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If You Think Your Relationship Is Fine, You’re Probably In Deep S***

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When someone asks you about your marriage or relationship, how do you reply?
When they say, “So, how are things at home?”, or “How are things with you and your girlfriend?”
You say … what?
Maybe you say something like, “It’s fine. We’re doing great.”
Turns out, that’s often a statement that’s pretty far from the truth.
Together with my wife, I lead live trainings for couples and singles. Some men who attend are married, some are in long-term relationships, and some are single.
Before every training, we send a pre-training questionnaire to everyone. That means, both the man and his partner gets the questionnaire and they each get to rate how they’re doing on communication, sex, working as a team, spending quality time together, and so forth.
One of the last questions in the questionnaire says, “If you don’t find a solution to your situation, what will your relationship future look like?”
Hundreds and hundreds of men have come through this training, and time and time again, I’ll see a man state that his relationship is “fine” or “ok”, while his wife or partner say she’s an inch away from divorcing him!
So it’s a common thing that a man thinks his relationship is fine, whereas the reality is his relationship is in deep shit and could be over before he knows it.
As one of my, now divorced, friends said after his wife had moved out and found a new man, “I knew we had some trouble – I just figured we’d get to it some day!”
What is up with that?
Are men just oblivious, keeping their heads in the sand? (Or are women making too big of deal of small problems, yelling “fire” when it’s not really that bad?)
Based on my experience with hundreds of men, both in group settings and private coaching, here’s what’s going in the background:

  • Men operate on an “Emergency Principle”. That means we don’t take action until there’s a REALLY good reason, if not a flat-out emergency. In the domain of intimate relationships, women are much more likely to take preventive action as soon as they smell a whiff of smoke, whereas men are more likely to do nothing until they house in engulfed in flames. One man who came to our training after his separation said, “I knew my wife had been talking about us having problems and we should get help, but I didn’t really take it seriously. Until the day she said, “You’re moving out – TODAY!” (She was dead serious. He moved out. And by doing some really good work in our trainings, they actually found their way back together, but not all stories have such nice endings).
  • Men have a deep, intense fear of failing. Men tend to take a failing marriage or relationship as a statement of their personal failings as a man. As in, “I AM a failure!” That really hurts, and men go to great lengths not to be confronted with that feeling. Ironically, by not wanting to admit that we have relationship problems, so that we won’t have to face the prospect of failing, we end up contributing to just that: Failure.
  • Men primarily focus on other things than relationship. It’s been shown in lots of different ways that women generally put relationship as their first priority in life, whereas for men, relationship comes in as a number 4 or 5 on the priority list, behind work, career, money, and providing for the family. That means we have a natural tendency to leave the “business of relationship” to our partners – that is, until a squeaky wheel begins to make noise. Men tend to apply their best focus and be mostly in their “zone” at work or in sports. Many men find it really difficult to apply that kind of pointed focus and excellence in relationship, partly because intimate relationship is a much more fuzzy discipline than work or sport which have clear and defined objectives.

These are some of the main reasons why men are often totally surprised when their partners, seemingly out of the blue, blow up or want to leave.
There’s a judgment men often hear from their partners when things aren’t going well: “You don’t care about our relationship”.
In my experience, that is not the case. We care, and we feel deep pain, shame, and fear when things go sideways and our partners are visibly unhappy.
At the same time, we often make it easy for our partners to think we don’t care, mostly through our lack of pointed focus on our relationship and sometimes lack of skill in the intimacy department.
So what’s a man to do?
A few places to start that other men have found effective:

  • First and foremost, pay closer attention to how you feel and how your partner feels. If you don’t know how your partner feels, ask her. I know, many men have an awkward relationship to feelings, but it’s the #1 thing to get your head around. If you take your own and your partner’s feelings a bit more seriously, you won’t be caught off-guard, because you’ll have felt the warning bells.
  • Think of your intimate relationship more like a sport, or even like a business. In those areas, you want to bring your best performance, and you want to learn new skills. Plus, you don’t ever forget to go to work, or just neglect to show up to a client meeting, right? You do those tasks because they need to be done, and because it’s the right thing to do. How would you show up in your relationship if you treated it like your business?
  • Figure out what makes your woman happy, and do more of those things. Many men will protest and say, “But I love her. I bust my ass for her, I do X-Y-Z”. That’s great. And what you’re offering is probably not what she needs. That’s not to minimize all your hard work. It’s just a common situation that men don’t know how to satisfy their woman. How you know if you have that handled is if your woman is happy and loving on you, touching you, smiling at you, and telling her friends what a great guy you are. If she’s not, do something differently. Get the free e-book from my website for starters, 7 Secrets To Satisfy Your Woman.

