Self-Confidence for Men: The Ultimate Guide

The sharply dressed man opens the double doors with a flourish. He walks into the upscale bar in a slow motion powerful-but-relaxed stride. An easy smile on his face, he looks around the room, clearly feeling at home. He’s brimming with self-confidence. He starts conversations with gorgeous women who look at him with wet eyes and parted lips. A man on top of his game.
Remember Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) from the movie Crazy Stupid Love? The scene above happens after he finally gets laid by a hot woman, after months of rejection. Up to this point in the movie, the same beautiful women found him unattractive and boring as he bumbled his way through toe-curling dialogues and rehearsed pickup lines.
In about twenty minutes of movie time, he underwent a transformation many men fantasize about: From an insecure guy no one would notice in a crowd to uber-confident hot shot who owns the room.
Right now, has 31,393 books on “Confidence”. With promising titles like, Confidence: How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs and Achieve Your Goals, The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt, or, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.
Obviously, you’re not the first guy to read about confidence, and I’m not the first one to write about it.
Why? Because everyone wants more of it. And the ones who’ve found the “secret” sauce, want to pass it on.
I’m going to share some of my thoughts and experiences on confidence here and as you’ll see, it’s not all that complicated. But just because it’s not complicated, doesn’t mean it’s obvious, either.
So let’s first break it down a bit, and then put it all together in a way that makes confidence easier for you to understand and have more of.

When it comes to confidence, there are a lot of important questions:

  1. How do you know if you’re confident or not?
  2. Are some men just born confident?
  3. Is all confidence the same or are there different kinds of confidence?

And perhaps the biggest question …

  1. How do you get more confident?

Starting from the top …

How do you know if you have it or not?

Simple. If you’re even asking a question like this, you’re not very confident. When you stop having that question in your mind, and you stop thinking about how to get more confidence, you’re … confident!
Almost too simple, right, but we only want what we don’t have. When you have it, you’re not worrying about getting more.
One of the main characteristics of a confident man is a man who doesn’t have questions like that running in his head.
An example from my world: From the work my wife and I do with men and women around relationships, we have coined the phrase, “Moving with a question mark”, which is how un-confident men move with women.
We came up with that term from seeing hundreds and hundreds of men approach their women in a similar way.
In a common example, a man tries to initiate sex with his partner.
“Uhm, honey, you know, when the kids are asleep, I mean, if it’s okay with you and all, it’d be really cool if we could, what do you say we go to bed early, and … it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, but … “
As he’s speaking, he looks up, down, to the sides, anywhere but sustained eye contact, and his body is either wiggling, fidgeting, or stock still.
That’s how an unconfident man does it. How a confident man does it could be like this (there are a million ways, of course, but just an example): “You turn me on so much! I want to have sex with you.” While looking directly in her eyes, his body close to hers, his hands touching her.
We have tested this stuff with hundreds of men-women couples, some being real-life couples, some being singles practicing with strangers. The results are always the same.
First, it’s very easy for the man himself to feel the difference between confidence and “question mark”. Now that we put their attention on the difference, most men can’t stand the feeling of “question mark” interactions.
Secondly, it never fails that the woman feels a lot more safe and attracted to the confident one. So not only does he feel the difference, his partner, whether long-term or brand new, immediately has a body-felt reaction to his confidence or lack thereof. When we ask women to describe the ‘question mark’ man, they use words like, “No way”, “Not interested”, or “Feels like I have to take care of him.”
But about the confident man, it’s words like, “Sexy”, “Open”, “Interested”, and “Safe”. Yep, a very interesting and to some men counterintuitive point, is that a man’s confidence consistently produces a sense of safety in his partner. I say counterintuitive, because to a lot of guys, approaching a woman with this level of directness would produce anxiety instead of safety. But experience says otherwise.
Here’s the next big question:

Are some men just born confident? 

