Malina Parmar

Jason Goldberg – How to Stop Being the Victim, Villian and Become the Hero of Your Story

by


What does an award-winning entrepreneur, a TEDx Speaker, a bacon-atarian (thats a vegetarian who still eats bacon), a funky sock lover, a former rapper (who opened for the Wu-Tang Clan – YES, really!) and a previously 332lb man (who has since lost over 130lbs despite his affinity for bacon) have in common?
They are all the same guy!
Jason Goldberg (JG for short) is the King of Playful Sales, Success and Self-Leadership. He is a geek, turned entrepreneur, international speaker, Edu-tainer, creator of the transformational “Playful Prosperity” Program and author of the #1 International Best-Seller on SELF-Leadership: “Prison Break: Vanquish the Victim, Own Your Obstacles, and Lead Your Life”
JG combines his signature blend of personal growth, comedy, and even rap music, with his transformational coaching, teaching and training.
JG guides coaches, teachers, speakers and online educators to stop doing Business AS Usual and instead to conduct Business UNusual, through his game-changing “Business UNusual System” Program or The BUS as he calls it, where they are taught systems, frameworks, strategies and mindsets to create a truly COMPETITION-PROOF business by injecting their personality into everything they do so that they are never competing on popularity, price, or parlor tricks.
As an international speaker, JG has shared the stage with some of the world’s greatest thought-leaders and innovators in human potential and performance including Dr. Sean Stephenson (The 3 Foot Giant), Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements), Vishen Lakhiani (CEO of Mindvalley), Steven Kotler (Stealing Fire), Marisa Peer (the UK’s psychotherapist to the stars) and so many others that he hopes will impress you if these other ones don’t!
For your FREE copy of Prison Break, click here.
You can connect with JG, learn more about his work and discover how to PLAY Your Way to Prosperity in your life and business at www.TheJasonGoldberg.com and www.PlayfulProsperity.com
And to connect with JG on Facebook, head over to: www.Facebook.com/TheJasonGoldberg
Join our online men’s program The Alliance: Click Here
Check out our Facebook Page or join the Men’s community.
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter    Did you enjoy the podcast? If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron The Tech

Maria Konnikova – The Difference Between Confidence And Con Artists

by


Maria Konnikova is the author of two New York Times bestsellers, The Confidence Game, winner of the 2016 Robert P. Balles Prize in Critical Thinking, and Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes, an Anthony and Agatha Award finalist. She is a contributing writer for The New Yorker and is currently working on a book about poker and the balance of skill and luck in life, The Biggest Bluff, to be published in 2019. Maria is also the host of the podcast The Grift from Panoply Media, a show that explores con artists and the lives they ruin. She graduated from Harvard University and received her PhD in psychology from Columbia University.

Have a question for Connor? Check out our Facebook Page and join the community.
For more information about ManTalks or to join a ManTalks Mastermind: Click Here
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android
For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com
 Facebook | Instagram | Twitter    Did you enjoy the podcast? If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron The Tech

Creating a Life as an Entrepreneur l Russ Perry

by

Creating a Life as an Entrepreneur | Russ Perry

There are those that tell us that the only way to get ahead is to grind, grind, grind. But is that really the case? Is that a sustainable model? I talked with Russ Perry on the podcast this week and he has some refreshing thoughts on entrepreneur life and much, much more.
Keeping a good work-life balance is tough, but it’s even tougher when you’re a business owner. Especially in the beginning, many of us tend to bury ourselves in our work at the expense of just about everything else in our lives. It can often seem like working your ass off is the only way out of whatever rut you’re in… But is it really?

Building a Business Around Your Lifestyle vs. Having a Business Design Your Lifestyle

When I talked with Russ on the podcast we both agreed that you have to build your business around your lifestyle. When your business designs your life, you’re never going to come out on top.
Russ learned this lesson earlier in his life when he was flying around the country nonstop, pitching for his design agency. It quite literally sucked the life out of him—as it would anyone else—and he ended up on the verge of divorce with a drinking problem to boot.
When the time came for him to launch his own business, he took a hard look at what he wanted in life and made sure his business was in line with that.
He wanted the freedom to spend time with his family.
In order to achieve that, he purposefully built his business in a way that would allow him to step away while everything kept running. His company, Design Pickle, operates as an online subscription service. Russ points out that it wasn’t a business choice to do that—it was a lifestyle choice.
The coolest takeaway that I got from this is that once Russ made that decision, it was like a positive feedback loop. It had a tremendously positive change in his life, which made him want to work harder on Design Pickle—but instead of getting burnt out, the work he was doing on Design Pickle was actually making his life better.
Pretty awesome stuff.
 

Mental Health As An Entrepreneur

Studies have shown that 32% of entrepreneurs struggle with two or more mental health conditions. Now, that can fall into a handful of categories but the most common are ADHD, depression, and some form of substance abuse.
Why is that? Well, in this episode Russ points out that entrepreneurs tend to be the black sheep. Chances are most entrepreneurs didn’t grow up in an environment full of other entrepreneurs. Most of the time they’ve had people telling them what they want to do is crazy, their business will never work, they’re doomed to fail and they should just get a 9-5 desk job.
Sound familiar? Not surprising that this could lead to some problems down the road.
Russ has dealt with alcohol abuse in his past, but has been sober since October of 2013. He even wrote a book about it, called The Sober Entrepreneur. He has had some pretty profound realizations about alcohol and its effect on entrepreneurs—which, I have to say, are totally spot on.
We’ll get into that in the episode.
 

Isolation Is a Problem

Being an entrepreneur can be extremely isolating, especially in the beginning. Just by the nature of being an entrepreneur you’re setting yourself up to be isolated.
Isolation in and of itself isn’t great, but what can come from being isolated is even worse. When you have no one to reach out to and you get hit with all of the problems we’ve talked about—stressing out about work, getting burnt out, problems with your marriage—one easy way to avoid it all is to dive into substances.
This is how so many entrepreneurs end up struggling with addiction.
Russ is now on a mission to help other entrepreneurs—and really anyone at all—realize that they’re not alone. There are plenty of people out there in situations just like you, and they understand what you’re going through.
Facing these problems is a lot easier when you’re not going at it alone. This is a big part of Russ’s philosophy and I think it’s something that every entrepreneur needs to know about.
The first step is getting out of isolation.
 

