Mental Health

Dr. Robert Glover and Tony Endelman – Dissecting The New Roles, Needs, And Expectations Of Men

Talking points: masculinity, dating, relationships, patriarchy, balance

This is a hefty one, folks. The legendary Dr. Glover and acclaimed coach and writer Tony Endelman sat down with me to analyze the shifting roles, needs, expectations, and environments that men find themselves in.

This is a great episode to listen to if you’d like a frank but broad-minded lens to look at the male experience with. A lot of what Dr. Glover, Tony, and I talk about are things we’ve seen again and again in clients, friends, and our own research.

(0:00:00) – Intro
(0:03:19) – What’s happening to boys and men and why?
(0:16:33) – Tony’s perspective, and masculinity in the digital age
(0:24:23) – Male relationships in dating and in general life
(0:37:22) – Is modern dating a s***show?
(0:49:13) – Conscious dating, emotional tension, and the friend zone

Dr. Robert Glover, therapist, coach, speaker, and educator is a relationship expert with over 40 years of professional experience. The author of the groundbreaking, No More Mr. Nice Guy, the best-selling Dating Essentials for Men, and the recently released, Dating Essentials for Men: Frequently Asked Questions, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of men world-wide transform their lives and get what they want in relationship, sex, and career.

Tony Endelman is an author, blogger, entrepreneur, and certified transformational life coach. He is also certified in the Psychology of Happiness. His website has been named one of the top 100 personal development blogs. Tony was born and raised in Omaha, Nebraska, and graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with a degree in communications. Tony currently lives in New Orleans.


Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Doug Weiss – Porn And Sex Addiction Are More Complex Than You Think

Talking points: addiction, sex, porn, narcissism, relationships, therapy

I’ve yet to meet a man who hasn’t struggled at some point in his life with porn addiction. I was one of them. But is sex addiction any different, and is it more or less complex? I sat down with Dr. Doug Weiss, himself a recovered sex addict (37 years and counting!) to get some insight.

This is an ep to listen to if you’re looking for more insight on a pervasive problem for many, many people. One that can heavily impact relationships, work ethic, and even overall success.

[00:01:11] – Dougs defining moment
[00:03:27] – Defining sexual addiction
[00:19:41] – What is intimacy anorexia, and what’s contributing to it?
[00:30:37] – Reinforcing yours AND your partner’s experiences, and matching types of expression in sex
[00:39:28] – Partner betrayal trauma
[00:44:08] – What makes intimate relationships unique
[00:46:19] – More on sex and porn addiction
[00:50:45] – Sex addiction and ADHD
[00:54:11] – Can you be addicted to validation? 
[00:57:58] – Can sex addiction escalate into something darker?
[01:00:51] – On narcissism

Dr. Doug Weiss is the Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and has been helping couples and individuals for over thirty years. He is the President of the American Association for Sexual Addiction Therapy where his treatment model for sex addiction, partner betrayal trauma, and intimacy anorexia is used in counseling practices all over the world. 

His direct and charismatic approach to handling tough issues has made him sought after for professional appearances on television shows such as The Oprah Winfrey show, Dr. Phil, Good Morning America, 20/20, The Doctors, Daystar, FoxNews, CNN, Montel, and more.

Dr. Doug Weiss has written and filmed over 40 books and therapeutic teachings that directly address specific issues in relationships regarding intimacy, sex, partner betrayal trauma, sex addiction, parenting, and more. He has had more than one Lifetime movie made about his counseling practice (Heart to Heart Counseling Center) in Colorado Springs. 

Connect with Doug

-Website: https://www.drdougweiss.com/

-Intimacy Anorexia: https://intimacyanorexia.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdougweiss

-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drdougweiss

-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/drdougweiss


Pick up my brand-new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Men’s Work Session – Healing The Relationship To Anger

Talking points: anger, inner critic, passive aggressiveness, shame

Haven’t done one of these in a while! Every so often I’ll have an anonymous guest on the show to give listeners a glimpse into what men’s work at ManTalks is actually like. This time, my guest is already familiar with what we do, so I dive right in.

