The Real Reason Men "Can’t Handle" Powerful Women

The real reason women believe that men can’t handle our greatness? It gives us an excuse not to handle theirs.

When I first saw the headline, I balked a bit. Okay, a lot. Especially after clicking through and reading these ’10 reasons most men can’t handle a deep woman’. Because ‘deep women’ are honest! And know what they want! And are looking for a deep, intimate, real relationship!
In other words, the reasons are: because men are shallow, dishonest, distant, closed off, and incapable of real love. That’s what this viral article is really saying. And it’s not unique. It’s proliferated around the web, being republished over and over, in the few days since I first saw it, and there are thousands of others like it, with similar ideas about just how useless, unreliable, inherently disappointing, and frankly inferior men really are. The idea that most men can’t handle women, that men are letting us down, is everywhere these days.
Here’s the thing. These articles and ideas? They’re wrong. And they damage all of us in profoundly deep ways. In particular, these beliefs cause women to have terrible, unsatisfying and heartbreaking relationships with men.

This isn’t about men. It’s about women. It’s about unhealed pain. And these beliefs don’t just prevent healing that pain – they create even more of it.

Imagine an article titled ‘Most people can’t handle deep people.’ What would that really mean? It would mean that most people have difficulty meeting deep people where they are. Fully showing up, in the way that ‘deep’ people do, and want others to do, in the way that’s needed for true, satisfying intimacy.
In our culture, we have this story that men never show up for us. From the absent father and mid-life-crisis abandoner to the ‘best friend’ who secretly just wanted to get laid, the ghosting tinder date and the guy we lost our virginity to who didn’t know what a clitoris was, our very identity as women is shaped by stories of men letting us down.
Over, and over, and over.
Almost all of us have experienced that sense of abandonment, rejection and deep shame at some point in our lives. And in the context of a culture that tells the story that ‘good men are as rare as unicorns’, and that men are so unreliable, so unable to meet our needs that we must pretend we don’t need them, or need them ‘as much as a fish needs a bicycle’, that pain feels even more powerless, because it is tinged with fear.
The fear that no man will ever show up for us. That no man will ever provide us with what we need.
Now imagine an article titled ‘Most women can’t handle deep men.’ I don’t know about you, but I can already hear the outcry – that it’s misogyny, the hatred of women; that it’s just men who are angry they’ve lost a bit of power and privilege; that it’s sexist.
Those things are all correct. And it’s vital to understanding what happens when we as women believe that men will always let us down; to understanding why articles like the one mentioned go viral:

Because when we feel powerless, we have a choice. We can either look within, take our power back by taking responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, and heal… or we can blame someone else, and get angry.

The author of the original article wasn’t trying to be sexist against men. No, this belief doesn’t have hatred as it’s motivation – quite the opposite. It comes from powerlessness, which is based on fear that men will always let us down… And pain, from times that they have. It’s written from a place of woundedness, fear, and scarcity.
Not from a place of writing about reality.
Spoiler alert: men can handle deep, or strong, or smart, or otherwise powerful women just as well as women can handle powerful men.
But articles like that one, they act to confirm the belief, presented all around us, that men will never fully love us, for who we are, never give us what we need, never truly meet us.
And because we learn to believe that they can’t, our actions towards men change. We close our hearts, find what we expect, and end up in relationships where our deepness isn’t met, accepted and celebrated. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, and a heartbreaking one: we learn to sabotage our relationships with men.
The truth is that, to the extent that individual men are able, based on maturity and experience, nine out of ten men are dying to share our real, deep emotional selves, to witness us, to be truly intimate. To be the one we choose, the one we give the chance to step up and be a great man, for the world, and for us.
Nine out of ten are so, so eager to do that. To love us. Truly and deeply. They won’t do it perfectly – no one can. But they will do it, they will give it their all, they will love us honestly.
If we let them.
Hi! I’m Kathryn Hogan. If you liked this article, you’ll love my new book, which provides practical tools for overcoming the most common types of self sabotage. Your Big Life: Ground Rules to Get Unstuck and Stop Sabotaging Yourself, is coming now available! I’m a wellness and relationship coach, and author. I share powerful tools and mindful practices to help you live that Big, Rich, Satisfying life your heart knows you’re meant to be living.
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Man Of The Week – Jonni Pollard

