Archives for March 2016

Man Of The Week – Raffaello Manacorda

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Love. Its an emotion and the kind of connection many of us desire, yet a large number of us struggle with really understanding love. Our newest Man Of The Week is a Raffaello Manacorda, an author, teacher and coach who helps people with understanding love and relationships. A strong believer of reflection and working on the self, Raffaello believes many of our sufferings are rooted in our struggle for internal harmony and once those are dealt with, individuals are able to make progress and truly love those around them. During his life experiences, Rafaello has learned that following your gut can sometimes be a risky endeavour, but as long as you are acting in line with your purpose, trust the outcome will be a positive one. Check out the full feature to see how this humble and gentle man is positively impacting the world around him!

Age: 38
What do you do? (Work)
I am an author, teacher and coach. I have just published my first book, Conscious Relationships. I am the creator of The Network of Love workshop.
Why do you do it?
Because I feel a strong calling to share my insights with men and women all over the world. It is my natural way of giving my contribution towards the development of consciousness on this planet.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
The first way I make a difference is by working on myself through self inquiry, Yoga, spiritual practice, with the certainty that the root of all the suffering around me is reflected in myself. One of the main ways I make a difference is through coaching people. Coaching which gives me the possibility to deeply intervene in the lives of dozens of couples and individuals. Then, I work hard to share my evolution with as many as are willing to listen! I do this by writing with amazing publications such as ManTalks and bringing my Network of Love workshop all around the world, as well as by running a personal blog, Fragments of Evolution.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1 – When I was a teenager, I spent an entire month travelling by myself around Europe. I actually turned 16 during the journey! I visited more than 5 countries in one month, sleeping on trains. My mother was scared to death, but that was my rite of passage into adulthood. I learned to be self-sufficient, but also to trust the world. When you trust, good things happen to you—that’s what I discovered.
2 – When I was 24, moved from Rome, my hometown, to Barcelona, tossing my old life away and starting a new chapter. I packed everything I had on an old battered van and made the move without knowing what was going to happen, but following my gut instinct. That proved to be a life defining decision.
3 – During my trip to Thailand in 2010 I had my first deep spiritual experience, while looking at a giant Buddha statue. I realized the impermanence of life and and that insight has not left me ever since.
What is your life purpose?
To evolve. Which means, to continue developing a loving consciousness, integrating the shadow aspects of my personality and moving towards more internal harmony.
How did you tap into it?
As far as I can remember, the pull towards evolution has always been a part of my personality. But I think that the origin of it, is that as a child I was very sensitive to the suffering of others. This would sometimes go too far—I would feel overwhelmed by the pain of the people around me. But in a positive way, this planted the seed of a strong desire to find the roots of suffering and sever them, for me and for others.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have many; from the awakened men that live in these amazing times (Sri Prem Baba, Sadhguru, Eckart Tolle to name a few) to people that are long since physically dead but continue to cast their light upon me, first among them Gautama Buddha. Basically whenever I come across someone that is clearly on a higher level of consciousness than I am, I turn them into my mentors! Much nearer to me, my mother and my father have taught me the basics of ethics and love, and their lessons continue to grow fruits in my hearts.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
My most important daily habit is waking up early, ideally before 5am. That sets my day straight like nothing else! I also practice yoga in the morning, before breakfast. For me, the beginning of the day is very relevant. If I start the day with the right energy, then it is much easier to keep the ball rolling. If I start the day with laziness and confusion, then I have to make a lot of effort to bring myself back on track.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
The clearest signals are: waking up late, skipping my yoga practice, and spending a few days in a row without cooking at home or tidying up my room. That usually means that I am either on a serious creative streak or, more likely, that I am going off balance.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
When I decided to leave my old job and step fully into spiritual work, I went through a phase of financial instability where I simply couldn’t find a way to support myself. I had to stop paying my mortgage for a while and borrow money from my family. That was a tough time, which showed me that there is a consequence for taking risky decisions.
What did you learn from it?
I learned I can take measures to prepare before taking a long jump. That courage doesn’t mean recklessness. And that the people I love may have to bear the consequences of my risky decisions. Next time, I will be more careful.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
In the moments of darkness and confusion, retreat in solitude and silence, then listen to the voice of your heart.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
My way of being a partner is perhaps a bit unconventional. I have lived for several years in open relationships, where the basis of intimacy was more friendship than traditional romantic involvement. This may change in the future, but it is something I have chosen to experiment. I strongly believe in friendship and I think it forms a beautiful basis for society. Romantic relationships are also very important, but sometimes we forget that, on a deeper level, we are all friends, or brothers and sisters. I think it is important to restore friendship as the natural, spontaneous relationship between men and women—being all friends to each other would make this world a better place!
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I support Wikipedia (for obvious reasons, I visit it almost every day!) and Kiva, a micro-credits system that brings loans to developing countries. I think this is a great way to help people develop their businesses and make a difference in their life.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
It’s an interesting question! I’ve been influenced by many songs, and by a lot of music without lyrics as well. But if I really had to choose one, I would probably invent a new one. It would be called “Learn, Love & Evolve”.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
There is a couple of different possible scenarios: one of them involves being a father, while the other one involves running my own school of spirituality and human development. Or a combination of the two!
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I want to contribute to the growth of consciousness, love and harmony on Earth. But more specifically, I want to foster the development of a healthier sexuality and more harmonious, beneficial love relationships.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Please do yourself a favor and read The Book of Secrets by Osho. It’s no walk in the park, with more than 1500 pages. But you’re a man and you can do it ☺
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

The Sweet Spot for Modern Masculinity

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The Broken Picture of Masculinity