A man at my training told me recently, “I always thought if I got my finances sorted out, and I put a lot of energy into my workout, my hobbies, and my own personal growth, then my relationship would work out. But it hasn’t worked that way. This weekend, I realized that if I devote my energy to making my relationship great, then everything else falls into order”.
That is my experience too. When love works, everything else works, too.
Christian Pedersen Bio. 
Christian Pedersen is a relationship specialist, Certified Life Coach, and founder of Power and Heart Coaching for men. He’s author of the #1 Amazon Bestseller, When You Love Your Woman.
Together with his wife, Sonika, he’s the co-founder of LoveWorks at LoveWorksforYou.com. Christian and Sonika produce and lead mind-altering live trainings like Give Yourself to Love and The Masculine-Feminine Energy Dance. They offer potent inspiration and better relationship strategies to men and women, singles and couples, on love, relationship, communication, intimacy, sex, dating, and personal transformation.
Christian particularly enjoys coaching men on how to embody both the masculine power and heart with their women and how to get everything they ever dreamed of with her. Find Christian’s men’s coaching at www.powerandheartcoaching.com, and his and Sonika’s relationship work at www.loveworksforyou.com.

WTF Is Holding Space? (A Man’s Guide)

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“I need you to hold space for me.”
These words get tossed around A LOT in modern relationships, but most people have no clue what it is or how to do it.
In a workshop I led recently, the concept of ‘holding space’ came up.
I asked how many people had heard of this concept and the entire audience raised their hand.
Then I asked how many could define it or effectively knew how to do it…
Crickets. Only 2 hands raised.
One of the men spoke up and said “my wife asks me to do this all the time, but I haven’t got a clue what it means or how to do it. I assumed it just meant shut up and listen, but that doesn’t seem to work either. She often says i don’t understand her, that I’m always trying to fix her or that I’m cold and emotionless.”
“Same here” “Me too,” said a few of the guys in the room.
Then, I asked the women in the room what the impact or result would be if their partner could hold space for them properly.
“I’d finally feel heard.”
“I’d feel like he understood me!”
“I’d feel more emotionally connected which would make me more connected at an intimate level.”
“I would feel like he was compassionate and empathetic.”
“When my partner has been able to hold space for me, I’m always more open to physical connection afterward.”
Clearly, this was an important topic men needed and wanted to understand.
First, let’s agree on what holding space is NOT.

Holding space is not:

  • Just Listening
  • Trying to fix, solve or provide alternative points of views for your partner
  • Disconnecting or diminishing your partner’s emotional experience
  • A one-way conversation
  • Being disconnected from your own experience.

I asked the men to share their past experiences of trying to hold space to really drive home the point.
One man summed it up by saying “I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried being completely silent and listening, I’ve tried fixing the problem, offering suggestions and I’ve even tried just agreeing with everything she’s said. Nothing seems to work and I’m almost ready to give up.”
So what IS holding space?
Here’s my definition:

“Holding space is the process of witnessing someone else’s emotional state while simultaneously being present to your own.”

This means the person holding space has double duty.
If you are the person holding space, you need to be tuned into your own judgments, emotions, desired outcomes and opinions all while understanding what’s happening for the other person.
Holding space goes beyond listening because it requires us to hear the other person, have empathy and not make the situation about us by trying to ‘give insight’ fix or ‘offer advice.’
Think of it this way; when you hold space, you are creating a container for the other person’s emotions to come up, be seen without the interference of your own and be released.
Holding space it’s like creating a metaphorical bucket for someone to emotionally and verbally vomit into.
Sounds classy, right?
Holding space doesn’t mean you remove or avoid your own emotions and it doesn’t mean you get sucked into their emotional state because then you’ll both need a bucket.
But how do we effectively hold space? How do we create this bucket? Knowing what something is and knowing how to do it are two very different things.