If you’re the kind of person who has difficulty standing up for themselves, or can’t seem to control negative self-talk, this may be a helpful episode to dig into. We talk a lot about something I call “implosive anger”, aka when instead of having a healthy relationship with the anger you feel, you suppress and direct it back at yourself.


Pick up my brand-new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Katherine Ann Cantrell – Is Healing Decades Of Trauma Even Possible?

Talking points: trauma, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, trauma culture, therapy

I was connected to Katherine Ann through my own mentor, the incredible gestalt therapist Duey Freeman. Her story is intense, powerful, and most importantly, it’s shows the importance and possibilities inherent in trauma work and group work. I applaud Katherine Ann for coming forward and sharing her story.

[00:01:12] – Katherine Ann’s defining moment

[00:08:50] – the role Katherine Ann’s father played in her life

[00:15:12] – Were you believed about what was happening, and how did your trauma start manifesting?

[00:26:44] – How did what happened shape your perception of men, and how has that evolved since doing trauma excavation?

[00:40:16] – What would you say to people who struggle with forgiving what’s happened?

[00:45:27] – What is trauma excavation?

[00:54:44] – Do you get the sense that trauma work has become so mainstream it’s been watered down?

Katherine Ann is a mother of five grown children – 2 daughters and 3 stepsons. She resides in Boulder, CO with her beloved husband. After years of abuse and trauma, followed by 30 years (thus far) of healing, she recently released her website – see KatherineAnn.com – and is sharing her life story and experiences in hopes of helping others heal from trauma and abuse, and transform from a place of just surviving to thriving in life. The connection Katherine Ann has with (Connor) is through Duey Freeman, who has been a therapist for almost 50 years with about 80,000 contact hours with clients. Katherine Ann has worked with Duey individually and collectively with her siblings. Recently, Duey stated on Traver Boehm’s podcast that, Katherine Ann, and her brother and her sister, “were involved in probably the most bizarre and intense situation of abuse – both physical and sexual – that I’ve seen.” In 2008, in a letter of promotion for the three siblings when they planned to write a book together, Duey wrote about the abuse as, “the most intense, insidious, and malicious case of abuse and incest I have ever known. It is a story of love and hate, of physical and sexual abuse, of incredible humiliation and manipulation. A story that makes you cry and then pray for both forgiveness and healing.” Katherine Ann’s book will be published later this year.

Connect with Katherine Ann

-Website: https://katherineann.com/intro/introduction/

-Facebook: https://bit.ly/3NbKOyF

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katherineannhealing/


Pick up my brand-new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

 

 

 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Weaponization Of Psychology

This is something I’m seeing a lot on social media, but also in everyday dialogue and even some clients: labeling someone with a definitive psychological term to shut down dialogue or shame someone else, usually without really knowing what’s being talked about.

This only speeds up our polarization and harms our ability to connect. How about we…stop doing that?

Note: the article in the NYT I mentioned was written by Dr. Tara Isabella Burton, not Bayo Akomolafe. I’ll link it below, along with his interview on the Emerald Podcast.

The Problem With Letting Therapy-Speak Invade Everything: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/12/opinion/mental-health-therapy-instagram.html

The Emerald: The Revolution Will Not Be Pscyhologized, Part 2: https://podtail.com/en/podcast/the-emerald/the-revolution-will-not-be-psychologized-part-2-in/


Pick up my brand-new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here’s How You Deal With Regret

Talking points: regret, purpose, direction

I was recently reminded of a powerful moment I had with an old mentor. At the time, I was having trouble deciding what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, and I felt directionless and fearful of regret. This is a topic I’ve covered before, but it’s one worth reflecting on. Listen in.

Transcript

All right, team. Welcome back to The ManTalks Show. I’m Connor Beaton, and today we’re gonna be talking about regret. How to deal with it, and why it might be one of the most important things that you’ve never considered in your life and your development.

Before we dive into that, I just want to say thank you to everybody that’s been subscribing to the YouTube channel and to the podcast. We’ve got over 20,000 subscribers on YouTube and on the podcast. I think on Spotify we’ve got like 18,000 subscribers. So make sure that you hit that subscribe button wherever you are listening or viewing to the show.