For a long time we’ve had a picture of masculinity.
A narrow and broken one, mind you.
It goes like this: Be tough. Control your emotions. Sort things out yourself. Asking for Sexy macho holding whip with lesbian lovers, threesome and bdsmhelp is weakness. Success is reflected in more money, sex, and power.
In this picture you talk to women about certain things and men about others.
Or some rough version of this.
This picture has conditioned us to chase meaningless things and leads to conformity of an ideal that just isn’t us.
Sex, money and power seem great, but after speaking with thousands of men on this point I can say that blindly chasing these ideas doesn’t fulfill us.
If we don’t dig deeper we end up feeling hollow. Something is missing.
That something is connection.
It’s not surprising that our idea of connection is also broken. We think it means hanging out with a few Powerful bald biker is laying on the bike on the desert background.close mates over a beer, poking fun at each other, and making lewd comments about women.
But we sure as hell don’t mention anything emotionally difficult.
So we remain macho, tough, brooding, and emotionally controlled.
Many of us live our entire lives deep behind a mask of this macho type masculinity and it’s causing male depression and suicide in intolerable quantities.
Be a man.
Be tough.
Don’t be a girl.
Harden up.
Don’t be a pussy.
Don’t cry.
Toughen up.
This thinking has led to mass confusion about what it really means to be a man. We are a frustrated and detached generation of men.
We keep our feelings to ourselves. We don’t let people in. We isolate ourselves and don’t ask for help unless things get dire. We ignore obvious problems within us and focus our energy outwards, solving others’ problems.
Sure, we get stuff done. We achieve security and some level of happiness but at what cost?
When we put on the mask of faux masculinity we easily lose ourselves. We lose who we actually are underneath that need to, ‘be a man’.
A new definition is needed.
Men are dying for change and a different model to measure ourselves against.
We’re dying for a new ‘north star’.
Enter the ‘New Age Masculine’
I think ‘New Age Masculinity’ can be useful to a lot of men, but it’s not accessible to the average man.
What do I mean by that?
New Age Masculinity can be daunting and too fluffy. It’s often too much of a stretch for many of us blokes to get our heads around let alone work on.
Let’s look at these opposite ends of the spectrum…
Picture this:
You’re down at the pub with the boys. It’s familiar and comfortable. The chat is light-hearted banter. You’re taking little digs at each other. The talks is about women, sports, tech, and other ‘man stuff.’
One of the guys says something about a nearby woman that you think is way out of line. You want to say something to him but your better nature is over-ruled by the pressure of  being ‘one of the boys’.
And now this:
You’re sitting in a circle, barefoot, deep in conversation that feels like a rabbit hole of spirituality. You’re talking about masculine and feminine energies, of being in service to light and love, breathing into your balls, and various other terms and concepts that totally fit the stereotype.
Now think about these two scenarios from the perspective of the average man – this might very well be you.
The first one can be great, but you and I both know snow manit soon becomes empty and unfulfilling.
The second one can be too much.
These two different ends of the spectrum leave us stuck, floating in a confused place, and slightly lost as to what it is to be a man.
Men are yearning for something that resonates, something that invites us to take on as our own. Something we can live with and use to set an example for the next generation.
Zeus Energy — The Accessible Middle Ground
We need a middle ground that allows us to step out of the broken macho and go gently down the rabbit hole of a new masculine — without being new age and fluffy. And we need to be able to individualize it.
The ancient Greeks nailed this long ago. They spoke about ‘Zeus Energy,’ which they defined as. “male authority accepted for the sake of the community” (as stated by Robert Bly in Iron John).
‘Zeus Energy’ encompasses intelligence, robust health, compassionate decisiveness, good will, and generous leadership.website images
I don’t know about you but this is a ‘north star’ I can work towards and take ownership of.
I can gladly call this my own and pass it on to the boys that follow me into manhood.
But first we must agree that we NEED a new model. Only then can we work together through our conversations and actions to create one.
What about you? What do YOU think this accessible middle ground should be?
How would you define the modern day masculine? Share with us below.
Bio pic 2Mike Campbell is a Man Coach who helps men find significance, worth and personal power. By challenging the broken model of manhood, he helps men to drop the ego and get out of our own way, and in doing so become their own perfect mix of James Bond, Nelson Mandela & Batman.
Plus he loves to cook, eat and talk to his food. He loves his fiancée, stone fruit, cold beer, red wine, whisky and to think of himself as a low level Batman. He also likes to lift heavy things and play Goldeneye on his vintage Nintendo 64.
You can connect with him at the following locations:
Website, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin, or Snapchat at ‘mancoachmike’
Get the ManTalks newsletter. Every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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I Believe in Loving Like You Give a Shit

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I believe in loving like you give a shit.

I believe in being overly affectionate in public. Even if it means that those who are envious label you as ‘that couple’ or tell you to get a room.

I believe in flirting with someone you’ve been with for years.

I believe in seeking out our barriers to intimacy and working our way through them.

I believe in forgiveness, and acceptance, and our ability to move on when others have hurt us.

I believe in the healing power of listening. And empathy. And a well-timed, genuine “me too.”

I believe in apologizing when we’ve done something wrong. And taking full ownership of our part of the relationship. And embracing total responsibility for ourselves and our behaviour in our lives in general.

I believe in the sexiness of self-care, because when we take care of ourselves, we can truly be there for others.

I believe in simple dates, extravagant dates, and playful dates that spawn inside jokes that last for decades.

I believe in verbal appreciation, and lots of it.

I believe in investing in “Fuck yes!” relationships. And authentic connections. And the kind of coincidences that can only come from our twin-flame connections.

I believe in leaning in to tough conversations. And showing ourselves as we are. And letting people know when we’re hurting.

I believe in accepting ourselves today as we are, and simultaneously striving for growth at a healthy pace.

I believe in head scratches and foot rubs… nose kisses and holding hands.

I believe that people who are meant to be together will always, with time, find a way to be together.

I believe in transparency, and vulnerability, and deeply loving honesty.

I believe in relationships as a safe container for growth.

I believe in regular date nights, connecting on purpose, and romantic gestures.

I believe in nurturing the kind of love that brings you home to a more authentic version of yourself.

I believe that the people who put genuine work into themselves are the ones who end up with the kind of intimate relationships that most people only think exist in fairy tales.

I believe in long hugs and slow kisses.

I believe in loving someone who looks, smells, and feels like home.

I believe in multi-hour sexual play dates, quickies, and morning sex. Sometimes all on the same day.

I believe in saying, “Fuck you society. I’m going to have sex and I’m going to LOVE it.”

I believe in kissing your partner passionately even when they’re sick. Especially when they’re sick.

I believe in doubling down on the kind of love that expands you… develops you… bursts you wide open.

Whether you label it as intentionality, or effort, or loving on purpose, or any other phrase, it’s really all the same thing.

It all comes down to loving like you give a shit.

Putting in the work. Showing your partner that you care. Creating the love you desire through your thoughts, words, and actions on a daily basis.

Aka… loving like you give a shit.

If you’re someone who loves like they give a shit, I salute you.

The world needs more of you.

 –

If you enjoyed this article, you’ll love reading more by Jordan Gray:

7 Things All Men Need in a Relationship

Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray is a sex and relationship coach, an author, and a blogger. He helps people around the world have the most deeply fulfilling love lives possible.
Jordan is a past speaker on the ManTalks stage and fellow resident of beautiful Vancouver.
He writes regularly at his website.
Get the ManTalks newsletter. Every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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Overcoming Identity Crisis and Breaking Down Masculinity Stereotypes with Shea Emry

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Shea EmryEpisode: 036

Persistent concussions led football player Shea Emry to retire and after he was no longer a pro-athlete, he struggled to find himself and his identity again.

 
Introduction:
Shea Emry is a former Canadian football player who played eight seasons in the CFL. When Shea experienced a serious concussion back in 2011, he struggled with depression and was left feeling unsure about who he was outside of being a pro-athlete. He has since taken the journey to rediscover who he is as a person and is a huge advocate on redefining masculinity. His mission is to break down social stereotypes on the definition of hyper-masculinity and to help support and guide young male youth.
 