Are you just born with it? Is it from your parents, your environment, your peers, what?
For all practical purposes, some guys just come out feeling confident. They’re confident as kids, confident as teens, and turn out to be confident adults. If you ask these guys about it, they probably haven’t even thought too much about it because to them, it’s like water to fish.
In my mind, it’s not even that important whether some guys are just born confident. If they are, wonderful for them. For the rest of us, it’s much more interesting to ask a question like, “How do I feel more confident?” We’ll get to that part shortly.
It’s the boys and men who don’t just come out confident that are forced to pay attention to confidence, to what it looks like, to what confident people do that they don’t, and who develop interesting perspectives and strategies about confidence.
If you weren’t one of the confident guys, you already know. Because then you were looking at the confident guys, probably with a mixture of admiration, hatred, respect, and secret plans for taking them down. In any case, you were highly aware of everything you were not.
But when it comes to confidence, and every other thing we desire, most people commit an unknown mistake that causes a lot of anguish, and effectively kills their self-confidence:
We compare our own insides to other people’s outsides. 
Say I was a teenage boy hanging out in the high school cafeteria. I’m looking at this guy who’s loudly talking it up with a group of friends, causing big laughs.
My insides in that moment feel like anxiety, nervousness, and insecurity, accompanied by thoughts like, “I wish I could do that (but I can’t)”, or, “How does he do that, he’s so confident (and I’m not)”.
His outsides, i.e. what I can see over there, is someone talking loudly with several people around him.
What I don’t see is his insides, which might feel much like mine, accompanied by thoughts much like mine. This boy might not feel anymore confident than me, but it sure looks like he’s acting a whole lot more confidently.
Okay, so let’s add a few more helpful distinctions about confidence.

Is all self-confidence the same or are there different kinds? 

No, it’s not all the same, and it’s really useful to know the difference.
In the Crazy Stupid Love movie, confidence all about relationships with women. Granted, the movie simplifies it a lot, but it’s also true that relationships with women is one aspect of life where a lot of men experience a serious, sometimes even debilitating, lack of confidence. Having coached men for nearly ten years on intimacy, love, sex, communication, and dating, I can vouch for just how big of an issue this is for men.
Then there’s confidence abut making money, or providing for a family, leading other people or teams of people. Then there’s confidence as it pertains to social situations and being in groups. There’s confidence in physical abilities.
But whether it’s confidence about women, work, money, or physical ability, you can think of these more like different “applications” of confidence.
Looking a bit deeper, there are two kinds of confidence.

  1. External confidence.
  2. Internal confidence.

External confidence is a confidence derived from competence, whereas internal confidence is a confidence derived from a feeling or a choice.

External Confidence (Confidence by Competence)

I was coaching a man recently who said, “When I don’t know what to do with my girlfriend, I feel so insecure, inadequate. And I know this from my work, too. In the beginning, I’m just so anxious, but when I figure out how to do a certain task, I can relax”.
You relate to that? That you feel insecure until “you know what to do”? That’s confidence by competence. By learning a certain skill, anything from how to install an electrical panel, how to talk to a woman you’ve never met before, or how to get a new job, you gain confidence.
This is how you might find a man being totally confident in front of his computer at work, but horribly unconfident if he’s thrown into a new group of people, or in bed with his wife. He’s learned the skills required to master certain computer tasks, but not the skills required to socialize with new people or make love with his woman.
So the external kind of confidence we gain through competence is highly domain specific. 
However, competence in any domain is a great way to help to develop the second kind of confidence.

Internal Confidence (Confidence by Feeling or Choice)

You can actually have huge amounts of the second kind of confidence, whether you have any competence or not.
So much so that, “a study at the University of California-Berkeley (mentioned here) found that people who are overconfident in incorrect information are actually more effective in building peers’ trust and respect than people showing less confidence in the correct information.”
In other words, even if you don’t know what you’re talking about, but you feel confident as you talk, you’re still more effective than the unconfident man who knows what he’s talking about.
You don’t need a scientific study to know this, right? You know those guys who seem to have an educated opinion about everything, who can talk like they practically know everything, even if they have no actual knowledge about it? Yeah, those guys. That’s confidence from the inside-out without actual competence.
If it were a choice between Internal vs External Confidence, there’s a case to be made for picking Internal.
That same Berkeley study states, “… overconfident individuals were perceived by others as more competent and, in turn, afforded higher status”.
And from same article quoted above, “Research clearly demonstrates the role of confidence in achieving goals and building relationships. The people who truly believe in their ability to succeed are the ones who end up being most successful at doing just that.”
We perceive internally confident people as more competent AND they end up actually being the most successful.

