Mindset & Resiliency

Dr. Linnea Passaler – The Best Way To Heal A Dysregulated Nervous System

Talking points: biology, nervous system, burnout, mindset, anger

I’ve said a number of times on the show that people with regulated nervous systems are going to be extremely well-equipped for the coming days. To that end, I wanted to bring dysregulation expert Dr. Linnea on to show how important—and how possible—it is be grounded, regulated, and flexible in our responses to life. If you’re chronically stressed, THIS is the episode to listen to.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:03:56)- Why is learning about nervous system dysregulation so important?

(00:11:09) – What the ultimate core function of the nervous system really is

(00:21:08) – The intelligence of anger

(00:25:30) – How Dr. Linnea helps people identify and move through their anger

(00:33:32) – How much are nervous system issues derived from our parents?

(00:37:20) – On children, boundary testing, and how a little bit of adversity is actually beneficial

(00:43:35) – What’s more important: developing sensitivity to your current nervous system or understanding

(00:53:01) – The Alertness Elevator model

(00:59:23) – A five-stage plan to reverse nervous system dysregulation

(01:08:30) – The restoration, connection, and expansion stages

Dr. Linnea Passaler is a multifaceted health professional whose life and career have been driven by a passion for learning and her desire to assist others. With a degree in oral medicine from the renowned Universitá degli Studi in Milan, she interned at HSR Research- Ospedale San Raffaele – an advanced molecular biology facility located there. This experience kindled her interest and enthusiasm for research and immunology specifically. Through her journey and research, Dr. Linnea was able to recognize the effects of nervous system dysregulation on the sensitive person and how it contributes to conditions like anxiety, burnout, and physical and emotional symptoms. This realization drove her to found ‘Heal Your Nervous System,’ a platform that offers tools and resources to help individuals worldwide understand the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and physical and emotional symptoms

Connect with Dr. Linnea

-Website: https://healyournervoussystem.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healyournervoussystem

-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healyournervoussystem

-Book: Heal Your Nervous System: https://amzn.to/3SN3HcC

A Man’s Guide To Avoidant Attachment

Talking points: attachment, mindset, relationships, psychology

The last “A Man’s Guide” was a big hit. I had a feeling it would be, but the response still surprised me! Next up, a serious breakdown of avoidant attachment. Here’s the definition, where it comes from, the signs, and tips for moving away from it in a relationship.

This is a great episode to listen to with your partner. Take notes, discuss, and see what comes up! Lastly, thank you to everyone who reached out with comments, questions, ideas, and gratitude. I love doing these longer-form presentations; it means I get to nerd out and really lay things down.

(00:00:00) – Intro
(00:03:56)- Defining secure attachment versus avoidant
(00:06:51) – Attachment styles don’t mean you’re broken or diseased in some way
(00:08:20) – What an avoidant attachment style ultimately is, where it comes from, and one major type many men embody
(00:15:12) – One major origin point of avoidant attachment: emotional distance or unavailability
(00:23:59) – Another major origin point: premature independence
(00:26:44) – And the third: rejection of attachment
(00:29:27) – Last one: inconsistent responses and emotional stability
(00:33:49) – Signs of avoidant attachment in your relationship
(00:40:39) – What to do if you’re with an avoidant partner
(00:50:43) – What to do if YOU are the avoidant partner!

***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men’s Weekend
Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Rob Henderson – Building Resiliency From A Troubled Childhood

Talking points: childhood, trauma, foster care, relationships

We all know that poverty can have a massive impact on a child’s future well-being, sense of self, attachment style, and more. Foster children face equally (if not more) significant challenges. Rob Henderson, author of the incredibly powerful book, “Troubled”, explains some of what happens. Team, I strongly recommend this one if you’re interested at all in childhood trauma, how attachment develops, the apparent demonization of young men, absent fathers, and of course, Rob’s book. Seriously could NOT stop reading it.

