Stop Saying “Yes” when its clearly a “No”

Make the choice to stop doing it. Literally chose to stop. Period.

Stop saying yes to relationships you know are a no.

Stop saying yes to people you don’t want to date.

Stop swiping right when it’s a left.

Stop saying yes to someone who treats you like a massive maybe.

Stop saying yes to partners who don’t share your values or sense of humour.

Stop saying yes to mediocre connections and communication.

Stop saying yes to mediocre, half-ass sex in your relationship.

Stop saying yes to dating people you don’t respect, who don’t inspire you and call you forward to grow.

Stop saying yes to ‘acquaintances’ who are clearly a no.

Stop saying yes to jobs you hate, bosses who cross the line and projects that leave you sitting in your car white knuckling the steering wheel while yelling at the top of your lungs cause you can’t fucking take working there anymore and you’re on the verge of a breakdown…

Stop saying yes to working for companies you don’t like, making products you would never use, and services that leave you feeling like a total fraud.

Stop. Making. Everyone. Happy. But. YOU.

Look, I get it. You have bills to pay, a family to provide for, and a future to build.

But who’s future are you building? The one you want or the one someone else has asked you to do?

So how do we shift? How do we be more selfish and choose ourselves?

Here’s the deal: everyone is selfish. All the time.

However, most people spend the majority of their time and energy trying to create the illusion they’re not.

They find jobs, causes, partners and friends all to create the illusion that they are selfless. They surround themselves with people who constantly need them, people who will reaffirm that they are a needed, important, and ‘good’ person.

But for those who want to lean into the discomfort of choosing themselves and start saying yes to the things that matter, there are a few things we need to know.

  1. What Being Selfish Is and Isn’t.

Being selfish is not about spiting people, intentionally hurting others, going out of your way to offend people, or recklessly choosing yourself at the expense of others (neglecting children, physically endangering others because of your behaviour).

Being selfish IS choosing to set good boundaries, being self aware, respecting what you need to perform and show up for the people you love most.

Healthy selfishness is the understanding that when you take care of your own needs first, you can better provide for the people who really matter to you.

2. Know That Happiness And Success Require Selfishness

Want to know one of the biggest things holding you back from success, happiness, real love, intimacy, great sex, and connection?

You would rather be selfless than happy (or any of those other qualities).

I’ll prove it to you.

Let’s use happiness to make this simple.

Think about someone you love deeply. Maybe your wife, husband, children, or family member.

Picture them in your mind.

Now imagine saying to them “I’d rather be happy than have you.”

You’re in a compromised position aren’t you?

Most people can’t imagine saying that because it would make them seem selfish, mean, or look like a complete asshole.

You don’t want to admit that when it comes down to it, but you would chose someone else even if it cost you happiness.

Let’s take it one step further.

Think of that person who you love so much.

Now imagine asking them, “Would you rather see me happy or be with you?”

The majority of people (the ones who have healthy boundaries and aren’t so attached to you that they can’t live without you) are going to say, “I want you to be happy.”

Isn’t it ironic that the people we love most want US to be happy, yet we are constantly making choices just to appease them?

Here’s the cycle people get stuck in trying to avoid being seen as selfish:

We want to be happy –> happiness depends on us owning what we want –> we think what we want will hurt other people –> we compromise or settle –> we aren’t fully happy –> we realize this and want to be happy…. and so it goes.

So what do we do? How do we change the trend now that we know happiness and success require some selfishness?

We need to…

3. Learn How To Say No

First, think of someone who you think is very happy or very successful (those two things don’t always go hand in hand).

What makes them this way? Their bank account? Their perfectly straight, white teeth? Their nice car, big house, or the amount of travel they do every year?


It’s their ability to say no to the shit that doesn’t interest them.

But this can be overwhelming at first. For most people, they have either become so skilled at saying yes to everything that the “No” facing them seems HUGE and insurmountable.

Because of this, we must start small.

When it comes to breaking the cycle, don’t try and make a big gesture (ie: getting divorced, buying the BMW you’ve always wanted and refusing to pick up the kids from school anymore so you can get in your 18 holes of golf after work. Those are just mid-life crisis indicators).

Start by noticing the small things you’re saying yes to on a daily basis that don’t work for you.

Maybe it’s a call with someone who just isn’t a priority (notice how you’d rather say ‘don’t have time for’).

Maybe it’s agreeing to go to the dinner with friends when what you know you need is a night in.

Start from these small “No” opportunities.

Start to shift your language to focus more on priorities than time. Where you would normally say “I don’t have time for that,” replace the word time with the word priorities. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you get used to it.

Finally, get comfortable being selfish.

Do one thing every single week that’s only for you.

Schedule it, block it off, and make it a top priority.

Maybe its going to see a movie solo, doing a scotch tasting, catching a sports game, grabbing your camera and going on that photo hike you’ve been dreaming of.

Whatever the activity is, do it consistently and notice how you begin to shift.

Good luck on real challenge of choosing yourself first.


Connor BeatonConnor Beaton  is the founder of ManTalks  — an international organization dedicated to promoting modern men’s growth, purpose, and fulfillment.

ManTalks has grown to cities across North America, with several new communities forming this year.

He is also a podcast host and international speaker, having shared his message on stages around North America including TEDx.

Connor has been featured on platforms like Forbes, HeForShe, The Good Men Project, UN Women, CBC, CNN, the National Post and more.