ManTalks Podcast on iTunes
Listen to it on iTunes
Mantalks Stitcher podcast
Listen to it on Stitcher
 

 
Key Takeaways:
Key Takeaways:
[0:55] ManTalks is moving to Toronto!
[4:15] What was Shea’s defining moment?
[5:50] Shea had an incredibly bad concussion in 2011 and has battled back and forth between retirement,
ever since.
[6:50] It was hard for Shea to walk away from sports because he identified so strongly as an athlete.
[7:30] What was it like to be a pro-athlete?
[10:25] How did Shea get into pro sports?
[12:15] Shea talks about his concussion and how he recovered from it.
[19:10] How can parents, spouse, or friends help support someone suffering from a concussion?
[21:30] Are you currently having an identity crisis? You’ll want to listen in to hear how to overcome it.
[22:45] It gets easier with time. You will find yourself again.
[23:00] What’s Shea’s purpose? To challenge hyper-masculine stereotypes.
[23:15] What does hyper-masculinity mean to Shea?
[25:35] Shea briefly talks on the three organizations he’s currently a part of and what they stand for.
[32:50] Shea wants male youth to feel comfortable with expressing themselves.
[33:45] How does Shea support the women in his life?
[34:35] There needs to be a communicative environment in order to lend a hand and support the women in a man’s life.
[35:00] Shea supports his wife by putting his phone down and listening to what she is saying.
[35:45] One of the most masculine things we can do is just be present.
[38:40] What legacy would Shea like to leave behind?
[41:35] Save the date! April 18th ManTalks will be live from Toronto.
 

Mentioned in This Episode:
http://www.vancitybuzz.com/
https://mantalks.com/
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/An-Adventure-Within-How-to-Beco
https://twitter.com/sheaemry
http://wellmen.org/

 
Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
 
Tweetables:
“In any job there’s going to be a certain amount of risk, but it’s about deciding what’s actually best for you.”
“Educate yourself on the different types of rehabilitation programs out there for concussions.”
“As men, we need to let go of all these attachments that holds us back from really connecting with ourselves.”
 

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If you want to support the show and help others find the show please LEAVE US AN ITUNES REVIEW! 
Connect with the show on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ManTalks.ca/ , Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mantalks/ and Twitter: https://twitter.com/man_talks.
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Man Of The Week – Jeremy Hendon

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This week, we have the honour of highlighting Jeremy Hendon, an entrepreneur, coach and speaker. Ironically, Jeremy has found a way to balance doing ‘so much’ and ‘so little’ at the same time! Jeremy has a very intriguing perspective on life and how to live it, one very different from many of the men we have featured in the past. That’s not to say he’s wrong though, Jeremy’s logic does make sense and in fact allows you to notice many of life’s subtle little ‘traps’ we fall into, traps that influence our intentions, thoughts and actions. A man who epitomizes living in the present moment, Jeremy believes purpose is not something we pre-define, but a moment we experience. Read on to uncover more of Jeremy’s fresh take on life.

Age: 37

What do you do? (Work)
I do whatever I feel like, and it seems to work out.
My wife and I are entrepreneurs.  We have brands on Amazon, I recently built a plugin, we have websites that sell our books and courses, I do a little consulting/coaching and speaking, and I’m starting to host events.
But most of my time, I travel a lot, I eat a lot, and I talk to a lot of people.  I do some writing, some speaking, some podcasting, and I play a lot of board games.

Why do you do it?
Most often, because it’s what I think will make me happiest.
In my moments of clarity, I do what I do for no reason at all.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
By “doing” as little as possible.
I believe we get caught up in “making a difference” only by viewing the world as imperfect.  This is a trap I’ve fallen into for most of my life – trying to make various differences from environmental reform to political change.
I’ve tried to change the world and to improve myself, but neither is necessary. Change will come and it won’t, and both are fine.
In the words of Ramana Maharshi, “The power that created you has created the world as well. If it can take care of you, it can similarly take care of the world also. If God has created the world it is his business to look after it, not yours.”

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
I honestly don’t know how to answer this question.
If it’s 3 moments that define who I want to be, then those three moments are “now”, “now”, and “now.”  If it’s 3 moments that define my perceived shortcomings, I’d probably choose three instances when I flipped out and yelled at customer service representatives.
I don’t know that any moments actually define my life or even give someone a good idea of what it’s like to be me, which is generally how I interpret the question.

What is your life purpose?
Haha…I don’t know.
I like to think my purpose is to be at peace and to play as much as possible.
But I’m excited to find out what the universe actually has in store for me. I don’t believe it’s possible to know in advance what my “purpose” is. I try to let go as much as I can.

How did you tap into it?
I believe that we create – rather than tap into – meaning and purpose. And so long as I can remain aware that all purpose and meaning is created, I can be at peace with whatever I create.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
This changes all the time for me, but one person whom I have admired for a long time is Oprah. She has a lot of compassion and peace in her life for someone so busy and successful.
I have many informal mentors in my life, including some of my friends like Theresa Laurico, Arda Ozdemir, and Philip McKernan.
I also greatly value the contributions of historical figures such as Siddhārtha Gautama (Buddha) and Lao Tze.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Habits have become the new currency of dissatisfaction with the present.
Too often in my life (and I see it in many others), I’ve tried to implement habits in order to change something about my life or to “get somewhere.”
So I do have habits, but I don’t think of them as habits at all.  I meditate every day, write most mornings, and even work with some affirmations almost every day (mostly around peace, bliss, and serendipity).  The difference is that I don’t do these things for any reason other than doing them, and I just happen to do them almost every day.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I know when I feel like I should do something rather than just doing it. I don’t really have a distinction between work and life, so that’s the metric I use. Procrastination is usually a pretty good sign.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
My vulnerability is very dependent on circumstances. It might be vulnerable for me to admit how much money I make when I’m around billionaires but not when I’m around people earning minimum wage.
With that in mind, one thing I’ve felt vulnerable about admitting over the last few months is that I often feel unhappiness and despair. These feelings are something I still view as imperfect about myself, particularly in the company of friends who seem to be very happy with and excited about their lives and their businesses.
Like many vulnerabilities, it might not sound like much, since everybody deals with unhappiness and despair to some degree. But admitting as much to many of my friends has been extremely difficult, uncomfortable, and vulnerable.

What did you learn from it?
To welcome and even embrace those emotions.  (I have not fully learned this lesson…lol).

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Be as you are.
Ironically and paradoxically, that might take a lot of work (therapy, personal development, meditation, time, etc.). Or it might take none at all. You are not your thoughts, emotions, or body. You can choose to identify with them or not, but you have no control over them.
Always ask yourself, “Who am I?” and keep asking it, until you realize that there is no “I”.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
The indirect answer is this… when I’m present and clear, I don’t try to be the best husband at all.
I attempt to act intuitively, without trying to please or make my wife happier. I find it both empirically incorrect and also egotistical to think that I could make my wife happy.  My actions might trigger mental or emotional patterns in her (as in anyone else), but her happiness is her own.
The caveat to all of this is that I definitely don’t always act or not act from that intuitive place. Also, you’d have to check with my wife about whether any of this makes me a better husband or not.  ☺

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I really like DonorsChoose.org. I love teaching, I love kids, and I love the platform of being able to choose projects to support.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Let it Go (theme song from Frozen).

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
In the Present.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
An awareness that we don’t need to grow, change, or improve.  That peace and bliss are possible, but only through complete acceptance of ourselves and our world as it is.
But then again, maybe future generations will have technology that makes peace and bliss automatic.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Two books I recommend right now…
– The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell
– Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

2 Keys for Achieving Every Dream You Have

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Dreams suck sometimes.

