Relationships

Man Of The Week – Mark Groves

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In an increasingly digital world, we at ManTalks often hear people frustration’s about how difficult it can be to find quality human connection. Our Man Of The Week, Mark Groves, is someone who specializes in human connection and believes the depth of our relationships, both with ourselves and others, are arguably the single biggest predictor of our life’s happiness. Through a heartbreak of his own, Mark came to the realization that many of us, including him, suffer from being subconscious patterns & actions that don’t serve us or our relationships. These patterns drove Mark’s desire to want to understand the science and psychology of great relationships, both for himself to build one and to be able to channel his purpose of helping others build those relationships. Mark believes in the power of vulnerability and by sharing our vulnerabilities with the world, we no longer give them the power to weigh over us and have the ability to turn them into strengths. Read on to get a true feeling of how raw and honest Mark gets in sharing his tougher learns, but also in inspiring us to show up and act with integrity in our relationships.

Age: 37

What do you do? (Work)
I love the subject of human connection… soooooo, I help people connect better with themselves, and in turn, others

Why do you do it?
Because helping people foster deeper connections with others is why we’re here. In my opinion, the depth of our relationships is the single greatest predictor of our happiness and well-being

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I live everything I write. I am doing the best I can. I write from my soul. I speak and teach through my own life lessons. I put myself our there and am vulnerable with the world… through sharing my story, I invite others to share theirs… and to own them and make their stories their strength, no matter the plot line.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– It may be a vague answer, but my childhood. I am blessed to have great parents and a great family. That, to me, has been a defining pillar to who I am and how I show up.
– I broke my leg when I was 25 playing soccer. This break led to an embolism (from my bone marrow) in my lung which are usually about 40% fatal. That was really the first time that I was faced with my own mortality. It made me value each moment so much more…and it made me realize that I wanted more. That I was on this earth for more, and I wasn’t done here, yet.
– My romantic relationships have all been very defining… the most impactful in terms of being a catalyst for serious change was an engagement ending. And that one really woke me up to my choices and starting to recognize that my subconscious had been in the driver’s seat. It was the moment I consciously took the wheel…or so I think… haha ☺

What is your life purpose?
To wake people up to themselves. To help provide the space and platform for people to recognize their subconscious patterns and then change them. And ultimately, to learn how to connect to others from this space.

How did you tap into it?
Through having my relationship fall apart. I needed to be confronted by the consequences of my choices. I realized that I was never taught how to have great relationships, and what that even meant. I was taught to want to get married… but that’s just a title. We aren’t taught what creates great relationships, especially the one with ourselves. I wanted to understand what made great relationships work… and why did they not work? I wanted to dismantle the science and psychology of connection.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I’ve had so many amazing ones. I would say my parents first, and as a man, my father. He is brilliant, kind, wise, and he really modeled that other people matter in more ways than I could ever articulate.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Exercise, being around nature, and practicing gratitude. I have taught my mind to look for the good. Even in difficult, challenging, and sometimes heart wrenching moments, I look to feel and understand the lesson and what the gift(s) is(are).

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I can sense it… that I need stillness. To walk in the forest and find myself. Being around other people, which normally charges me, begins to make me irritable.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us. 
When a breakup shattered me, I turned to partying and trying to hook up with girls. Anyone who knew me before that breakup, knew me as a teenager with incredible integrity. After the breakup I was out at the bar and I took a girl home to my parents’ house (great plan right?!?). I tried to have sex with her, but I couldn’t get an erection. Not because of booze, or lack of desire, but because, for the first time and very obviously, I abandoned my principles and integrity to adhere to the measures of what society believes makes a man a man… the ability to get ladies. I thought that would mend my broken heart. I knew in the moment that I was hurting more than I was wanting to have sex. The irony, is that I thought I would be able to cure my sadness by abandoning my heart… but in the end, I never got the fulfillment I thought I would, till I acknowledged and accepted the profound level of hurt that the breakup had delivered to me.

What did you learn from it?
That emotion and truth always demand to be felt. We can’t run from ourselves, our hearts, and who we are. Our commitment must always be to ourselves, our truth and our integrity. I let a breakup define who I was… that I wasn’t enough. But relationship outcomes have zero correlation to what kind of man we are… however the kind of man we are does have a correlation to the outcomes of our relationships.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Understand your web, your psychology… why you do what you do. Align your life with your integrity, and despite all that you were taught about emotion and what it means to be a man, be yourself. Let all that bullshit go. Seems simple right? It takes courage to step into ourselves.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
It’s not good enough for us to say “I’m just not good at talking about how I feel.” The world demands more from us. Our partners, our sons, our daughter, our friends. They all deserve more from us.  And we deserve more from ourselves. We MUST be better. We MUST learn how to show up. When we change our beliefs, we change our identity. I often tell people to say the opposite, “I’m good at expressing my emotions.” What would that demand of you? How would you have to show up? Learn you, get intimate with yourself and your heart… because the depth to which you connect with others will always be limited by the depth to which you’ve connected with yourself.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I am always donating and supporting different ones. I’m not really specific to a certain one, just charities and causes that speak to my heart in the moment they pass by me.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Return of the Mack. Haha. Just kidding. That’s how I ended up making out on dancefloors. Ummmm. One of my fave artists is Ben Howard… I love all his music, but “Keep your head up” comes to mind right now.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
I’m not sure. Happy, maybe with the beginnings of a family. And a larger platform to communicate my messages. I’ve been really keen on a documentary series on relationships… that would be fun. Any investors out there…. ☺

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
That I loved and lived all out. That I left nothing on the table and made my fears about pursuing all of my dreams my bitch. That I was a good man, an amazing partner, son, brother, friend and father.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
I’m picking two… cause I don’t like rules. Hmmmm. I would say that  right now, the one book I think EVERYONE, especially men should read, is “Attached” by Amir Levine. And “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Victor Frankl. SO good.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com

These 3 Expressions Will Destroy Your Sex and Love Life

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Change Your Language to Change Your Thoughts Around Sex and Love

A good male friend recently confessed to me something that, I believe, many men secretly think. He said,“If I meet a girl and after a few hours she’s already willing to have sex, I am disappointed. I can’t help thinking that she’s doing it with many other men – she’s just fucking around.” But I’ve come to believe that nothing is more dangerous for our sex and love lives than the negative way we think and speak.
It was the Nth time I had heard this comment about someone, but the derogatory charge behind those words hit me. I had to bring my friend’s attention to his words. This led to a deep and honest discussion about sexuality and relationships.
Often stopping for a moment to think about what we just said about intimacy can give us a valuable sneak peek into our subconscious ideas and values. The language we use around sex and love is especially charged. It expresses and conditions our attitude towards sex and love.
Here’s a few examples of negatively charged expressions we use abundantly, often without realizing the implications.