(00:00:00) – Intro
(00:06:54)- How Rob approached writing such a profound book—and why
(00:14:27) – What’s the foster-care system like in America?
(00:23:01) – How does the foster-care system shape a child’s perspective on relationships?
(00:36:01) – How Rob found a sense of belonging
(00:39:23) – How did Rob repair or build relationships with men?
(00:46:06) – Rob’s take on how absent fathers impact children
(00:51:33) – On “Young Male Syndrome” and the limits of attachment
(01:03:40) – How do dating apps impact attachment, and how Rob worked on healing his own attachment style

Rob Henderson grew up in foster homes across California, and is a writer on human nature, psychology, social class, TV shows, movies, political and social divisions, and more. He’s perhaps most known for pioneering the concept of “luxury beliefs,” a term he coined to describe a new way of understanding the American status system. After working as a busboy, a dishwasher, and supermarket bagger, he joined the Air Force at the age of 17, stationed mostly in Europe and deployed in the Middle East.
Once described as “self-made” by the New York Times, Henderson obtained a B.S. in Psychology from Yale (thanks to the G.I. Bill) and a Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Cambridge (St. Catharine’s College), where I studied as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. He is a founding faculty fellow at UATX and a columnist at The Free Press, and have written for the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the Boston Globe, among other outlets.

Connect with Rob
-Substack: https://www.robkhenderson.com/
-Twitter: https://twitter.com/robkhenderson
-Book: Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168537
***
Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men’s Weekend
Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship
Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 
Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify
For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Steps For Ending Self-Sabotage

Talking points: mindset, sabotage

It’s not easy, I know. We all do it, and we all wonder why. But there’s a way forward—and it’s simpler than you think, my friends. Listen in.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:03:12)- What people do immediately after sabotaging, why it’s NOT effective, and what to do instead

(00:06:12) – Practical steps to move beyond self-sabotage

(00:10:49) – If there’s one thing to take away from this

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men’s Weekend

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

Henry Shukman – A Path To True Mindfulness

Talking points: zen, meditation, mindfulness, psychedelics, mindset

I’m one of those people who hated sitting down and meditating, even after a few years of trying to practice. It’s now something I do nearly every day, and it grounds me in ways I can’t explain. This is a pretty common story, especially among men I’ve worked with, so I brought Henry Shukman back on the show to dig into what novice meditators get wrong, what some good starter methods are, and really: what IS thought, anyway?

Listen in for a great look at the start and “end” goal of mindfulness, and Henry’s infectious enthusiasm for this powerful practice.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:03:47)- Do men and women have different struggles with meditation?

(00:08:35) – Why do meditation and mindfulness draw more women than men?

(00:18:45) – What are the initial resistance points when people start a meditation practice?

(00:25:03) – What IS thinking?

(00:31:57) – But what’s the actual goal of mindfulness, and how do you get there?

(00:38:56) – The power of allowing, and what it actually means

(00:49:29) – What is “original nature”?

(00:56:16) – Do psychedelics offer the same glimpse into reality as meditation does?

(01:04:24) – Henry’s upcoming app

Henry Shukman is a mindfulness teacher and the spiritual Director of Mountain Cloud Zen Center. He has been trained by several Zen teachers, particularly the roshis Joan Rieck, John Gaynor, Ruben Habito, and Yamada Ryoun Roshi, as well as by teachers and mentors in other traditions. Henry has an MA from Cambridge and an MLitt from St. Andrews, and has written several award-winning books of poetry and fiction.

He currently guides a wide range of students from all walks of life. He received dharma transmission (inka shomei) from Yamada Ryoun Roshi, the abbot of Sanbo Zen, and is a Zen Master of the Sanbo Zen lineage of Kamakura, Japan.

Connect with Henry

-Upcoming app: The Way: https://www.thewayapp.com/

-Website; Mountain Cloud Zen Center: https://www.mountaincloud.org/

-Website; Original Love Meditation: https://originallove.org/

-Book; One Blade Of Grass: https://bit.ly/3CFLuFz

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mountaincloudzencenter/

***

Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men’s Weekend

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

A Man’s Guide To Ending Codependency

Talking points: relationship, mindset, psychology

This is a big one, dear listener. This is a slightly new format for the series; specific topics I’ll do a deeper dive on, centering on how you as a man can better understand them, better work through them, and better help others through as well. First up? Codependency. If you’ve got a specific topic you’d like me to cover, hit me up on Instagram @mantalks!

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:04:11) – What is codependency?