The 3 things you need to know about holding space:

1. Awareness Is Crucial. 

Your emotions, thoughts, and opinions are going to get in the way.
If you want to ‘build the bucket,’ or really hold space, you’ll need to master the art of noticing your own internal processes while observing theirs.
Being able to see what you think and feel is essential. It’s what all really exceptional listeners, leaders, and therapists do.
They hear what you say, feel what you’re feeling all while noticing (without judgment or attachment) what their own thoughts and feelings are about the situation.
Without this awareness, you will fall into the trap of trying to effect an outcome based on your own desires or opinions.
The outcome of holding space is not decided by something you’ve done, it’s determined by something you’ve created. 
Awareness is so crucial because as human beings we are easily influenced by other’s emotional states. Think about someone who is quick to anger. When you’re around them, it’s much easier to become frustrated, annoyed and angry than normal. Why? Because of transference and emotional mirroring. Put simply, if not aware, you take on the emotions of others.
The point here is that you need to be equally aware of your own thoughts and emotions as you are of the person you’re hiding space for. The goal is not to be empty or devoid of emotions, the goal is simply to be aware so you don’t react from those emotions.
Oh, and put your damn technology away. You’re not holding space properly with your phone out, email open or TV on. Be Present.

2. It’s Not About You.

As much as you will feel the need to fix, solve, be right or ‘of service,’ the best thing you can do is realize that the whole conversation and point of holding space is to make the conversation about their experience and not about yours.
Notice how when you’re trying to fix or solve a problem, it’s more about your own validation than your partners. If you want real validation, use the law of reciprocity: give that which you want to get.
Here are a few things that help create the bucket and shift the focus onto them:

  • Give them permission to share, permission to trust their instincts/intuition and trust their internal wisdom.
  • Create the space for them to make decisions or take actions that might be different than your own.

3. Validation, validation, val-i-da-tion

Let’s make one thing clear, you don’t need to agree with them to validate them.
The biggest trap people fall into when holding space is that they are looking for evidence to AGREE with before they feel like they can give validation.
When this happens, validation of any form is a challenge because the person holding space is trying to understand the situation and emotions associated with it based on their own view of reality.
In general, the masculine will struggle with this. The masculine will want to understand someone logically before validating their partner’s emotional experience. (Notice, I’m not saying MEN, but the masculine. More logical, analytical women can get caught in this trap too.)
There are two important things about validation:
The other person needs to feel understood. This means you have to take a different view point, put yourself in their reality for a minute and understand why they are thinking and feeling that way.
And…
Reflecting back their thoughts/feelings is the best way to do this. (remember, you don’t need to agree, simply understand).
Really listen for the core of the issue they are having. Mirror back what they say the issue is and take the time to validate their emotions. You’d be surprised how many people are simply looking to be understood and be told that they aren’t crazy (like they’ve been telling themselves in their head).
Finally, trust them.
Trust that they can handle their shit.
Trust them to navigate their emotional turmoil, solve their problems and trust in their ability to find what they need.
And remember – the bigger the problem, the bigger the bucket, the longer you’ll need to hold it.