What’s the secret sauce? Can regular guys be confident like that? 

Yes. Confidence can absolutely be learned, even you don’t feel you’re a “natural”.
Before I give you some practical steps, here’s the most important piece of information in this entire article:
Internal Confidence, or what you might think of as true confidence from the inside-out, rests upon one central belief to hold:

I can handle anything that shows up in my life.

That’s it. Imagine this … If you really believed you could handle anything that showed up in your life, how would that make you feel?
If you really believed you could handle anything that showed up in your life, what would that do your anxiety level?
That’s what makes the difference between confident guys and anxious guys.
That’s what makes the difference in YOU being one of those confident guys or not.

Here are some more practical steps you can take:  

1. Adopt this new belief, “I can handle anything that shows up in my life.”
2. Get good at any skill. Basically, learn and practice anything, then “export” the confidence you feel to other areas of your life.
3. Notice where in your life you move with a ‘question mark’ hanging over your head. Then try the same thing with more resolve.
4. Keep taking new risks. Try new stuff. Every time you do, you show yourself you’ll be fine no matter what, and even it if flops, you learn something. Either way, you win.
At the end of the day, gaining confidence is about you feeling less anxiety and better about yourself. It’s a fortunate side-effect that your growing confidence makes your partner feels more safe and open, and increases your chances of succeeding in your endeavors.
If you don’t already feel super confident, don’t despair, just keep asking yourself, “If I knew I could handle anything that showed up my life, what would I do right now ….?”

The Alliance:

Do you want more confidence now? The ManTalks online men’s program will help you build confidence, navigate transition, fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world.
Check out The Alliance
self-confidence, christian pederson, mantalksChristian Pedersen is a relationship specialist, Certified Life Coach, and founder of Power and Heart Coaching for men. He’s author of the #1 Amazon Bestseller, When You Love Your Woman.
Together with his wife, Sonika, he’s the co-founder of LoveWorks. Christian and Sonika produce and lead mind-altering live trainings, like Give Yourself to Love and The Masculine-Feminine Energy Dance. They offer potent inspiration and better relationship strategies to men and women, singles and couples, on love, relationship, communication, intimacy, sex, dating, and personal transformation.
Christian particularly enjoys coaching men on how to embody both the masculine power and heart with their women and how to get everything they ever dreamed of with her. Find Christian’s men’s coaching at, and his and Sonika’s relationship work at

Man Of The Week – Bryan Brock

This week’s Man Of The Week will be familiar to many of our readers out there, especially those from Toronto. Bryan Brock wears many hats and is involved in numerous city-wide projects and initiatives: he co-founded the iconic Toronto based lifestyle brand called ‘1 LOVE T.O’, serves as a Dean for The Remix Project, a non-profit that aims to serve ‘at-risk’ youth from Toronto’s underserved communities and more recently created ‘The Fitting Room’ a unique men’s barbershop in the heart of downtown Toronto. A common theme in most of Bryan’s work revolves around combining creativity with commerce and community to create brands that have a positive impact on society and people. On of his main focuses is helping youth get the confidence and skills they need to see what is possible and how to tap into their creative talents.

Bryan, along with three others, will be speaking about ‘Confidence’ at the upcoming ManTalks Toronto event on August 22nd. You can expect to hear moving stories from individuals who suffered from low self-esteem and the manner in which they tackled this head on to emerge victorious and successful. Stay tuned for more details!

