storytelling to the business world, which had rejected it. I love what I am lucky enough to do.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
This is a loaded question — we all make a difference in the world. The world isn’t static; it changes with us, with every conversation we have and every step we take. I don’t believe that anything I will ever do will meaningfully change what I think is bad about the world. I think that’s self-aggrandizing. Instead, I make choices that are fun, personally challenging and in integrity with my inner self. It’s an honour when those choices affect other people positively.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
In 2010, I came home one day to find a note on my kitchen table from my girlfriend. Her closet and wardrobe were empty; she’d left me for another man. I panicked. Within weeks, I had launched a Kickstarter project, raising more than $8,000 to walk from Canada to Mexico — it was an idea that we’d had together; by launching the project, I wanted to show her how committed I was to the relationship in order to win her back.
But I couldn’t convince her. At the end of the summer, with nothing more than a backpack on my back, I left Vancouver, Canada, with the intention of walking the length of the West Coast.
That trip was full of defining moments. In the early days, I was convinced that my now ex-girlfriend would “come to her senses” and show up at my tent the next morning. It took about three weeks and 200 miles for me to realize that, probably, she wasn’t showing up. Soon, the doubt and shame I felt about having “driven her away” started transforming into deeper inquiry into myself: like, how did I end up in a relationship with someone who would leave me like that? That was a Pandora’s Box of emotional self-examination, forcing me to dive deeper into my upbringing, my past relationships, my parent’s divorce and my own sense of self-pity, helplessness and pessimism about what it would mean to actually grow up.
As I made my way south — through Washington and Oregon, and into the Redwoods of Northern California, heading for the Golden Gate Bridge — I was faced with obstacle after obstacle — opportunities, I realized for me to “take the blue pill” and stop digging deeper into myself. There were cold nights on isolated beaches; couches surfed in the meth-ridden grow ops of Northern California; sad, intimate encounters with so many strangers met along the way. I cried often — for myself, for my lost relationship, and for the people I was meeting, who were forcing me to become less judgemental of others and more compassionate — more real, I think.
It’s still hard for me to dive deep into that experience. The emotions I experienced on the way were so powerful, and so intense.
What is your life purpose?
I think, at my age, that answering this question would be inappropriate. Ask me again in 35 years.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have an increasingly intimate relationship with my own inner wisdom that I am learning to trust beyond whatever doubt arises in my head. I am incredibly indebted to a counsellor I have in Los Angeles, who has spent the last 9 years helping me better understand my spirituality — and through it, myself.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Most of my habits are things that I criticize myself for — “unspiritual” things like watching sports and Facebook. I love the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Raptors in a way that I still don’t completely understand. One of the things I do every day is check in with last night’s sports scores, and get excited about the game ahead.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My body is screaming for movement, but my head is shouting for more time at the computer. My body is always right.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
It’s very vulnerable to be answering the questions for this blog post. My favourite form of storytelling is intimate, in person, and it’s very difficult to answer a series of questions using just my fingertips. To you, the reader, I’d love to be able to connect and share something emotionally meaningful that gets us both out of our heads. I know that you’re looking for something inspirational, like everyone else killing time on the Internet. It feels really vulnerable to try and inspire you, without knowing whether I’ll have ever been successful.
What did you learn from it?
To get out of my head, get into the flow, and to stop worrying about the consequences.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
There’s a great book called Iron John, which anyone who’s done some men’s work will know well. The book’s a modern re-interpretation of the old Grimm Brothers fairy tale called Iron John, which is more or less the story of a young prince learning how to be a king.
The book is great for a number of reasons — as the author says, fairy tales are humanity’s most deeply entrenched wisdom, because oral stories passed from generation to generation are like heavily filtered water — only pure truth remains. But the most important detail in the book is in the first 25 pages, when the young boy discovers the hiding place for the key to his inner man — his wildness, sexual power, creativity, confidence. Where is the key? It’s hiding underneath his mother’s pillow. The boy’s task is to take the key — not ask for the key — take the key.
The one piece of advice I have for another man is to read Iron John. If you can’t read the whole thing, read just the first 75 or so pages. And take the damn key.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Stop worrying about being the best partner. Instead, in my relationship, I focus on expressing my feelings appropriately, telling the truth and being intentional in the way I choose to act. For a long time, I was very concerned with “doing things the right way”, and that obsession with being perfect spilled over to all aspects of my relationships — conversation, future planning, sex. In the past few years, I’ve focused on being real instead, and trusting my partner’s ability to communicate clearly — and, occasionally, to accept or forgive my flaws. My relationship has been much, much stronger ever since.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I don’t actively support any charities. In the last few years, my focus has been on building my business, and all my available time and money has gone into that. One ambition for the future is to sit on the board of a non-profit. I think I’m still a few years away from that.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, by Paul Simon. Graceland was the album I listened to most while I was walking.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
More entrenched in the global business community, delivering storytelling services that are world class. Travelling widely to deliver trainings and workshops. Advising large scale clients. Staying grounded. Practicing yoga 4 times a week. Rooting into a comfortable home. Anticipating life with children. Feeling happy, loving and connected with my highest self.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
Honestly, I have never thought about this. I hope that I never do.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Besides Iron John (recommended above), Gary Snyder’s “The Practice of the Wild. Beautiful, insightful, wise and freeing essays written by one of America’s greatest poets. A true modern masterpiece.

Man Of The Week – Benjamin Ritter

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Benjamin Ritter has worked in the fields of public health, interpersonal development, and healthcare for the past 8 years. The last 2 years he has worked as an executive at Presence Saints Mary and Elizabeth Medical Center (PSMEMC), and runs his own consultancy practice focused on interpersonal development, dating and relationships. Ben has cultivated his leadership skills through personal and professional experiences. Through his career working in interpersonal development he has also solidified mentoring, coaching, and teaching techniques towards creating, and sustaining positive behavioral change.

Ben is a man of many talents, from authoring the book The Essentials – your one stop shop to life improvement and success with women, to hosting a live dating and relationship advice show through Dose.com, curating the Interfaith Relationships workshop, the Value Systems workshop, and co-hosting the Suave Lover podcast; featured multiple times as a top podcast in the area of Sexuality on iTunes, and host of the Live for Yourself podcast. He is a freelance writer in the topics of interpersonal development, dating, and relationships for Huffington Post, AskMen, TheGoodMenProject, ManTalks, and Elite Daily, and has been featured as an expert in a variety of other sources. Through his consultancy he has helped countless men and women with their personal development, dating, and relationship issues. He can be reached through his main website at: www.benjamin-ritter.com

Ben will also be speaking at the very first ManTalks Chicago event centred around ‘Mentorship’ on November 7th, 2016. Click here for more details and to RSVP.

Age: 31

What do you do? (Work)
Through workshops, and one on one consulting I lead people towards the change they want to see in themselves in their personal and professional lives.