They’re not always inspiring or joyous, because sometimes, you feel like your dreams are overwhelming.  You don’t feel like you’re making progress, and you barely know where to start.

The reason I know this, of course, is not because I read it in a book.  I’ve lived that frustration over and over again.

Luckily, I’ve also achieved many of my dreams.  But there are other, bigger dreams that frustrate me even now.

So I’m writing this article as a reminder for you and as a reminder for myself. There’s a path to all of your dreams, and there are 2 keys to navigating that path.

But you must remember these 2 things every day that you’re pursuing your dreams.  First, though…

First Things First…You’ve Gotta Play a Long Game

I was recently on a mastermind call with my friend Jason Connell. In typical fashion, he said something that I already “knew” but that I really needed to hear again.

He observed that all of my dreams and goals were very large and long-term. But (and this is the part I needed to hear again), he also pointed out that my mind is still wired for short-term results and rewards.

Playing the Long Game

“Jeremy, you just need to slowly get your mind accustomed to playing a long game.”

I love that Jason intentionally suggested “slowly” getting my mind accustomed to the long game.  This isn’t a change that happens overnight.  And even though I’m not there, I can definitely say that I’m much better at focusing on the long game than I used to be.

Your big dreams and your long-term goals will often seem like they’re not getting any closer. This is true for building a business, becoming a best-selling author, or even finding the perfect romantic partner.

That’s why playing the long game is hard. Because it’s difficult to even tell if you’re playing the game well, much less winning at it.

But the thing is, nothing happens until you’re ready for it to happen.  And although you think it’d be nice to achieve all of your dreams immediately, you wouldn’t really value it without having gone through the trials and tribulations.

As far as I know, there is no secret to learning to play a long game, other than to continually be aware of your ultimate goals and also of your inclination to desire immediate rewards.

However, there are 2 not-so-secret keys to making any dream a reality, so long as you’re willing to play the long game.

As an aside, the above story is just one reason why mastermind groups are so useful. I’ve been running this one for 3 years, and the value I get out of it is immeasurable.

Key #1: You’ve Gotta Focus on Fundamentals

I’m a huge fan of focusing on the vital few things that make the biggest difference (also known as the 80/20 principle).

In fact, when I consult on marketing projects, my primary goal is to find 1-2 changes or tweaks that will make a quick and large difference.  It’s also the approach that works best for many other areas of life, such as losing weight or getting a date.

But when it comes to playing the long game of achieving your dreams, that approach will only get you so far.  And here’s the reason…

Without fail, achieving your long-term dreams and goals requires that you master certain fundamentals.

Anybody who is truly great at anything has mastered the basics of their art or profession.  Picasso mastered the basics of drawing before painting masterpieces.  Oprah Winfrey mastered the basics of interviewing before becoming a TV legend.

And here is perhaps the best example:

John Wooden is considered to be one of the greatest basketball coaches ever. But his coaching consisted of teaching his players the fundamentals. And he was coaching some of the best college players in the country.

Every practice, every day, Coach Wooden ran drills on the basics of basketball, such as running, ball-handling, change of direction, and free-throw shooting.

Fundamentals - John Wooden

In fact, John Wooden was so obsessed with fundamentals that on the very first day of practice every year, he taught new players how to properly put on their socks and lace up their shoes.  In his words, “if there are wrinkles in your socks or your shoes aren’t tied properly, you will develop blisters. With blisters, you’ll miss practice. If you miss practice, you don’t play. And if you don’t play, we cannot win.”

It’s tempting to focus on new or unique approaches.  In fact, when I write articles, I often catch myself trying to craft a unique and fascinating topic or perspective.

But more often than not, the desire for newness and uniqueness is rooted in vanity and ego.  Being new and unique aren’t bad, of course – in fact, they’re often very good.  Still, it’s the fundamentals that truly matter for the long game of your dreams and goals.

Here’s what this means for you…

You must identify the fundamental skills required to achieve your dreams.  And then you must build those skills on a regular (hopefully daily) basis.  You can do this through study and coaching, but mostly, you’ll need to practice.

If you want to be a great entrepreneur, you’ll likely need to master marketing, management, and/or skills specific to your industry.

If you want to be a great writer, you’ll need to master basics like storytelling, clarity, and editing.

If you want to be incredibly fit, then you’ll need to master eating well, working out, and sleeping.

There are always hacks and tricks along the way, but they’ll only get you so far. And if you don’t master the fundamentals first, many of the hacks and tricks won’t help you at all.

Another interesting fact – Joseph Juran, who was primarily responsible for coming up with the 80/20 principle (partially based on Wilfredo Pareto’s work) lived to be 103 years old.  He clearly figured out the 80/20 of living a long time.

Key #2: You’ve Gotta Do the Work

Yeah…you know this already.

But knowing it isn’t the same as “knowing” it.  Because once you really know it, you stop looking for advice on how to get there.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad you’re reading my article.  It makes me feel good. And I truly hope it helps you achieve at least some of your dream goals.

But if – deep down – you fully accepted the work you’ll need to do to achieve those dreams, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article.  You would be working.

I barely need to give you examples of why this is so important…

Colonel Sanders Entrepreneur

Alex Haley, the author of Roots, wrote every day for 8 straight years before getting published.  Colonel Sanders was 62 years old when he franchised his first KFC, some 22 years after he first started serving the chicken at a gas station.

I’m not lecturing you by any means on this point.  For many of my own dreams, I’ve deferred the work. I’m an above-average speaker, but I’ve put off most of the work to become great and to start generating more opportunities.

Sometimes, it’s because you don’t want the dream as much as you think you do. But other times, it’s because you simply haven’t made the commitment and gained momentum.

Momentum is enormously important when it comes to motivation, confidence, and, ultimately, success.  And to gain momentum, there’s only one solution. Just do it.

If you haven’t seen this speech before, I highly encourage you to watch it until the end:

Art Williams is a billionaire and great speaker because he’s done the work – whatever work has been necessary.

It’s not hard to figure out the work you need to do to achieve your dreams.  It starts with the fundamentals, and then it’s everything else that comes up.  It really is that simple.

But apart from these 2 keys, there’s one final point…

You’ve Gotta Forget Everything Else

All of my biggest successes – both in business and personally – have come when I’ve been slightly obsessed.

The businesses I’ve built, my ability to dramatically change my body, and even my successes in music and dance – they all came because I was obsessed with doing the work and mastering the fundamentals.  And at those times in my life, pretty much nothing else mattered to me.

So if your dreams are big, then it’s likely that they’ll require a lot of focus from you.  That’s a choice you need to make or not. 

And it is a choice, because there’s a price to pay.

Everybody thinks they want to be Steve Jobs or Elon Musk, but I truly believe that very few people would actually enjoy their lives.  And that’s not meant to denigrate their own choices – just that most folks probably wouldn’t enjoy the path the way that they do.

Doing the work and mastering the fundamentals aren’t things you do on the weekend or when you feel like it.  They’re a way of life.

And the question that you ultimately must answer is if that’s a way of life that you love.