Age – 36

What do you do? (Work)
I’m a Creative Entrepreneur who likes to build brands and businesses. I’m the Co-Founder and Creative Director for the iconic Toronto-based lifestyle brand 1 LOVE T.O.  I’m also the Dean of the Academy of Creative Arts for The Remix Project – a local non-profit organization dedicated to serving ‘at-risk’ youth from Toronto’s underserved communities. Recently, I stepped away from my teaching position at Humber College in the areas of Marketing Strategies and Social Media Strategies. Last but not least, I’m the Co-Owner and Creative Director for The Fitting Room, a unique Men’s Barbershop located in the heart of Dundas St West.

Why do you do it?
I’m an artist at heart, but I love combining my ideas with commerce, especially when it affects positive change in the community.

How do you make a difference in the world?(Work, business, life, family, self)
This is a question better answered by the people that I know and love.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– The moment I learned that I was adopted.
– The day I was robbed at gunpoint.
– The day I decided to be a Dad.

What is your life purpose?
To show people it’s possible. 

How did you tap into it?
I never had a mentor growing up, and my support system was more negative than positive, so when I had the chance to start making a difference by my actions, I knew that was my purpose.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My parents are my role-models.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Every day is different.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When my health suffers.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
One of my most vulnerable moments was when I got jumped and robbed at gunpoint. I still remember the hopeless feeling I had walking down Yonge Street in the pouring rain wearing only my socks. They had stolen the shoes right off my feet, along with my money and watch. At the time, I was only 13 years old and I wasn’t living in Toronto, so I didn’t know what to do.

What did you learn from it?
I learned that material things come and go, but life is something you can’t replace. I also learned a very important life skill, that’s saved me more than once – being aware of my surroundings.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
I’ve mentored many young men, ranging from the ages of 16 to 27, and I’ve always stressed the same thing – to be a better version of themselves each and everyday.

How do you be the best partner? (Boyfriend/Husband – past or present)
Communicate. Love. Motivate. Inspire. Be There.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits?
The Remix Project, SickKids Foundation, Camp Oochigeas, Daily Bread Food Bank 

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Bam Bam” by Sister Nancy

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
No idea. Life changes.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
All I want is for people to take something positive from me and pass it on. If I can be remembered as a person who always made time to help others, I’m content with that.

 What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Giovanni Marsico

Our newest Man Of The Week is a Giovanni Marsico, a man of many talents, from a connector of driven entrepreneurs, to an author of his upcoming book titled ‘The Gifted Entrepreneur’. Today, Giovanni is the founder and president of Archangel Academy, a coaching and mastermind organization that shares marketing, innovation and revenue-generating strategies with entrepreneurs that aim to give back to the world. By using the concept of “gifting it forward” Giovanni has created a culture of sharing his gifts with people, and for them to “gift it forward” with the aim of becoming the best version of ourselves, and to positively impact those around us every single day. Giovanni believes each and every one of us has the power to change the world, and he helps make this a reality by instilling the same belief in other Gifted Entrepreneurs. To make this dream a reality, Giovanni sets aside half the profits from Archangel to provide micro loans for entrepreneurs around the world.
If you’re in the Greater Toronto Area on April 18th, you won’t want to miss Giovanni speak live at our first ever ManTalks Toronto event, Pursuit of Purpose. For more details, click here.

Age – 39

What do you do? (Work)
I am a talent scout, curator, and connector of superheroes – mission-driven entrepreneurs and leaders that are creating a positive impact for humanity – through my Archangel community and live events.