Why do you do it?
Everyone has the opportunity to be satisfied and fulfilled in their personal and professional lives, but those aren’t courses that are included in school curriculums. Satisfied and fulfilled people create more satisfaction and fulfillment and are more likely to impact the world in a positive way. Improving public health through personal development and social relationships is my passion.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Eventually I would like to do something on a grander scale, even though I have no idea the impact of the personal transformations that I instigate. My background in public health began with the desire to impact public health policy and maybe that is in my future but current I spark and build people into their ideal version of themselves while reframing what “ideal” means, as well as improve their dating lives and relationships. Professionally and personally I also try to bring the values of personal respect, genuine interest, and the desire for others to succeed into every single one of my relationships.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1) My first personal heartbreak. The memory of a love lost, and how it affected me personally was an incredible learning experience even at a young age.
2) My first professional heartbreak (losing my purpose), which ultimately led me to reframing my perspective on happiness, success, fulfillment, and dating/relationships.
3) Working a variety of jobs, especially hospitality (construction, dog walking, deli, server, retail, camp counselor, day care, a variety of brand ambassador gigs, modeling, acting, bartending, corporate healthcare, public health departments, and more – less a moment, more an experience). These experiences, especially working in hospitality has unbelievably impacted my character, and understanding of others.

What is your life purpose?
My life purpose is to value each moment and the greatness that can be found within any experience while continuing to spread my appreciation, respect, and genuine interest in the world and the people around me, and hopefully affecting positive social change on the way.

How did you tap into it?
I tapped into my purpose by failing, and having to critically think about purpose and what happiness actually is, and what it represents. Never-ending realism with gratitude helps me consistently tap into my purpose.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I think that I am a product of a generation, and have specific character traits that make it very difficult for me to have a mentor unless it’s through a structured program such as life-coaching. I am extremely lucky to have such great parents, and specifically I have looked up to the intelligence, compassion, perseverance, social skill and strength that my father has displayed throughout my life.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Practically every day I wake up and review the to-do list I created the night before. I focus on some of the quick ones initially and then move down the list. I also immediately stretch, do ab exercises, and drink about half a gallon of water in the morning. Later in the day I also workout with one day off during the week, which is incredibly helpful for my mind and body. Part of my day is also focusing on my relationships; calling my father and a couple friends.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My work/life balance is incredibly important to me and it is rarely off, just out of focus. I tend to get short tempered, frustrated, and sad when I am not living according to my values. That could be my professional or personal life is focused in areas that it should not be.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us. What did you learn from it?
The moment I lost the purpose I dedicated a large portion of my life towards; despite knowing that it wasn’t right for me, it still is one of the most heart wrenching memories I have. It exemplifies the effect an investment of your mind and body can have on your health and taught me how to properly manage and invest in “your purpose”. Also it’s important to know that emotions are normal, the ups and downs are part of life, feeling them and accepting them allows you to move on and forwards.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
There are so many pieces of advice I would want to give. If I had to choose only one, I would explain that there are no standard templates for living and never to allow someone else’s template control and impose on your life.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Work towards tomorrow. Any fight in the bigger scheme of things is insignificant when you remember that you are going to be together. Your partner almost always has your best interest at heart. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Sports and soccer specifically has always played a huge role in my life. I love the Chicago Fire Foundation for what they provide to the in need and at risk youth of Chicago. I also love what Cease Fire is doing. There are just so many people doing such great things.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Lean on me by Bill Withers

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Transforming future and current leaders like I am now but on a grander scale. I hopefully will have written another book by then, and have taken my work in-person to a variety of cities around the world.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I would like there to be a movement towards institutionalized learning based on facts in regards to personal development, dating, attraction, sexuality, and relationships.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Reframing by Richard Bandler and John Grinder

 
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Mike Abramowitz

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Mike Abramowitz is our newest Man Of The Week for his incredible journey in unlocking potential and impacting the lives of hundreds he’s worked with. Today Mike is a District Executive for Vector Marketing and the Founder of G.R.A.B. Tomorrow, which is a life skills development agency for young professionals in the greater Pinellas County area. Since earning his bachelors degree in industrial engineering with a minor in leadership studies from the University of South Florida in 2008, Mike has made a career in helping young professionals open their mindsets to what’s possible when they fully commit to creating a strong foundation for their lives outside of the classroom. Mike has a passion for providing tools, skills, and unlocking potential that’s buried under socio-economic conditions & circumstances, lack of coaching, and fears that aspiring leaders face. He influences his students to understand that “Someday is NOW” and gives strategies to take immediate action and G.R.A.B. tomorrow (Grow, Re-evaluate, Appreciate, Believe).
Age:  31

What do you do? (Work)
I am a District Executive for Vector Marketing and Cutco Cutlery, founder of PB&J for Tampa Bay, which is an effort to feed 25,000 homeless people this year in the Tampa Bay area, and the founder of The G.R.A.B. Community, which is a community where young professionals develop life skills and take control of their lives outside of the classroom in order to GRAB Tomorrow.
Why do you do it?
I have a passion for providing tools, skills, and unlocking potential that’s buried under socio-economic conditions and circumstances, lack of coaching, and fears that aspiring leaders face.  Ive been blessed with abilities that others around me are still searching for. I help them find it.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Since earning my bachelor’s degree in industrial engineering with a minor in leadership studies from the University of South Florida in 2008, I have made a career in helping young professionals open their mindsets to what’s possible when they fully commit to creating a strong foundation for their lives.  I’ve trained and coached 4000+ young professionals to be entrepreneurs and sales representatives.  I’ve interviewed 10,000+ applicants.  As a keynote speaker, I have influenced 20,000+ audience members inside and outside of the classroom through 300+ hours of speaking.  Through PB&J for Tampa Bay, we have provided 25,000+ meals to those less fortunate.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
 – Witnessing my mother battle with cancer for 4 years and seeing her be strong and weak at the same time. This unlocked an inner strength in myself that I never knew existed.
– Losing my best friend in a fatal car crash when we were both 27 years old because it gave me such an appreciation for living a life versus just being alive.
– Losing my my investment properties and $130,000 during the market collapse and realizing that my self-worth is not tied to my net-worth.
What is your life purpose?
To help those around me unlock their potential, appreciate life, and not be victims to their circumstances regardless of how much adversity that they experience.  The best success stories had some of the toughest challenges.  To help people move past their past and into a future filled with opportunity, possibility, gratitude, and excitement.
How did you tap into it?
By surrounding myself around people who care enough about me to challenge my patterns, thoughts, and habits in order to prove to myself what my life could look like through a different lens.  My potential was buried and those around me helped me unlock it, including perspectives from books and seminars from people that I have never met personally.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
– Mom for her strength and love
– Dad for his kind heart to strangers and ambition
– Michael Jordan for his work ethic and determination through challenges
– Tony Robbins for his wisdom and principles he lives his life by
– Matt King for his constant support, encouragement, and perspectives

