This week’s Man Of The Week is Jordan Gray for his work as a sex & relationship coach. Jordan is a #1 Amazon best-selling author, a public speaker with nearly a decade of experience in the field. For as long as he can remember, Jordan has always been a giver and helper to people. In his coaching, he allows people to become aware and in turn remove their emotional roadblocks to maintain healthy and intimate relationships. To ensure everybody has some of the tools they need to persevere, Jordan started a blog, which since launch has reached over ten million viewers globally. When Jordan isn’t coaching clients or writing, he loves to pretend he’s good at surfing, immerse himself in new cultures, and savour slow-motion hangouts with his closest companions. If you know anyone looking to deepen their connection to their partner, Jordan’s sensitivity and intuitive perspective will definitely help you step up in your relationships!
Age: 29
What do you do? (Work)
I’m a sex and relationship coach, and writer.
Why do you do it?
Because I believe that a deeply fulfilling love life should be available to everyone.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I reach over a million people per month with my writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com and I coach people 1-on-1 as well.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Having my heart broken at 20.
– Starting my business at 25.
– Learning to love again at 27.
What is your life purpose?
My life purpose is to spread and inspire deep levels of love around the world, in all that I do.
How did you tap into it?
As cliché as it might sound, I really don’t think I ever tapped into it. It just was me, from a young age. I’ve always had such a huge heart for people. Even before I knew I could create my own career, I knew I would be doing something similar to what I’m doing now.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have many role models and mentors for different areas of my life (too many to list)… so I’ll take this in a slightly different direction. The person who currently inspires me the most in the world is a man named Sonny Moore (aka Skrillex). He’s a musician who works tirelessly to improve in his craft, he honours the variety of his creative impulses whether they make sense within his cohesive brand or not, and he loves serving his audience.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Yes, and they all occur in the morning. I write before sunrise (articles, books, etc.), I have a morning gratitude practice, and I have a green smoothie that’s loaded with essentially all of the nutrients that I need to get me through the day.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When I sit down to write an article that I know my mind is excited to write, but my heart is unable to meet me halfway. When my creative energy feels stifled I know that I need to take some down time to recharge.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I went through an emotionally devastating breakup in my early 20’s that rocked me to my core. During the breakup my emotionality and sensitivity were heavily shamed and for a period of over five years I hid my negative emotions from all women. I didn’t cry in front of a woman for those years (which is a huge feat because I’m totally a crier) and had a huge emotional block to women in general. It was only over the last 2-3 years that I’ve been able to fully open up again and honour my sensitive nature in all scenarios.
What did you learn from it?
The things inside of ourselves that we most resist are the things that we most need to stop fighting. And when we stop fighting, we will find our greatest gifts that we can offer to the world.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
It totally depends on who the person is and at what point they are in in their journey. Every good mentor knows that any advice is useless except for the man who desperately needs to hear that one piece of advice in that very moment. But if there was one overarching piece of advice that I feel would appeal to anyone that I feel has the most benefit, it would be to “Question everything.”
Question the gender roles you have been handed. Question what society says you can or cannot do for your life’s work. Question the marketing that is presented to you. Question the advice of your mentor. I’m not recommending that people become hardened, cynical, or doubtful of the world… in fact, quite the opposite. You must strike the balance between not taking everything at face value, while having a sense of open, playful curiosity with how the world appears to you. Everything should be questioned.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
My short answer to this question is the same as when people ask me what my favourite sex position is (“It depends on the partner I’m with”) since everything is about calibration. Some of the things that I’ve gotten the most consistent feedback about is that I listen deeply and without distraction (my phone is almost always in airplane mode), I am highly physically affectionate, and I naturally gravitate towards being lavish with my verbal praise. The people I love always know how much I love them and exactly what I love about them. They never have to question it.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Yes. I donate to Vancouver’s Friends For Life society. FFL provides support to people with life-threatening illnesses. I initially heard about them because my parents discovered them and have been volunteering with them for nearly a decade. As an aside, most of what I’ve learned about being a good person was modeled to me by my parents. I hit the jackpot by being born into their family.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
My Way by Frank Sinatra. Not because I pride myself on going at it alone or hustling, white knuckling, or forcing life to happen… but rather because I believe in living life with a high degree of intentionality. I’m constantly asking myself “What do I want?/Why do I want that?/How do I go about achieving that?” At the end of my life, I want to know that I loved deeply, inspired a deeper ability to love in others, and always honoured myself and chose my own path.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
With how rapidly my life has changed in the last decade, it feels almost impossible to hypothesize a response to this question. But assuming that there won’t be the major shifts in technology, distribution models, and culture that will inevitably happen over the next three years, my answer would be the following.
In three years time, my writing will reach over 25 million people per month and be inspiring a more open, honest, and shame-free conversation about sex and relationships. I will be a two-time New York Times bestseller. I will do approximately ten public speaking engagements per year, while also coaching clients 1-on-1 digitally, and holding small retreats and workshops around the world for couples. I will also be married, my eyes will be bright, and I will be splitting my time between Vancouver, Paris, and Ubud.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
When it comes down to it, everything that I do with my life is about love and intentionality. I want to leave a legacy that leaves people feeling inspired, expansive, loved, and empowered. Yes, you can tell that person what you love about them. Yes, you can chase down any career path you desire. Yes, you can ask them to marry you. All of it is attainable. Everything you desire is just on the other side of a deep breath and twenty seconds of courage.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is a brilliant read for any man looking to be able to trust and surrender to the idea that every person has internal messages that must be listened to. The runner up to that, that I feel every person the planet would benefit from, is The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It’s written in a (relatively) much more dry way, but it has some densely packed value in there.
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]