“He/She is just fucking around.”

Even in our, “sexually liberated” times, we still negatively judge anyone who lives his or her sexuality with multiple people. We consider any relationship that’s not strictly monogamous to be impure and lowly.
The term, “fucking around” reflects our fear and judgment of sexual promiscuity. It summons images of objectification, low respect, and zero emotional connection.
But this is a lot to assume, especially when speaking about anyone else but ourselves. Even is someone wants to explore sexuality with as many people as possible, isn’t that a positive way to spread sexual and emotional energy among many different people?
Like a sexual butterfly.
Experience shows that many intelligent, deep, loving, and caring people have done exactly this at some point of their lives.

“She’s easy.”

Sexually negative judgments are particularly severe towards women.
The definition of easy is, “free from worries or problems”. Sounds great, right? And indeed, easy is good in virtually all contexts of life. Having an easy life, being an easy person, taking it easy, easing up – we all like that.
How come then, that being an, “easy woman” is immoral and shameful? Why should a woman refrain from having an uncomplicated and easy sexual life, if she wants to?
With this expression, we may be unconsciously suggesting that we prefer women to be full of worries and problems around sexuality. This becomes so ingrained, that women will often even judge themselves harshly for desiring uncomplicated, “easy” intimate encounters.

“He/She has been cheating on him/her.”

This expression conjures dark stories of evil, cunning and deceit, such as the ones we see in movies and books. In the media, there is always a clear-cut judgment of everyone involved in a “cheating” episode: the victim, the perpetrator, and the accomplices are all designed to be either good or evil.
But reality has a way of escaping these simplistic projections. The “unfaithful wife” may turn out to be a loving and caring woman that tries to do her best to keep her emotional life healthy.
We may discover that the “cheating husband” adores his wife and family, while still needing emotional and sexual diversity. True, cheating implies that an agreement has been broken. But often, we realize that the problem lies more in the rigidness of the agreement itself, its inability to cope with the changes in our lives, rather than in the immorality of the people involved.

Changing Our Language Around Sex and Love

Although we don’t necessarily need to radically change our way of speaking about intimacy and relationships, bringing awareness to it never hurts. The temptation to negatively judge someone else’s love life can be very strong, but it is unlikely to produce any beneficial results, other than reinforcing our anger and righteousness.
So here is a practical suggestion: let’s be attentive to the negatively charged expressions we may use around sexuality and love. Most often, these expressions reveal an unnecessary negative bias of someone else’s life. At the very least, bringing awareness to them can give us an insight into our hidden fears and sore spots.
One day, we might even decide to get such expressions out of our vocabulary and open our minds and hearts to the incredible diversity that human beings have to experience connection, intimacy and sexuality.
[For more on sex and relationships, listen to the ManTalks Podcast]
Raffaello Manacorda (but you can call him Raffa, he likes that) is a Tantra teacher, author, and coach. After graduating with a degree in Philosophy, he spent more than a decade living in raffa_200x200alternative communities and working as a radical activist. He discovered Tantra early in his twenties, and then went on to explore the deep secrets of sex and spirit. He is the creator of The Network of Love, an international workshop on conscious relationships, and a regular columnist for The Elephant Journal. His current obsession is human evolution in all of its aspects, and he loves to rant about Tantra, sexuality, and conscious relationships.
Website: http://fragmentsofevolution.org
Connect with Raffa on Facebook, Youtube, or Twitter
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Man Of The Week – Paul Davidescu