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
A friend of mine, Hal Elrod from the Miracle Morning Community, introduced me to a philosophy called SAVERS, which has been a game changer for the past decade of my life. When I am at my best, I begin my day with the following:
S – Silence/Meditation/Deep Breathing
A – Affirmations/Incantations
V – Vision Board
E – Exercise/Yoga/Stretching/Foam Rolling
R – Read
S – Scribe/Journal through my thoughts/emotions and plans for that day
By giving myself clarity and intention for my day, it allows me to stay present and focused throughout my day.
 When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My work/life balance is always off.  I do not desire balance in my life.  I desire CANI – (Constant And Never-ending Improvement) Balance to me is having an equal distribution of my time dedicated to certain areas. A great book by Matthew Kelly titled Off-Balance helped me become aware of being present with my life and invest time into the people, places, things, and activities that are in alignment with driving long term satisfaction and happiness. So, the key is being present.  When I feel like I am distracted or not present, I will grab my journal and answer the following questions:
– How do I feel?
– Why do I feel this way?
– How do I want to feel?
– What actions can I take to feel this way?
– Then I take some deep breaths and get back to being present.  I choose to control my emotions when I become aware that I am not fully engaged in my life.
 Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
After my mother passed away, my dad and I took a trip to Hawaii to get quality time together and really connect.  My expectation going into the trip was to help him understand the tension that has been built amongst some family members about him having a girlfriend only 3 months after his wife (my mother) died.  A lot of animosity and discomfort to say the least.  So, my goal was to create some level of resolve and keep the family together.
After a first attempt of bringing this to his attention, I was shut down.  He had a shield over his emotions and would not let me in.  He reacted as if he didn’t care about what others thought and he needed to focus on his sanity, not others.  He began to push me away, as if he didn’t need me in his life either.  At 21 years old, of course this would hurt anyone, but tapping into a very vulnerable place, I made an important point to my dad that would hurt him and elevate our relationship at the same time.
“I need you to be mom and dad right now.” — unsure of where these words came from, but they poured out of my mouth.  “Im not ready to bury my mother, but I had to.  You’re not prepared to be both parents, but I am asking you to.  I need you now more than ever.  I need your encouragement, your emotional support, and your love.  Do not push me away.” — as tears pour down my cheeks.
Although my dad did not receive my request initially, he understood that I was not coming from a place of anger towards him, but from a position of pain, suffering, and trauma.  By him seeing and hearing that I needed him, truly below the surface of conscious emotion, I unlocked the beginning of a relationship with my dad that continues to flourish.  He is my best friend.

 What did you learn from it?
I learned that no matter how painful it is to risk vulnerability by sharing my feelings with someone else, it will always benefit me.  If I don’t communicate my feelings, I might be chasing after something that can never satisfy me.  If my dad neglected or rejected me, I would still need to survive without him and I would not invest my energy into an unwanted space.  By communicating, I can begin to create resolve and build a new, stronger relationship moving forward.

 If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Live with purpose and gratitude.  Stay focused on what truly brings you passion or aggressively find that and appreciate that journey and the people on it with you.
 How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
– Admit when I am wrong.
– Apologize when I simply react instead of giving a thought out response.
– Know her Love Language and satisfy that need whenever I see fit.  It will be one of the following: words, touch, time, service, gifts.  My girlfriend’s is words, so I consciously give text messages, leave notes, give compliments, give praise, and appreciate her whenever I can.  Not because I am supposed to and not to manipulate, just simply to make sure she receives love the way she desires to.
– Cuddling.
– Putting the phone away when we are together.
– Ask her about her day before telling about mine.
– Actively Listen.

 Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
“PB&J for Tampa Bay” is an effort to feed 25,000 homeless people this year in the Tampa Bay area. We recognize that those less fortunate, who find themselves upon hard times, should never be overlooked or given up on. Life is unpredictable and at any moment the tragedy of an unforeseen circumstance or disaster could leave even the most stable person in a similar situation.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Miley Cyrus – The Climb
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Physical – Best shape of my life at 185 pounds, able to do 10 pull ups, 50 push ups, and eliminate my back pain
Financial – 20 streams of income
Career – 10+ books released, international speaker, running a thriving business in the Hall of Fame with my company
Contribution – Expand PB&J for Tampa Bay to USA and have 100+ locations nationwide feeding 600,000+ per year
Mental – read 50+ more books
Adventure – traveled to a few of my dream locations, including an African Safari, South American Jungle Waterfall tour, sky dive (anywhere), ski Whistler
Relationships – married and having my first born, hosted a family reunion, have a dog
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
 I want people to be “good-finders” in themselves and in those around them. Everyone deserves to feel good.
In an unjust situation, I want someone to find their inner patience and acceptance. In a thriving situation, I want someone to share with others and spread those vibes.  The pay-it-forward concept will eventually catch up to the local community, into the city, into the state, into the country, and then the world … one person at a time.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Bryan Brock

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This week’s Man Of The Week will be familiar to many of our readers out there, especially those from Toronto. Bryan Brock wears many hats and is involved in numerous city-wide projects and initiatives: he co-founded the iconic Toronto based lifestyle brand called ‘1 LOVE T.O’, serves as a Dean for The Remix Project, a non-profit that aims to serve ‘at-risk’ youth from Toronto’s underserved communities and more recently created ‘The Fitting Room’ a unique men’s barbershop in the heart of downtown Toronto. A common theme in most of Bryan’s work revolves around combining creativity with commerce and community to create brands that have a positive impact on society and people. On of his main focuses is helping youth get the confidence and skills they need to see what is possible and how to tap into their creative talents.

Bryan, along with three others, will be speaking about ‘Confidence’ at the upcoming ManTalks Toronto event on August 22nd. You can expect to hear moving stories from individuals who suffered from low self-esteem and the manner in which they tackled this head on to emerge victorious and successful. Stay tuned for more details!

Age – 36

What do you do? (Work)
I’m a Creative Entrepreneur who likes to build brands and businesses. I’m the Co-Founder and Creative Director for the iconic Toronto-based lifestyle brand 1 LOVE T.O.  I’m also the Dean of the Academy of Creative Arts for The Remix Project – a local non-profit organization dedicated to serving ‘at-risk’ youth from Toronto’s underserved communities. Recently, I stepped away from my teaching position at Humber College in the areas of Marketing Strategies and Social Media Strategies. Last but not least, I’m the Co-Owner and Creative Director for The Fitting Room, a unique Men’s Barbershop located in the heart of Dundas St West.

Why do you do it?
I’m an artist at heart, but I love combining my ideas with commerce, especially when it affects positive change in the community.

How do you make a difference in the world?(Work, business, life, family, self)
This is a question better answered by the people that I know and love.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– The moment I learned that I was adopted.
– The day I was robbed at gunpoint.
– The day I decided to be a Dad.

What is your life purpose?
To show people it’s possible. 

How did you tap into it?
I never had a mentor growing up, and my support system was more negative than positive, so when I had the chance to start making a difference by my actions, I knew that was my purpose.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My parents are my role-models.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Every day is different.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When my health suffers.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
One of my most vulnerable moments was when I got jumped and robbed at gunpoint. I still remember the hopeless feeling I had walking down Yonge Street in the pouring rain wearing only my socks. They had stolen the shoes right off my feet, along with my money and watch. At the time, I was only 13 years old and I wasn’t living in Toronto, so I didn’t know what to do.