Replacing Destructive Habits

The second step is replacing destructive habits with good ones. Just about everyone has heard of this as a strategy to deal with addiction or bad habits—and it does work.
But let’s be honest with ourselves. Sometimes, it can really suck. The key is that you have to look at it with the right mindset.
When Russ quit drinking he had a lot of time and money on his hands. He came to the realization that he had been using alcohol as a  temporary stress reliever, so he had to figure out some way to manage that. For him, it was fitness and meditation.
Is fitness and meditation always fun? No! Russ mentioned that he worked out a couple days ago at 5AM, when it was 45 degrees out (in Arizona!). Not many people are thrilled to go do that, and he wasn’t exactly keen on it either.
We often look at people on social media or we hear authors talk about self help work and they make it seem like we should be loving this stuff! Is that the case all the time? NO!
There are going to be moments where you’re not psyched to go work out at 5AM. Maybe your kids kept you up until 2:00 in the morning and you’ve only gotten three hours of sleep. You are not going to be thrilled about waking up in the morning, but having the discipline to go do that is important. And if you are able to channel the time and energy you’ve spent on destructive habits into things like working out at 5AM, you’re going to see a huge change in your life.
 

Guest Bio: Russ Perry

Russ Perry is an author and entrepreneur that uses his personal story to help people achieve success through sobriety.
He is the founder of Design pickle, a flat-rate unlimited graphic design platform that brings in over half a million dollars every month. He is also author of the book, The Sober Entrepreneur, which explores problems that entrepreneurs often face around mental health and addiction. Russ has a fascinating story—from working at Apple, to burning himself out at design agencies—and he has learned a lot along the way. Whether the topic is marriage, entrepreneurship, addiction or graphic design, Russ has a lot of wisdom to share.
Personal website: https://russperry.co/
The Sober Entrepreneur
Design Pickle
 
Click to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Did you enjoy the podcast?

If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

Living With No Excuses l Noah Galloway

by

“Now one thing I’m not afraid to admit, I like adrenaline. I like that experience of doing something that most people can’t. And while I was there, I got that fulfillment … I found peace in combat, as crazy as that sounds. But it was being part of a unit, being part of a brotherhood that you just don’t find every day, and I loved it.”

Noah Galloway found his passion early in life, in the military. When he came home from his first deployment he was a changed man. Not like the thousand-yard-stare stuff you see in the movies, but because he had found fulfillment in his life by being part of a unit and going into action with his brothers in arms. That all changed when he woke up one day in a German hospital missing an arm and a leg.

Losing your purpose doesn’t mean your life is over. You just have to find it again.

When Noah was injured he lost a lot more than an arm and a leg—he lost his purpose and his identity. He ended up coming out of it better than he ever thought possible, but he’ll be the first to tell you that it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies.
When I asked him about what it felt like to wake up in that hospital, he mentioned that when he had first deployed he expected to either die in combat or come out without a scratch. There was no in-between in his mind, so he wasn’t prepared for this realization that he all of a sudden couldn’t do what he loved to do.
While this is an extreme scenario, it’s something that many people face at one time or another in their lives. Maybe it’s an abrupt divorce or losing your dream job or a sudden death of someone close to you. The transition time where you lose your sense of purpose can be mentally painful and is an extremely hard obstacle to overcome.
When his son came to visit him in the hospital, he was reminded that he still had something to live for, he had something else to drive him forward. But it wasn’t just one moment that turned his life around. There were a handful of moments that made him realize that he was ultimately responsible for how his children acted and what they grew up to be.
Noah’s life started to change when he made the decision to get some mental help, get back into fitness, and be a better father and better person. Those aspects became his new purpose in life.

You can’t take care of anyone else if you’re not taking care of yourself

I talked with Noah a lot about mental health in this episode, and how there is a stigma around seeking help for mental health problems in our society today. It’s a problem that needs to be addressed.
I loved one anology that Noah made. He said, “If you have heart problems, you see a cardiologist, and nobody thinks twice about it. Mental health—the brain—is the most complicated organ in our body. … Sometimes we have to get that checked out. … This negative image of mental health has to go away.” I couldn’t agree with him more.
And it actually goes beyond just mental health. As human beings, we seem to be more apt to care for other people than ourselves. We take a lot of pride in sacrificing ourselves to help others, but we don’t seem to take the same pride in helping ourselves.
Noah and I touch on how incredibly important it is to take care of yourself in this episode. If you’re the type of person who seems to always take care of others before taking care of yourself—just take a step back and look at how selfish that is. What kind of burden will you be on the people around you if you don’t take care of yourself?
If you’re going to do anything for anyone else, you have to be at your best first.

What it means to be a role model

Many of us are role models, whether we realize it or not. Whether you’re a father, uncle, business owner, boss, husband… Chances are, someone looks up to you. Noah had this realization when he walked into his living room one day and realized that he was the only one that would teach his two boys how to grow into men. That made a big impression on him.
Somehow I think many of our listeners are in similar situations. Take a look at your life and try to think from the perspective of others for a second. Do people look up to you? Who? Can you help them or make an impact in their life?
Noah and I talked about an interesting example during our conversation. He was in jail at one point in his life, and he decided to make a change there. But he was surrounded by people who had been in and out of detention centers for most of their lives. Although it may not seem like it, these men had a chance to be role models that they never would have anticipated.
Noah pointed out to one man in particular that he—as someone who has been in correctional facilities his entire life—can talk to kids, tell them his story, and connect with them to help prevent them from getting in a similar situation.
That really hit a chord with me. It just goes to show that no matter what your situation in life is, you should always help others and make a positive impact on people’s lives. Someone out there is always looking up to you, so you should always try to be the best person you can be.
I challenge you to do this, regardless of whatever situation you’re in.

Guest bio: Noah Galloway

Noah Galloway is a motivational speaker, author, fitness expert, father of three, US military veteran and double amputee. He has a fascinating story and is a true inspiration to listen to.
Noah’s book, Living with No Excuses: The Remarkable Rebirth of an American Soldier, is a fascinating read that sheds light on how he overcame the loss of two limbs during Operation Iraqi Freedom and much, much more. And Noah will be the first to tell you that there’s a lot more to him than just his military experience. Noah has been on ABC’s hit series Dancing With the Stars, he was the first amputee and veteran to grace the cover of Men’s Health magazine, and he has been featured on shows like Ellen and The Today Show. He continues to compete in adventure races around the country including Tough Mudder, Spartan Races, and various marathons, but he is mostly focused on speaking to others about his NO EXCUSES philosophy. Whether it’s to an audience of elementary school children or a corporate sales team, Galloway’s passion for life and his unique experiences allow him to help others in a way that few can.

Resources

Personal website: http://noahgalloway.com/
Facebook
Instagram
Twitter
For more information about ManTalks or to join a ManTalks Mastermind: Click Here
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android
For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Did you enjoy the podcast?