More Articles by Jeremy Hendon:

How Playing Board Games Will Help You Earn More Money and Have More Sex

How to Actually Stop Procrastinating in 5 Simple Steps

Jeremy Hendon

Jeremy is an entrepreneur, speaker, and author who helps folks live the good life, – from to building businesses, to planning amazing adventures, to finding the world’s best food.

If you’d like to learn more, please check out JeremyHendon.com or subscribe to Live a Life You Love.

 
 
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Why Is It So Hard to be Yourself?

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“What the hell have I done?”
This was the thought in my head on the first day of my new life. I was sitting in a canoe.
I had just quit an advertising career that started in Europe and continued to Canada.
I’d spent 4 years at university preparing for this career. It was what I thought I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. It was how I was going to become a success (that exciting AND terrifying word).
I had landed a job with one of the largest ad agencies in the world. I was doing TV shoots, working on big money projects, and going from London to Paris for lunch.
I was supposed to be happy, but something was missing.
I wasn’t fulfilled.
It was the most heart-wrenching decision of my life, but I eventually worked up the courage to leave that career, follow my dreams, and was now leading canoe trips for Outward Bound.
I loved it but kept asking myself, “How can this be a job?”
Instead of sitting at a desk I was sitting in a canoe. Instead of a keyboard and mouse I had a screwdriver (I was fixing the seat, which I wasn’t totally sure how to do).
How could this be a career?!
Were my city friends right? Was I nuts to leave a high-paying corporate job to do THIS?
Uncertainty flooded my mind, “Oh crap, is this what I really want? What if this doesn’t work? Am I too old to make this kind of change? Why didn’t I just keep playing it safe? Do people think I’m stupid for doing this?”
But most of all I thought, “What if I fail?!”
It’s a terrifying feeling when you realize that your current reality (career, spouse, friends, hobbies…) no longer accurately matches who you are and what you want.
At that moment you realize you need to make changes if you’re going to be happy, but it may also feel like you screwed something up.
I’ve coached thousands of people to find the courage to be themselves.
Being yourself.
It sounds simple, but there are many reasons why it’s difficult.
Mostly because we worry so much what other people will think of us, and if you grew up like I did, “success” meant getting an office job, working your way up, and making more and more money.
These days I’m no longer doing what the world says I should do. I’m doing what I want to do and I’m putting my unique dent in the universe.
I want the same thing for you.

Bridging the Gap

The first step to this kind of change is awareness.
So, let’s take a look at your life. Make a list of the different areas, such as Work, Romance, Fun, Friends, Family… whatever is important to you.
Now, give each of those items a number between 1 and 10.
10 means that area of your life feels perfect right now. 1 means it’s not good at all, and a change is needed.
Now, for the area with the lowest number, think of an action you could take to improve it. Answer the following questions:
What needs to change?
What do you need to do differently?
A year from now, what will you wish you had started today?
Maybe you gave Family a 4 because you haven’t seen them as much lately, or the last time you were with them you had an argument. How could you improve that? Maybe reach out to them, plan to get together, clear up something that you regret saying Would that bump it up to a 6 or 7?
Someone once said, “The truth is like surgery – it hurts but it cures.” The numbers you just gave the different areas of your life may reveal a truth you’ve been trying to avoid.
Courage is being scared and doing it anyway because of a bigger want.
Your bigger want is tied to those areas in your life with the low numbers. You want those to be higher. Then you’ll be happier, perform like a f$%ing rockstar, and put your unique dent in the universe.
Do the exercise now to know your truth.
Then have the courage to be 100% you, every darn day.
IMG_0135 copy
Billy Anderson is the founder of The Courage Crusade, teaching the discipline of overcoming fear so you can have the courage to be yourself.
He is a speaker, coach and author of “Your Comfort Zone Is Killing You.” He also writes for the Careers section in The Globe & Mail.         
Billy has been an advertising manager in Europe and Canada, a fundraising executive for UNICEF, an apple picker in New Zealand and a sugar cane farmer in Costa Rica.
He has traveled to over 35 countries, including running with the bulls in Spain, swimming with sharks in South America and building a school on a tiny island near Fiji. He has jumped out of an airplane exactly 101 times.  His personal philanthropy projects include carrying a canoe 42 kms in two days, as well as walking over 200 kms in the middle of winter to send kids with cancer to summer camp.
And he’s scared of the exact same things you are: failure, looking stupid, and not being liked.
Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week you’ll receive an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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Clint Emerson – Conversations with a Navy SEAL

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Clint EmersonEpisode: 035

What are some of the skills you should know to keep safe and be a badass? Listen in for more.

 

Introduction:
Clint Emerson is a retired Navy SEAL and the author of 100 Deadly Skills. In his book, Clint shares how you can be an overall badass and detect threats from people who are armed. You will learn how to escape a locked trunk, evade a kidnapping, and so much more in Clint’s book. Clint talks on what must-have items you should keep in your car at all times and how to detect someone trying to follow or stalk you, in today’s show.

 

ManTalks Podcast on iTunes

Listen to it on iTunes

Mantalks Stitcher podcast

Listen to it on Stitcher

 

 

Key Takeaways:
[2:55] Clint shares one of the more intense stories he has experienced while he was a navy SEAL.
[6:45] Why did Clint want to be a SEAL?
[8:45] What kind of tests did Clint have to go through?
[17:35] What is the 100 Deadly Skills book about?
[20:35] You can put a razor in the sole of your shoes and use it to get out of some handcuffs.
[21:55] Key things to look out for in a bad guy?
[25:35] What are some of the key things for infiltration?
[31:35] What should people carry in their vehicle?
[33:15] How do you build your own compass?
[39:20] What were some of the things Clint had to do during his initiation into the SEALs?
[41:40] What should you know about surveillance?
[43:10] Clint talks about night vision.
[44:55] In order to pick a lock, you need to understand how a lock works.
[48:20] What’s life like after the Navy SEALs?
[50:30] What are some of the biggest challenges Clint has faced now that he is out?
[53:35] What legacy would Clint like to leave behind?
[54:50] Clint is working on book number two, so look out for that in the future.

 

Mentioned in This Episode:
100 Deadly Skills by Clint Emerson
https://100deadlyskills.com/optin
https://twitter.com/100deadlyskills

 
Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Tweetables:
“You can go three days without water and 30 days without food.”

“It’s important to know when you’re being stalked or followed, especially for females.”

“White men between their 20s and 30s tend to be the nut jobs/stalker/rapists when you look at the statistics.”

 

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Connect with the show on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ManTalks.ca/ , Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mantalks/ and Twitter: https://twitter.com/man_talks.
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Man Of The Week – Jason Connell

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Our newest Man Of The Week has gone through a roller coaster in life, and along that journey he has discovered the most beautiful of life-lessons that only life experiences can teach. From a very young age, Jason Connell was obsessed with perception, behaviours and psychology, where he started his career as a child entertainer who performed over 300 live magic shows before his 18th birthday. After high-school, Jason attended a small liberal arts college for a few semesters before realizing this wasn’t the life he wanted to live, so he packed up his things and traveled the world to experience it first hand. His travels dispelled the illusions of limitations that hold us back from our dreams and allowed him to channel his inner potential to becoming the successful coach he is today. His journey wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies, Jason had to deal with financial struggle, the loss of loved ones and broken relationships to really feel broken to the core, which is when he begun working on his relationship with the self. Today, Jason helps people develop confidence, authenticity, self-compassion and self-love because “the singular most important relationship you will ever have, is your relationship with yourself.” To learn more about Jason and to explore how he can help you realize your potential, check out his website.