This week’s Man Of The Week is a Man who has spent years investing his time in really understanding his connection to himself, nature and the people around him. From a young age, Jonni Pollard learned that he had two options: to be bold and stay true to himself as a person or to conform to society’s mould so the people he liked would reciprocate the same feelings. The times he picked the latter, his plan backfired and he soon realized being somebody else served him in no way at all. Being a vulnerable young man, Jonni began to accept that he had no choice in society’s ostracizing of those who are different, and that it was a reality he had to accept. Refusing to conform, Jonni found meditation as a gateway to escape the common issues we see in society today (i.e. stress and lack of fulfilment) to connect directly with the self. He shortly found that a greater connection with the self led to a feeling of empowerment in overcoming challenges in life, and a sense of caring, openness and love regardless of the ridicule he may encounter. In this digital world, Jonni took all of these life learns and decided to present them to the world in a manner where every single person has the tools to enable a connection with the self, all that is required is to download a free app! Have a read to see how Jonni and his not-for-profit ‘1 Giant Mind’ are leaving the world in a better, more connected, place.

Age- 39

What you do you do?
I’m a Meditation teacher, life consultant and Co- Founder/ Executive Director of 1 Giant Mind, a not for profit that empowers people with free learn to meditate programs to reduce the negative impact of stress and to experience greater wellbeing.

Why do you do it?
It’s my perspective that the greatest challenges humanity faces right now, find their roots in our disconnection from ourselves and nature as a whole, experiencing high levels of stress and distress, feeling deeply unfulfilled, addicted to temporal pleasures in an attempt to satisfy an insatiable need.
Meditation is the gateway to the direct experience of the true self, uninhibited by fear, doubt and insecurity. Our experience of fulfillment derives from the intimate relationship with our very being. Regular practice of meditation awakens the minds potential to have a direct experience of our being and enables the body to recover from stress and fatigue. This gives rise to an energy and vitality. This vitality sufficiently empowers us to meet the challenges of life with bold creativity. Life ceases to be a series of inconvenient obstacles and difficult personalities to negotiate and becomes a playground to creatively express our dynamic nature and ride natures wave of progressive change. When we master this capability to live fully from our true self and flow with life, we experience fulfillment. This magnificent sequence is stimulated and reinforced by the regular practice of meditation.

How do you make a difference in the world?
First and foremost, I feel I make the biggest difference by dedicating myself to confronting and resolving the condition and habits that inhibit my awareness of my deepest nature and the flow of my highest state. Each day see’s an elevation in artfulness and sophistication in my capacity to do this. The result is ever increasing states of happiness and greater effectiveness in influencing others to have the same experience within them selves. Then taking it to scale to inspire millions to do the same.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
My birth, meeting my teacher and realizing that fulfillment was not dependent on anything happening outside of me, that fulfillment is fundamentally an internally sourced phenomenon.

What is your life purpose?
To sense nature’s unrelenting force of evolution flowing through me as a continuum and completely surrender to it and then fearlessly move in the direction it moves me. When I do this I find myself in situations that provide me with the opportunity to express the very best of myself almost all the time. It doesn’t matter so much what I’m doing to be fulfilling my purpose but how I do it.

How did you tap into it?
It taps into me. When I accepted that everything in life is governed by an underlying intelligence that flows through me, I realized that resisting it was the root of my suffering and confusion. Whenever I try to force to make something happen, I immediately lose sense of the subtly of awareness and flow. So to answer the question, I tap it by simply surrendering to ‘what is’ in any moment with full acceptance and openness to change, without rigid attachment to outcomes. This is the formula for flow. At first it can be scary as shit and as you continue surrendering to the now with full acceptance of what is, you realize that there is an extraordinary order and intelligence governing all life and that it is conspiring to your greatest happiness.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My role models are all the great masters both ancient and modern, whom have embodied the fullness of life and dedicated their lives to teaching others how to experience this.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?