All right. Regret. How do we deal with it? This is something that is – I almost said near and dear to my heart – but it’s very true for me that I’ve lived a life where I’ve done a tremendous amount of things. I’ve traveled the world. I’ve raced motorcycles. I had a career in construction. I sang classical music. I worked for Apple. I’ve done all of these things. And I’ve also done some things that I have deeply regretted. I’ve acted out of integrity, I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve hurt people. And so I’ve lived a life trying to not regret anything for a little while, for a period of time trying to make sure that I didn’t regret anything, but then simultaneously doing things that I deeply regretted.

I remember hearing a quote by Christopher Hitchens that really struck me years and years ago, and I think recently I was reminded by it. I was listening to the Chris Williams show, the Modern Wisdom Show, and he brought it up where he talked about how Christopher Hitchens says, choose your regrets. Choose your regrets.

I was reminded of a conversation with a mentor of mine where I was talking about a challenge that I was having in my life, and I wasn’t really too sure if I wanted to leave my career at the time and start to pursue a different career. This mentor was teaching me all about Jungian psychology, and Daoism, and these different therapeutic and spiritual modalities; and I just couldn’t tell if I wanted to leave the career, and he said,”you know, Connor, this career is for people that can’t see themselves doing anything else with their life.”

And I could see myself doing a tremendous amount with my life. And I knew that there was something missing from this career that was sort of intangible. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was something missing. And he said, “it’s better to regret what you’ve done than to regret what you haven’t.”

It’s better to regret what you’ve done than to regret what you haven’t. And that’s always stuck with me. It’s always stuck with me because I think that we as men, especially within our masculine core, we want to go out into the world. There’s something about the masculine essence, about masculinity that wants to pierce out into the world or penetrate out into the world. Build something, create something, adventure, explore, experience, and be witness to and present with as much as we can. This doesn’t mean that you should choose things actively that you’re gonna regret, that are out of integrity and out of alignment and gonna get you to – maybe get thrown in jail, or killed, or something like that. I’m not advocating for you to go out and do stupid stuff; but what I’m saying is that we live in a time, in a place, in culture where it’s very common for men to feel overly domesticated. It’s easy for you to go work your nine to five, and come home and be tired, and turn on Netflix, and just do that, and have that be the life that you live; versus pursuing something that really is meaningful that you may come with some regrets because there inevitably is a choice point when we start to pursue the things that we want: the better body, right, going to the gym every single day, building a business or starting a company, or starting to approach more women if you’re a single guy out in public, or working on your relationship, or bettering your finances in some capacity. You have to make choices to let something go. Like for me, I’ve had to let go of alcohol. I’ve had to let go of weed. I’ve had to let go of porn. I’ve had to let go of all of these coping mechanisms that didn’t necessarily serve me, but some of them – I enjoyed having a whiskey once in a while, or a beer once in a while, having an IPA, going out with the buddies. But, it’s not necessarily the life that I wanted to explore.

I wanted to meet my edge. I wanted to see what I’m capable of physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically. As a father, as a husband, as a business owner, I want to see what I’m capable of in this lifetime. I want to go out and explore and adventure and travel and experience things, and there’s certain things that I know if I choose them, they are more likely to leave me not wanting to explore an experience. They’re more likely to leave me with the sensation that I regret things that I hadn’t done because they were getting in the way. And so I would rather pursue things and fail; and this is the interesting part: because when you pursue things, and I’ve worked with a bunch of high level musicians and entrepreneurs and athletes over the years – Olympic athletes and pro athletes – and they all have regrets about their pursuit. Missing the game-winning shot or not hitting number one on the billboard charts or whatever it is. They might have a regret about something that didn’t happen, but they are still in pursuit of something that’s meaningful to them versus the guy that’s not in pursuit of really anything that lights him up.

And that might be you, right?