Man Of The Week – Jordan Bower

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While life started decades ago, his real life adventure and the path to his purpose began in 2010 when he walked by himself from Canada to Mexico. Jordan Bower begun his 316-day journey most would only dream off doing. Over the 316 days he spent on his feet — first crossing Washington State, before heading down the Oregon Coast into the redwoods of Northern California, and all the way across the Golden Gate Bridge and making his way down to the white sandy beaches in Southern California — Jordan learned his story was my most valuable possession. By the time Jordan reached the Mexican border, he learned his experience gave him a story, one that would help shape his reality, as a life story does to most. Jordan also learned that storytellers were made, not born and that he had a unique ability to help people share their stories. Storytelling sets the framework for the way we engage with one another, and by changing how we tell our story, we set the foundation for meaningful and innovative work, authentic communication and mutually beneficial relationships.
In 2015, Jordan moved to the small city of Victoria, BC, where he started a communications business,  offering story-telling services professionally to clients. His hard work was honoured with an invitation to teach at the Future of Storytelling Summit — an annual event in New York City that also included teachers like Al Gore, Margaret Atwood and Edward Snowden. Today, Jordan has the good fortune of working with dozens of interesting and inspired clients around the world. Each day, he learns more about integrating what he has learned on the road to benefit my clients and community.
As Jordan humbly once said, “I’m one of those lucky people who does meaningful work I love that engages my creativity. I feel privileged for what I’ve experienced, and excited for the road ahead.”
Age – 35
What do you do? (Work)
I’m a Strategic Storyteller. In my work, I help leaders, teams and brands find a more dynamic, purposeful and inclusive way to frame what they do, and to connect it with others.
Why do you do it?
We live in a time that pundits are calling the Age of Loneliness — a time when more of us spend more of our lives isolated and online. I think storytelling is the antidote. By making sense of our own stories and by listening to the stories of others, we become more conscious of who we are — and more conscious of the mystery that surrounds and fills us.
For me, it’s really fulfilling to help my clients put language around ideas they didn’t feel confident expressing before, and to restore authentic storytelling to the business world, which had rejected it. I love what I am lucky enough to do.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
This is a loaded question — we all make a difference in the world. The world isn’t static; it changes with us, with every conversation we have and every step we take. I don’t believe that anything I will ever do will meaningfully change what I think is bad about the world. I think that’s self-aggrandizing. Instead, I make choices that are fun, personally challenging and in integrity with my inner self. It’s an honour when those choices affect other people positively.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
In 2010, I came home one day to find a note on my kitchen table from my girlfriend. Her closet and wardrobe were empty; she’d left me for another man. I panicked. Within weeks, I had launched a Kickstarter project, raising more than $8,000 to walk from Canada to Mexico — it was an idea that we’d had together; by launching the project, I wanted to show her how committed I was to the relationship in order to win her back.
But I couldn’t convince her. At the end of the summer, with nothing more than a backpack on my back, I left Vancouver, Canada, with the intention of walking the length of the West Coast.
That trip was full of defining moments. In the early days, I was convinced that my now ex-girlfriend would “come to her senses” and show up at my tent the next morning. It took about three weeks and 200 miles for me to realize that, probably, she wasn’t showing up. Soon, the doubt and shame I felt about having “driven her away” started transforming into deeper inquiry into myself: like, how did I end up in a relationship with someone who would leave me like that? That was a Pandora’s Box of emotional self-examination, forcing me to dive deeper into my upbringing, my past relationships, my parent’s divorce and my own sense of self-pity, helplessness and pessimism about what it would mean to actually grow up.
As I made my way south — through Washington and Oregon, and into the Redwoods of Northern California, heading for the Golden Gate Bridge — I was faced with obstacle after obstacle — opportunities, I realized for me to “take the blue pill” and stop digging deeper into myself. There were cold nights on isolated beaches; couches surfed in the meth-ridden grow ops of Northern California; sad, intimate encounters with so many strangers met along the way. I cried often — for myself, for my lost relationship, and for the people I was meeting, who were forcing me to become less judgemental of others and more compassionate — more real, I think.
It’s still hard for me to dive deep into that experience. The emotions I experienced on the way were so powerful, and so intense.
What is your life purpose?
I think, at my age, that answering this question would be inappropriate. Ask me again in 35 years.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have an increasingly intimate relationship with my own inner wisdom that I am learning to trust beyond whatever doubt arises in my head. I am incredibly indebted to a counsellor I have in Los Angeles, who has spent the last 9 years helping me better understand my spirituality — and through it, myself.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Most of my habits are things that I criticize myself for — “unspiritual” things like watching sports and Facebook. I love the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Raptors in a way that I still don’t completely understand. One of the things I do every day is check in with last night’s sports scores, and get excited about the game ahead.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My body is screaming for movement, but my head is shouting for more time at the computer. My body is always right.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
It’s very vulnerable to be answering the questions for this blog post. My favourite form of storytelling is intimate, in person, and it’s very difficult to answer a series of questions using just my fingertips. To you, the reader, I’d love to be able to connect and share something emotionally meaningful that gets us both out of our heads. I know that you’re looking for something inspirational, like everyone else killing time on the Internet. It feels really vulnerable to try and inspire you, without knowing whether I’ll have ever been successful.
What did you learn from it?
To get out of my head, get into the flow, and to stop worrying about the consequences.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
There’s a great book called Iron John, which anyone who’s done some men’s work will know well. The book’s a modern re-interpretation of the old Grimm Brothers fairy tale called Iron John, which is more or less the story of a young prince learning how to be a king.
The book is great for a number of reasons — as the author says, fairy tales are humanity’s most deeply entrenched wisdom, because oral stories passed from generation to generation are like heavily filtered water — only pure truth remains. But the most important detail in the book is in the first 25 pages, when the young boy discovers the hiding place for the key to his inner man — his wildness, sexual power, creativity, confidence. Where is the key? It’s hiding underneath his mother’s pillow. The boy’s task is to take the key — not ask for the key — take the key.
The one piece of advice I have for another man is to read Iron John. If you can’t read the whole thing, read just the first 75 or so pages. And take the damn key.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Stop worrying about being the best partner. Instead, in my relationship, I focus on expressing my feelings appropriately, telling the truth and being intentional in the way I choose to act. For a long time, I was very concerned with “doing things the right way”, and that obsession with being perfect spilled over to all aspects of my relationships — conversation, future planning, sex. In the past few years, I’ve focused on being real instead, and trusting my partner’s ability to communicate clearly — and, occasionally, to accept or forgive my flaws. My relationship has been much, much stronger ever since.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I don’t actively support any charities. In the last few years, my focus has been on building my business, and all my available time and money has gone into that. One ambition for the future is to sit on the board of a non-profit. I think I’m still a few years away from that.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, by Paul Simon. Graceland was the album I listened to most while I was walking.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
More entrenched in the global business community, delivering storytelling services that are world class. Travelling widely to deliver trainings and workshops. Advising large scale clients. Staying grounded. Practicing yoga 4 times a week. Rooting into a comfortable home. Anticipating life with children. Feeling happy, loving and connected with my highest self.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
Honestly, I have never thought about this. I hope that I never do.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Besides Iron John (recommended above), Gary Snyder’s “The Practice of the Wild. Beautiful, insightful, wise and freeing essays written by one of America’s greatest poets. A true modern masterpiece.