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Our first Man Of The Week for 2016 is Paul Davidescu, a local talent who co-founded Tangoo Entertainment Inc, a website and mobile application that allows users to consider moods and occasions to create the perfect dining experience in social settings. What started off as a mere idea to bring the right people together, Paul and his team have taken Tangoo to new heights where they have been featured on Dragon’s Den and CTV, to name just a few. Paul’s obsession with people and inspiring others to connect drove him to tweak his approach to growing Tangoo, where today he is an active member of the UBC Alma Matter and is constantly looking to see how he can integrate the next generation of talented and driven students into shaping the future of Tangoo and the dining experiences in Vancouver.
You can also listen to our interview with Paul on the ManTalks Podcast.
Age: 26
What do you do? (Work):
I’m the CEO of Tangoo, a free iOS app that matches your mood to the perfect restaurant experience. We work on fulfilling our mantra of creating memorable connections both between people and between consumers and businesses.
Why do you do it?
I am obsessed with bringing the right people together in memorable ways that make them happy and inspired to help each other make a maximum impact in the world. One of the most accessible and genuine ways to bring people together is by breaking bread at the dining table – something we all have in common.
By inspiring people to safely break the status quo of where they go out, we help them create new experiences that result in more memorable stories between themselves and the connections they most value in life. Deep relationships are a function of shared stories and with the tap of a button we provide a turnkey solution to create these micro-stories on the go, never settling for less than a memorable outing.
Proprietors are constantly looking to connect with the right customers by providing the most memorable experience possible. However, without being able to easily differentiate their brand, market to the right people, and build a relationship with customers, they are drowned in the competition. By focusing on the positives, Tangoo helps restaurants uniquely market what they do best today to the people that most appreciate it. We help them do it intelligently and safely without compromise of their brand.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I make a difference in the world by inspiring and connecting people.
Inspiring People:
I believe that inspiring people is best accomplished through leading by example and sharing how others can do it as well. You can demonstrate impact both through business success but also through storytelling to show people that success is also well within their reach if they follow their passions. By running a business that allows me to maximize impact to all my stakeholders coupled with the opportunity to be able to tell my story through amazing mediums like ManTalks, helps me do my part to inspire.
Connecting people to inspire each other:
Connecting people I believe is the ultimate way I make a difference. Throughout my entrepreneurial journey of making people’s social lives better, I have had the privilege of getting to know large amounts of people in meaningful ways. This has allowed me to connect the dots quickly and introduce people in ways that add high value whether it is meeting an entrepreneur with the same problems, a new friend in a new city, or a mentor who has already tackled a challenge they are facing today.
Nothing helps someone conquer uncharted territory more than by connecting with someone who has either done it, or is doing it right now. People need each other for inspiration and knowledge and I believe there are still many ways in which this process can be streamlined.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1) I was broken down by anxiety and self-doubt in my first year of business school. It was a dark time where I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it out. With support from my close network and a newfound trust in my body to pull through this hard time, I became more humble, open for help, and confident in myself.
2) Tangoo didn’t start as a mobile app, we started by bringing people together through progressive dinners that involved people connecting across multiple restaurants in one evening. While this aligned with our mission of creating memorable offline connections between people, the business model wasn’t scaleable. We decided to pivot and reinvent the old model to go mobile coincidentally the night before a 300-person pitch at Launch Academy Demo Day – sometimes pressure makes you do bold things. We were terrified but determined to go all in. To our surprise, we won Demo Day and proved to our peers that big risks do pay off. Nothing better equips you to take on big risks than a magical experience like this.
3) Dragons’ Den was defining because of the profound learning and personal growth process it took us through both leading up to the pitch, all the way until it aired across Canada. Firstly, the process of learning our business inside out and pitching to increasingly bigger crowds of people across the community made us stronger than we would have ever imagined. To have seemingly “failed” on the show by not making a deal, we took it as a challenge to prove to people that before our airdate seven months later, we would ship our product and raise more investment at a better valuation off the show than on it. It all came together on November 26, 2014 in front of our 500-person Dragons’ Den viewing party. The episode was luckily cut in a flattering way and people were inspired by the way we used an uncertain and seemingly negative situation to fuel us to new heights. It taught both our team and community about the power of a positive attitude.
What is your life purpose?
To connect and inspire people. I always ensure that the way I make a difference (covered in question #4) in my day-to-day life connects with my underlying life purpose.
How did you tap into it?
As mentioned earlier, I have been lucky enough to tap into it through Tangoo am able to connect and inspire my team, customers, and partners. Through media and great community word of mouth, I have been able to share my journey so far through media opportunities (listen to a recent one on Roundhouse Radio) and public speaking opportunities. Nothing is more fulfilling than sharing my story to observe how it inspires current and aspiring entrepreneurs to break through their challenges and uncertainties.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have many mentors who guide me in different angles of life and through different types of problems. This is one great benefit I have been able to get from meeting so many inspiring people. On the personal end of things, it has to be my brother Jon, cousin Sam Sosa, and parents who are very grounded on many personal aspects I fight to improve while I balance them out with a demanding business. There are too many to count on the startup end of things but to names a handful who have been particularly instrumental, they are: Cameron Stewart, Henry Heeney, Peter Smyriotis, Steve Bell-Irving, Severine Arnaud, Mike Tan, Jayesh Parmar, Sean Pacey, and Nigel Tunnacliffe.
Mentors who inspire me and whom I have not all met (yet) are people like Tony Robbins & Tim Ferris (personal growth innovators), Brian Chesky (Airbnb CEO), and Simon Sinek (TED Speaking legend whom I was lucky enough to meet this summer).
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
If I have a productive week with not so many late-night events I like to get an early start with the following routine:
– Up at 5AM
– Drink a big glass of water
– 20 minutes of reading
– 90 minutes of focused attention on something that requires intense focus and/or is very uncomfortable to do like accounting, writing business plans, goal setting or a blog post.
– A swim or run followed by 10-minutes of body weight exercises before my shower
– A healthy breakfast complemented by an episode of How I Met Your Mother
– 5-10 minutes of meditation
Throughout the day, I try to make sure I listen to a podcast as I am walking in between meetings and when I am stationary waiting for a bus, I’ll read a book or tune into what’s happening in current events. It’s an amazing way to optimize your time and learning.
I am a very introspective person and find that handy journaling apps like Day One help you gather your thoughts to be able to look back to observe how much you have grown. Now, these are all mainly habits of how to be ultra productive but ones I am working on now are how to stay in touch with my personal needs and support network around me. 2016 will be a big opportunity to build better habits in my personal life that might be overshadowed by my professional life.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
To be honest, it’s always going to be a bit off when you run a startup. But times when I realize it’s getting a little out of control are when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and angry. I also hear about it from my network through patterns of feedback that seem to best process in my brain when I start hearing something more than once…it’s super important to take clues from your body and from your daily interactions with people to keep this in check.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Vulnerable moments are usually your most defining ones. Besides the vulnerabilities from my 3 most defining moments I shared earlier, I have had various pockets of them ranging from breakups, bullying, breeches of trust from people I have brought close into my team, and scary moments of overexerting myself physically.
What did you learn from it?
If I had to boil them into a theme it would revolve around the idea of learning how to make personal growth hacks. Moments of vulnerability that look inescapable make you much more grateful, careful, and confident than ever before after you manage to survive them. I see vulnerabilities as prime opportunities to grow as a person and also to have a strong reason to open up your mind to new people and resources the world has to offer.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
One can be a mentor to people in so many ways so this is a tough thing to boil down to one thing. Most of my mentoring experiences have been around helping early entrepreneurs get off on the right foot so I commonly find that there are understandably many insecurities and uncertainties an entrepreneur has to overcome. I usually advise that they do the following:
– Find out your Why. What drives you? What makes you passionate? This must be your north star.
– Don’t play hero. There are many people and resources out there happy to help and pay it forward only if you ask. Learn how to ask.
– Focus on always growing as a person. It’s essential to do before you can expect to really grow your startup and life happiness.
– Turn problems and vulnerabilities into opportunities and learnings. If you don’t, they will never go away.
– Find things that make you feel happy and empowered and don’t forget to make them habits.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
This is a question I hope to build great expertise in soon, as I have not been in any long-term romantic relationships. However, from the experiences I have had with other kinds of partnerships, it’s all about growing together, being empathetic, and not being afraid to be vulnerable. The best partners know exactly how to help each other grow and pull themselves out of tough situations. At the same time, it’s about being spontaneous and being able to create great excitement out of everyday things such as going out for dinner – thank goodness there’s an app for that 😉
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
This is an opportunity to recognize some local Vancouver startups that are managing to do some amazingly innovative things with social entrepreneurship to inspire giving from the masses. One’s I have had the greatest opportunity to personally follow are Change Heroes, Chimp, Whisky Wisemen, and MealShare. Whether it is crowd sourcing how the masses builds schools or how they fight world hunger, what I love about these social enterprises is how they have made it incredibly fun and easy for the masses to give back.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
This was fun to Google. I would say a mashup of Bon Jovi’s “Its My Life”, Corey Hart’s “Never Surrender”, and R. Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly” sums it up pretty well.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
As I start to reach the tipping point in both my business and personal growth, I see myself continuing to power Tangoo and/or similar companies like it that focus on solving problems around discovering experiences, dating, personal growth, and helping startup companies reach their potential. I would like to take my public speaking, mentoring, and self-publishing passions to new heights and to different parts of the world.
On a personal side, I see myself making great strides in giving back to my body through increased triathlon training and personal development. I also would like to unleash the travel bug I caught when I lived in Barcelona by travelling the world with those closest to me to continue to build our relationships and the micro-stories that bring us closer together.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I believe that ones legacy is a result of how much impact and inspiration they leave behind. I hope that through my commitment to create companies, stories, and schools dedicated to connecting people and fulfilling human potential, my legacy will be one that inspires others to work towards making theirs count as well.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
How To Win Friends And Influence Others – Dale Carnegie. A classic handbook for you to know how to manage and understand people in the most basic of ways. An honourable mention is to read Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi which talks about the importance of managing your network – see the rest on my reads on my Goodreads.com profile.
 