Age – 30

What do you do? (Work)
I help high performing men and women remove the psychological and spiritual barriers to self-love, confidence, and authenticity. If you’re successful but still feel like there is something missing in your life, there’s a good chance I can help you.

Why do you do it?
I love helping people step fully into their lives. So many people have been held back by their education, friends, family, society, and culture without even realizing it.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
In my personal life, I’m the guy in my circle of friends who gets everyone together and organizes events. Professionally, I help people realize how amazing and powerful they truly are. A lot of people are captivated by this bullshit illusion that they aren’t powerful, can’t be happy, can’t make a difference, and don’t deserve an amazing life. I help cut through the illusions.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– When I was 19 I dropped out of college and spent three years traveling the world. The travels were a mix of hedonism (I got to go behind the booth at the hottest club in Amsterdam), service (I spent a lot of time volunteering in poor communities) and exploration. I learned that the limits of reality are far greater than most people perceive. I also learned that no matter how distracted or exciting my life becomes, I can’t possibly run from myself and my truth.
– There was a four-week span where my best friend moved away, my girlfriend and I of two years broke up, and then a close friend died. Before I had a chance to even realize what had just happened, I left on a speaking tour that kept me on the road for several months. The combination of all of these events completely broke me and forced me to learn the importance of prioritizing my mental and physical health above all else. If I’m not supporting myself, there’s no way I can support others.
– Eight months ago, I left Washington, DC after six years of living there. I knew DC wasn’t right for me, but I didn’t know where I wanted to move. I travelled until I found the place that was right for me, Denver, CO. This was the first time I consciously trusted myself and my intuition to guide me through major life decisions. It went far better than anything I could have possibly imagined. In the past, I relied on logic. That was good for business but shitty for life.

What is your life purpose?
To live as fully as I can while I am alive, and to help people step more fully into theirs.

How did you tap into it?
In my personal life, I try to always be honest. This means not lying, of course, but it also means speaking my truth, and making my actions mirror my authentic desires. This is far far harder than most people realize. However, even harder than living your truth is lying to yourself and the people around you, whether through action, inaction, word, or omission.
In my professional life, I help people connect to themselves, and then find the innate courage to live their truth. We all have deep well springs of confidence and courage within us. Most people just don’t know how to access them.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
There are two mentors who have made disproportionately significant impacts in my life. The first is Jean-Pierre Lauzier, the second is Philip McKernin. If you ever have the opportunity to work with either of these men, leap at it.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
The only thing that I do every day is meditate. I practice Vipassana (insight) meditation. On most days I practice intermittent fasting, write, and scribble down a few things I’m grateful for.

 When do you know your work/life balance is off?
That’s something that is purely emotional for me. I know I’m in my zone when I’m feeling playful, confident, open, and energetic. Of course, even in my best months, those feelings ebb and flow, but if I’m waking up feeling anything less than that more than one or two days in a row, I know something is off.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I just turned 30. The vast majority of my close friends are married and own houses. Three of them are expecting their first child this year. Me? I’m very single and rent a cool apartment. Compared to my friends, I feel extremely stunted in my personal life. A very real part of me fears that as our realities drift further and further apart we will no longer share the same deep connection we once did. I also kind of resent them for falling onto the beaten path. I thought the plan was that we were going to abandon the beaten path and stay up late drinking and travelling and chasing pretty women and talking about books and trying to save the world.

What did you learn from it?
Actually the most valuable thing I’ve learned from ostensibly drifting from my friends is that the fear of being disconnected from them was a phantom. I realize that so much of the loss of love and connection I was afraid of didn’t actually exist in reality. If you find the courage to own your fears and vulnerabilities and open up within them, you’ll find that you are capable of mastering them. More than that, you’ll find that many of them are complete fictions.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Stop pretending to be so fucking strong, and surrender. Feel the God damn pain you’ve been pretending doesn’t exist. Let it cripple and destroy you. If you’re not crying, you’re doing it wrong. Once you’ve processed all the shit you were avoiding, you’ll notice that resting beneath it all is a deep sense of power, stillness, happiness, and love. But you’ll only ever get there when you stop pretending to be someone you’re not and for most men, that begins by surrendering.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
My commitment to all present and future partners is to share my truth with them even if it makes me extremely uncomfortable. This means loving with more wild abandon than I’ve done in the past, as well as being more proactive about the tough conversations than I’ve been in the past.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Yes. The two I like the most are Ingenuity Prep and Global Camps Africa. I’ve worked closely with the leaders of both organizations. Ingenuity Prep provides a world class education to some of the most disadvantaged children in Washington, DC. Their model is highly scalable, their leaders are world-class experts, and the results they get for their students are breathtaking. Global Camps Africa provides life skills for children living in the slums of South Africa. Studies have shown that children who attend GCA have lower HIV/AIDS rates, commit fewer crimes, attend school more frequently, and manage money better.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Home, by LCD Soundsystem.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Denver, CO, continuing to speak, write, and run seminars for amazing people.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I haven’t hit the point in my life where I spend any time at all thinking about legacy. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever will. As far as I can tell, the best thing to do is spend your time focused on authentically sharing yourself and your gift with the world while you’re still here. It’s kind of arrogant and delusional to believe that you’ll matter much once you’re gone. Most people find that cold. To me, it’s liberating. I see little value in trying to live in the future or manipulate people’s perception of me – especially after I’m dead.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey. Inner Game does an amazing job of helping readers realize that they can control their mind, while also teaching them how to access their intuition.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Maslow Got It Wrong: What I Learned From Feeding the Homeless On My Birthday

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I want to tell you that dedicating my birthday to helping the homeless was a deeply satisfying experience, and that I know I’m a good person.
But that would be a lie.
The reality? It was a complicated experience, one that reminded me of the sheer beauty and the sheer darkness found within all people.
It was my 30th birthday. Normally I’d pick a restaurant, invite my friends, and pretend to put up a fight when they picked up the tab. In the moment, it feels great to be surrounded by people who are spending their time and money on me. But I’ve had enough experiences like that to know that the satisfaction is fleeting. More of a sugar-high than anything else.
Looking back, my 20s were about exploration. I want my 30s to be more about supporting other people. I want to be an obvious force for good and a source of love.
So for my 30th, I asked my friends to join me in doing something unusual. On the morning of my birthday we met at my place and spent an hour making healthy, filling lunches and writing notes for hungry people on the street.
After that we wandered around Denver for three hours passing out food. I was surprised by a lot of what happened that afternoon.