Man Of The Week – Anthony Demby

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Jimi Hendrix once said “Music doesn’t lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music.” This was the sentiment of Anthony Demby, our Man Of The Week, when he took the courageous decision to resign from his job and follow his passions full time by creating Humbleriot, an audible shop that utilizes music and culture to tell stories. A determined entrepreneur and a devoted partner, Anthony believes in pursuing your dreams regardless of what obstacles life throws at you. Today music is a guide that helps channel many aspects of Anthony’s life, where he had the opportunity to create a retreat for DJs and music professionals can further collaborate to inspire and educate the youth. Check out Anthony’s wise words of advise on how we can better take care of those around us and how music can transform a persons reality.
Age – 41
What you do you do? (Work)
I am the founder of Humbleriot, a New York based audible idea shop that utilizes Music & Culture to tell stories.
Why do you do it?
I feel that everything has a very unique sound and vibration and I built a business around the exploration of that for brands, for For-Purpose companies, and unique spaces and communities.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I make a difference in the world by being authentic in everything I do. Being in that space allows me to be my best self and accountable for all of my movements and ironically my most creative.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru and involuntarily meditating for the first time.
– Losing two very good friends of mine that passed at a very early age and understanding that death doesn’t end a relationship, it just changes the communication.
– Resigning from my former job to launch my own company Humbleriot and pursue my passions full time.
What is your life purpose?  
My life’s purpose is to help people discover, harness, and express the light inside of themselves and communicate it to the world. I also feel my purpose aligns with the power of music and exploring how it can make the lives of people better.
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I had the opportunity to curate and program a retreat for DJs and Music Producers called the Playlist Retreat with DJ Jazzy Jeff and Serato. It was a transformative experience for everyone involved that focused on inspiration, education, and collaboration
How did you tap into it?
It’s an inner knowing and as my spiritual path evolved, I have been gifted opportunities to give in that way. As far as Music, it’s is my first language and soulmate and has lead me to experience some of my highest truths so I continue to follow that calling.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
There are people that I have a great deal of admiration for but I don’t have a specific role model. My role models are people who pursue their dreams no matter what obstacles they face and don’t give up even when the world tells them to. My mentors are my experiences and learning from them.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they? 
My daily habits include meditating twice a day, running, and honestly, just being present.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I am all about balance and I can tell when mine is off when I’m reactive and when I’m in a hurry. The moment I start doing things with urgency is where I make mistakes and I have to stop and re-center.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
There was a time earlier in my spiritual path where I went to see a very powerful healer. He opened me up so much that I wasn’t prepared for the rabbit hole that openness sent me down and quite honestly, I was terrified. I remember sharing my fear with my friend Gabrielle Bernstein and she guided me in embracing it and accepting of what I was now aware of and it changed my life. I am forever grateful that she was able to navigate me through that.
What did you learn from it?
I learned that sometimes when you confront and face your fears, there is an immense about of learning that commences and it isn’t always as daunting as it seems to be.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
As men we are taught to be caretakers and with that we often don’t take care of ourselves. I would tell him to make sure his vessel is full before looking after his world. I would also tell him to follow his heart no matter what the rest of the world tells him…and do it with integrity.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
This is something that I have learned a great deal about in the last two years. My partner Kristen and I were friends for 8 years before we evolved to more and that foundation of friendship has been the cornerstone of our relationship. It has taught me a deeper level of respect and awareness that what we share isn’t about me, it’s about WE and that lesson is invaluable and I have been able to experience love in a deeper way.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Extreme poverty is something I am very passionate about and I really believe in the work that The Robin Hood Foundation is doing. I really dig their intention and approach and they are truly invested in creating sustainable solutions to change people’s reality.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Tom Misch – “You Got Me Flying”
The “she” he mentions in the song is in reference to my life.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Not to be esoteric, but I believe in the power of the present moment so In three years I see myself being right where I am supposed to be and I’m excited for that.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
That’s simple. The knowledge that anything is possible and only seemingly impossible because it hasn’t been done yet. Tremendous creativity has no predecessor.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Way Of a The Spiritual Man by David Deida
IMG_1037image1If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Jonni Pollard