Why do you do it?
The work I do is the full expression of my gifts completely aligned with my path, my dreams, and my heart. I have the privilege of serving people I love by doing what I love.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
It starts with striving to become a better version of myself every day, and positively impacting the people around me every day. I use the phrase ‘gift it forward’ – I try my best to share my gifts with people in my tribe so that they can share their gifts with people in theirs. The impact becomes exponential.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1 – March 4, 1994 – The day I hosted my first ever large-scale event and discovered you could make money doing what you love. We had 1000 people attend.  I was 17 at the time.
2 – March 27, 2008 – I call this the darkest day of my life. My marriage had just failed. A few weeks earlier I had a panic attack so extreme I thought I was having a heart attack and had an ambulance rush me to the hospital. A business venture failed because I couldn’t handle the emotional state I was in. I was in complete depression and contemplated suicide. My son (who was 3 at the time) was my angel. I knew I had to fight for him and since then my life has been on an amazing upswing.
3 – February 1, 2015 – It was a few days after my annual Archangel event and I had an experience that I describe as a ‘bliss attack’ – the emotional opposite of a panic attack. It felt as if I was experiencing every positive emotion at the same time coming through me like a bolt of lightning. It was so powerful I had to pull over my car and burst out with tears of joy. I learned that day that our emotions are like tuning forks. When we’re aligned and on the right path, we experience positive emotions. The stronger the emotion, the more aligned. The same occurs with negative emotions

What is your life purpose?
My life’s mission is something I call ’10 billion smiles’ – by the time there are 10 billion people alive at the same time, I want to have positively impacted all of their lives indirectly by up-leveling the people I impact directly through my work, my message, and my tribe.

How did you tap into it?
I focus each day on making it the best day ever – by sharing my gifts with people I love to bring me closer to my dream and bring them closer to theirs.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My Role-Model is a fictional character – Charles Xavier/Professor X from the X-Men. Xavier is the leader of the X-Men team of superheroes. His role is to seek out ‘mutants’ – humans with extraordinary abilities – and show them how to use their powers to serve mankind.
In my world the superheroes are entrepreneurs with big hearts who want to create impact.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I have a highly structure daily ritual – it has been one of the biggest keys to my success and growth. I wake up at 5am and start my day with a 20-minute workout that is a blend of high intensity interval training mixed in with dancing in between sets. Immediately after I set intentions and goals for the day, followed by reading time. I use my friend UJ Ramdas’ 5 Minute Journal and my mornings are based on my friend Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning.

I have another ritual that works wonders for me since ideation and dreaming are 2 of my gifts – I call it ‘shower meditations’. I spend 30 minutes in the shower where I actively download ideas in complete flow. Right after the shower I spend time writing down 8-10 ideas in my journal.
For a more high-level view of my rituals, the ‘structure’ is the same on every week day. Mondays and Saturdays are for planning, clean ups, and prep work.  Tuesdays through Thursdays are revenue generating work and relationship building. I take Friday’s off as ‘my day’ for fun, play, and rest. For the past 8 years, I’ve had a ritual to watch a matinee movie on my own every Friday as my form of escape and to fuel my dreaming. And Sunday’s are adventure days with my son.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I think it’s always ‘off’ to some degree. My friend Billy Anderson makes me laugh with this topic because no one ever says they need to add more ‘work’ to be balanced.
I’ve structured my days so that I’m highly productive during work time and have plenty of space for play time, connection, and fun.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us. 
Last summer I attended a retreat in Ireland called BraveSoul run by my friend Philip McKernan. I told Philip that my goal for the experience, using an analogy from The Matrix movie, was to take the ‘red pill’ on my life – to see the subconscious programming that’s been invisible to me up to that point.
There was a point during one of our group discussions that the emotions I’ve been holding onto for decades just all released at once and I cried harder than I ever have before in front of the group. It was cathartic and beautiful.

What did you learn from it?
I learned so much from that trip – including how to tap into my intuition, how to be aligned with my heart and my path, and how to remove all the masks I’ve been wearing to be my true self.
I also discovered that being selfless all my life was the most selfish thing I could do.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Happiness, gratitude, confidence, courage, peace, power, serendipity, luck and love are all skills to master and practice every single day. Seek complete alignment in your work and relationships – your intuition and emotions will always guide you.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
The only way to be the best partner is to be your best self and to love yourself first completely. Become your own soulmate. Find someone who is completely aligned with you in terms of path, dreams, values, beliefs, bliss, and growth trajectory – someone who is their own soulmate. Sharing a common future is more important than sharing a common past.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I’ve supported countless charities in the past, and I’ve been the president of a Rotary Club. My view has changed lately. I believe that mission-driven entrepreneurs are the key to social change. I’m working on creating a fund that provides micro-loans, grants, and angel investment to entrepreneurs looking to change the world so that together we can literally make a dent in the universe.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Either Beautiful Day by U2 or Best Day Of My Life by American Authors