If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

Why Willpower Doesn’t Work | Ben Hardy

by

In our individualistic culture, we often believe the heroic individual shapes history through force of will. But willpower doesn’t work. Ben Hardy explains why.

Surely this can’t be right. #dothework #riseandgrind #hustle. But what if all these ideas of getting things done were environment-dependent more than willpower dependent? There’s a very convincing case to be made for the fact that willpower doesn’t work.

Why Doesn’t Willpower Work?

Ben points out that willpower can only exist if there are two kinds of conflict. The first is the internal conflict that happens when you don’t know what you want. The second is when your environment is standing in the way of your goals.
Every environment is either pulling you forward or pushing against you. But the environment always wins. You can either be in alignment with it, in which case it will pull you forward towards your goals. Or, you can oppose it, struggle, and ultimately fail.
If your goal is to be healthy, but you’re constantly surrounded by people getting drunk and eating terrible food, it will take huge force of will not to end up like the people around you. In the end, you’ll likely regress.A better strategy is to remove yourself from that environment and create an environment more conducive to health.
Rather than trying to willpower your way to success, simply build the environment to succeed. Staying in the environment that’s inimical to your goals leads to ultimate failure. The environment will eventually win.

Real Decisions Happen in the World

Rather than setting a goal and using willpower to get our way there, Ben reminds us that our success will be based on the decisions we make. But we tend to believe decisions happen in our mind. This is false. It’s only a thought so long as it remains in our mind. It becomes a decision when it happens in the real world.
In other words, our decisions exist in a very real relationship with the environment around us. Not only does our environment pull us towards our decisions, but our decisions impact the environment.
To get something done and make the move from dreamer to doer, you have to take action that creates an environment that ensures you rise to the occasion.

Forcing Functions and Positive Pressure

The great historian, Will Durant, when asked what is the role of heroes in history said, “They form the function of meeting a situation whose demands are always all his potential abilities.”
Demanding moments create heroes. There are any number of great people at any given moment who might rise to the occasion of a demanding event. But without such an event, there can be no great hero.
When we normally think about environment in the context of success, we usually focus on spending time with people who inspire and push us — Jim Rohn’s famous ‘rule of 5.’ But Ben’s point is a bit different. To reach your goals, you must put yourself in an environment that demands you rise to the very top of your abilities.
This is a bit tricky, because you can overwhelm yourself, take on too much, and fail miserably. There is a healthy line between the right amount of pressure and too much. To get the best out of yourself, you have to create the positive pressure forces you to rise to the occasion, like the heroes Will Durant speaks of.

The John Burke Example

Ben shares the example of John Burke, a contemporary pianist. When he wants to produce an album, Burke uses the power of ‘forcing functions’ to place himself under just the right kind of stress and positive pressure that will ensure he completes his task.
And this comes back to the idea of making real decisions in the real world. When he wants to create an album, he books his sound engineer and studio for a date three months out. He then pays the entire cost of the sound engineering and studio. Next, he takes to social media and announces the release date of his upcoming album. 
Only then does he start writing music. You can imagine what stress and pressure this puts him under. But then he doesn’t just continue life as usual. He goes into a period of total engagement. If a gig request comes up, he turns it down until the album is complete. He prioritizes the creation of the album, knowing he’s under pressure.

Total Engagement vs. Total Rest

Ben has a lot of incredible insights. The last one we’ll share here is his point about the power of total engagement vs. total rest. What does these states look like? Well, they don’t look like constantly flipping back and forth between your phone and something else. It’s true that we are in a constant state of distraction these days. And Ben points out that this is not healthy for achieving high performance.
The true recipe for creating a productive environment are the states of total engagement and total rest. When you’re on, you’re totally on. When you’re off, you’re not thinking about work, or half distracted by your phone.
Counterintuitively, this down time is when the best insights arrive. This is why things like meditation, surfing, and other leisure time activities have served entrepreneurs and creatives so well throughout history.
Please check out this episode. Ben is the number one writer on Medium for a reason. His insights are backed up by research and he’s very sharp. This is a great episode of the podcast that I’m sure you’ll love.

More on ManTalks.com

What Do You Want To Do Before You Die | Ben Nemtin
Robert Augustus Masters — Outgrowing Porn, Finding Purpose, and Managing Anger
How to Find Purpose in Life: The Ultimate Guide

What Do You Want to Do Before You Die? | Ben Nemtin

by

Ben Nemtin is one of those people whose story by itself is enough to inspire. And inspire it has. These days, Ben is a TV personality, film producer, and public speaker.


But he wasn’t always such a high flying success. In fact, it’s the way he traversed the path from the depths of despair and depression to his current life that will surprise you and bring a huge smile to your face.
Here’s what happened.

Athletic Performance and Depression

Ben grew up in Victoria, BC, the Mecca of Canadian rugby. He excelled at rugby from a young age. He did so well, that, by the time he was in university he was added to the Canadian National Team. He would represent his country at the 2007 Rugby World Cup.
Ben would play against the greatest rugby nations on Earth at the World Cup in France. Naturally, this was a high pressure situation. Adding to the pressure was Ben’s position of fly-half. For those of you who don’t know the first thing about rugby, just understand that fly-half is the position that kicks the ball through the uprights. It’s rugby’s version of a field goal kicker.
Upon learning that he’d be playing in the World Cup, Ben began obsessing about these kicks. The obsession turned to fear, which soon got so bad he started losing sleep. Soon he couldn’t sleep at all, and the next thing he knew he was missing practices. It got so bad that he was living the life of a complete shut in, downstairs in his parents’ basement.
Naturally, he couldn’t keep his position on the team considering the World Cup was fast approaching and he couldn’t even leave his house. He lost his spot and his one and only chance to play for Team Canada at the World Cup. The whole process took only six months.

Where Inspiration Leads

Ben remained debilitated by his crippling fear and depression until some friends pulled him out of the basement and dragged him to Banff, in the Canadian Rockies for the summer. Banff is an internationally renowned mountain village and National Park.
Like Yellowstone and other world class parks, it bustles in the summer. And for the first time, Ben was exposed to different types of people. It was a global crowd in Banff, and many of the young people he met there inspired him in a way he’d never felt before. He met backpackers living their travel dreams and young people running businesses. This was very different from the normal suburban youth he was exposed to.
Coming back home to Victoria after the trip, he knew one thing: he was going to spend time with people who inspired him. That simple, singular goal led to what would ultimately define the next decade of his life and lead to him making a big impact in the world.