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This week’s Man Of The Week is a Man who has spent years investing his time in really understanding his connection to himself, nature and the people around him. From a young age, Jonni Pollard learned that he had two options: to be bold and stay true to himself as a person or to conform to society’s mould so the people he liked would reciprocate the same feelings. The times he picked the latter, his plan backfired and he soon realized being somebody else served him in no way at all. Being a vulnerable young man, Jonni began to accept that he had no choice in society’s ostracizing of those who are different, and that it was a reality he had to accept. Refusing to conform, Jonni found meditation as a gateway to escape the common issues we see in society today (i.e. stress and lack of fulfilment) to connect directly with the self. He shortly found that a greater connection with the self led to a feeling of empowerment in overcoming challenges in life, and a sense of caring, openness and love regardless of the ridicule he may encounter. In this digital world, Jonni took all of these life learns and decided to present them to the world in a manner where every single person has the tools to enable a connection with the self, all that is required is to download a free app! Have a read to see how Jonni and his not-for-profit ‘1 Giant Mind’ are leaving the world in a better, more connected, place.

Age- 39

What you do you do?
I’m a Meditation teacher, life consultant and Co- Founder/ Executive Director of 1 Giant Mind, a not for profit that empowers people with free learn to meditate programs to reduce the negative impact of stress and to experience greater wellbeing.

Why do you do it?
It’s my perspective that the greatest challenges humanity faces right now, find their roots in our disconnection from ourselves and nature as a whole, experiencing high levels of stress and distress, feeling deeply unfulfilled, addicted to temporal pleasures in an attempt to satisfy an insatiable need.
Meditation is the gateway to the direct experience of the true self, uninhibited by fear, doubt and insecurity. Our experience of fulfillment derives from the intimate relationship with our very being. Regular practice of meditation awakens the minds potential to have a direct experience of our being and enables the body to recover from stress and fatigue. This gives rise to an energy and vitality. This vitality sufficiently empowers us to meet the challenges of life with bold creativity. Life ceases to be a series of inconvenient obstacles and difficult personalities to negotiate and becomes a playground to creatively express our dynamic nature and ride natures wave of progressive change. When we master this capability to live fully from our true self and flow with life, we experience fulfillment. This magnificent sequence is stimulated and reinforced by the regular practice of meditation.

How do you make a difference in the world?
First and foremost, I feel I make the biggest difference by dedicating myself to confronting and resolving the condition and habits that inhibit my awareness of my deepest nature and the flow of my highest state. Each day see’s an elevation in artfulness and sophistication in my capacity to do this. The result is ever increasing states of happiness and greater effectiveness in influencing others to have the same experience within them selves. Then taking it to scale to inspire millions to do the same.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
My birth, meeting my teacher and realizing that fulfillment was not dependent on anything happening outside of me, that fulfillment is fundamentally an internally sourced phenomenon.

What is your life purpose?
To sense nature’s unrelenting force of evolution flowing through me as a continuum and completely surrender to it and then fearlessly move in the direction it moves me. When I do this I find myself in situations that provide me with the opportunity to express the very best of myself almost all the time. It doesn’t matter so much what I’m doing to be fulfilling my purpose but how I do it.

