Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, writer, podcaster, and educator. Zachary is the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and discusses with Roger a lot of the shame men experience when trying to find resources or help to overcome their irrational jealousy. Zachary knows the subject all too well because he too was once a man who obsessed over his then-girlfriend’s past. Discover more about the unhealthy and obsessive habits jealous men often fall into.
[2:20] What was one of Zachary’s defining moments?
[5:05] What does Zachary do?
[4:50] Zachary unpacks what ‘retroactive jealousy’ means.
[7:00] Out of nowhere, Zachary came up with ridiculous scenarios about his then-girlfriend and became jealous.
[8:00] Despite realizing his jealousy, Zachary couldn’t find the right resources that would address this issue for him.
[8:20] Both men and woman experience this equally.
[9:35] Men tend to have extreme double standards towards women who have done the same sort of sexual activities men have done in the past.
[10:05] A lot of men try to figure out a woman’s past to see if it’s in line with their ideal values.
[10:45] Male insecurity goes back a long way.
[11:40] Stop talking with your partner about their past – for now. You stop the cycle by doing this.
[13:00] What do you value in your relationship and what do you value in your partner?
[14:50] Sometimes people lie about their past just to sooth their partner.
[15:30] Own your problem. This is not your partner’s problem.
[17:40] Some men might believe that if they hooked up with an angel of a woman, then their relationship would be so much better. Of course, this is just not true.
[19:10] There’s a lot of shame around jealousy. Zachary still feels ashamed by the way he used to act.
[19:15] What can men do to open up this conversation?
[19:25] A lot of men don’t have real friends.
[20:10] The problem doesn’t resolve on its own. You have to step in and do the work.
[21:00] Keep focusing on personal development. Focus on your insecurities.
[21:30] Meditation is huge!
[22:25] The reality is we’re never going to be perfect. The learning never stops.
[23:05] How does Roger stay off depression?
[24:20] Make an effort to be friends with older men. Seek out worldly people.
[27:55] What gets Zachary out of bed every day?
[29:25] When Zachary first wrote the book, he wrote it under a pen name.
Mentioned in This Episode:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.