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
In 3 years I am in the best shape of my life. I am in a blissful relationship with the woman of my dreams. I’ve built an incredible team around me that allows me to spend 100% of my time sharing my gifts with the world.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I want to disrupt the current models of education, business, and philanthropy. I want to help everyone discover alignment in their lives. My dream is to find a way to connect every human on the planet through the common language of love.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Jason Connell

Our newest Man Of The Week has gone through a roller coaster in life, and along that journey he has discovered the most beautiful of life-lessons that only life experiences can teach. From a very young age, Jason Connell was obsessed with perception, behaviours and psychology, where he started his career as a child entertainer who performed over 300 live magic shows before his 18th birthday. After high-school, Jason attended a small liberal arts college for a few semesters before realizing this wasn’t the life he wanted to live, so he packed up his things and traveled the world to experience it first hand. His travels dispelled the illusions of limitations that hold us back from our dreams and allowed him to channel his inner potential to becoming the successful coach he is today. His journey wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, Jason had to deal with financial struggle, the loss of loved ones and broken relationships to really feel broken to the core, which is when he begun working on his relationship with the self. Today, Jason helps people develop confidence, authenticity, self-compassion and self-love because “the singular most important relationship you will ever have, is your relationship with yourself.” To learn more about Jason and to explore how he can help you realize your potential, check out his website.

Age – 30

What do you do? (Work)
I help high performing men and women remove the psychological and spiritual barriers to self-love, confidence, and authenticity. If you’re successful but still feel like there is something missing in your life, there’s a good chance I can help you.

Why do you do it?
I love helping people step fully into their lives. So many people have been held back by their education, friends, family, society, and culture without even realizing it.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
In my personal life, I’m the guy in my circle of friends who gets everyone together and organizes events. Professionally, I help people realize how amazing and powerful they truly are. A lot of people are captivated by this bullshit illusion that they aren’t powerful, can’t be happy, can’t make a difference, and don’t deserve an amazing life. I help cut through the illusions.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– When I was 19 I dropped out of college and spent three years traveling the world. The travels were a mix of hedonism (I got to go behind the booth at the hottest club in Amsterdam), service (I spent a lot of time volunteering in poor communities) and exploration. I learned that the limits of reality are far greater than most people perceive. I also learned that no matter how distracted or exciting my life becomes, I can’t possibly run from myself and my truth.
– There was a four-week span where my best friend moved away, my girlfriend and I of two years broke up, and then a close friend died. Before I had a chance to even realize what had just happened, I left on a speaking tour that kept me on the road for several months. The combination of all of these events completely broke me and forced me to learn the importance of prioritizing my mental and physical health above all else. If I’m not supporting myself, there’s no way I can support others.
– Eight months ago, I left Washington, DC after six years of living there. I knew DC wasn’t right for me, but I didn’t know where I wanted to move. I travelled until I found the place that was right for me, Denver, CO. This was the first time I consciously trusted myself and my intuition to guide me through major life decisions. It went far better than anything I could have possibly imagined. In the past, I relied on logic. That was good for business but shitty for life.

What is your life purpose?
To live as fully as I can while I am alive, and to help people step more fully into theirs.

How did you tap into it?
In my personal life, I try to always be honest. This means not lying, of course, but it also means speaking my truth, and making my actions mirror my authentic desires. This is far far harder than most people realize. However, even harder than living your truth is lying to yourself and the people around you, whether through action, inaction, word, or omission.
In my professional life, I help people connect to themselves, and then find the innate courage to live their truth. We all have deep well springs of confidence and courage within us. Most people just don’t know how to access them.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
There are two mentors who have made disproportionately significant impacts in my life. The first is Jean-Pierre Lauzier, the second is Philip McKernin. If you ever have the opportunity to work with either of these men, leap at it.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
The only thing that I do every day is meditate. I practice Vipassana (insight) meditation. On most days I practice intermittent fasting, write, and scribble down a few things I’m grateful for.