Here’s What Stood Out

1) Want to be selfless? Start by being selfish. I wrote about my plans for my birthday on Facebook (more on that in a moment). A friend sent me a message saying that she admired how selfless I was being. While I appreciate the sentiment, she misread the situation. I was actually being selfish.
Going into it, I suspected that helping other people would provide a deeper sense of satisfaction than a $30 wood plank salmon.
I was right. Helping others was more satisfying than a dinner out. I benefitted.
And I was also being strategic. Much of my 20s were spent traveling the world and building my business. Through it all, I learned that relationships are a greater sources of happiness and meaning than work and adventure. Part of the reason I chose to spend my birthday serving others is because I believe that the more I give to the world, the more the world will give to me.
So it’s tempting to position myself as a do-gooder, but I’m not. I’m selfish. I’ve just figured out that helping other people provides more happiness and satisfaction than low-grade pleasure.
2) Maslow may have gotten it wrong. The most impactful moment of the day came when we met Spike and offered him some food. At first, Spike seemed confused that anyone cared about him and his needs. He told us that he had been living on the street for 20 years.
He asked what we were doing. When we explained that we were trying to improve a few people’s day, he teared up and asked what he could do for us. He offered us cigarettes and the few trinkets he had.
If Maslow is correct, the food should have meant more to Spike than the connection. And while there is an upper limit to how long a human can go without food, I suspect the pain of being ignored by almost everyone is greater than the pain of being hungry (which is the result of being ignored anyways).
My experience with Spike was a sharp reminder of an obvious truth: what we all crave is connection, love, and a quiet sense of mattering outside of ourselves.
Disclosure: I do not know with 100% certainty that Spike teared up when we spent time with him. He was wearing sunglasses. While most of the people involved believed he teared up one person thought that he was just confused and that we misread the situation.
3) Rogue rebels do not solve systemic problems. Homelessness is a complicated problem. It’s symptomatic of problems at the political and economic levels of our culture, and exacerbated by marketing, health care, and the mental illnesses of the affluent who chronically hoard far more than they give.
All of my heart wishes that there were simple solutions to obvious injustices like homelessness. But there aren’t. Ending homelessness requires massive audacity, time, compassion, strategy, luck, and the courage to be hated for doing what’s clearly right.
Phrased more bluntly, truly helping the least fortunate among us takes balls. Even more than balls, it takes a fucking heart that’s alive and well and unafraid. Those are rare these days….
Does it help to give back in the ways that you can? Yes, absolutely. I fault people who don’t. But unfortunately, my friends and I spending a day doing what feels right, probably did not make any enduring impact on anyone’s life (except perhaps our own).
To truly tackle systemic problems, you need to change the system. While you are busy changing the system, it’s still important to provide direct service, as a sort of triage before and during the operation.
4) The mere act of giving back is not intrinsically satisfying. This is what surprised me the most. I expected to end the day feeling deeply satisfied, maybe even proud of myself.
In reality, I felt a combination of tired, content, stressed and frustrated. I was much happier than I would have been if I did the whole dinner thing, but that feeling of, “Holy shit Jason, you’re a good guy!” that never came.
Instead I was reminded of a quiet truth about giving back: it’s most meaningful when you give your gift to the world as fully as possible. Anything less is still good, but not as satisfying.
Personally, I have the time, money, and experience to do far more than pass out lunches. So do you. I wasn’t even brushing against my potential for impact. I suspect that if I were truly sharing my gift with the world that I would feel that deep sense of satisfaction. Right now I’m working towards giving more of my gift and myself to the world. This project was a solid first step.
5) Talking about taking action is common. Taking action is rare. Taking action and telling the world is power.
Earlier, I mentioned that I wrote a post on Facebook about this project. Because of that post, friends from around the world wrote to say that they were going to do something similar with their birthday. One said she was going to do something similar with her bachelorette party.
During the event itself, seven people spent a few hours passing out lunches to nearly 30 people. That’s pretty good. After the event, over a dozen people had committed to doing something similar.
My personal impact: 30 meals, give or take.
The impact of the ripple effect that came from sharing my truth: several hundred meals.
If my friends share their experience, they’ll activate some of their friends, and our collective impact will be thousands of meals.
That’s pretty cool.
Oh, and in case it’s not obvious: one of the big reasons I’ve written this article is because I want you to steal this idea. If you do, I’d love to hear about it.
6) People are afraid to confront reality. I mentioned that seven people were involved with this project. That’s pretty cool and I’m grateful for everyone who came. However, if I had a normal birthday party, or asked people to volunteer with me at an animal shelter, more people would have come.
Homelessness is a painful issue. When you talk to a homeless person, you’re forced to confront a lot about yourself that you’re probably not comfortable with. To name a few:

  • You could do more to help if you really wanted to, but you choose not to
  • You are willing to ignore another human who is clearly suffering and in pain
  • The problems in your life aren’t nearly as dramatic as they seem
  • Addiction, abuse, gentrification, mental illness, etc are extremely real, extremely important, and extremely difficult to solve

And I get that. Each time I make eye contact with a homeless person, decline their request to buy them a hot meal, or lie about not having any spare change I confront all of that in myself.
But here’s the thing: it’s important to confront the parts of yourself you’d rather avoid. Failing to confront the uglier parts of your truth, is a lazy form of lying about who you are. Lying closes you off to love and happiness. Honesty opens you up and increases your power. Even though it can be unpleasant, it’s far better to dwell in reality.
Ultimately, I was reminded of what the world really needs…
This experience reminded me of what the world really needs, which is quite simple. It needs you.
Sometimes you can give a few bucks or a lunch to someone less fortunate. Awesome.
Sometimes you’ll hop on a jet to comfort a mourning friend, or provide direct service. Awesome.
Sometimes you’ll give your deepest gift as vulnerably, honestly, and passionately as you can. Awesome.
Sometimes, you’ll be working to keep your head above water and you wont be able to give anything to anyone else. Awesome. The more you serve yourself, the more you’ll be equipped to serve others.
The trick is to start where you are. For me, that was giving food to the homeless. As small actions become a bit easier, I’ll scale up. I hope you do too. Keep nudging yourself outside of your comfort zone. As you do this, the world will become a better place because of you.
For more on giving, check out our recent interview with social entrepreneur Mark Brand on the podcast.
And check out Jason’s previous article on our blog, “Finding Your Deep Gifts in a Shallow World.”
author_shot (1)Jason Connell is a speaker and writer who teaches confidence, self-love, and self-compassion. He’s worked with everyone from Senior members of the Obama administration and professional athletes to middle school students and emerging entrepreneurs. He shares his thoughts on life, authenticity, and power at: JasonConnell.co.
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Oren Klaff – Increase Your Status, Pitch Your Product, and Win

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Episode: 034

Oren Klaff talks on how you can get the advantage in any negotiation situation.

 
Introduction:
Oren Klaff has raised over $400 million of investor capital from high net-worth individuals and financial institutions. He is also the author of Pitch Anything, and he teaches others on how they can get the competitive edge in any negotiation scenario. Oren talks about how you can frame a negotiation to your advantage and how to get a buyer’s interest in 150 words or less.
 