It was certainly me for a while where I remember when I was in my early twenties, I think I was like 20, 21. I was miserable. I was working in a gravel pit in northern Alberta during the winters. It was like minus 40 outside. I was working the night shift. And it was loud, it was freezing cold, and I hated it. I hated every minute of it. I was living this life of regret of not pursuing the things that maybe I would fail at. Maybe I wouldn’t be exceptional at, but I was living a life of burdensome regret, and I think that’s the really big difference. When we are living in pursuit, we’re gonna have regrets about things that went wrong or failed, or the wrong decisions that we made. The things that we maybe could have done better in hindsight.

But that is exponentially more rewarding, more exciting, more engaging, and more activating for our masculine essence than it is not pursuing anything and living a life of regretting what you never did. And I’ve seen this really destroy men. I’ve seen it in my family, I’ve seen it in friends, I’ve seen it in men that I’ve worked with. That the things that we don’t pursue, that we know in our core, deep in our gut, that we want to pursue when we don’t. That type of regret is not only constrictive, but it’s damaging to our soul. It’s damaging to our mind and our body because we wake up every single day and we live with the knowing that we’re not moving towards the thing that we ultimately want and need; and the beautiful thing about pursuing is the regrets that come along with what you’ve done is that you have to face your fears, you have to meet your edge. And that’s the odd thing about choosing your regret is that you end up making change and when you live a life trying to avoid your regrets – I don’t wanna regret anything. I don’t want to get anything wrong. I wanna live in this perfectionist mindset – what ends up happening is that you stay in the same place. Because you’re afraid.

There’s a great quote by a man named Dr. James Hollis, who I’ve had on my podcast before, one of the foremost Jungian analysts of our time. He said: “men’s lives are governed by fear.”

Men’s lives are governed by fear.

And over the years I have seen so many men who have been governed by fear: by the fear of pursuing what they want in their relationship, sexually, governed by the fear of pursuing what they want in their business, financially, with their body, physically, with their minds. Really afraid to see what they’re capable of.

And I thinkthat is the most crushing form of regret that we can live with, and I think what’s interesting is there’s a freedom that comes along with pursuing the things that we ultimately know in our heart, in our core, that we want to pursue, that we want to build, that we wanna create, that we wanna become.

And I can say unequivocally, if I died today or tomorrow, that the only real regret that I would have is that I didn’t get more time with my son. That I didn’t get to see him grow up. It wouldn’t be that I haven’t done something or experienced something. There’s minor things like I’ve always wanted to go to Japan and that’s on our list to do in the next couple years.

So there’d be some minor things like that. But for the most part, I have pursued and activated and achieved things that have gone wildly beyond what I ever thought I would do. Racing motorcycles, having a dream car, traveling the world, getting to experience all kinds of food and culture, and building an incredible business, working for one of the most successful companies of the world.

I’ve really gone after the things that from the outside look like they might come with a lot of failure, but I think that I’ve always tried to unintentionally live this motto that it’s better to regret the things that you’ve done and the things that you haven’t, because those types of things can be really crushing.

So my invitation for you today, as I just wrap up, is to look at your life. Look at the things that you’ve done that you’ve regretted, and probably those regrets are tied to a failure or a bad decision, or a wrong choice.

Those things can be let go. Those things can be forgiven. Those things can be healed.

Again, this isn’t to advocate for like criminal behavior and those types of things, right? I just wanna make that super clear. But then look at the things that you haven’t done that you know you have regrets around: the business that you want to build, the product, that you want to launch, whatever it is – the book that you wanna write, the artistic project that you’ve been putting on the back burner, the part of your relationship that you’ve been avoiding intensely. The regret of maybe not treating your body the way that you ultimately know you want to with the food that you eat and the training that you embody.

So start to write some of these things down, like what are the regrets that I have about the things that I haven’t done? And then see if you’re willing to just confront that edge. Starting to pursue that edge.

There’s a guy – and I’ll wrap up with this – there’s a guy in the ManTalks Alliance, this group of, 400 or 500 guys from around the world. It’s online men’s group, and he, over the course of the last year and a half, I believe, has lost I think about 150 pounds in his time in the Alliance. And he has worked diligently to face this fear. And I remember on one of the calls, or on one of the posts, he was talking about not wanting to live a life regretting not doing this, not losing this weight, not seeing what he was capable of and not getting himself into shape.