 When do you know your work/life balance is off?
That’s something that is purely emotional for me. I know I’m in my zone when I’m feeling playful, confident, open, and energetic. Of course, even in my best months, those feelings ebb and flow, but if I’m waking up feeling anything less than that more than one or two days in a row, I know something is off.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I just turned 30. The vast majority of my close friends are married and own houses. Three of them are expecting their first child this year. Me? I’m very single and rent a cool apartment. Compared to my friends, I feel extremely stunted in my personal life. A very real part of me fears that as our realities drift further and further apart we will no longer share the same deep connection we once did. I also kind of resent them for falling onto the beaten path. I thought the plan was that we were going to abandon the beaten path and stay up late drinking and travelling and chasing pretty women and talking about books and trying to save the world.

What did you learn from it?
Actually the most valuable thing I’ve learned from ostensibly drifting from my friends is that the fear of being disconnected from them was a phantom. I realize that so much of the loss of love and connection I was afraid of didn’t actually exist in reality. If you find the courage to own your fears and vulnerabilities and open up within them, you’ll find that you are capable of mastering them. More than that, you’ll find that many of them are complete fictions.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Stop pretending to be so fucking strong, and surrender. Feel the God damn pain you’ve been pretending doesn’t exist. Let it cripple and destroy you. If you’re not crying, you’re doing it wrong. Once you’ve processed all the shit you were avoiding, you’ll notice that resting beneath it all is a deep sense of power, stillness, happiness, and love. But you’ll only ever get there when you stop pretending to be someone you’re not and for most men, that begins by surrendering.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
My commitment to all present and future partners is to share my truth with them even if it makes me extremely uncomfortable. This means loving with more wild abandon than I’ve done in the past, as well as being more proactive about the tough conversations than I’ve been in the past.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Yes. The two I like the most are Ingenuity Prep and Global Camps Africa. I’ve worked closely with the leaders of both organizations. Ingenuity Prep provides a world class education to some of the most disadvantaged children in Washington, DC. Their model is highly scalable, their leaders are world-class experts, and the results they get for their students are breathtaking. Global Camps Africa provides life skills for children living in the slums of South Africa. Studies have shown that children who attend GCA have lower HIV/AIDS rates, commit fewer crimes, attend school more frequently, and manage money better.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Home, by LCD Soundsystem.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Denver, CO, continuing to speak, write, and run seminars for amazing people.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I haven’t hit the point in my life where I spend any time at all thinking about legacy. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever will. As far as I can tell, the best thing to do is spend your time focused on authentically sharing yourself and your gift with the world while you’re still here. It’s kind of arrogant and delusional to believe that you’ll matter much once you’re gone. Most people find that cold. To me, it’s liberating. I see little value in trying to live in the future or manipulate people’s perception of me – especially after I’m dead.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey. Inner Game does an amazing job of helping readers realize that they can control their mind, while also teaching them how to access their intuition.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Graham Young