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com

Man Of The Week – Jason Sarai

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He left the comfort of the corporate world of finance to pursue his passions of fashion and fitness. Little did Jason know that what started as a passion project would quickly unfold into a more rewarding and fulfilling life choice. Today, Jason is involved in all facets of fashion and fitness, from creating his own bespoke suit line, to being a VP of Catalyst Kinetics Group. A man of values, Jason felt a responsibility to give back to the community around him, so he co-founded his own not-for-profit 1KARMA, through this and other efforts, Jason has been involved in numerous fundraising efforts, totalling over millions of dollars, to support local organizations like BC Children’s Hospital, Covenant House Vancouver and the Vancouver Art Gallery. Jason is a true example of what being a successful man looks like when one gracefully balances pursuing your purpose with giving back to those less fortunate. Please welcome our newest Man Of The Week, Jason Sarai!
Age: 35 on Dec. 29th. No point holding onto 34 anymore ☺
What do you do? (Work)
I left the corporate world of finance to pursue my passions in fashion and fitness in 2013.
I’m a Bespoke Stylist and CEO of Style by Sarai – a multidisciplinary fashion, design, image and style consulting business.  I started a bespoke suit line, called Jason Sarai, using fabrics from Italy and England from world renown mills. The suits are tailored and customized here in Vancouver, Canada.
I’m also VP of Catalyst Kinetics Group in Burnaby with my role focusing on fitness, active rehabilitation and business development.
Finally, I’m the co-founder of a not-for-profit business 1KARMA, with my business partner Riaz Meghji.
Why do you do it?
I’ve been passionate about fitness and fashion my whole life. Through my careers, I now have the ability to help people become more confident, increase their self-esteem, and put their best foot forward by assisting them to achieve their health and style goals. I work almost twice the amount of hours as I did while I was in finance, yet it doesn’t feel like work.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Several years ago, I was advised to think globally and act locally in terms of giving back to the community. My good friend Riaz Meghji and I started 1KARMA, a not-for-profit business, to raise awareness and funds towards local charitable causes and organizations.
Being fortunate to be blessed with health and opportunity, I believe greatly in donating my time, through mentorship and services. With my businesses, I’m thankful to be able to provide services to events that support various causes and organizations.
Since 2013, I have also had the opportunity to showcase well-rounded individuals that give back to their community, through my editorial series Men of Vancouver and Women of Vancouver for Vancity Buzz. The professionals I feature are hardworking, give back to their community, and are confident with who they are and the legacy that they are creating. I believe that sharing their success stories help create awareness about individuals making a positive impact towards society. They are an inspiration.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Tearing my ACL playing for the second time when playing NCAA men’s soccer in Pittsburgh causing a change in focus from pursuing professional soccer to education
– Changing careers from corporate finance to starting businesses in Fashion and Fitness
– Marriage
What is your life purpose?
My life’s purpose is to pursue my passions, play to my strengths, and have a meaningful impact through my work and to give back/pay it forward to those in need in the community, both locally and globally.
How did you tap into it?
I want to make people feel strong and confident through helping them reach their goals and leading by example. Whether that is through work or my relationships with family, friends and colleagues.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I’m fortunate to have multiple mentors of various ages that I seek business and life counsel from.  I’ve always believed in surrounding myself with people that are smarter or better at a set activity, task or skill. Whether it was during my sporting career to my life in business.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Healthy breakfast
Working out
Listening to music
Praying
Social media
Reading
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My balance is constantly changing. I’ve let go of trying to find an ideal balance as I feel that life will shift focus naturally depending on how I prioritize what is happening in my life at that set time, from a relationship, health/fitness and career standpoint.  Therefore my work/life balance is at a constant flux and I don’t see that changing for some time.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
A vulnerable moment for me was leaving a corporate career as an investment advisor to pursing my passions in fashion and fitness, starting from scratch.
What did you learn from it?
Through following my passion, I was able to feel more connected with my work and new careers.  With Style by Sarai, I had to follow my instinct and pave a new pathway as there were only a few similar businesses to replicate globally. My passion and commitment allows me to keep pushing forward, which has created new opportunities. I believe vulnerability has the ability to create opportunity.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Don’t set any limitations. Think and dream BIG.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
– You constantly have to work at your relationship.  Communication is key.
– Date nights and small getaway trips to connect, reflect and detach from the weekly grind
– Build trust, honesty and vulnerability
– Have fun
– Make her smile
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I’ve always been a believer in supporting organizations, societies and charities whether it is through volunteering, mentoring or financially.
When I turned 30 years old I realized that I was spreading myself thin through various causes without being truly connected to any.  I couldn’t comfortably state how my funds donated were being distributed.
Being in finance as an investment advisor at the time, it made sense to do my due diligence and understand exactly what my money and time were being donated towards.  It was at this point that I reached out to my good friend Riaz Meghji, host of Breakfast Television, about the idea of starting a not-for-profit business as we both were attending and supporting several events through work and our own personal network.
We started 1KARMA in 2012 with the goal to raise funds and awareness towards different organizations and causes every year.  We have worked with and supported Covenant House Vancouver, Camp Goodtimes with Canadian Cancer Society, and DUDES Club in DTES. We have raised approximately $50,000 thanks to our donators and corporate sponsors.
In September, I was invited to be a Co-Chair of the Nordstrom Opening Gala. More than 2,000 people attended a sold-out gala and fashion show and the event raised $420K benefitting BC Children’s Hospital Foundation, BC Women’s Hospital & Health Centre Foundation, Covenant House Vancouver and the Vancouver Art Gallery.
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This past November, Riaz and I represented 1KARMA and joined 53 local executives and professionals of Vancouver to raise awareness and funds for homeless youth and Covenant House. This was our 4th year of sleeping out in an alley in downtown Vancouver to experience a small glimpse of the reality that homeless youth face on a daily basis. I’m proud to be part of a collective effort that surpassed the fundraising goal of $450K by raising $670K to this deserving cause and great organization.