And now his whole personality has changed as he’s gone through this physical transformation. And so that’s a, maybe a somewhat extreme example, but I think it’s something that we can all align with and understand that there’s probably a part of you as you’re watching this or listening to this thinking, yeah, there, there actually is something that I’m not pursuing, that I’m not going after. And if I died tomorrow, if my life ended tomorrow, would I regret, if I could have some awareness that I had died and that I hadn’t gotten to do this thing, if I died tomorrow, would I ever regret not pursuing that thing? Taking my kids camping or traveling to wherever or starting that business or seeing what my body is physically capable of.

What are the things? So write them down, make a commitment to yourself. Choose one of them and begin to pursue them because it’s better to live with the regrets of what you’ve done than it is to live with the regret of what you haven’t.

So thanks for tuning in. Make sure that you share this episode. Man it forward.

And until next week, this is Connor Beaton signing off.


This podcast is brought to you by Organifi! Plant-based nutrition that’s science-backed, high quality, and something I use literally every day. Hit up the link for 20% off your next purchase here: https://www.organifi.com/mantalks

Pick up my brand-new book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today.

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Darren Silver – The Importance Of Direct Connection To Nature

Talking points: vision quests, initiation, culture, ritual

Do things like vision quests and ceremony actually DO anything? Should they? What does it mean to “connect to a place”? What happens to a man when he’s immersed in nature—without a phone or a to-do list or even a destination? These are some of the wonderings I had with Mr. Darren Silver in this fascinating and enjoyable conversation. I’m a big believer in getting everything, not just men, out into the wild occasionally to reconnect with the non-human, and Darren shows us just how fruitful that can be.

Darren Silver, MA, is a rite of passage guide, Nature-Connected Coach, ceremonialist, and innovative educator. He has over a decade of experience working with ritual, wilderness living skills, and guiding transformational experiences residentially and internationally. A gifted storyteller and apprentice to the old myths, Darren weaves the power of the natural world, vision, and community in devotion to the remembrance of regenerative culture. 

Connect with Darren

-Website: https://www.darrensilver.earth/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ds.silver/


Pick up my brand-new book! Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the self-leadership they’re looking for.

Are you looking to find purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Check out our Facebook Page or the Men’s community.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Vienna Pharaon – The Origins Of You

Talking points: internal family systems, origin stories, wounding, sleep deprived or sleep depraved?

Folks, I am so deeply proud of my wife, and very excited to have her on the show once more to dive deep into her book, The Origins of You. We look at origin stories, aka how family patterns also create patterns in ourselves—that then impact our lives and relationships in so many different ways. This is definitely an episode to share with someone, or to listen alongside your partner!

Connect with Vienna:

-Website: https://viennapharaon.com/

-Counselling: https://www.newyorkcouplescounseling.com

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulmft/

-Book; The Origins of You: https://bit.ly/3kiEcml

-International Book Link: https://geni.us/TheOriginsOfYou


Pick up my brand new book! Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the self-leadership they’re looking for.

Are you looking to find purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today.

Check out our Facebook Page or the Men’s community.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Seven Psychology Terms From Carl Jung

As many of you already know, I’m inspired a lot by Jung’s work. This week, I wanted to cover seven Jung terms as I understand them, because I see them mentioned a lot out there; from the collective unconscious and the shadow, to the persona and the animus.

Transcript below!


Pick up my brand new book! Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the self-leadership they’re looking for.

Are you looking to find purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today.

Check out our Facebook Page or the Men’s community.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

Transcript

All right, team. Welcome back to The ManTalks Show. I’m Connor Beaton. Today we’re gonna be diving into seven principles of the Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung. Now, if you’ve been following my channel for any amount of time, you will probably know that I am a sort of avid and active student of Mr. Carl Jung. I really appreciate the work that he has. It’s interesting because in the psychological field, some people see it more as philosophy. Some people refer to Jung’s work more as a sort of philosophical nature than psychological, which you can debate that. I’m not really here to have that conversation.