What did you learn from it?
I learned that material things come and go, but life is something you can’t replace. I also learned a very important life skill, that’s saved me more than once – being aware of my surroundings.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
I’ve mentored many young men, ranging from the ages of 16 to 27, and I’ve always stressed the same thing – to be a better version of themselves each and everyday.

How do you be the best partner? (Boyfriend/Husband – past or present)
Communicate. Love. Motivate. Inspire. Be There.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits?
The Remix Project, SickKids Foundation, Camp Oochigeas, Daily Bread Food Bank 

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
“Bam Bam” by Sister Nancy

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
No idea. Life changes.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
All I want is for people to take something positive from me and pass it on. If I can be remembered as a person who always made time to help others, I’m content with that.

 What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Dean Smith

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There are many moments in life where you feel like the rug was pulled from under you, or when someone shares a ground-breaking perspective on life that you’ve never considered. These moments come from the people around us, but also from within. A lot of the time, doing your own personal reflection can also help reshape the way you see the world and how you want to show up by asking yourself the tough questions. For Dean Smith, his tough questions were “What can I create, how can I create it, and how will it serve others?”

Dean is our newest Man Of The Week and boy does he an incredible and powerful story. A man who believes in being of service to others, showing love and support for those around you, and forgiveness being critical to his success. A man who’s weathered his fare share of life’s storms, from having his mother murdered to rekindling his love and bond with his wife Molly, Dean personifies what it means to love and connect with people regardless of their performance. Today he is a speaker, coach and the Director of Executive Coaching for the Og Mandino Leadership Institute. Check out the rest of his story below!

Age: 42 years old

What do you do? (Work)
Keynote Speaker / High-Performance Coach / Minister

Why do you do it?
There’s nothing more fulfilling than helping someone discover a new possibility for their life. For many years I lived “survival focused.” I internally asked, “why me?” My life changed course when I began asking, “What can I create, how can I create it, and how will it serve others?” My purpose, passion, and fulfillment is found in utilizing all my life’s experiences, challenges, and successes to serve others.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I’m grateful to be the Director of Executive Coaching for the Og Mandino Leadership Institute. This fancy title means I get to assist successful professional’s overcome challenges and reach consistently high levels of personal and business performance.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– In sixth grade, the day my mom was murdered was a day that changed my life forever. That day birthed my biggest life challenge, but it also was the beginning of the revelation to the deep truth that all things can work together for good.
– 2004 The day that I decided in the inner-most part of my heart that divorce with my wife, Molly would not ever be an option again. I had considered it many times over the first two years of marriage and at one point decided I didn’t love her AT ALL anymore. After taking the divorce option off the table, I was forced to find solutions. I can honestly report that it was the beginning of an intense relational healing process and we’ve never been happier as a couple. We have two beautiful children that are a constant reminder of the rewards of fighting through the tough times in marriage.
– 2009, I stood on a stage in front of hundreds of people, talking about my forgiveness journey. Toward the end of my talk, I invited the man who murdered my mother up on stage (it should be noted that he’d already paid for his crimes with 12 years in prison). That was the day my sister forgave him too. My journey to forgive, reconcile with and help save the life of the man that murdered my mom was made into an award-winning, internationally distributed documentary entitled, ‘Live To Forgive’.

What is your life purpose?
To help other’s know Truth, optimize attitudes, and live in the fullness of their God-given potential.

How did you tap into it?
My journey was founded on a relationship with God.
1) Prayer  2) Listening  3) Make lots of mistakes 4) Repeat steps 1-3

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Pastor Rex Bell. He is my fifth and final dad since age 12. He adopted me after my mom’s death. He mentored me, verbally encouraged me, and helped me to learn about loving people and God. Rex was a very busy pastor but he spent quality time with me daily, imparting wisdom and listening. His love and guidance helped build my character and confidence.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Start my day with lots of intentionally-edifying thoughts, verbal affirmations, prayer, and inspiring music. When I look over all my specific responsibilities, meetings, and to-do’s for the day, I say aloud, “I want to, I get to, and I choose to” rather than “I have to, I should, and I must.” This framing helps keep me inspired and passionate that I am engaging in tasks that are ultimately helping me achieve my goals and live a life of purpose.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When my wife looks at me with weary kaleidoscope eyes I know it’s time to refocus from work mode to family mode. I’ve made that mistake so many times that now my inner compass is a bit more developed than a decade ago. For my wife’s sake, I’m always striving to be the “Anti-Kaleidoscope Man.” I’ve interviewed dozens of world-changers and when I ask them what would you do different, a majority expresses regret about not spending more time with family.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I left a successful sales career to pursue an entrepreneurial dream and after 3 years discovered that I had unintentionally left my wife (Molly) behind (figuratively speaking) and our financial situation became dire.  Molly was embittered and our marriage was struggling. To remedy the situation and bring healing to our relationship, I went back to corporate America (which was initially humiliating and humbling) to provide financial stability. Also, I re-prioritized my marriage. Interestingly, I now help other’s avoid this same pitfall during my keynotes and one-on-coaching clients. It was hard to believe I’d made so many unwise choices while trying so hard to do the right thing. In time, I realized that only productive questions would serve my purpose.

What did you learn from it?
If you’re not in unity with your wife, the foundation of personal and business success will be unstable

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Look into your life and discover where you are making the same mistakes repeatedly, find the source of sabotaging thoughts that are keeping you in bondage. Learn to transform/change them to work for you.
Forgive and love when the other person clearly doesn’t deserve it. It may be one of the most manly things you ever do.
Pray

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Consciously live in/with Agape love (a heightened sense of awareness). This means I choose to love regardless of performance. I simply love her because I love her. Forgiveness, grace, verbal affirmations are as normal and natural as breathing. It creates an atmosphere of safety and security (for her) and respect (for me).

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I’m the founder/director of ‘Live To Forgive Ministries’ which helps people unshackle from bitterness, anger, and resentment and experience freedom in their minds and relationships. This freedom usually leads to business breakthrough, too.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
The Word by The Beatles

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Spending lots of quality time with my wife and kids—oh and speaking internationally as a Transformational Speaker. Also, making Forgiveness University the premier online resource for all things forgiveness.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I’ve attended several funerals lately of dear friends and family. As I intently listened to the eulogies, I received a deep impression that the greatest and most influential legacy we can leave is a legacy of love. I want to be remembered as someone who loved hard and helped others experience the freedom and fulfillment of doing the same.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
‘The Greatest Salesman in the World’ by Og Mandino

Who is one Man you think our readers would love to read about in future ‘Man Of The Week’ features?
DAVE ROWE: who listened and reacted to the messages received during a Near Death Experience and now strives to help men make changes in their lives to be the best version of their authentic selves without needing to come so close to death.

Man Of The Week – Ian MacKenzie

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This week’s Man Of The Week is Ian MacKenzie, often described as a new paradigm media activist, whose goal mission is to uncover and share stories of the emerging paradigm, moving away from destruction and towards a more life-affirming future. Using film as his medium, Ian crafts conscious memes on behalf of the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. Be it fluke or fate, Ian’s entry into the filming world came when he decided to join his best friend on a year-long journey to tell a story about a man who worked 52 jobs in 52 weeks to discover his true passion. The film, aptly titled, was called “One Week Job” went on to receive widespread media attention and ironically enough, it was Ian who discovered his true passion; filmmaking.