Annual Executive Sleep Out supporting homeless youth and raising funds and awareness for Covenant House Vancouver
Annual Executive Sleep Out supporting homeless youth and raising funds and awareness for Covenant House Vancouver

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
I have two:
One Man Can Change the World – Big Sean ft Kanye and John Legend
Don’t Worry, Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Running a global lifestyle consulting company that focuses on image consulting, clothing, fitness and health.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I want to share my message globally about taking care of your health through fitness and nutrition and putting your best foot forward through style and fashion. Through this, I want people to become their own style icon.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Four Agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
 
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com
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Man Of The Week – Tyson Moultrie

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Tyson is the Co-Owner and Chief Communications Officer at Why Blue Matters; an agency and publication that specialist in strategic branding, marketing innovations, public relations, social media and creative consulting. A Man of many talents, Tyson is also involved with numerous projects and organizations aside from his own. In addition to running Why Blue Matters, Tyson is a GQ Insider, a contributing blogger and writer for areyouthereason.com, popwrapped.com, porhomme.com, and a Brand Ambassador for various brands. Tyson strongly believes in giving back and does this through speaking engagements on topics ranging from Youth Development to self-awareness with his non-profit, Freedom of Life Society. A strong desire to connect with people and to help them become more self-aware has fuelled Tyson to help create a legacy where people think differently about themselves and problems, and using their creative talents for progress of a collective.
Age? 27 year old – 9 Oct 1987
What do you do? (Work)
I’m the Co-Owner and Chief Communications Officer of Why Blue Matters?® Hybrid Creative Agency + Publication
Why do you do it?
I do it because I genuinely love finding new ways to connect with different audiences
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I did start a non-profit Freedom of Life Society, Inc. which we had business owners and entrepreneurs mentoring youth, starting in a local detention center in MA, in order to lead them down a path of not just working, but building for yourself. Since that I continue to do speaking engagements, speaking to anyone about self-improvement and awareness in their given vertical. 
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
Having kids, starting businesses and joining the military.
What is your life purpose?
I honestly want to focus on helping people become more self-aware, a strong development for knowledge of self and self-worth. As for my plans to contribute to change in this problem, I want to continue to lead people to a more cognitive way of looking at themselves through the world’s eyes to discover what makes them unique and capable through identifying their strengths.
How did you tap into it?
I think what let me tap into discovering my purpose was really assessing what my value was and is, and realizing more people struggle with finding their strengths which therefore slows the progress of us as a human race.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My father, Richard Moultrie, Jr. of course, he was my first teacher in life. I credit Kellen Coleman, with being a mentor to me which is ironic because we met working and developing our own mentoring program. Also, my partner A.L. Roberts who I have the opportunity to learn from daily as we spend so much time together whether it’s in person, phone or video conferencing.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I think my number 1 daily habit, more like an obsession is never leaving a business related email unanswered. I actually attribute a lot of my successes to that, that minor adjustment allows opportunity to enter into your life that much sooner.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I personally know when my time management isn’t followed, for me I typically tend to overwork myself and under live…so just remembering to take time out to smell the roses or sleep and eat lol.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Well, I’m a father and I love kids, I have 2, but I’m not able to be as involved and constant in my oldest’s life solely based on his mother. Now that is a challenge and realizing that as capable, able and intelligent as one can be creating a life with someone else open’s you up to a level of vulnerability and hurt that you have very little direct control over.
What did you learn from it?
I learned to make mutually beneficial agreements in the good times to be followed still during the not so good times, and do it in writing
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Interesting, I do mentor others and the one piece of advice I give is acceptance. Whether it’s accepting the results of something outside of your control and accepting what’s in your control. Accepting what you are or aren’t capable of and how good you are at it. Accepting consequences of actions when you’re not accountable for something. Accepting someone’s differences. The chance to exercise this spirit of acceptance presents itself and it is a simple, not always easy, way to workout that muscle of self-awareness.
How do you be the best partner? (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
I think the most important thing is support, just having incredible belief in that other human being’s abilities to evolve.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I know they may sound super ambiguous, but I support a bunch of different ones and it really depends on the season of need that I feel a section of society is in. Whether it’s Make-A-Wish, Yellow Ribbon, natural disasters, education, equality or sometimes a good cause on GoFundMe.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Tough one, but I suppose I would say Kanye West “Dream Killers”, but realistically I’d have to do a master mash up of a bunch lol.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
I see myself exactly where I deserve to be after 3 years of my faith and work have brought me in business, life, relationships and more.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I’d like to leave legacy of forward creative thinking and utilizing your individual talents for the progress of a collective. That spirit would be great to have perpetuate.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Another tough one…Dale Carnegie ‘How To Win Friends & Influence People’, although WBM is built heavily on the philosophy of ‘Think & Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill.
Who is one Man you think our readers would love to read about in future ‘Man Of The Week’ features?
I know you said one, but I tend to be a rebel and do what I believe is right I’d have to say A.L. Roberts, Kellen Coleman and Gary Vaynerchuk.
 