I just wanna lay out seven of the principles for you and talk about how they might apply to your own work, your own betterment. So let’s begin, first and foremost, with the personal unconscious. Jung and Freud, and a number of psychologists, were talking about the concept of an unconscious, the concept that there’s a part of you that you are unaware of, that you’re unconscious to, and this just makes sense because our conscious mind can’t hold at any given time all of the data and all of the information that is available to us. And so the way that I like to think about this is like a computer, right? Your computer has a hard drive, it has programs, it has software that it’s operating. And at any given time, your computer isn’t accessing the entirety of the data that’s available to it, nor is it accessing the entirety of the data of the internet that it could connect to, which we’ll get to in a moment. So hold that analogy.

So the personal unconscious is kind of like all of the data, imagery, messages, memories, experiences, and impulses that you are currently not aware of, right? Impulses that you’ll have in the future, instincts that you’ve had in the past, memories that you’ve had in the past. So that’s a sort of accumulation of the unconscious, the personal unconscious within each individual. Now, the important aspect of the personal unconscious in many ways is that through Jung’s work and one of the other principles that I’ll talk about later, a lot of the work dreamwork, being able to question your motives, your decisions, was about coming into contact with the things that you didn’t know about yourself. The sort of deeper, under the surface aspects, this massive sort of unconscious that you can’t really see, but you kind of know is there. And so that’s the personal unconscious. So that’s Number One.

Concept Number Two is the collective unconscious. Now, the collective unconscious is interesting because Jung believed the human psyche is made up of three different parts: the ego, the personal unconscious, and the collective unconscious. And you can get into the archetypes and some of the different variants of this, and we’ll talk about more of them in a second. But the collective unconscious is fascinating because it’s the universal part of the human psyche that contains archetypes, right? So Jung talked a lot about how the unconscious mind operates in dreams, in archetypes, and in mythology. So in many ways, it operates quite different from how the rational logical mind works, which is very linear, very straightforward, very direct. Whereas the unconscious mind works through association, right?

So you might be trying to sort through some relational problem in your marriage or in your life and you’re trying to think about it in a very straightforward way. Maybe you and your wife or your girlfriend haven’t been sexually active in a few weeks and you’re trying to think about, “well, what’s happening in the context of our relationship that’s causing this sexual disconnection,” whereas your unconscious mind would represent that in a more mythological structure. So you might have a dream, let’s just say, about an archetype of the feminine, right? Some woman would show up in your dream and that woman maybe is a little apprehensive of getting close to you, but you feel this desire to be with her. And then you go on some quest to procure something that allows her to see that you are safe or that you’re grounded or strong or some version of that. And so, in your unconscious, a lot of what operates in that space is gonna be symbolic in nature. It’s gonna be archetypal in nature.

Now, the thing that I think is important about the collective unconscious, and I’ve talked about this a few times, and this is just my structure, but I feel like it’s helpful for me to maybe lay out here, is we interact with the collective unconscious on a daily basis now, which is a very new structure within the human experience. It’s a very new experience, and the reason why I say that is that every day that you log on to Facebook or Instagram or any social media platform, and any day that you go online and onto the internet, that is an extension, I believe, of the collective unconscious where you are interacting with the unconscious emotions, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, reactivities, social programming, familial programming, cultural programming of other people.

And we got some of this as a human species throughout time, but for the most part it was very limited, right? If you traveled, if you met people that were outside of your culture, or just when you interact with people that you were close to, whether it was a hundred years ago or a thousand years ago, sometimes you would be interacting with their unconscious mind and thus interacting with the collective unconscious.

But now we’re inundated with this data of unconscious reactivity. You put a tweet out and suddenly 50 people are hostile towards you, and a hundred love it, and 200 aren’t too sure. And you’re getting this bombardment of information and data from people that is oftentimes very unconscious. Their instinctual feeling about it, their belief systems, their cultural programming – all of that is thrust at you all at once.