  • Remain with myself constantly
  • Orientate my self awareness and activity toward the greatest need
  • Meditate twice a day
  • Eat well
  • Laugh regularly
  • Don’t get too serious about anything
  • Fearlessly follow charm and inspiration
  • Confront the propaganda of fear and doubt with action and decisiveness
  • Prioritize finer feelings for rational thinking
  • Listen to and be concerned for others
  • Be generous with my time and insight
  • Remain open to change with no rigid attachment to outcomes

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When I can’t string my sentences together well and find myself being a little short or less generous with my responses. It generally means I’m really fatigued and need some down time.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Vulnerability is the noblest challenge for us men. I spent most of my early life being vulnerable. I am incredibly sensitive to others and I am choice less in my devotion to who I truly am. Being unapologetically myself while growing up wasn’t always an easy thing. However the alternative was to conform to the norm and the few unsuccessful experimental attempts to do this always backed fired. At times I found myself being fiercely judged for being me. I was resented and ostracized by people I liked and wanted to be liked by. Being choice less meant I had to just deal with it. Over time I realized that my vulnerability was only an under developed recognition and understanding of the beauty of myself. The more time I spent with myself with out trying to be anything but me the more I became assured that who I am is all I need to be.

What did you learn from it?
I have learnt that vulnerability, when completely surrendered to, evolves into power.
We can remain sensitive and be immensely powerful. We can live unguarded, free with an entirely open, caring and kind heart, susceptible to others judgments, ridicule, prejudice and remain entirely empowered with certainty of the self. This power must be cultivated by remaining open unconditionally regardless of what you are confronted with. This is conscious vulnerability. Over time this develops certainty of the true self. I have witnessed on countless occasion how the warmth of certainty with humility can melt the most fearfully defensive hearts.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
I give him 3:

  • Meditate twice a day non negotiable,
  • Commit yourself in every moment to confronting and resolving the condition and habits that inhibit you from living the biggest version of yourself ie: fear, doubt, addiction etc
  • Get out of your head. Surrender to your feelings, seek options that scares you and challenges you to grow.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Being the best partner for me is by seeking creative ways to sustain unity with her. Most of the time, this is likely to just naturally happen spontaneously and joyfully. However in any relationship, differences in opinions and perspectives emerge and it makes it invariably challenging to sustain the blissfulness of unity and agreement.
The key for me is to be willing to surrender preferences for her own. This demonstrates that our relationship means more to me than having my way. This causes her heart to open and for love to flow. Invariably she will want to reciprocate and the unity game is back on track.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Yes! I run one. Its called ‘1 Giant Mind’. We deliver a free world class meditation program via a smartphone app. We recognize that the answer to all the world’s problems is humanity awakening to its potential and fulfilling it. Stress and fatigue inhibit our ability to access our highest state.  Meditation enables us to uncover solutions to problems that otherwise would remain shrouded by a chronically stressed state.
Mental health world wide is rapidly on the decline, depression anxiety and stress related physical illness an disease is rampant. In fact world health authorities are now saying that 90-95% of disease, illness and chronic conditions are either directly caused by stress or severely aggravated by it.  Our organizations mission is to inspire millions around the world to learn to meditate and make it a daily habit. If this happens stress drops, creativity rises and shit gets sorted!
If you are interested in learning to meditate download our free app here

Jonni Pollard - 1 Giant Mind
Jonni Pollard speaking at 1 Giant Mind

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
The hills are alive with the sound of music by MC Mary Poppins

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
here and now

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
A culture that embraces it’s responsibility to live fully now.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
‘The Art of Living the Science of Being’ by Maharishi Mahaesh Yogi (Pre 1969)

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]


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