The Buried Life

When Ben thought about who in his own world inspired him, Ben thought of one guy above all the others. And it just so happened to be the guy who took his sister to prom. His name was Jonnie, and he, along with Ben and two others, would eventually become the The Buried Life crew. Ben was drawn to Jonnie because he was a filmmaker (hence inspiring), and along with the other two members — Dave and Duncan — they started asking themselves what they wanted most.
All four of them were in much the same situation — young and without purpose. None of them had much going for themselves at the time, nor did they have any great prospects for the future.
The group’s defining early moment came when Johnnie, who was studying in Montreal, reached out to the other guys to share a poem called “The Buried Life.”
The poem made them realize that the feelings of uncertainty they were having were universal. The message was that, buried below the practical concerns and problems of life, something beautiful and worth pursuing was alive.
They made it their mission to dig up their buried lives.
The poem and their newfound friendship inspired them. So they started working together, and that meant first asking themselves what they really wanted the most, then writing it down.
This led to them writing out their audacious bucket lists and deciding that for every one of their own bucket list items checked off, they would help someone else achieve their own dream.

How Help Appears: The Magic

The guys had decided on making a film about this journey. As a shared project, they’d head out on a two week trip with what little funds and materials they cobbled together. They even cold-called companies pitching themselves as filmmakers. They eventually got sponsorships, including one for gas so they could make their mission real.
They never really thought they’d achieve the bucket list items they’d dreamt up. But they acted like they could. And something crazy happened along the way. They began telling people what they were doing, and almost like magic, helped started to show up.
One item was to ride a bull, and someone on the Internet connected them with his ranching uncle. Things like this started happening all the time, and they began checking items off the list. They came home after that first year and re-tooled to keep it going the next year.
And keep it going they did.
It’s now ten years later, and the guys have done a ton of incredible things. They’re written a NYT bestselling book, produced a film, helped a girl get a bionic hand. But perhaps craziest of all, they got to play basketball with President Obama.
Those are just a few. Check out the book to learn all about their adventures.

The Mindset of Making Dreams Come True

The massive success of The Buried Life took Ben and the rest of the guys by surprise. But once they got into the groove of striking items off their bucket list (and helping others) they were quick to take lessons.
This is no small feat. A lot of people, upon hitting success once, miss the lessons and never learn how to repeat it. This wasn’t the case for the Buried Life crew. They became expert at making incredible dreams happen.
The basic formula is to a) dream big, as though anything really is possible, then b) to tell people about it and ask for help, and c) keep moving towards the goal no matter what happens.
Ben shares how the basketball game with President Obama almost didn’t happen, but they followed some version of this formula and finally struck the item off their bucket list.
There is a magic component to making big dreams come true. But there’s also a stick-to-it attitude that Ben and the other guys deployed to check all those bucket list items off the list.

Learn From This Story

There is so much to be learned from this incredible story — the mindset of possibility and taking steps towards big dreams to name just two.
Ben is an inspiring man. Give this podcast a listen, then go out there and make shit happen.

Guest Bio: Ben Nemtin

Ben Nemtin is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of What Do You Want To Do Before You Die, the star of the MTV show The Buried Life, an internationally renowned keynote speaker and producer. As the co-founder of The Buried Life movement, Ben’s message of radical possibility has been featured in The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, CNN, ABC, CBS and NBC News. Oprah Winfrey called Ben’s life work “truly inspiring.”
In a pit of depression, Ben and his three best friends decided to create the world’s greatest bucket list to make them feel alive. They bought a rickety old bus and criss-crossed North America, achieving the unthinkable. And most importantly, every time they accomplished a dream, they helped a complete stranger cross something off their bucket list. From playing basketball with President Obama to streaking a soccer field, from raising over $400,000 for charity to placing a record-breaking $250,000 bet on roulette—Ben’s bucket list quest has inspired millions to chase their dreams.
Ben is co-founder of THEOS, a full-service production company in LA that develops mold-breaking programming for the GenZ and Millennial generations. THEOS has created and produced four series for MTV and Freeform.

More on ManTalks.com

Beau Lotto — Why Our Brains Hate Change
How to Find Purpose in Life: The Ultimate Guide
How to Be the Best Version of Yourself

Subscribe to the ManTalks Podcast

Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android

For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com

Connect with ManTalks on Social Media

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Did you enjoy the podcast?
If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

The Science of Humor | Dr. Peter McGraw

by

One trait most charismatic individuals share is humor. In this episode of the podcast, Connor dives into the science of humor with world-leading humor researcher, Dr. Peter McGraw.

We all know funny when we see it. But what’s funny to you might not be funny to another. We see this when jokes fall flat, or when someone laughs in a room full of silent people. But before Dr. Peter McGraw and his collaborators dove into the science of humor, we struggled to explain what actually makes things funny.

Dr. McGraw eventually cracked this problem with his theory of Benign Violations.

Benign Violations

Dr. McGraw and his team eventually developed a successful theory that explains humor. All humor, they contend, comes from “benign violations.” The things you find funny either move something benign closer to a violation or some violation closer to benign.
For example: you wouldn’t tell a joke about pedophilia at a parents group. However, if you were at a private gathering with only close friends who also share a perverse sense of humor, you might make a pedophilia joke and get a laugh.
Now imagine one of the people there was a victim of pedophilia. You wouldn’t make a joke about their personal trauma. Why? It violates the rules of humor. Making such an off-color joke is no longer benign, it’s just a violation.

Using Benign Violation Theory to Explain Dad Jokes

The Benign Violation theory also explains the phenomenon of dad jokes. Everyone knows that dads make terrible jokes. Yet most dads in the company of other adult friends have the capacity to make funny jokes.
This is likely because when they became dads, they were trying to make something benign into a slight violation that kids could appreciate. In essence, these dads stop evolving their humor. Then one day they make a joke designed for small children to a jaded teenagers who then says, “You’re not funny dad.”

The Science of Humor: Examples

Dr. McGraw gives examples of the two broad categories of benign violation. Sarah Silverman makes jokes about horrible violations like hate crimes. She does this by making them more benign. How? She uses cute voices and silly examples. This creates distance between the audience and the violation. All of a sudden it becomes funny.
Distance is a key concept in creating benign violations. Someone you don’t know falling down a flight of stairs and not hurting themselves is hilarious. Your grandmother falling down a set of stairs and breaking her hip while you watch isn’t funny at all.
On the other side, Jerry Seinfeld made an über-successful career out of pointing out what’s wrong with completely benign things. He tells jokes about things like chocolate chip cookies or plugins in airplane bathrooms. By moving these things closer to our attention he makes them more like violations while still remaining benign enough to be non-threatening.