Today, Ian is working on a couple different projects, with one particularly hitting close to home, Healing of Love (2016). A short film that aims to explore and excavate our deepest wounds around love, sex and partnerships. Follow Ian’s latest updates by following his Facebook fan page.

Age:  35

What do you do? (Work)
My friend once called me “The Indiana Jones of the new story.” I’m a filmmaker and activist that crafts conscious media to shift our cultural mythology away from destruction and toward a life-affirming future.

Why do you do it?
I’ve always been fascinated with stories, from reading fantasy books as a teenager, to writing short stories of my own as a young adult. Cultures are built upon stories as well, though they are often harder to see when it’s all we’ve ever known.  Given our convergent crises on this planet, from social, to economic, to environmental, we are called to reimagine our cultural stories at the deepest level.  I choose film as my primary medium as it contains a uniquely powerful alchemy that can catalyze change in a short period of time.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Like many artists, I have little separation between my work, my life, my family, and my self. I don’t see them as separate realms, but intimately intertwined. (Case in point: two of my feature documentaries include my best friend (One Week Job)  and my partner (Amplify Her) as the main subjects).  At the core, I attempt to make beauty. In the face of so much cynicism and despair, making beauty is a revolutionary act.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– In 2007, my aforementioned best friend Sean Aiken graduated from college and didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. Rather than dive into a career path, only to find out later it wasn’t for him, he decided to launch The One Week Job Project. He would work one job a week for a year, and contribute any funds paid to charity. Incredibly, the offers rolled in from all over North America, from a Dairy Farmer in Alberta, to a Hollywood Producer in LA, to an astronomer in Hawaii.
Halfway through the journey, I quit my job as a copywriter and joined him on the road, shooting the adventure on a basic video camera. While I’d had an interest in filmmaking, I’d never seriously attempted a documentary…until now.  Eventually, I crafted 100+ hours of footage into a cohesive film, which in 2010 we premiered to a sold-out audience in Vancouver and eventually aired on the CBC. I haven’t stopped making films since.
– In 2011, I attending Burning Man for the third time. While many come for the party, others stay for The Temple.  It is the yin to the gathering’s yang – a beautiful structure that serves as a place for collective grief and sorrow. That year, it was called The Temple of Transition, a magnificent building that taught me the meaning of agape.  On the final night, the Temple is always burned in silence – from dust to dust. And yet that morning,  something in me couldn’t leave without capturing a piece. I shot as much footage as I could, and post-burn released the short film Dear Temple.    I believe it was Mark Twain who said the two most important days of your life are “the day you are born, and the day you found out what you’re born to do.”  This day was the latter.
– Finally, in 2013, after multiple years of failing to conceive, and my burgeoning desire to expand the boundaries of our love, my wife and I decided to separate. (The complete story is an epic saga of joy and heartbreak, in fact, I’m currently finishing a 17 page essay on the end of the marriage – stay tuned).
Suffice to say, it launched me on an inquiry into our cultural mythology of sex, partnership, and the village, which has already taken me as far away as Tamera peace village in Portugal to shoot my forthcoming short Healing of Love – aimed at excavating our deepest collective wounds around love and sexuality.

What is your life purpose?
My life purpose is to weave the threads of the emergent culture – to see the larger patterns and craft a cohesive synthesis for others to understand and activate their own gifts.

How did you tap into it?
By having great parents and friends. By listening deeply to my soul’s inner calling. And by continuing to trust I will be lead to where I’m needed most.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Author, farmer, and spiritual activist Stephen Jenkinson is one of my most prominent mentors. After spending years in palliative care (what he calls ‘the death trade’) he recognized over and again a consistent death phobia that plagued the end of life. He traced the origins to the dominant culture, and the loss of our ability to be at home in the world.  Along with his wife Nathalie, they attempted the impossible – they created the Orphan Wisdom school, a teaching house to learn the skills of home and village-mindedness once again.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I’m on the road quite a bit and I have a hard time maintaining daily habits. The ones that do survive are the simple ones, like my morning coffee.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I recognize my work/life balance is off when I lose track of the basic joy of being alive. Work feels oppressive and never-ending. Relationships feel withered and burdensome. Usually it means I need to spend less time on the computer and more time outside. – along with saying ‘no’ to new projects, even though they’re often compelling.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Recently, I invited a sharing circle with my close family. It was a long time coming, as I hadn’t had an honest and open conversation with them for almost a decade. Spending most of my time on the road, our lives had drifted further away from each other.  My family also inherited the Irish trait of avoiding sincerity with humour, which makes it difficult to really open up with each other. Therefore, creating the space for the circle was incredibly vulnerable.

What did you learn from it?
I’m happy to report the circle went very well and I wonder why I waited so long.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Finish things. It’s far too easy to start something, then let it flounder while you move on to the next compelling idea/project/relationship. You will be known by what you finish. That doesn’t necessary mean continue everything until it’s complete.  Respectfully bow out of a project if it’s no longer viable. Mercifully close that relationship if it’s become destructive or numbing. And learn to say no, rather than attempt to please everyone.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Remain committed to your mission. Often, that which first attracted your partner to you is the first casualty when you alter your life for a relationship. And maintain a shared vision for why you are together, even if that will change over time. It could be raising kids. Building community. Making art.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I’ve been a longtime supporter of Amnesty international, an important voice for human rights, and especially for those who have been wrongly imprisoned, tortured, and forgotten.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
“One Day They’ll Know” by Pretty Lights (Odesza Remix). This perfect fusion of two artists captures the epic feeling of driving down a sun-drenched coast or gazing out a plane window at the languid clouds below. I often find myself in these inbetween places, from one adventure to the next. This track beats back the feeling of overwhelm – reminding me life can only be experienced one day at a time.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
These next few years will see me touring my films Amplify Her and Healing of Love. Along the way, I’m also finishing a short from my time with Stephen Jenkinson called Lost Nation Road. I’m also gathering the wisdom of village-making – recognizing the importance of rebuilding structures of healing needed to create trust among people once again. This is especially true for men – who, in the wake of the rising feminine, need a new culture of true empowerment, solidarity and authenticity.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I see myself engaged in the necessary work of building a village on the West Coast, likely a gulf island. This is the real foundation of any future worth living. In the 1960’s the initial surge toward intentional community was sincere, but lacked the eldership necessary to plant the roots deep enough.  Today, that spiral is coming around again – only this time, we have the internet and emerging forms of decentralized decision-making and localized autonomy.  Combined with the grace and wisdom of indigenous peoples still connected to the land, and remembering our own ancestral lineages, we have the opportunity to collectively awake from the culture of separation into the joy of reunion – with each other and with all life.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
“Iron John” by Robert Bly. This seminal book kickstarted the previous wave that became known as the Men’s Movement, and remains just as relevant today. While the specifics of each man’s life may be his own, there exists an archetypal substructure that each of us must navigate on the path to initiation. This book is a map.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Connor Driscoll