And so to use that computer analogy that I was talking about before, the collective unconscious, you can think about if your mind is like the part of the computer, and then your unconscious is all the information on your computer. The collective unconscious is the internet, right? It’s being able to access this massive, vast type of data and information that refers to society and culture, and human behavior, and a whole bunch of other stuff that we’re starting to figure out.

The next one is the ego. So Principle Number Three or Structure Number Three is the ego. The ego has been talked about by many psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists. And I think for this purpose, the ego as Jung talks about it, is really the part of the psyche that mediates the demands of the unconscious coming into the conscious and the external world.

So the ego is this sort of manifestation of the part of you that’s trying to express itself out into the world, trying to temper your expression, based on how you might fit in, how you might be perceived. And so the ego is really responsible for your sense of self and your ability to function in the world.

So ego in our modern culture has got a bad rap. When you say that somebody has a big ego, it usually is a negative connotation, right? They’re arrogant, they’re maybe condescending, et cetera. But having a healthy ego is actually a very important part to psychological health, right? In the spiritual world, we talk about abolishing the ego or seeing the ego as a kind of garb that we wear, but it’s still an important element to being able to interact with people around you, right? So if you had zero ego, if you had literally obliterated your ego and you had no context for that, you would have a very hard time actually interacting with people on a regular basis, because how we interact is often through the lens or the filter of our ego.

So some of the times when I’m actually working with men, one of the things that we’ll talk about is reconstructing, or altering our ego, or a kind of ego improvement, because sometimes we as men, or we as human beings, have these sort of deep insecurities that we are operating from, and so our ego is very fragile. It’s wounded. It maybe perceives itself to be very weak and meek. And so sometimes, part of the work that we actually need to do from a psychological standpoint is reinforcing our ego, is building and developing a healthy quality of ego that has a certain level of competence and confidence.

Whereas on the other hand, when you’re working with people who have maybe narcissistic tendencies or are very arrogant or cocky, then working to humble that ego in a healthy, constructive way, not deconstructing it or obliterating it, which sometimes we try and do, which can be very psychologically jarring and maybe even damaging. What we want to try and do is humble that ego and start to temper it.

The next is the persona. So the persona you can think about as the mask that the individual presents to the world. So this is like a little bit of your identity. It’s the part of the ego that is concerned with how a person is perceived, how that person belongs socially or culturally. And the persona is often shaped by social and cultural expectations. So you can think about the family that you grew up in, the expectations from that family. Maybe the expectations from the religion or the culture that you grew up in, right? If you grew up Roman Catholic, in an Italian family, there’s certain expectations and social and cultural norms that will have influenced your persona and the kind of mask that you actually put out to the world and represent.

The next is the shadow. Now, I’ve talked about the shadow extensively. But essentially the shadow is the part of our unconscious mind that contains the elements of the individual or the individual’s psyche that we are unwilling to accept or understand, or even be aware of. So these might be your insecurities, they might be your inferiorities, your fears, your doubts, the pain that you experienced from the past; these are the elements of the self that we have tried to disconnect from. So you might disconnect from your anger. You might disconnect from assertiveness, you might disconnect from sadness or a grief or whatever it might be in an effort to try and fit in or assimilate, or belong in your family system or culture environment or whatever it is.

Jung believed that this shadow was really the first big step that we had to take in order to individuate, which I’m gonna talk about next, in order to find a sense of wholeness. He actually went so far as to say – I’m just gonna read off a quote for you from a lecture in 1937 where Jung spoke at Yale. He said:

“The new man must bear the burden of the shadow consciously. For such a man knows that whatever is wrong in the world is in himself, and if he only learns to deal with his own shadow, he has done something real for the world. He has succeeded in shouldering, at least an infinitesimal part of the gigantic unsolved social problems of our day.”

And so here you can see this statement that Jung is making, that the shadow, and this is why I talk about shadow extensively. It’s why it’s the bulk of my work, because until we can reconcile with or understand our own shadow, it’s very challenging to be able to make any kind of meaningful impact outside in the world, and that actually by tackling our own shadow, our own darkness – however you want to put that, we are doing something deeply meaningful for ourselves, our families, and our communities.

