Do You Feel Entitled To Your Partner Feeling Attraction For You?
“But I am his wife!”
“She is my woman.”
“He hasn’t slept with me in over 2 months.”
“She is always turning down sex.”
I often hear things like these in my dating, intimacy, and relationship coaching practice and although each relationship is complex and unique, I want to talk about attraction today and why we need to be aware of how it works.
There may be an attraction problem if our partner doesn’t desire us as much as they used to.
When it comes to attraction and desire we need to understand one thing, you can’t ask someone to desire you and be attracted to you.
Someone is attracted to you based on how you show up in your life and theirs.
A relationship label is never an excuse to assume attraction either.
Just because he is your husband or she is your girlfriend doesn’t mean he or she should desire you automatically and vice versa.
If your partner doesn’t desire you as much as you want, you need to take a deeper look at the polarity in the relationship. Are you both showing up as attractive to each other?
Not understanding the dynamics of connection and attraction is what often leads couples who began with a lot of passion into leveling out and over time feeling more like friends or roommates than lovers.
With a group of women I coach, I recently shared this example about a woman opening up sexually when masculine energy is around.
I asked them the following:
“Let’s say you meet a man and date long distance. The relationship progresses and now he asks you to move to his city to be with him. So you drop everything and move across the country to be with your man and when you arrive, feeling scared and unsettled, he is needy and asking you for sex everyday, and then taking it personally as he wonders out loud to you why you don’t want him… how would that make you feel?”
There was a collective distaste over every woman’s face. Many of their faces said, “heck no!”
Then I asked:
“But what if he was focused on making everything smooth, solving problems, helping you land and be safe, being the leader needed at that moment, what would that do for you?”
Every woman instantly smiled a sexy little smile and had a very happy look on her face.
There are many attraction triggers for men and women, but I’ll share one that is very strong for women.
When a woman has sex it increases her chances of getting pregnant. It is therefore in her biology to assess safety and assure herself of it before having sex, because if she gets pregnant she becomes vulnerable. If she isn’t safe, her child will be at risk.
So, if a man focuses less on his feelings of being rejected by his woman sexually and steps up as her man by funneling that energy into creating safety around her, it helps her feel like she is with a directional, grounded and strong man who is un-reactive at a time when she may feel reactive (scared, ungrounded, unsettled).
She will then feel at ease in his capable hands and soften out of her masculine energy, into her feminine, and open herself up sexually.
A shift in perception is sometimes required rather than the usual way people often deal with these situations — by taking them as a personal rejection.
These moments are always an invitation to step up into a greater version of ourselves and into deeper understanding of the attraction triggers in our partners.
Read More By Giordana Toccaceli
“Why Women Stay in Relationships with Emotionally Unavailable Men”
Giordana has worked with a wide range of clients from Top CEOs, Billionaires, successful entrepreneurs, professional athletes, actors, models and every day men and women. She is a regular contributor to Univision TV’s morning show “Despierta Austin” and the Founder of Woman’s Allure and the Co-Founder of Embody Love Project.
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