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Connor Driscoll was introduced to us through a previous Man Of The Week and boy are we thrilled with that connection! While his life’s purpose may not be something he has identified or learned yet, Connor is an admirable young man whose values and work serve as a reminder for all of us to continue positively impacting those around us. Connor has done this for the last seven years where he began teaching in an elementary school, and today serves as the principal. Like many before him, Connor sees education as a means of preparing children for their future, with some of the tools needed to handle life, and the medium for which we leave the world in a better place. His reward is the simplest and purest of things: the joy kids can bring. Many of us often get stuck in the rat race that is our professional career; however, Connor’s life experiences have taught him an invaluable lesson that the real joy in life is not in the outcome, but the journey itself. Investing time and efforts with the right intentions in meaningful areas of our lives has a bigger impact on us and those around us, but this must be done with the support of your loved ones. Read on to learn more about Connor’s journey and how an incredible moment of vulnerability allowed him to realize that his wife is the rock of his life.

Age – 30

What do you do? (Work)
I am in my first year as an elementary school principal. I’ve worked as a teacher for the past seven years, and had bouts as a climbing and mountaineering guide on the east and west coasts. I’m also a fledgling author of fiction for middle-grade readers. I’ve finished one book and am working with a fantastic agent to find the right home for it. So far it’s not profitable work, but I enjoy it and work hard at it, so it counts.

Why do you do it?
Let’s see. I work in education because I believe wholeheartedly in the mission of public education and that every child deserves access to a future that only education can provide. Also, I really enjoy the work. I think with any job, it’s important to enjoy what you do, but that’s particularly true in education because the joy kids bring is the biggest reward in the job. If you don’t enjoy it, you’re sunk and the ones who lose out most are the kids. Don’t get me wrong, the work is really hard (as any educator who does a good job will tell you) but the fact that it is so hard and so important makes it worth it. I mean, in what other profession do you literally get to prepare the next generation for what life has in store- or at least what we predict life will be like when they’re adults?
I worked as a mountaineering and climbing guide because I love climbing and the mountains, and I wanted to share passion with others. I still love climbing and the mountains, and will share those experiences with anyone I can, but I had to choose and I chose public education. I don’t regret it.
I write because I enjoy it. That’s it. I could always get lost reading fiction, and I’ve found that I can do the same when writing it.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I think that’s the whole point of education. It may not be a difference that’s felt all at once, or one that the students even notice is being made at the time, but most adults can look back and identify at least one teacher that really made a difference in his or her life. Helping kids learn and helping them mature and cope with life’s many curveballs makes a difference to them, and who knows how that will impact the world down the line.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Meeting, then marrying my wife. She’s absolutely amazing.
– Growing up and working on a party fishing boat with my dad. He was the captain and I was the mate. It was a really special time, and I got to hear my dad tell a lot of stories. Maybe that’s why I like to write them.
– Any of about a million memories of spending time with my family. I can’t pick one, but they’re really important to me and always have been.

What is your life purpose?
I haven’t figured that one out just yet, and I’m not sure I ever will. I think that maybe that’s a purpose in and of itself- the journey. I think it’s about the process, not the ends.

How did you tap into it?
I try to enjoy experiences as much as I possibly can and be the best person I know how.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My father. He’s always been someone I looked up to.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I like to try and do something physical, whether it’s running or hiking or climbing or taking the dog for a romp in the woods. If I go to many days in a row without doing that, I start to get antsy. My wife thinks I’m like a dog that way, and she usually notices before I do if I’m off. I think she’s worried I’ll start chewing the furniture. I also spend as much time with her as I can- dinner if we’re both home or some couch time if it’s later.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I can feel it. The other day I was at a meeting, and we were talking about the work/life balance and someone slipped and said the work/work balance. I think that’s a sign.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
This one’s tough. I lost one of my best friends to suicide several years back. It was incredibly hard. He was an exchange student that lived with my family in high school. In college, I did an exchange and lived close to him for a while, too. We spent a lot of time in the mountains of Germany in Austria together, and we were very close. Because we lived in different countries at the time of his death, and his friend from Germany was informing people and didn’t have my number or email, I found out through a Facebook message from someone I didn’t know, so I didn’t believe it. I was living at my parents’ house at the time, and they were on vacation. My wife (then fiance) was living with her parents across the state, so I was alone for that night. The next morning, I couldn’t take being by myself so I went to work where I was teaching in Boston. I stuffed my car into a snowbank on the way in because I wasn’t paying attention and hit some ice. That night, I drove out to be with my wife because we were doing a pre-wedding thing with the church. Once I got there I just lost it. I cried harder than I ever had, and it hurt worse than anything I’d ever endured. Not just emotionally, but it physically hurt. Bad. The whole time I was convulsing in sobs, my wife just held me. I can still feel how tightly her arms wrapped around me from behind (I was little spoon that night) and I knew that I could get through it because I had her.

What did you learn from it?
I learned that despite any evidence to the contrary, my wife is my rock. She may dispute that, but she’s proved it time and time again.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Get a dog. Dogs are awesome and they make you a better person.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
We try to support each other in whatever we do. We make time for each other. We talk and we laugh, a lot.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
My wife has a connection to an orphanage in Tanzania, and we’ve paid school fees for a student there as she’s gone to secondary school. I say “we” there, but really it’s her doing that. We also both work in education and give freely of our time and treasure to that cause.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
I was trying to think of a serious one for this, and it just wouldn’t work. I keep coming back to “Call me Maybe.” I’m really not sure why.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Right where I am now. I’m really happy with what’s going on at the moment, and have no desire to change it. I feel like sometimes people get so caught up with ambition that they forget what it’s like to be content.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I’d like for students I’ve served to be able to look back fondly on the time they had, and for them to be better human beings for having spent time in a place where I worked. I’d also like the world to be better and more understanding for my kids.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Anything by Roald Dahl or Shel Silverstein. Really, a lot of books for kids. I think there’s a lot that adults can learn from them, and maybe a lot that they have learned, or have forgotten over the years. It’s important to be reminded of what makes us human and I think that books targeted to kids do a really good job of that.

When Your Partner Isn't Attracted To You Anymore

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Do You Feel Entitled To Your Partner Feeling Attraction For You?