The First Rule of Getting Funnier

Most of us will never be stand-up comics delivering humor in one direction. Our humor takes place in more of a give and take atmosphere. We’re in a work meeting and rather than being boring, we can interject some humor. Or, as parents we can use humor to connect with our kids (see the dad jokes section above).
So the question for normal people is how to be funnier in these contexts.
Dr. McGraw points out that first of all, yes this is a skill that can be improved upon just like basketball or anything else. That’s not to say you’ll become the next Jerry Seinfeld or LeBron James. But everyone can improve. One helpful tip is to understand the Benign Violations theory.
But even more, practice observation like stand-up comics do. Dr. McGraw points out that most stand-up comics keep a notepad on them or at least use their phone so they can constantly make observations. They see funny things and rather than just laughing and moving on, they make a note of it and why it was funny. They can then draw on that information later when writing jokes.
If you’re observant and astute, you can begin to notice not just that something is funny, but also why it’s funny.
So try that. Make note of funny things and quickly analyze whether it moved something benign towards a violation or something violating towards benign.

Much, Much More

These are just a few of the great insights Dr. McGraw shared on the podcast. He also dove into the benefits and drawbacks of humor. Plus, he helped Connor dissect his class clown tendencies from high school.
You won’t want to miss that.

Guest Bio: Dr. Peter McGraw

Dr. Peter McGraw is an expert in the interdisciplinary fields of emotion and behavioral economics. His research examines the interrelationship of judgment, emotion, and choice, with a focus on the production and consumption of entertainment.
In recent years, McGraw has been a leading force in moving the study of humor from the niche to the mainstream. One advantage that he has over his predecessors is his ability to conduct state-of-the-art experiments with the help of the team he directs at the Humor Research Lab (HuRL), a laboratory dedicated to the experimental study of humor, its antecedents and consequences. Another advantage is his willingness to leave the ivory tower to delve more deeply into research questions – whether trying his hand at stand-up at a dive bar, attending a funeral director convention, posing as a shopper at a gun show, or singing hymns at a fundamentalist Baptist church. In 2014, McGraw co-authored The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny.
McGraw is a professor at the Leeds School of Business and the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at CU Boulder. He teaches MBA and PhD courses in marketing management and behavioral economics. His work has been covered by The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, NPR, BBC, TIME, and CNN.
Dr. McGraw’s New Book: The Humor Code
Research Website: The Humor Research Lab
Personal Website: Dr. Peter McGraw

Subscribe to the Podcast

Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android

Connect with ManTalks on Social Media

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Leave a Review

Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

Finding Freedom In Relationships | Bryan Reeves

by

Bryan Reeves is a transformational life and relationship coach. In this episode of the podcast, he shares how to go about finding freedom in relationships.


In fact, over a wide-ranging ‘jam session’ Bryan and Connor discussed many fascinating areas of relationships. Bryan slowly lays out his 3-stage model of relationships including finding freedom in relationships.

Stage 1: “I need you to love me.”

In this stage, the other partner almost doesn’t exist. Each partner is simply lost in how they feel. It’s all about what the partner can do for us.
Of course, this is an inherently unstable existence. Because as Bryan says on his website, “Love just evaporates the moment the world stops meeting our conditions!”
If the individual is capable of moving beyond that stage they will move into stage 2.

Stage 2: “I will love myself.”

In this stage, the individual realizes that they have to be self-reliant in order to maintain their happiness. They don’t want to be dependent upon needing their partner to fulfill their needs.
They recognize that their partner exists and has needs just like them, and now they’ve decided not to take care of themselves in order to not be needy. It’s a lot of freedom, of course, but something is missing, and if they’re lucky they’ll move onto Stage 3.

Stage 3: “I am love, itself.”

In this phase, individuals in a relationship take their skills to a mature place. Yes, they’re independent, but now they’re also interdependent.
Bryan also calls it ‘we consciousness.’ Here, the fully individuated person chooses interdependence over pure freedom. People in this stage can express their needs and depending upon one another. This stage also comes with a mature emotional stability where people are able to express upset without name-calling and blaming the other partner.
In this enlightened state, partners can hold the seeming contradiction where they don’t give up their own needs while still holding the truth of the other person’s needs.

Guest Bio — Bryan Reeves

A former USAF Captain, Bryan Reeves has survived multiple dark nights of the soul and now coaches men, women and couples to create thriving lives and relationships. His viral blog, “Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her)”has been read by over 30 million people worldwide, and his articles have appeared in Redbook, Thought Catalog, Good Men Project, Raw Attraction Magazine and more. His two books on Amazon and two online courses, including “Boundaries: Relationships Suck Without ’Em!” have helped thousands of people across the globe make sense of love and intimacy’s bewildering senselessness.
Learn more @ www.BryanReeves.com.
Bryan is generously offering listeners 3 Free Gifts that you can find @ https://bryanreeves.com/my-free-gifts/
(1) FREE E-BOOK: This Wild Waking Journey: 58 Insights on the Way To Self Discovery
(2) “LOVE, SEX, RELATIONSHIP MAGIC” Audio Course, Free Module 2: “Getting Real With Your Relationship Experience”
(3) Bonus Secret Offer.

More on ManTalks.com

Self-Confidence for Men: The Ultimate Guide
Stop Saying Yes When It’s Clearly a No
When Your Partner Isn’t Attracted to You Anymore
For more information about ManTalks or to join a ManTalks Mastermind: Click Here
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android
For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com

Chris Sparks – A Guide To Productivity

by

Chris Sparks is a former professional poker player and currently a productivity coach. He joins Connor on the podcast to share his guide to productivity.


Chris is a super insightful guy, and someone you should listen to when it comes to productivity.

His Defining Moment

Not one to live a standard life, Chris came into professional poker almost by accident. He had finished his degree, and having always loved the idea of making television ads, he planned on taking a position with Ford in Detroit.
As the luck of timing would have it, this was in 2008, right when the financial crisis hit. His job waited in the balance. While the government and auto industry negotiated a bailout, Chris hung out and waited.
He’d played poker during university, so he decided to start playing again while waiting in Detroit. Soon he was making more money playing online poker than he ever would have in his job. This was the beginning of his poker career.
Chris has countless powerful insights into productivity, below we’ll touch on a few of them.

Leaning the Ladder on the Right Wall

Most people think of productivity as a series of tips and tricks to master, but Chris points out that the number one productivity hack is to first of all do what you’re best suited to and which you love doing the most.

Follow Power Laws

In seeking to maximize productivity there are activities with diminishing returns and those that follow a power law distribution. You should seek to avoid diminishing return activities and maximize activities that follow power laws.

Understanding Opportunity Costs

Everything you do comes at the expense of every other thing. When you say yes to one course of action you’re saying no to the entire field of other possible actions.

The Cost of Doubt

Thinking in terms of opportunity cost can create doubt. But doubting yourself constantly is a recipe for failure. Even when the opportunity you’re pursuing is a good one, you’ll self-sabotage when clouded by doubt.