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com

Man Of The Week – Michael Ventura

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Michael Ventura is a Man of many talents and gifts, from being an award-winning entrepreneur and creative director, to a healing practitioner forming strategies for Fortune 100 companies, and now currently serving as a Adjunct Professor teaching Empathic Design at Princeton University. In 2004, Michael founded Sub Rosa, a strategy and design studio that focuses on helping brands form creative and strategic practices with empathic design at its core. Bearing a strong connection to community and nature, Michael and his wife, Caroline, also run a shop and gallery in New York, which serves as a place for communal gatherings and human connection. If that wasn’t enough, his desire to leave the world in a better place than he found it has seen him serve on the boards of numerous organizations and non-profits: United Nations Department of Public Information’s Tribal Link, The Burning Man Organization and The Smithsonian Cooper Hewitt National Design Museum, to name just a few. It should come as no surprise that Michael is our Man Of The Week, read on to discover what an inspiring role-model Michael is for Men today.
Age: 35
What do you do? (Work)
The short answer is I help solve problems. A longer answer is that the way I do this varies considerably depending on what part of my work we’re talking about. For the past 13 years I’ve run Sub Rosa, a strategy and design studio that works with brands to help them explore, learn, and grow into better businesses. Additionally, my wife Caroline and I run a home interiors shop and gallery in the West Village. The shop is really a community gathering space where so many people we know and love find a way to spend time together and connect. Lastly, I have also spent over a decade studying and then practitioning a variety of alternative and indigenous medicine modalities. I treat about 15 people each week across a spectrum of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges they are facing.
Why do you do it?
I think I’m genetically wired to do this. My whole life, I’ve always been a pretty empathic person. I feel a lot of stuff and I try my best to harness my own capacity for problem solving to fix the challenges that get presented to me.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Ooof. That’s a big question. I guess for me, making a difference isn’t always about the big, seismic moments. Sometimes it’s the little things. The small, 2 or 3 degree turns you make that end up changing things for the better somewhere down the line. I hope that being intentional, thoughtful, and considerate of those I interact with helps each of them to go through the daily round a little better than the day prior.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Meeting my better-half back in 2005. Caroline is the perfect partner who truly understands all of my strange idiosyncratic ways and helps me to live the life I want to live. I try my best every day to reciprocate.
– Realizing in 2009 that I needed to learn alternative medicine from some of the amazing healers and shamans who were working on me. Their guidance, collaboration, and belief in my work is something I carry every day.
– Bouncing back from tough moments in my own life, my business, and my personal relationships. There isn’t a date for this. These are defining moments that occur all the time. Life is unexpected. It’s challenging. But it’s also amazing and lessons await us around every turn.
What is your life purpose?
To be open to possibilities, work diligently at improving myself and the lives of others, and to embrace and spread kindness.
How did you tap into it?
It wasn’t a thunderclap. It was (and is) a slow boil. Most of my twenties (like a lot of people) were about exploration, failure, and finding a way to chart the course of my life. Constant self-observation mixed with a healthy dose of humility and forgiveness were (and are) a big part of it.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I don’t really have a “mentor” per se. Lessons come from everywhere. Being involved in fairly diverse types of work and thought, I don’t think I would have been well served with a singular mentor guiding me. My family, my spiritual community, my dog, my plants, and my friends are all teachers – and I hope my lessons will continue to come from such a wide array of participants as my life goes on.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I do a variety of alternative medicine and wellness work every day. This includes meditation, qi gong, tai chi, and a host of other practices depending on what the day calls for. In addition, I try to spend at least a quarter of my day outside whenever I can and I walk as much as possible.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I feel it in my bones. My body gets sluggish and my mind moves slowly. It’s usually a sign I need to cut and run for a few days – getting myself to a quiet place in nature – be it the desert, the woods, or the ocean – typically resets my clock.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
My wife and I have been together for 10 years. We’ve been married for 7. We’ve seen great couples come and go through those years and we’ve had a few rough patches ourselves. We got married kinda young and we were still figuring ourselves out, nevermind figuring out each other. As a result, there came a point where we needed to get really raw and open with each other about the people we had become, what we were getting rid of, and what we wanted to grow toward. We both knew that in the discussing of this moment of transition, we might find we had grown apart. But to not discuss it would have been even tougher in the long run. Good news is, we worked through our own evolutions and got to understand each other even better in the process. Had we not been willing to be vulnerable to each other and to the potential outcomes that might result, we may not have made it.
What did you learn from it?
(see above)
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
If you don’t get into trouble you’ll never get out of it. Challenge yourself but don’t be too hard on yourself either. Take risks and learn from failures. Enjoy successes but only for a moment. No one likes an asshole.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)?
Think before you act, listen before you speak, have sex after a fight, tell her you love her in imaginative ways every day.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
A big part of our work at Sub Rosa is focused on supporting charities and NGOs. I am a formal and informal advisor to a multitude of organizations that I know and love. They include The Smithsonian Cooper Hewitt National Design Museum, The United Nations Tribal Link Foundation, The Burning Man Organization, Esalen Institute, and a series of social initiatives being run out of the White House.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
“Long as I Can See The Light” by Creedence
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
I’m not really a planner. I’ll be where I need to be.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I’m less concerned with my own legacy. What I’d like to ensure is that I’ve made a difference in the hearts and minds of those I’ve met, that I helped them to get through this life a little easier, and that maybe I’ve inspired them to do the same for someone else.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
“Shadows on the Path” by Abdi Assadi

Man Of The Week – Jesse Israel

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We live in a world with more people than ever before, yet the desire for both personal and human connection has never been greater. Once our Man Of The Week, Jesse Israel, recognized this ironic trend and realized his way of giving back to the world was by creating a space where people, who share a passion, can come together to spread their message and celebrate their passions and connections. His dedication to his purpose has seen him start crowd-created programs for students that face transportation challenges in Tanzania to starting ‘The Big Quiet’, the largest mass mediation space for the public in Central Park history. Read on to learn how Jesse’s discipline allows him to channel his purpose through his everyday actions!
Age: 30
What do you do? (Work)
I’m currently building communities and businesses around human connection. Formerly I co-founded the record label and tech fund Cantora.
Why do you do it?
Our generation is thirsting for deeper connection with others and with ourselves. I feel most alive when I’m able to help facilitate that connection.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
By bringing people together around a shared passion and collectively spreading a message about that passion in unique ways (Examples: Cyclones Bike Share Africa – a crowd-created bike share program for students and communities with transportation challenges in rural Tanzania; The Big Quiet – crowd-promoted mass mediations for modern people, including the largest official meditation in Central Park history).
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
The time I watched my mother cry when I almost got kicked out of middle school
Witnessing the loss of a friend in a car accident in high school
Leaving my company of 9 years – without knowing what was next – to open myself up to my next purpose
What is your life purpose?
My deepest purpose in life is to enable a world where people are more present and feel more alive; to lead community through human connection; to better serve the people I love.
How did you tap into it?
The more I live at the edge of my fear/comfort zone, the more my purpose becomes clear to me. I’m drawn to existing in safety, so living at my edge takes work and patience.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My father, Bob Israel. Among so many other valuable life lessons, he’s taught me the importance of being able to have a laugh when things get tough.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I meditate for 20-30 minutes twice a day – this helps me hear and trust my intuition, and provides me with a deep state of restfulness
When I first wake up, I write down 5 things I am grateful for and 5 things I am looking forward to that day – this helps me maintain a positive mindset (particularly helpful on tough days)
My bedroom is a no-tech zone – this makes my bedroom a sanctuary for sex, sleep and rest
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When I’m checking email past 10pm.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I recently wrote a blog post inviting friends and family to help me define and evolve what it means to be a man today. In the post, I candidly spoke about challenges I’ve dealt with regarding sex, relationship, love, intimacy and purpose. After sharing it on Facebook and emailing it to my community, I felt exposed in a way I’ve never experienced before – kind of like that dream where you’re naked and everyone else is clothed.
What did you learn from it?
Sharing online in a way that is authentic can be scary – but it is important. While some people may not agree with the dialogue, others will be touched and find solace in the message.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Follow your gut and act on it before you talk yourself out of it.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
These are (really tough) practices:
1) By being fully present with my woman
2) By being her rock
3) By making decisions that best serve her
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
For half of my life I’ve been volunteering at a summer camp for underprivileged children in Los Angeles called Camp United in Harmony.

My bike club, Cyclones.cc, is currently funding a sustainable bike shop and rental business in rural Tanzania. The shop will be entirely employed by women, and will provide locals with bike rentals to help them with commuter issues and enable them to better support their families and businesses. Money made from the project will go towards infrastructure to create more bike businesses. This partnership is made possible by globalbike.org. We previously raised money for the NGO’s Mama Hope and Tanzania Children Concern.