How did you tap into it?
It taps into me. When I accepted that everything in life is governed by an underlying intelligence that flows through me, I realized that resisting it was the root of my suffering and confusion. Whenever I try to force to make something happen, I immediately lose sense of the subtly of awareness and flow. So to answer the question, I tap it by simply surrendering to ‘what is’ in any moment with full acceptance and openness to change, without rigid attachment to outcomes. This is the formula for flow. At first it can be scary as shit and as you continue surrendering to the now with full acceptance of what is, you realize that there is an extraordinary order and intelligence governing all life and that it is conspiring to your greatest happiness.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My role models are all the great masters both ancient and modern, whom have embodied the fullness of life and dedicated their lives to teaching others how to experience this.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?

  • Remain with myself constantly
  • Orientate my self awareness and activity toward the greatest need
  • Meditate twice a day
  • Eat well
  • Laugh regularly
  • Don’t get too serious about anything
  • Fearlessly follow charm and inspiration
  • Confront the propaganda of fear and doubt with action and decisiveness
  • Prioritize finer feelings for rational thinking
  • Listen to and be concerned for others
  • Be generous with my time and insight
  • Remain open to change with no rigid attachment to outcomes

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When I can’t string my sentences together well and find myself being a little short or less generous with my responses. It generally means I’m really fatigued and need some down time.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Vulnerability is the noblest challenge for us men. I spent most of my early life being vulnerable. I am incredibly sensitive to others and I am choice less in my devotion to who I truly am. Being unapologetically myself while growing up wasn’t always an easy thing. However the alternative was to conform to the norm and the few unsuccessful experimental attempts to do this always backed fired. At times I found myself being fiercely judged for being me. I was resented and ostracized by people I liked and wanted to be liked by. Being choice less meant I had to just deal with it. Over time I realized that my vulnerability was only an under developed recognition and understanding of the beauty of myself. The more time I spent with myself with out trying to be anything but me the more I became assured that who I am is all I need to be.

What did you learn from it?
I have learnt that vulnerability, when completely surrendered to, evolves into power.
We can remain sensitive and be immensely powerful. We can live unguarded, free with an entirely open, caring and kind heart, susceptible to others judgments, ridicule, prejudice and remain entirely empowered with certainty of the self. This power must be cultivated by remaining open unconditionally regardless of what you are confronted with. This is conscious vulnerability. Over time this develops certainty of the true self. I have witnessed on countless occasion how the warmth of certainty with humility can melt the most fearfully defensive hearts.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
I give him 3:

  • Meditate twice a day non negotiable,
  • Commit yourself in every moment to confronting and resolving the condition and habits that inhibit you from living the biggest version of yourself ie: fear, doubt, addiction etc
  • Get out of your head. Surrender to your feelings, seek options that scares you and challenges you to grow.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Being the best partner for me is by seeking creative ways to sustain unity with her. Most of the time, this is likely to just naturally happen spontaneously and joyfully. However in any relationship, differences in opinions and perspectives emerge and it makes it invariably challenging to sustain the blissfulness of unity and agreement.
The key for me is to be willing to surrender preferences for her own. This demonstrates that our relationship means more to me than having my way. This causes her heart to open and for love to flow. Invariably she will want to reciprocate and the unity game is back on track.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Yes! I run one. Its called ‘1 Giant Mind’. We deliver a free world class meditation program via a smartphone app. We recognize that the answer to all the world’s problems is humanity awakening to its potential and fulfilling it. Stress and fatigue inhibit our ability to access our highest state.  Meditation enables us to uncover solutions to problems that otherwise would remain shrouded by a chronically stressed state.
Mental health world wide is rapidly on the decline, depression anxiety and stress related physical illness an disease is rampant. In fact world health authorities are now saying that 90-95% of disease, illness and chronic conditions are either directly caused by stress or severely aggravated by it.  Our organizations mission is to inspire millions around the world to learn to meditate and make it a daily habit. If this happens stress drops, creativity rises and shit gets sorted!
If you are interested in learning to meditate download our free app here

Jonni Pollard - 1 Giant Mind
Jonni Pollard speaking at 1 Giant Mind

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
The hills are alive with the sound of music by MC Mary Poppins

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
here and now

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
A culture that embraces it’s responsibility to live fully now.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
‘The Art of Living the Science of Being’ by Maharishi Mahaesh Yogi (Pre 1969)

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

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