Set up Experiments

The way to overcome the crippling effect of doubt is to set up small experiments. Instead of constantly wondering if you’re doing the right thing, choose to act as though you’re doing exactly the right thing for a period of time.
Write down your assumptions about the results this course of action will bring. Then update your assumptions over time.
This kind of purposeful experiment can quickly bring you in alignment with reality. You’ll soon know if you’re doing the right thing and will be far more productive.

So Much More

Chris is a rising star. He is full of incredible insights, and this podcast is guaranteed to blow your mind. What’s mentioned here is only a tiny bit of the insight he provided.
Listen to this episode.

Guest Bio — Chris Sparks

Chris is a business coach for top performing entrepreneurs, helping them build the systems and habits to maximize their time, energy, and focus towards building their business and designing their personal lives. He regularly writes about personal effectiveness and transformation on his blog and leads workshops to organizations about productivity. As a former professional poker player, he was ranked as one of the top 20 online players in the world. As a growth marketer, he successfully helped several early-stage startups reach scale through analytics optimization and cross-channel customer development. In his spare time, Chris loves traveling, photography, and comedy — visiting 65 countries and performing at the Magnet Theater and the Comedy Cellar in NYC.
Check out: http://theforcingfunction.com
Follow Chris Sparks:
https://medium.com/@SparksRemarks
https://www.facebook.com/SparksRemarks
https://www.instagram.com/SparksRemarks/
https://twitter.com/SparksRemarks

More on ManTalks.com

How to Be the Best Version of Yourself
10 Strategies for Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities
For more information about ManTalks or to join a ManTalks Mastermind: Click Here
Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android
For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Did you enjoy the podcast?
If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

How Pride Impacts Success | Jessica Tracy

by

Religious and folk traditions have taught us that pride impacts success.

But how? And what does it mean to suggest that pride impacts success? Is it a negative force or a positive force? Dr. Jessica Tracy is a professor at UBC in Vancouver, and she’s made a career out of studying pride.

And recently, she wrote a book on this subject called Take Pride: Why the Deadliest Sin Holds the Secret to Human Success
So what’s the answer? Is pride a positive or a negative factor for success? Well, as with most psychological and emotional phenomenon, it’s not quite as simple as that.

Dr. Tracy’s Own Pride Experience

After completing her undergraduate degree, Dr. Tracy moved west to San Francisco without concrete plans other than to enjoy life for a while before making long-term career choices. But it the experience of missing something that ultimately led her to make choices for her long term success.
While in college, along with some friends, Dr. Tracy created a political news magazine. They ran the publication for a couple of years. This endeavor was meaningful, and while living a fun and interesting life in San Francisco, she realized that her life was lacking the pride that she derived from the magazine.
Dr. Tracy describes how the publication didn’t gain widespread notoriety or huge success, but she felt proud of the work she did with the magazine.
It was this experience of lacking pride that made her realize she wanted to go back to grad school to study psychology. More on the difference between lacking and having pride below. But first…

Hubristic vs. Authentic: Two Types of Pride

We need to make a most important distinction. One that’s probably the greatest insight Dr. Tracy shared on the podcast.
This is the distinction between hubristic and authentic pride. The names are fairly self-explanatory. Authentic pride is that quiet satisfaction we take from our work, our relationships, our fitness, or even the cleanliness of our homes. Hubristic pride, on the other hand, is that ego-driven pride most of us have felt at times. It leads us to brag and compare ourselves to others.
Here’s what’s interesting: both types of pride can help drive us to more success. But only authentic pride results in other people liking us. People know when we’re full of hubris, and it leads them to dislike us.
Dr. Tracy shares a good example of how to know when we’re feeling hubristic pride vs. authentic pride. Have you ever achieved something and been so proud that you decided to post about it on Facebook or other social media platforms? Chances are that what you originally felt was authentic pride. But often, once the posting is done and the accolades come pouring in via likes and comments, we feel regret.
That’s a sign you were experiencing hubris. You were bragging. Think of it this way: if it was authentic pride would there be any need to brag about your accomplishment?
Then think about authentic pride moments. When others recognize you it kicks in that pride feeling. You know they’re correct in their assessment. You probably thank them for recognizing you, but you still don’t feel any compulsion to brag about it. You’ll wake up the next morning and continue without need for accolades.
Someone else recognizing you for your actions won’t cause you to do more or less next time you’re given the choice. This is authentic pride.

Why Lack of Pride is More of a Motivating Factor Than Presence of Pride

Dr. Tracy’s research has proven that pride is an important emotion. She’s also shown the difference between positive (authentic) and negative (hubristic) pride. She’s shown that pride is a positive factor of success.
It must follow that people chase success in order to feel pride, right? Wrong.
This was the hypothesis she and her team started with when studying undergrad students in relation to their test results. But the results proved that the causation is backwards.
 
Dr. Tracy studied levels of pride in students just after taking exams and again after they knew their scores. She found that excellent students didn’t experience a boost in pride based on great results. For those excellent students, study habits are like brushing teeth. It’s a habit they would never change. And they expect excellent results.
But the students who underperformed their own expectations did feel a distinct lack of pride. And that missing pride was found to be a major factor in how they responded the next time they had the choice whether or not to study hard.
Spoiler alert: they did.
Students who experienced a lack of pride due to a poor result buckled down and worked harder the next time. It seems the lack of this emotion regulates people’s behavior to work harder, not the presence of it. We miss the feeling of pride so much that we seek it out the next opportunity we get.
Perhaps in this way we form those habits so vital to our success.

Are you someone seeking success?

Of course you are. You could be watching Netflix right now. Instead you’re reading this and listening to a podcast discussing the psychology of success.
If so, this podcast is a must listen. Dr. Tracy has a unique lens on success — through the eyes of one of our most fundamental emotions.
Give it a listen now.

Guest Bio — Dr. Jessica Tracy

Jessica Tracy is a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada, where she also directs the Emotion and Self Lab. Her research focuses on emotions and emotion expression, and especially on the self-conscious emotions of pride and shame.
She has published over 90 journal articles, book chapters, edited volumes, and reviews, as well as the recent book Take Pride: Why the Deadliest Sin Holds the Secret to Human Success (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt).
Her groundbreaking work on pride has been covered by hundreds of media outlets, including ABC’s Good Morning America, NPR’s All Things Considered, the New York Times, the Economist, and Scientific American.
Tracy was born and raised in Washington, D.C., and now lives in Vancouver with her daughter and partner.