“But I am his wife!”
“She is my woman.”
“He hasn’t slept with me in over 2 months.”
“She is always turning down sex.”
I often hear things like these in my dating, intimacy, and relationship coaching practice and although each relationship is complex and unique, I want to talk about attraction today and why we need to be aware of how it works.
There may be an attraction problem if our partner doesn’t desire us as much as they used to.
When it comes to attraction and desire we need to understand one thing, you can’t ask someone to desire you and be attracted to you.
Someone is attracted to you based on how you show up in your life and theirs.
A relationship label is never an excuse to assume attraction either.
Just because he is your husband or she is your girlfriend doesn’t mean he or she should desire you automatically and vice versa.
If your partner doesn’t desire you as much as you want, you need to take a deeper look at the polarity in the relationship. Are you both showing up as attractive to each other?
Not understanding the dynamics of connection and attraction is what often leads couples who began with a lot of passion into leveling out and over time feeling more like friends or roommates than lovers.
With a group of women I coach, I recently shared this example about a woman opening up sexually when masculine energy is around.
I asked them the following:
“Let’s say you meet a man and date long distance. The relationship progresses and now he asks you to move to his city to be with him. So you drop everything and move across the country to be with your man and when you arrive, feeling scared and unsettled, he is needy and asking you for sex everyday, and then taking it personally as he wonders out loud to you why you don’t want him… how would that make you feel?”
There was a collective distaste over every woman’s face. Many of their faces said, “heck no!”
Then I asked:
“But what if he was focused on making everything smooth, solving problems, helping you land and be safe, being the leader needed at that moment, what would that do for you?”
Every woman instantly smiled a sexy little smile and had a very happy look on her face.
There are many attraction triggers for men and women, but I’ll share one that is very strong for women.
When a woman has sex it increases her chances of getting pregnant. It is therefore in her biology to assess safety and assure herself of it before having sex, because if she gets pregnant she becomes vulnerable. If she isn’t safe, her child will be at risk.
So, if a man focuses less on his feelings of being rejected by his woman sexually and steps up as her man by funneling that energy into creating safety around her, it helps her feel like she is with a directional, grounded and strong man who is un-reactive at a time when she may feel reactive (scared, ungrounded, unsettled).
She will then feel at ease in his capable hands and soften out of her masculine energy, into her feminine, and open herself up sexually.
A shift in perception is sometimes required rather than the usual way people often deal with these situations — by taking them as a personal rejection.
These moments are always an invitation to step up into a greater version of ourselves and into deeper understanding of the attraction triggers in our partners.
Read More By Giordana Toccaceli
“Why Women Stay in Relationships with Emotionally Unavailable Men”

12966291_10153439436716332_855021454_nGiordana Toccaceli is an International Dating, Relationship and Intimacy Expert having worked with thousands of women and men around the world to become their most attractive and magnetic selves and attract incredible partners into their lives in record time.
Giordana has worked with a wide range of clients from Top CEOs, Billionaires, successful entrepreneurs, professional athletes, actors, models and every day men and women. She is a regular contributor to Univision TV’s morning show “Despierta Austin” and the Founder of Woman’s Allure and the Co-Founder of Embody Love Project.
Book a free Discovery Session today and find out what’s holding you back from feeling deep freedom, vibrant health, and alignment in your life. Access your free gift today: Get Giordana’s Heal Your Heart” 10 Minute Meditation.

 
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Man Of The Week – Tim Collins

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Here at ManTalks’ Man Of The Week, we love hearing stories from people who have overcome severe challenges in their life and persevered. There is something beautiful in being able to power through an uncomfortable feeling or emotion and then helping others around you conquer their own fears. This week we get to highlight an incredible Man, Tim Collins, who suffered from severe and crippling anxiety that it prevented him from being functional in a day-to-day manner. Familiar examples are when Tim went for a job interview and soaked through his entire shirt or when Tim had to present in front of senior directors in the company and suddenly felt like he was unable to breathe. After some deep thought and consideration, Tim decided his lifestyle strategy of resisting and suppressing his anxiety wasn’t working, and if he was ever going to overcome it, he had to be vulnerable and change the way he was living his life. Overcoming anxiety, he learned, is not a over-night fix but a project that requires constant work and support. Today Tim empowers others and teaches them ways to overcome their own challenges by three ways: through one on one coaching, through a podcast he founded called The Anxiety Podcast, and his blog. If you suffer from anything similar, Tim is definitely the man to whom you should reach out!

Age – 38

What do you do? (Work)
I Support People to Overcome Anxiety and Stress and Consider What is Possible in Their Lives.
I am the creator and host of “The Anxiety Podcast” and also a Stress & Anxiety Coach

Why do you do it?
After years of being on the business hamster wheel of life I was personally affected by Anxiety. It knocked me off the treadmill and as I dusted myself off I took the opportunity to make some changes in my life.
When trying to get help with my own mental health challenges I felt the traditional system didn’t support me well.  The doctor just wanted to prescribe me with medication, psychologist’s didn’t seem to get it.  I felt lost.
So I started making changes in my own life that moved me in the right direction.  After lots of trial and error I recovered and built a life for myself that I LOVE.
Now I see it as my mission to help others who are in the middle of their own personal battle. By believing in them when they don’t believe in themselves and showing them the way to no only deal with stress & anxiety but also to get aligned to what’s really going to create meaning in their life.  Hence my tag line Less Anxiety, More Life!

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
My work is really about allowing people to move through fear and then look at the possibilities.  Providing inspiration for people to change it what makes me jump out of bed in the morning.  Through the podcast and my work knowing that I support people has huge meaning for me.
In my family life I have 3 beautiful boys who now are able to look at me as someone who’s making a difference instead of my previous life which was all about making money at any cost.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– After starting to play hockey fairly late in life at the age of 13 I had a lot of catching up to do.  Growing up in England ice hockey is a minor sport to say the least but I totally fell in love with it.  When I was 19 I came over to Canada to try out for a Junior A team and much to my surprise I made it.  That proved a valuable lesson to me, which has served me well.  I can do anything that I put my mind to.
– Having a panic attack in front of a room of people was I feel the lowest point of my life. It made me question everything most significantly my confidence, ability to provide and sanity. It took a lot of courage and working on myself to come back from that and many changes in my life were made to accomplish that.  But in a weird twist of fate it’s what now gives me the most pleasure as I’m able to use that gift to help others recover and transform.
– Most recently sharing my struggle and receiving massive amounts of support and empathy has made my heart feel fuller than ever. The power I feel from being able to act in the face of fear and anxiety and continue to move forward is immense. My courage and confidence had to be rebuilt from the ground up but the foundation is now stronger than ever and that makes me feel extremely fortunate and grateful.  I’m able to be ok with vulnerability and failures and embrace them as part of the process.

What is your life purpose?
To serve as an example of what’s possible. The inspire people to change their lives to lean into fear and see what’s really possible for them.

How did you tap into it?
Ultimately by living it. My light was in my darkness.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Philip McKernan, a man who’s asked me questions that no one else ever has in pursuit of finding the truth.  His ability to see past all the bullshit is truly a gift.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I start my day with a cup of tea and end it the same way. I love to exercise so do something every day.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I really see my life and work are intertwined.  I believe part of what I do it live as close as I can to my truth.  Out of that comes lots of content that ends up being my work.  If I feel tired or not inspired I know it’s time to back off of computer time and reconnect with the world.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
When I announced to the world that I suffered from Anxiety and panic attacks. I was so embarrassed by what happened to me I really saw it as a huge weakness at the time so doing that felt like there was no turning back.
The interesting and wonderful part was the response. I was met with empathy, love, support and understanding. It also deepened many relationships where people were able to reciprocate and share parts of their lives that were difficult.