Okay, two more pieces and then we’ll close off.

Individuation. This is a concept that Jung created and it’s really the process of becoming an individual or integrating the various aspects or elements within your psyche to move towards cohesive wholeness or a more comprehensive type of wholeness. So shadow work is one of those first steps, right? Let’s just say you’re disconnected from your anger, you’re disconnected from your assertiveness. That causes a kind of psychological harm and dis-ease that you operate from because you probably don’t set boundaries and you don’t tell no, you don’t say no to people.

And so by starting to integrate that anger and integrate these parts of yourself that you’ve tried to discard or dislike, you create a deeper sense of wholeness; and wholeness is health, in essence, from a psychological standpoint.

The last thing that I wanna talk about is the anima and the animus.

Jung, in the last component was this: anima and animus, and it really represented the masculine and feminine qualities within all of us. And here, Jung kind of enters into an alchemical standpoint, right? In alchemy, they talk about how, if you read Hermes Trismegistus, I can’t remember the book is called right now, off the top of my head. But in Alchemy, they talk about how everything has a quality of gender and everything has a quality of polarity, and gender being masculine and feminine. And so Jung took this and created the concepts of the anima and the animus. And essentially within men, the animus is your conscious mind. That’s the masculine, that your forward orientation is the masculine; and then your unconscious is the feminine, it’s the anima. And in women, it’s reversed. And so I’m gonna dedicate a whole video to getting into that because it’s a little bit more complicated, but it’s wildly fascinating. And I think it talks about it and it explains a lot of the dynamics that we’re experiencing today.

So, fire me off a message on Instagram @ManTalks. DM me. Let me know what you’d like to get into, what you took, what you learned, what you enjoyed. Let me know what concepts you’d like me to elaborate on, what questions you have. And until next week, as always, this is Connor Beaton signing off.

Drew Manning – Leaving The Mormon Church, Porn, And Getting Fit

Talking points: Mormon religion, porn, infidelity, fitness

You can tell right away Mr. Drew Manning is a kind and open man. We sat down recently to discuss talk about his journey of gaining and losing 75 pounds on purpose to better understand his clients, but it became so much more, including his departure from the religion he grew up with and how that felt, how he overcame shame, what it’s like to enter the dating scene as a single dad, and much more.

Health and fitness expert Drew Manning is the New York Times best-selling author of Fit2Fat2Fit: The Unexpected Lessons from Gaining and Losing 75 lbs on Purpose and has for years been a leading voice in the burgeoning Keto Diet movement.

Drew is also the creator of the A&E Show Fit to Fat to Fit and the host of The Fit2Fat2Fit Experience podcast. With over a million social media followers, Drew continues to transform people’s lives all around the world.

Known for his straightforward and empathetic fitness and health coaching, Drew has been featured on The Dr. Oz Show, CNN, Good Morning America, The Tonight Show, The View, and MSNBC, among other media outlets.

He lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, with his daughters, who remind him every day not to take things too seriously.


Pick up my brand new book! Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the self-leadership they’re looking for.

Are you looking to find purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Check out our Facebook Page or the Men’s community.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter   

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What’s The Difference Between Anger And Rage?

It might sound odd, but I think there are significant differences between the two, and it’s important to train ourselves to understand those differences. Why? Because if you know how to work with them, they’re not going to hinder your progress or damage your relationships. It’s that simple.


Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the self-leadership they’re looking for.

Are you looking to find purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Check out our Facebook Page or the Men’s community.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter   

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why Men Don’t Go To Therapy

I’m sure you’ve heard the joke: men will start five separate podcasts before they go to therapy.

There are lots of reasons why the stereotype exists, but it’s my job to take it seriously. Here’s my take on one of the deeper reasons why many men avoid seeing a counselor, a coach, a psychiatrist, or a psychotherapist.


Pre-order my upcoming book! Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Did you enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the self-leadership they’re looking for.

Are you looking to find purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today. 

Check out our Facebook Page or the Men’s community.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter   

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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