More on ManTalks.com

Podcast: Why Self-Awareness is the Master Success Skill |Eric Barker
Blog: How to Find Purpose in Life: The Ultimate Guide
Blog: How to Find Your Life Purpose: The Step-by-Step Guide
 

Subscribe to the ManTalks Podcast:

on Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android

Follow ManTalks on:

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Did you enjoy the podcast?

If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

How to be the Leader in a Relationship | Elliot Katz

by

What does it mean to be a strong man in society today? As Elliott Katz explains, it means knowing how to be the leader in a relationship.

We’re not talking about some archaic relationship pattern where the men dominate and the women kowtow. And clearly, women will want to take the lead at times. No, we’re not talking about anything as simplistic as that old pattern.

But too many modern relationships are rudderless. The woman doesn’t want to make all the decisions. She doesn’t want to feel like a mother to her man. On the contrary, she wants a man who can lead.

What is a leader?

As with every role, leadership is defined by action. What does an MMA fighter do? They kick, punch, choke, and fight with other fighters inside a ring or an octagon. Their actions define them.
 
A computer programmer writes code. The act of code writing defines the job.
 
A leader is one who makes decisions, takes responsibility, and steps forward to see what needs to be done. And if you, as a man in a relationship, refuse to make any decisions or take any responsibility, you’re not leading. 
 
Elliott gives an example to illustrate the lack of masculine leadership in relationships. Imagine coming home on a Friday night to make plans with your partner. You’re refusing leadership if she asks you where you want to eat and you respond, “I don’t know, where do you want to eat?”
 
Women don’t want you to dictate, leaving them powerless. But there are times, many of them, when she is asking you to show leadership and make a decision. She might not mention it directly, though. Instead, she’ll hint at it.
 
What if you, as the man, flipped that script and grabbed the reins before she even had to hint at it? What if you decided to stay attuned to know exactly when to lead and when to let her decide?
 
If you walk that line well, you’ll likely find that she prefers you lead more often than not. 
 
As soon as you do this, you’ll begin to notice a positive difference in your relationship dynamic.

The Same Old Problems

Elliott shares something in this episode that we hear a lot of women say about the men in their lives.
 
“I want a man who is a tower of strength.”
 
“I don’t want to have to be his mother in addition to his partner.”
 
But chances are your woman won’t say those words to you, even if they apply. She won’t want to hurt you, but she’ll tell you in other ways by saying things like:

“I want you to do more.”

“I want you to be more present.”

When a lot of men hear these words they respond by saying things like:
 
“But I do whatever she asks me to do.”
 
“I wash the dishes every night.”
 
“I drive the kids to sports all the time.”
 
You have to understand that her pleading for more likely means more responsibility not just doing more. You might already be doing enough, but that doesn’t mean you’re leading. You could be doing a lot of stuff but only what she tells you to do.
 
Understand that this puts you in the exact same position as a child. Sure, she’s probably grateful you’re ‘helping out’ as she would be with a helpful child. But it also means she’s doing all the decision making.
 
This is not a good place for a man to be.
 
What often happens next is that the man complains about a poor sex life. But ask yourself this: “Are women sexually attracted to irresponsible men?” Because that’s what you’re turning yourself into when you refuse to lead.

Why Men Refuse to Lead

There are many reasons for this phenomenon. To understand it better, we could look at the ways we raise men. We could look to the current societal confusion about gender roles. Or, we could look to the lack of knowledge transmission from generation to generation.
 
Whatever the source, men often refuse responsibility. This is the insight that Elliott Katz had, which led him to eventually write this book. It started when he got divorced and began looking into why.
 
He looked around, read, and spoke to other men whose relationships had failed. And he found that the common theme was an unwillingness to take responsibility.
 
One example he shares in the interview was of a friend whose wife rung up a $50,000 credit card bill. The man was divorced and relaying this story to Elliott. But Elliott asked him, “Why did you let that happen?” To which the man didn’t know how to respond. He hadn’t stopped to think that he might be responsible.
 
Which leads us to the real reason men refuse to lead: they falsely believe that by not taking the lead they won’t be held responsible if things go wrong.
 
But that’s not true and goes agains the ironclad rule of life and personal empowerment: we’re always responsible.

Guest Bio: Elliott Katz

Elliott Katz is the author of Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man
Like other books of this type, it was the result of a personal journey. After the end of a relationship, Elliott Katz went on a journey to learn about being a man in a relationship. He spoke to other men and read books on relationships but found powerful answers in the timeless lessons that fathers and other older male role models used to teach younger men — teachings that have largely been lost to today’s generation.
Moving beyond trendy ideas that don’t work, Elliott Katz shares insights on being a man that have withstood the test of time. Interestingly, these insights are the traits that he heard many women complain are lacking in men today.
He has done many media interviews, speaks to groups of men and women and does one-on-one coaching.

More on the ManTalks Website:

Podcast: Dr. Robert Glover — Nice Guy Syndrome
Blog: Why Nice Guys Cheat and Have Commitment Phobia
Blog: Self-Confidence for Men: The Ultimate Guide
Podcast: John Wineland — The Art of Masculine Leadership
For more information about ManTalks click here.

Subscribe

Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android

Connect with ManTalks

Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Did you enjoy the podcast?

If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!

Thank You to the Team:

Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

Spiritual Growth by Detoxing From Judgment | Gabby Bernstein

by

Your judgments are a block to spiritual growth.

On this episode of the podcast, Connor goes into depth with Gabby Bernstein about her new book Judgment Detox. This new volume is a powerful step-by-step guide to overcoming the state of judgment, which holds us in its grip and stops us from making any progress on our path to spiritual growth.

Connor and Gabby cover a lot on this episode of the podcast, including how judgment shows up, why it shows up, how it stops us, its impact on our life.
Then Gabby walks the listener through six steps on how to observe and work through our own judgment, to then come out the other side stronger, and more stable as a result. In this article, we’ll cover the major points in case you just want the shortened version, but to get the full effect, please listen by clicking play below or downloading the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.

Finding Bottom to Reach the Top

Imagine being at the top of your world. You’re the 25-year-old owner of a booming NYC public relations firm. Since you specialize in PR for all top nightclubs and bars in the city, you have consistent access to the best parties and events the city has to offer. Rather than waiting in line, you barely break stride at the doorway to say hello to your favorite bouncers as you waltz in to let loose for another night.
Then imagine waking up in your studio apartment one morning after another endless party and realizing you were addicted to the party drugs you once loved.
This was Gabby’s experience. She hit rock bottom at age 25, but as with most addicts, the drugs were a second order problem. She was first addicted to achieving social status and stoking her own ego. These were subconsciously conceived methods of avoiding her internal turmoil.
That morning when she woke up with the mother of all hangovers, Gabby realized she had a choice — she could continue down the same path, which would lead to more disconnection, struggle, and potentially even her death. Or, she could take a different path, the difficult but rewarding path of true growth.
Gabby has since taken a deep and meaningful spiritual journey, but not only that, she has turned her efforts to helping others. After writing several New York Times bestselling books, she’s back with a new book outlining the role of judgment and its implications for spiritual growth.