Jesse with students from Cyclones Bike Share Program
Jesse with students from Cyclones Bike Share Program

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Pony by Ginuwine
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Leading a global, self-propelling movement around human connection.
Running a large business that supports this mission through tools, products, courses and communities that deeply resonate with the millennial generation.
In a relationship with a woman that I am able to open to the world, and with whom evokes my greatest gifts.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
A new standard for how people live life — with more presence and more aliveness.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. It helped me understand the importance of cultivating courage in all aspects of my life.
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com

Man Of The Week – Andrew Horn

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A life of service and gratitude is one of the most fulfilling pleasures one can experience, believes Andrew Horn. This belief coupled with numerous other accomplishments that make Andrew Horn our Man Of The Week! From making compassionate decisions in his personal relationships to founding his first NGO, ‘Dream for Kids DC’, Andrew is a man of many talents and passions, all of which are tied to giving back to society and making the world a better place for future generations. Today, Andrew lives his life to serve as an example to inspire others to share their appreciation and gratitude, to lead to more meaningful and enriching relationships.

  1. Age: 29
  2. What you do you do? (Work)
    Social Entrepreneur, current the Founder/CEO of Tribute.co
  3. Why do you do it?
    We get to help people share their gratitude and appreciation with the people they care about.
  4. How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
    In business, I try to make a difference in the world by building organizations that have a sustainable impact on improving the lives of other. In my personal relationships, I try to lead with compassion and give people a platform to be truly seen, heard and supported the way they’d like to be.
  5. What are 3 defining moments in your life?
    1. Realizing the difference between pleasure and happiness
    2. Starting my first NGO Dreams For Kids DC with no idea what I was doing.
    3. Meeting my soul mate and marrying her three days later at Burning Man
  6. What is your life purpose?
    To live an integrous lifestyle, to be a servant to the people and causes I believe in, and to magnify love and gratitude in the world.
  7. How did you tap into it?
    I realized that helping others is the most effective way to find fulfillment and have grounded my actions and career choices in service ever since.
  8. Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
    I am fortunate to have a community of friends called the Boom-Spiral and they are my collective role models. I learn and grow from our relationships constantly and am beyond grateful to have found/built such a strong community.
  9. Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
    1. Don’t check phone immediately after waking up
    2. Put all of my team’s tasks into asana to start the day
    3. Try and be better than I was yesterday
  10. When do you know your work/life balance is off?
    I know my work-life balance is off when my energy doing the things I enjoy starts to lag lower than I’d like it to.
  11. Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
    My girlfriend Miki is the first real woman I have ever been with. She called for a man than I had to offer early on in our relationship.
    One of the arenas where I was lacking was sexual presence and technique.
    It soon became evident that one of the reasons I lacked this presence was because of an unhealthy porn habit.
    After almost a year and a half, I was finally able to subdue my porn habit and grounded myself in a constantly evolving, exciting sex life with my partner Miki.
  12. What did you learn from it?
    1. It is important to define the relationships that you want with pornography.
    2. Sexual polarity is essential if you want to maintain an element of desire in your relationship
    3. Great relationships take work, but you just need to believe in what you are building or working towards as an individual and union.
  13. If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
    I would ask him to define why he wants what he wants, to help him articulate goals and understand his deepest desires.
    In understanding our internal drivers, we are most capable of obtaining happiness in the present, while engaged in a pursuit of something grander.
  14. How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
    1. Celebrate your partner’s victories with reckless abandon. This is the easiest way to make them feel supported.
    2. When you have something nice to say, share it. Telling the people we love why we love them is one of the easiest ways to establish deep connectivity.
    3. Realize that helping others is one of the easiest ways to add depth to any relationship. Find joy in serving those you care about.
  15. Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
    I am on the board of the two non-profits that I previously founded. www.dreamsforkidsdc.org and www.abilitylist.org.
  16. If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
    All I want for Christmas is you by Mariah Carey. That song is hilarious and awesome literally whenever you play it.
  17. Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
    Married to the woman of my dreams with a kid and one on the way. Living between NYC and Costa Rica. Surfing at least 50 days of the year.
    Running a successful company with 50 employees and building the “hallmark of the digital age.”
  18. What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
    I want to leave the world with a newfound understanding and appreciation for the power of gratitude and service.
    If my life can serve as an example that inspires others to help each other and share their gratitude more openly, I think I will be able to magnify great relationships around the globe and that is a lasting impact that I would be very proud of.
  19. What One book would you recommend for any Man?
    The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida – This book has been shared around by all of the great mean in my life. It provides young men with a framework to aid in the articulation of personal purpose, and provides some essential truths about what it takes to exist in a desire filled romantic relationship.

 
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com

Man Of The Week – Graham Snowden

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This week’s Man Of The Week is a shining example of what is possible when one lives true to his/her purpose. In addition to fundraising over $600,000 for charities since 2008, Graham Snowden is changing the lives of many men by showing them their true potential and allowing them to channel their purpose in everyday actions. Running numerous multi-day marathons, some up to 250km, Snowden strives to be an example of what is possible.