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Man Of The Week – Anthony Trucks

Our newest Man Of The Week is Anthony Trucks, an author, speaker and former NFL player, for his ass-kicking story that has served as inspiration to people worldwide already. Life has been tough from the young age of three when Anthony was dropped off at a foster home where for the next few years he suffered abuse, starvation and repeatedly being told he was worthless. The roller-coaster that is Anthony’s life didn’t stop there with a terrible injury that ended his football career coupled with an unfaithful wife and the loss of his family and almost committed suicide. It’s fair to say life kicked Anthony’s ass!

How Anthony responded to his circumstances is the most incredible part of his story. J.K Rowling once said “Rock bottom is the foundation on which I rebuilt my life” and it is fair to say Anthony did the exact same thing. Hitting bottom made him realize his way of life was not working and in accepting that reality he was able to let go of the ego and limiting beliefs that held him back from truly living and enjoying life. Anthony learned mistakes are part of life and forgiving yourself creates the space for you to try again and truly enjoy life’s beauty. By stepping out of his comfort zone and being more open and vulnerable, Anthony was able to authentically connect with those around him, and also feel protected by self-depricating thoughts and by removing the world’s firepower against you. This is definitely a story you’ll want to read about, check out the full feature below!

Age – 32

What do you do? (Work)
I teach business owners, aspiring business owners, and those who just want freedom how to get out of their own way so they can finally get that freedom and enjoy their business and their life.

Why do you do it?
Because I am selfish. I grew up in foster care where I was beaten and starved, among other things, and I pretty much didn’t matter. I just want to matter to people and get the feeling that I receive when I help someone improve their life. I selfishly want to know that I mattered. The ONLY way I can get that feeling is to GENUINELY help someone. So I fully give of myself in every way to help so I can receive the feeling of knowing I made an impact.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
For me it’s many ways. I’m a father, a brother, a friend, a coach, and in time a husband.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– The memory of my mum giving me away at 3 years old into foster care. It left me in a whirlwind that took many years to overcome. It’s a tough thing to endure a feeling of total worthlessness when not even your own mother loves you enough to keep you. I felt like I didn’t belong on this planet.
– The moment I heard a girl say “the reason I’m so bad is because I’m in foster care.” Those words shifted my soul because I never wanted that to be an excuse for why I wasn’t great in life. Those words were the catalyst to me growing into the man I am today because I wanted to be everything OPPOSITE of what someone who came from my past would become statistically.
– The moment I was holding the right hand of my adoptive and watching her take her last breath as she lost her 17-year battle with MS. That moment was the moment that I fully realized how much impact one human can have on another when they unconditionally love and support. I am who I am, and doing what I do now, because of that woman. Watching her leave this earth centered me to the knowing that I cannot bury my casket full of potential.

What is your life purpose?
I am meant to impact people who impact the world. I’m a vessel that is carrying tools to prepare other vessels to go out into the world.

How did you tap into it?
Life kicked my a** and I got tired of it. I lost my marriage and my family and it led me down a dark path that almost ended in me taking my life. It was then that I awoke. When I did, I started living more alive and more vibrantly than ever because I understood life more as I dropped my egoic barrier and gave myself permission to learn and grow more as a man and a human.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Right. Simply doing right. In my life I didn’t have many people I could trust to lead me positively. So for me doing what is right led me. Mostly because doing wrong is easier in most cases, whereas doing right is hard. I just do the hard work, and make the hard decisions, that are right. Even if it “feels” wrong, or difficult. I MUST be able to respect the man I see in the mirror every night before I lay my head down.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I take time to meditate daily and put my mind at ease before I start the day. If not I enter a world unprepared to handle what may be thrown at me.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
At this point in my life I can literally feel it. Ill notice if I feel off for some reason and I’ll slow down and start being more cognoscente of what I’m feeling and what is going on in my world to make me feel that way. Then I address it and move forward.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
My ex wife had an affair and, after having grown up in foster care, it took from me the most important thing in my life. My family. I had an ego having been in the NFL and owning a gym at the time and it led me to a dark place. I felt I had nothing to live for. It wasn’t until the police found me through GPS and brought me home that I had to visit some deep truths within myself. I realized how much of my experiences were from my involvement, as much as I didn’t want to accept at first that they were. Although my ex wife had made a decision, I was part of the problem that led her to a place to even HAVE to make a decision. I am at fault for the failure of marriage and ensuing life consequences.

What did you learn from it?
We’re all imperfect. We all make mistakes. When you learn to own them you learn to make peace with yourself and life and you start to experience the world in a beautiful way. Being open and vulnerable also protects you from yourself and the world. Yourself because now you don’t beat yourself up and go dark, and the world because you take away the world’s firepower to use against you.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
You’re human, not just a man. Everyone on this planet matters. Men, women, animals, everything. You don’t have to be an overpowering brute to be strong and gain respect. Be human and you’ll find that humanity will see a strength in you that will be more powerful than anything you could comprehend. Graceful strength.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Communicate EVERYTHING. Be open about your fears, desires, frustrations, problems, etc. If not then you don’t give the other person the opportunity to truly support and connect to you. When you don’t connect you literally become your own roadblock to beautifully connected relationships.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I support any at risk youth and foster organizations I can find. Royal family kids camp, foster a dream, hope and home, etc. I was a foster kid and I only WISH I had something like these organizations when I was in the system.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Great question that I have yet to figure out. Something along the lines or “Trust Your Hustle” ……. I should get someone to write that song for me lol.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Father of three amazing kids, and an owner of a thriving business that holds online courses and live events that transform people’s lives and businesses all over the world.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
The legacy of finding the strength to live your life EXACTLY how you want it. I want my legacy to be proof that a good man who truly cared and gave existed when few thought one did.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The 7 habits of highly effective people

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]


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