The Role of Judgment in Hindering Spiritual Growth

Judgment is the stop gap that prevents people from leaning into the work they want to do or having happiness. Gabby even goes so far as to posit that judgment is the root cause of the divisive times we live in, and says we’re required to heal the judgmntal patterns internally, only then will it begin to dissolve barriers and bring people together.
Judgment is the number one reason we feel blocked from people and a deeper connection to others, creatively, professionally, financially. Judgment is an addiction and resembles other addictive  behaviors. When we begin to clean up our judgmental behavior, we create space for healing and our relationships can finally align and connect.
In turn, we attract the life we want.
Gabby says that judgment is a, “disowned part of our shadow.”  It reflects back what we don’t want to feel about ourselves. We use it to feel better than others, but of course it has the opposite affect. Where you find judgment, you will find the perfect entrance to the personal work that you must do now.

The Judgment Detox

Gabby’s new book is a six step process designed to help the reader stop believing in his/her judgments. Of course, we’ll never rid ourselves of judgment entirely, but we can stop believing the false information our judgments are sending us.
Below, we’ll go through the six step plan as written in Gabby’s new book and discussed in the podcast:

Step 1: Witness Your Judgment Without Judgment

  • Take inventory by asking four questions:
    • What/who am I judging?
    • How does it make me feel?
    • Why do I feel justified in this judgment?
    • Is there an experience from my past that is triggering this judgment?
  • Note: It’s important to not judge your judgments. This perpetuates the problem and creates a judgment cycle.

Step 2: Honor the Wounds

  • Recognize and honor the fact that beneath every judgment is a deep rooted wound (the Shadow)
  • Use the Emotional Freedom Technique, which is like psychoanalysis and acupuncture combined where you heal the root cause and energy that lives beneath the judgment

Step 3: Put Love on the Altar

  • Become conscious of the fact that we are prioritize judgment and give it a pedestal that defines our experience.
  • In this step we change our intention to put love on the alter/pedestal so we experience life in a more strengthening way
  • It feels weakening to be walking around with the negative story and the judgment we carry of others. Through prayer/intention you begin to see things through the lens of love rather than fear
  • Whatever your avenue of faith and belief is, surrender to it and lean in to it as it allows you to rewire your brain in a more positive manner

Step 4: See for the First Time

  • Practicing seeing through the lens of compassion, seeing people with the eyes of what is working, thriving rather than the past story
  • Take the circumstances you judged just yesterday for example, and in this case decide to focus on what is working in that scenario. Find the good and identify it – what did you learn? What behavior did you walk away with?
  • Ask yourself how do I feel? Why do I feel this way? Physically, emotionally, energetically? Do you feel weak, strong, positive, negative?
  • This section highlights the cost you’re paying for your judgments

Step 5: Cut the Cords

  • There are 6 Meditation practices in this section to go through a mental cleansing. When we judge, there is an invisible energy cord that connects you to the person you are judging. You can use meditation to cut the cord.
  • What becomes possible by cutting the cords: great healing and letting go of the past stories. You get to create new possibilities and resolutions.
  • The miracle of cutting the cords is that all that’s left is love

Step 6: Bring your Shadows to the Light

  • This step is designed to forgive and let go of the past story that we carry
  • The beauty of forgiveness is not something you have to do, but something you have to be ready for.

How Long Does This Take?

Gabby recommends going through The Judgment Detox in 6 weeks. But, she recognizes that some will want to go faster or slower. The point is to continue practicing in order to remove our belief in judgment.
After you’ve finished the book the first time you can come back and use the steps interchangeably. The book is designed with the intention of freedom, there is no rigid/fixed structure – it’s designed in a way to encourage the reader to be free from judgment in a way that works, inspires and empowers the reader.

You Can View the Episode on YouTube

 Guest Bio — Gabby Bernstein

Gabrielle Bernstein is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back, and has written five additional bestsellers. She was featured on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday as a “next-generation thought leader,” and The New York Times named her “a new role model.” She appears regularly as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show and co-hosted the Guinness World Record largest guided meditation with Deepak Chopra.
Gabby is the creator of the Miracle Membership, a first-of-its-kind monthly subscription that helps people stay committed to their spiritual practices. Her flagship course, Spirit Junkie Masterclass, empowers people to awaken their confidence and live their purpose.
Gabrielle has been on an international speaking circuit since 2004. She has presented lectures at Google, TEDxWomen, Oprah’s SuperSoul Sessions, The Chopra Center, The Omega Institute, L’Oréal, Philosophy and The Huffington Post, among many other notable organizations.
Gabrielle is a certified Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She is also trained in the Emotional Freedom Technique and she’s a student of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by the David Lynch Foundation.
YouTube chose Gabrielle as one of its 16 YouTube Next Video Bloggers. Mashable included her in its list of 11 Must-Follow Twitter Accounts for Inspiration. Forbes called her one of the 20 Best-Branded Women.
Gabrielle is a regular guest on The Dr. Oz Show and has contributed to or been featured in media outlets such as SuperSoul Sunday, Today, CNN, Home & Family, Fox & Friends, PBS, Kathie Lee and Hoda, Access Hollywood, OWN’s Help Desk, The New York Times Sunday Styles section, Teen Vogue, ELLE, InStyle, Marie Claire, Health, SELF, Women’s Health, Glamour, The Sunday Times UK, People, The Wall Street Journal, The Thrive Global podcast, Lewis Howes’ School of Greatness, Bulletproof Radio and many more. Gabrielle has also been on the covers of Experience Life and Self-Made magazines; the latter named her one of the top 50 women in business.
Gabrielle is on the steering committee for Philosophy’s Hope and Grace Initiative and a Lululemon Global Yoga Ambassador.
In January 2018 Gabrielle launches her sixth book, Judgment Detox.

More on The Podcast/Blog:

Self-Confidence for Men: The Ultimate Guide
How to Find Purpose in Life: The Ultimate Guide

Subscribe on:

Apple Podcasts | Stitcher Radio | Android
For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Did you enjoy the podcast?

If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community!
Thank You to the Team:
Editing & Mixing by: Aaron Johnson

Instagram Feed

ManTalks © |  Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer

ManTalks © 2024

Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy | Disclaimer

Application

Which Statement Best Applies To You?

Click the button below.