ManTalks Podcast on iTunes
Listen to it on iTunes
Mantalks Stitcher podcast
Listen to it on Stitcher
 

 
Key Takeaways:
[2:20] What was Oren’s defining moment as a man?
[3:30] How did Oren discover that monogamy was what he wanted?
[5:05] What does Oren do?
[6:20] What’s Oren’s book, Pitch Anything, about?
[7:40] The strength of your status and quality of your presentation = the amount of attention you get.
[8:30] Nobody is going to listen to you for 3 hours. People are busy.
[8:50] Pitch Anything is about how to raise your status so people will pay attention to you.
[11:00] The human mind is built to protect you in social situations.
[11:35] It’s natural to act nice in high-risk situations to lower tensions, but it hurts you in negotiations.
[13:00] It can only go two ways. Either you’re superior or the buyer is superior in terms of status.
[13:15] Most buyers assume they’re superior due to them holding the money.
[13:40] Reframe the meeting so that the buyer has to earn your attention.
[15:25] Trying to get a raise at your job? Listen to Oren’s advice here.
[17:40] How do you sell the story?
[20:55] NPR knows how to tell a story, Fox News doesn’t.
[24:10] Oren shares two of his 150 word pitches.
[29:35] Look out for Oren’s second book coming out soon.
[31:45] What legacy would Oren like to leave behind?
 

Mentioned in This Episode:
http://www.vancitybuzz.com/
https://mantalks.com/
http://pitchanything.com/
http://pitchanything.com/mantalks
Pitch Anything by Oren Klaff

Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
 
Quotes:
“Your strength of your status and quality of your presentation = the amount of attention you get.”
“The buyer is the commodity, not you. Money is the commodity, not you. The buyer has to earn your
attention.”
“If you do something of value that will stand the sands of time, that’s a good legacy.”
 

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Man Of The Week – Jordan Gray

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This week’s Man Of The Week is Jordan Gray for his work as a sex & relationship coach. Jordan is a #1 Amazon best-selling author, a public speaker with nearly a decade of experience in the field. For as long as he can remember, Jordan has always been a giver and helper to people. In his coaching, he allows people to become aware and in turn remove their emotional roadblocks to maintain healthy and intimate relationships. To ensure everybody has some of the tools they need to persevere, Jordan started a blog, which since launch has reached over ten million viewers globally. When Jordan isn’t coaching clients or writing, he loves to pretend he’s good at surfing, immerse himself in new cultures, and savour slow-motion hangouts with his closest companions. If you know anyone looking to deepen their connection to their partner, Jordan’s sensitivity and intuitive perspective will definitely help you step up in your relationships!

Age: 29

What do you do? (Work)
I’m a sex and relationship coach, and writer.

Why do you do it?
Because I believe that a deeply fulfilling love life should be available to everyone.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I reach over a million people per month with my writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com and I coach people 1-on-1 as well.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Having my heart broken at 20.
– Starting my business at 25.
– Learning to love again at 27.

What is your life purpose?
My life purpose is to spread and inspire deep levels of love around the world, in all that I do.

How did you tap into it?
As cliché as it might sound, I really don’t think I ever tapped into it. It just was me, from a young age. I’ve always had such a huge heart for people. Even before I knew I could create my own career, I knew I would be doing something similar to what I’m doing now.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have many role models and mentors for different areas of my life (too many to list)… so I’ll take this in a slightly different direction. The person who currently inspires me the most in the world is a man named Sonny Moore (aka Skrillex). He’s a musician who works tirelessly to improve in his craft, he honours the variety of his creative impulses whether they make sense within his cohesive brand or not, and he loves serving his audience.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Yes, and they all occur in the morning. I write before sunrise (articles, books, etc.), I have a morning gratitude practice, and I have a green smoothie that’s loaded with essentially all of the nutrients that I need to get me through the day.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When I sit down to write an article that I know my mind is excited to write, but my heart is unable to meet me halfway. When my creative energy feels stifled I know that I need to take some down time to recharge.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I went through an emotionally devastating breakup in my early 20’s that rocked me to my core. During the breakup my emotionality and sensitivity were heavily shamed and for a period of over five years I hid my negative emotions from all women. I didn’t cry in front of a woman for those years (which is a huge feat because I’m totally a crier) and had a huge emotional block to women in general. It was only over the last 2-3 years that I’ve been able to fully open up again and honour my sensitive nature in all scenarios.

What did you learn from it?
The things inside of ourselves that we most resist are the things that we most need to stop fighting. And when we stop fighting, we will find our greatest gifts that we can offer to the world.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
It totally depends on who the person is and at what point they are in in their journey. Every good mentor knows that any advice is useless except for the man who desperately needs to hear that one piece of advice in that very moment. But if there was one overarching piece of advice that I feel would appeal to anyone that I feel has the most benefit, it would be to “Question everything.”

Question the gender roles you have been handed. Question what society says you can or cannot do for your life’s work. Question the marketing that is presented to you. Question the advice of your mentor. I’m not recommending that people become hardened, cynical, or doubtful of the world… in fact, quite the opposite. You must strike the balance between not taking everything at face value, while having a sense of open, playful curiosity with how the world appears to you. Everything should be questioned.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
My short answer to this question is the same as when people ask me what my favourite sex position is (“It depends on the partner I’m with”) since everything is about calibration. Some of the things that I’ve gotten the most consistent feedback about is that I listen deeply and without distraction (my phone is almost always in airplane mode), I am highly physically affectionate, and I naturally gravitate towards being lavish with my verbal praise. The people I love always know how much I love them and exactly what I love about them. They never have to question it.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Yes. I donate to Vancouver’s Friends For Life society. FFL provides support to people with life-threatening illnesses. I initially heard about them because my parents discovered them and have been volunteering with them for nearly a decade. As an aside, most of what I’ve learned about being a good person was modeled to me by my parents. I hit the jackpot by being born into their family.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
My Way by Frank Sinatra. Not because I pride myself on going at it alone or hustling, white knuckling, or forcing life to happen… but rather because I believe in living life with a high degree of intentionality. I’m constantly asking myself “What do I want?/Why do I want that?/How do I go about achieving that?” At the end of my life, I want to know that I loved deeply, inspired a deeper ability to love in others, and always honoured myself and chose my own path.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
With how rapidly my life has changed in the last decade, it feels almost impossible to hypothesize a response to this question. But assuming that there won’t be the major shifts in technology, distribution models, and culture that will inevitably happen over the next three years, my answer would be the following.

In three years time, my writing will reach over 25 million people per month and be inspiring a more open, honest, and shame-free conversation about sex and relationships. I will be a two-time New York Times bestseller. I will do approximately ten public speaking engagements per year, while also coaching clients 1-on-1 digitally, and holding small retreats and workshops around the world for couples. I will also be married, my eyes will be bright, and I will be splitting my time between Vancouver, Paris, and Ubud.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
When it comes down to it, everything that I do with my life is about love and intentionality. I want to leave a legacy that leaves people feeling inspired, expansive, loved, and empowered. Yes, you can tell that person what you love about them. Yes, you can chase down any career path you desire. Yes, you can ask them to marry you. All of it is attainable. Everything you desire is just on the other side of a deep breath and twenty seconds of courage.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is a brilliant read for any man looking to be able to trust and surrender to the idea that every person has internal messages that must be listened to. The runner up to that, that I feel every person the planet would benefit from, is The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It’s written in a (relatively) much more dry way, but it has some densely packed value in there.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

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