What did you learn from it?
Everybody struggles.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Make sure you put yourself first in your own life.  So often people are working hard and toiling for others to their own detriment.  Only after you be the best you can you be the best to anyone else.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
See above.  By being the best me. After that I make my wife a lot of perfectly brewed cups of tea and that keeps me in good favour.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
A charity in called “Covenant House”  their mission is to help homeless youth’s to have a room and some food and the skills to transition to a life away from the streets.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Passenger – Scare Away The Dark

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
In a position that everyone struggling with Anxiety or Stress knows that a different life exists for them.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
A belief that we can lean into fear and embrace the challenges we face.  And that what you own owns you.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Anything you want – Derek Sivers

Man Of The Week – Giovanni Marsico

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Our newest Man Of The Week is a Giovanni Marsico, a man of many talents, from a connector of driven entrepreneurs, to an author of his upcoming book titled ‘The Gifted Entrepreneur’. Today, Giovanni is the founder and president of Archangel Academy, a coaching and mastermind organization that shares marketing, innovation and revenue-generating strategies with entrepreneurs that aim to give back to the world. By using the concept of “gifting it forward” Giovanni has created a culture of sharing his gifts with people, and for them to “gift it forward” with the aim of becoming the best version of ourselves, and to positively impact those around us every single day. Giovanni believes each and every one of us has the power to change the world, and he helps make this a reality by instilling the same belief in other Gifted Entrepreneurs. To make this dream a reality, Giovanni sets aside half the profits from Archangel to provide micro loans for entrepreneurs around the world.
If you’re in the Greater Toronto Area on April 18th, you won’t want to miss Giovanni speak live at our first ever ManTalks Toronto event, Pursuit of Purpose. For more details, click here.

Age – 39

What do you do? (Work)
I am a talent scout, curator, and connector of superheroes – mission-driven entrepreneurs and leaders that are creating a positive impact for humanity – through my Archangel community and live events.

Why do you do it?
The work I do is the full expression of my gifts completely aligned with my path, my dreams, and my heart. I have the privilege of serving people I love by doing what I love.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
It starts with striving to become a better version of myself every day, and positively impacting the people around me every day. I use the phrase ‘gift it forward’ – I try my best to share my gifts with people in my tribe so that they can share their gifts with people in theirs. The impact becomes exponential.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1 – March 4, 1994 – The day I hosted my first ever large-scale event and discovered you could make money doing what you love. We had 1000 people attend.  I was 17 at the time.
2 – March 27, 2008 – I call this the darkest day of my life. My marriage had just failed. A few weeks earlier I had a panic attack so extreme I thought I was having a heart attack and had an ambulance rush me to the hospital. A business venture failed because I couldn’t handle the emotional state I was in. I was in complete depression and contemplated suicide. My son (who was 3 at the time) was my angel. I knew I had to fight for him and since then my life has been on an amazing upswing.
3 – February 1, 2015 – It was a few days after my annual Archangel event and I had an experience that I describe as a ‘bliss attack’ – the emotional opposite of a panic attack. It felt as if I was experiencing every positive emotion at the same time coming through me like a bolt of lightning. It was so powerful I had to pull over my car and burst out with tears of joy. I learned that day that our emotions are like tuning forks. When we’re aligned and on the right path, we experience positive emotions. The stronger the emotion, the more aligned. The same occurs with negative emotions

What is your life purpose?
My life’s mission is something I call ’10 billion smiles’ – by the time there are 10 billion people alive at the same time, I want to have positively impacted all of their lives indirectly by up-leveling the people I impact directly through my work, my message, and my tribe.

How did you tap into it?
I focus each day on making it the best day ever – by sharing my gifts with people I love to bring me closer to my dream and bring them closer to theirs.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My Role-Model is a fictional character – Charles Xavier/Professor X from the X-Men. Xavier is the leader of the X-Men team of superheroes. His role is to seek out ‘mutants’ – humans with extraordinary abilities – and show them how to use their powers to serve mankind.
In my world the superheroes are entrepreneurs with big hearts who want to create impact.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I have a highly structure daily ritual – it has been one of the biggest keys to my success and growth. I wake up at 5am and start my day with a 20-minute workout that is a blend of high intensity interval training mixed in with dancing in between sets. Immediately after I set intentions and goals for the day, followed by reading time. I use my friend UJ Ramdas’ 5 Minute Journal and my mornings are based on my friend Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning.

I have another ritual that works wonders for me since ideation and dreaming are 2 of my gifts – I call it ‘shower meditations’. I spend 30 minutes in the shower where I actively download ideas in complete flow. Right after the shower I spend time writing down 8-10 ideas in my journal.
For a more high-level view of my rituals, the ‘structure’ is the same on every week day. Mondays and Saturdays are for planning, clean ups, and prep work.  Tuesdays through Thursdays are revenue generating work and relationship building. I take Friday’s off as ‘my day’ for fun, play, and rest. For the past 8 years, I’ve had a ritual to watch a matinee movie on my own every Friday as my form of escape and to fuel my dreaming. And Sunday’s are adventure days with my son.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I think it’s always ‘off’ to some degree. My friend Billy Anderson makes me laugh with this topic because no one ever says they need to add more ‘work’ to be balanced.
I’ve structured my days so that I’m highly productive during work time and have plenty of space for play time, connection, and fun.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us. 
Last summer I attended a retreat in Ireland called BraveSoul run by my friend Philip McKernan. I told Philip that my goal for the experience, using an analogy from The Matrix movie, was to take the ‘red pill’ on my life – to see the subconscious programming that’s been invisible to me up to that point.
There was a point during one of our group discussions that the emotions I’ve been holding onto for decades just all released at once and I cried harder than I ever have before in front of the group. It was cathartic and beautiful.

What did you learn from it?
I learned so much from that trip – including how to tap into my intuition, how to be aligned with my heart and my path, and how to remove all the masks I’ve been wearing to be my true self.
I also discovered that being selfless all my life was the most selfish thing I could do.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Happiness, gratitude, confidence, courage, peace, power, serendipity, luck and love are all skills to master and practice every single day. Seek complete alignment in your work and relationships – your intuition and emotions will always guide you.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
The only way to be the best partner is to be your best self and to love yourself first completely. Become your own soulmate. Find someone who is completely aligned with you in terms of path, dreams, values, beliefs, bliss, and growth trajectory – someone who is their own soulmate. Sharing a common future is more important than sharing a common past.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I’ve supported countless charities in the past, and I’ve been the president of a Rotary Club. My view has changed lately. I believe that mission-driven entrepreneurs are the key to social change. I’m working on creating a fund that provides micro-loans, grants, and angel investment to entrepreneurs looking to change the world so that together we can literally make a dent in the universe.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Either Beautiful Day by U2 or Best Day Of My Life by American Authors

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
In 3 years I am in the best shape of my life. I am in a blissful relationship with the woman of my dreams. I’ve built an incredible team around me that allows me to spend 100% of my time sharing my gifts with the world.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I want to disrupt the current models of education, business, and philanthropy. I want to help everyone discover alignment in their lives. My dream is to find a way to connect every human on the planet through the common language of love.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

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