  1. Age: 34
  2. What you do you do? (Work)
    I live my life’s purpose – to be a constant & expanding example of what is achievable, reminding everyone that they are larger than themselves, recognize what they are truly capable of and I activate them to fulfill that potential so they in turn activate others to fulfill theirs. I believe that health is the absolute foundation for everything we want to achieve.
  3. Why do you do it?
    For the first-class, front row centre ticket to an individual’s growth and belief in his or herself. There is nothing sweeter.
  4. How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
    Staying true to my life’s purpose.
  5. What are 3 defining moments in your life?
    – Completing my first multi-day running race in Nepal. 250km self-supported. It showed me how little I know about myself; making me excited to spend my life having an amazing relationship with myself.
    – Overcoming a difficult time during university & emerging with the approach that if I ever have an idea that I believe will make someone else happy, I will act on it.
    – Standing up as my brother’s best man, looking at his elated wife and knowing that was the happiness I wanted to cultivate and nourish in my own relationship
    6. Graham Snowden & his team at The Coastal Challenge Rainforest Run
    Graham Snowden & his team at The Coastal Challenge Rainforest Run
  6. What is your life purpose?
    See #2! 
  7. How did you tap into it?
    It was a purposeful and intentional process. I cannot isolate the starting point. It emerged after several ultra-distance races, the cultivation of an amazing love-filled partnership, and consistent personal development focused on uncovering and constantly being my best self.
  8. Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
    There are several. My fiancée because she is so incredibly giving of herself and “the peaceful quiet she creates for me” (yes those are Dixie Chicks lyrics). A relative who overcame addiction who showed me you can always change where you are. Bill Chalmers, an outstanding personal development & business coach who has guided me through breaking down limiting beliefs. 
  9. Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
    I book end my day. Morning = Wake up. Hydrate (500ml – 1L). 15 – 30 minutes personal development (usually reading). Exercise at least 30 minutes (often more). A clean, low-glycemic breakfast along with my personalized vitamins. All to start my day. I write intentions for a variety of elements of my day from important business meetings to how well I want to sleep. Night = I end my day by journaling in the positive about whatever happened, no matter what happened and tracking 4 key daily habits that move me towards my most important goals. The last thing I do before I go to bed is to write on a chalk board in our kitchen something I am thankful for about my fiancée from that day.
  10. When do you know your work/life balance is off?
    I don’t actually believe in this concept. I believe in life balance. Your life isn’t comprised of work and then everything else. If it is then yes, you are definitely OFF balance. And you should probably connect with me so we can change that. If I am not writing my intentions and doing daily personal development I know that very same day that my balance is off.
  11. Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
    Just one moment?! I just quoted Dixie Chicks lyrics in this interview! They can happen every day. Asking my fiancée to marry me, asking her dad for permission, losing a job, in a job interview, starting a business, before a speaking event – it can be a pretty long list.
  12. What did you learn from it?
    I have become willing to be vulnerable because it is always an opportunity to grow and demonstrate to the world who I am.
  13. If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
    Love yourself. 
  14. How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
    I try to be the best for my partner. I am not seeking to be the best in the history of partners ever. We have daily thankfuls. I demonstrate my love as often as possible; both big & small gestures. When she comes home I also stop whatever I am doing and welcome her. I always suggest writing out in compelling detail what your ideal partner would be like. Then you MUST write out in just as compelling detail who YOU need to be in order to attract, nourish and love that person.
  15. Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
    I have led the fundraising of over $600,000 since 2008. I have supported the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, MenCap, Red Cross, Boston One Fund, imagine1day, Blessings for Backpacks, and many others. Going forward I most likely to support environmental related charities focused on preserving the most magnificent places on our planet from forests & mountain ranges in BC to the farthest reaches of the planet. It is in these places that I have become who I am. I want to preserve these places for others to enjoy. 
  16. If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
    Oh it would have to be a mashup of highly questionable yet entertaining song selections. Let me answer it this way, during the closing credits to my life “You’ve Got A Friend” by James Taylor would be playing.
  17. Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
    On a horse named Falcor.
  18. What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
    Health, happiness, and the planet. 
  19. What One book would you recommend for any Man?
    I’ll go with the first book that came to mind (and not just for men). “By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept” – Paulo Coelho. To me it is far superior to the Alchemist.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at ansar@mantalks.com

Embracing Pain with an Open Heart as an Emotionally Sensitive Guy

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Growing up, it was a struggle for me to feel a sense of belonging regardless of where I lived or who was in my life. It seemed like I was living in my own world most of the time and seemingly oblivious to what was going on around me. I always felt somehow different and disconnected. It felt like there was something wrong or missing in my life that I couldn’t quite grasp.
This presented me with a massive challenge throughout most of my life, as the core need I sought after was to feel loved and connected to others. But it seemed that no matter how hard I attempted to prove to others how “worthy” I was of their acceptance, it would only push people away.
This led to a lot pain and suffering as I could not understand why others would seemingly just gravitate towards each other in close friendships and romantic relationships and yet I was struggling to barely fit in.
My subconscious belief at the time was that people didn’t accept me because I was not “good enough” for them. I believed that if everyone simply saw how smart, resourceful, creative, and kind I was, that people would finally accept and love me.
But the harder I tried, the more people pushed me away. I was constantly ostracized by my peers and rejected by women that I conveyed interest in. These experiences further ingrained the belief that I was inherently unlovable and worthless if others would not accept me.
It was only later in my early 20’s, when I began to work on myself more seriously, that I realized how disconnected I was from my emotions and learned to shut myself down to avoid feeling all the pain and heartbreak I experienced in my life.
I actually took pride in my ability to remain completely emotionally detached from life and live up in my head. I believed that relying on emotions was a weakness and made us flawed and illogical which held us back.
This inclination towards valuing knowledge over emotion served to help me grow intellectually very rapidly. However, my relationships suffered immensely. I began to see that no matter how “smart” I got, or how much stuff I knew, it did not seem to win me any friends or make me any happier. I only managed to grow more lonely and depressed as time went on.
It was time to make radical changes in my life. I needed to shift my priorities and values to allow myself to begin truly experiencing my emotions and doing what it took to finally be “happy” and feel connected to others. This decision took me down the path of serious emotional healing work.

“… without a doubt the heart is an inexhaustible source of love, insight, and intelligence that far surpasses that of the mind.”
― Baptist de Pape

It felt like I had opened my own emotional Pandora’s box and was not prepared to handle what came out. All my old wounds involving my insecurities, abandonment, rejection, and heartbreak rushed to the surface screaming for my attention.
Growing up I had accumulated a plethora of experiences to ingrain the belief that I was worthless and unlovable, from regular bullying in school to mental abuse at home. I adapted to absorb it all by shutting down emotionally so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain. However, if you shut yourself off from feeling pain, you also shut yourself off from experiencing much of anything else too.
Until then, I never considered myself an emotionally sensitive person. But after beginning to navigate this unknown emotional landscape, my only impulse was to attempt to shut down again in the hope of avoiding the intensity of a lifetime’s worth of pain.
On this journey of healing, I recognized and began to embrace my emotional sensitivity as a gift. And the lesson that I am continually reminded of (often painfully) is that we must learn to keep our hearts open despite the pain.

“When you open to your heart, your entire world changes–it opens up around you. You see yourself as part of a friendly universe, one that is full of possibility, one that is generating and regenerating a positive energy.”
― Baptist de Pape

My greatest breakthroughs and lessons came from staying with the pain and continuing to remain present with my feelings rather than shutting down. As an emotionally sensitive person, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and simply to shut down and build up walls in attempt to protect your heart.
I had suffered many years before I learned this powerful lesson that completely shifted my experience. It didn’t shield me from other inevitable pain and disappointments, but it provided me with the capacity to continue feeling my feelings despite the circumstances.
It has made me and my heart stronger knowing that I am capable of moving through any experiences that may arise, no matter how challenging. In the face of great emotional turmoil, I will stand my ground and not run away or shut down.

“The power of the heart is to be connected with who you are at the deepest level.”
~ Eckhart Tolle

This is ultimately the path of true transformation and growth. If we truly wish to experience the fullest depth of our being and what is possible for us, then we must have the courage to face ourselves and continue to keep ourselves open.
 
27452285564476.LvXmKGeoHA8XFcMkttiQ_height640Alexanndre Levan is dedicated to living a self-actualized life. He shares his facility to bring wisdom and consciousness teachings down-to-earth to empower those on the path of spiritual awakening. He is especially committed to illuminating and activating the path for Millennial Leaders to live meaningful and purposeful lives, realizing their potential through embracing the higher-consciousness that is coming into the world today.
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