Our Man Of The Week is an inspired young man who had to endure a series of health issues and the passing of his mother to uncover his true purpose, and to his surprise, once he discovered this, his passion in living out his purpose gave him the strength to overcome the hurdles. Graham Young was sick and tired of receiving the same impractical advise of the self-help industry, so he decided to be the change the industry needed by creating ‘Disruptive Performance Coaching’, a practical and science-based approach to helping people discover their purpose and breaking limiting thoughts and beliefs. Using this approach, Graham hopes to enable people to live a life where they are at peace, have control over the direction of their lives, and are able to create the change one would like to see in their life. Graham is able to give people the confidence, tools and comfort of knowing that they can handle any challenge life throws at them.
Age: 31
What do you do? (Work)
I am a Disruptive Performance Strategist and Founder of Graham Young Strategies, an innovative coaching consultancy.
I identify and disrupt the underlying, often unknown thought patterns that hold people back in their lives and careers. When coaching an individual, I use a practical, science based approach to help them discover their purpose and bring them to new levels of confidence and self-reliance. When working with organizations I elevate the engagement, happiness and performance of their employees.
Why do you do it?
I do this to give people full control over their lives. So they have the power to change any aspect of their life immediately. I think feeling stuck is one of the most frustrating things we experience as humans. Knowing that we need to change something about ourselves, our career or in our life; but having no idea how to make it happen. It can cause us to feel like we have little control over our thoughts, feelings and the actions they produce.
I do this to give people the confidence, tools and peace of mind knowing they can handle any challenge they face. So they never have to feel hopeless or lost when difficulties arise and so they can accomplish any goal they want to achieve in life.
I also do this to bridge the gaps between science, self-help and business. To provide a simple, practical and science based approach to personal and career development. So that people do not have to get confused by the overabundance of opinions on how to better their life. To cut through the noise and provide a framework that produces quick and long-lasting results.
In the end I hope each person I work with is able to positively influence other people in their life and in the world.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
The source of making a difference in the world, I believe is in the mind of each person. So I’m fortunate to work with people on a very personal level to help them live a happier, fulfilled and more contributing life.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?

  • My Mother passing away from cancer
  • My business mentor passing away
  • When I found my purpose in life

What is your life purpose?
Much of what I answered in answer 3 describes my purpose. In a nutshell it is to simplify the human mind so people can be at peace with themselves, control their lives and create the change they need to achieve what they desire.
How did you tap into it?
It’s been something that has evolved over my life, but was accelerated after the passing of my Mom. Throughout her illness, I was able to use the knowledge that I had been learning from reading psychology and personal development books. It made such a positive impact on me and the people in my life, that I wanted to share it to help others. I began writing my blog on the anniversary of her passing and by putting my thoughts together, I slowly realized that this is what I loved to do.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My Dad has always been my biggest role model. I’ve been fortunate to have a Father who always put his family first, who defines integrity and who was successful in business. He always supported my career decisions even if they were a bit unorthodox and always believed in me with all of my ventures.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I have a warm cup of lemon water first thing in the morning as it provides energy and aids in digestion. I also have a morning routine that I use to get me focused and motivated to take on the day.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When I’m going to bed late and getting up early. When I don’t leave enough time to read before bed.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Not long ago I had a number of health issues affect me all at once. They caused me to feel very tired, groggy and dizzy everyday. I also was unable to exercise for over a year and had to take some time off work. It felt like things were falling apart around me and made me feel vulnerable to circumstance.
What did you learn from it?
That if you have a passion or purpose in life, you can literally get through anything. This passion to share my knowledge and help people, was like a light at the end of the tunnel. Despite the difficulties in my life at the time, I still have this clarity and direction in where I was going. It motivated and inspired me everyday.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
To focus on feeling content, happy, successful and confident now, as opposed to later. We often get stuck telling ourselves that something needs to happen or be accomplished in order for us to feel successful or happy. A common saying is ‘life will be great when …X… happens’. But we often go through life in this lacking state, never letting ourselves appreciate the things we’ve done.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
I think empathy is key. The better you can get at putting yourself in your partners shoes, the more you understand them and their opinions and it helps you approach conflict focused on creating a solution.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Two years ago I created the Vancouver Basket Brigade which is based off of Tony Robbin’s International Basket Brigade. My friends and I find families in need, and deliver baskets full of clothes, food and household items.
I sit on the board of CLICK (Contributing to Lives of Inner City Kids) and support the BC Children’s Hospital. I focus a lot of my giving on kids because I love children and it kills me to think of them suffering. If we can get them through a tough time, they have their whole life ahead of them.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
That’s tough, it’d be cool if it were Eminem – Lose Yourself.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
More of my business being on the road and speaking across North America.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I’d like to refine my methodology and make it accessible to everyone in the world regardless of your location, age or income. I’m not sure if it would be delivered via software or online classes, but somehow deliver personal coaching to people who can’t afford it.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
How to win friends and influence people. – Dale Carnegie
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]


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