(00:08:30) – One the hallmark indicators you’re in a codependent relationship

(00:10:43) – Major causes of codependency: the peacekeeper, abuse, emotional unavailability, and the caretaker

(00:30:24) – The tale of Johnny Niceguy

(00:35:54) – The signs of a codependent relationship

(00:38:59) – Seven questions to ask yourself

(00:40:47) – Ways to actually move OUT of codependency, plus one that guys generally don’t like

(00:49:48) – Perfection is a fuel for codependency

***

Want a more intense, in-person experience? Join a Men’s Weekend

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

The One Thing Every Man Should Fight For His Life To Build

Talking points: collaboration, friendship, masculinity

Men, few things are more powerful, fulfilling, and expansive than this, so guard it with your life. It took me way too long to learn and understand, and many people diminish or degrade its importance. Listen in.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:01:53) – Men are isolated and less collaborative than ever before, and we miss out on important things

(00:05:06) – Without male collaboration, our society would cease to exist

(00:06:40) – What I’ve learned over the last decade about male friendships—and male isolation

(00:10:02) – Maybe you yourself are one of those men who could use more friendships

(00:11:34) – We’ve got to protect this

(00:13:16) – Things you can do to foster male collaboration

(00:44:28) – The evolutionary case for vulnerability

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

ManTalks Best Of 2023

Talking points: porn, masculinity, culture, redpill, relationships, dating, anxiety, mental health, loneliness

Every January, we get a spike of newcomers to the podcast, and this year I decided to give them a warm welcome by compiling some of the hardest-hitting and most popular episodes of the year.

If you’re new to the show, dig in and see what convos mattered most to the community. If you’re a longtime listener, now may be the chance to catch something you missed!

(00:00:00) – Stirling Cooper on how porn impacts a man in the bedroom
(00:04:46) – Advice for talking to your son about porn
(00:10:43) – Scott Galloway on how the conversation around men is shifting, and why
(00:13:21) – The knock-on effects of what men are struggling with
(00:10:26) – Again, NOT saying this is wrong, but what are we creating further down the line?
(00:11:40) – You can already see some consequences in the data
(00:19:13) – A new definition of masculinity
(00:26:42) – Scott on why guys like Andrew Tate are so popular
(00:31:21) – Jillian Turecki on helping a partner through hardship, grief, and regret
(00:39:17) – What goes into choosing a partner—and why we sometimes choose the wrong one
(00:49:19) – The Disneyfication of modern relationships 
(00:52:20) – John Delony on the correlation between body disconnection and anxiety
(00:56:16) – John’s definition of anxiety
(01:00:53) – Do men have different things generally making them anxious?
(01:05:09) – Loneliness CAUSES anxiety


Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | and yes, even TikTok

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Five Steps I Used To Unf**k My Life

At a men’s weekend, one of the guests asked me to give a simple breakdown of what I did to climb out of the wreckage of my life. While life is always more complicated than some 5-step solution, these are the biggest, most impactful steps I took—just in time for the new year!

(00:00:00) – Intro
(00:00:40) – Stop lying
(00:03:03) – Do what you need (but don’t want) to do
(00:04:30) – Replaced coping mechanisms with generative habits—one at a time
(00:06:06) – Do some more of what you love
(00:07:13) – Learn to regulate your nervous system, aka get better impulse control


Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Nicole LePera – Undoing Trauma Bonds And Getting Your Needs Met

Talking points: grief, trauma, needs, resentment, relationships

Dr. Nicole is one of the rare three-peats on my podcast, and she always delivers! Fresh off the tour for her new book, we dove straight into the heavy stuff. This is a great episode to listen to if you’re wanting to take a closer look at relationship issues, modern dating troubles, and navigating all the emotions those bring.

(00:00:00) – Intro, the book tour, and navigating grief and joy at the same time
(00:08:10) – Why we isolate ourselves when we actually need community
(00:15:47) – What do you feel has shifted in modern-day relationships?
(00:23:12) – What does it mean to “be the love that you seek”?
(00:28:05) – So how do our early relationships inform our present-day ones?
(00:32:18) – Our earliest attachments did more than condition our behavior
(00:38:17) – How early unmet emotional needs impact our present relationships, and how we identify them
(00:44:32) – What do you say to men who claim they shouldn’t have emotional needs?
(00:50:28) – What do when resentment creeps into a relationship, and why it’s so important to listen to the wisdom of the body
(00:56:53) – Nicole’s take on how to regulate your nervous system
(01:03:46) – What is a trauma bond, and how do you know you’re in one?

Dr. Nicole LePera was trained in clinical psychology at Cornell University and the New School for Social Research. She also studied at the Philadelphia School of Psychoanalysis. As a clinical psychologist in private practice, Dr. Nicole LePera often found herself frustrated by the limitations of traditional psychotherapy. Wanting more for her patients—and for herself—she began a journey to develop a united philosophy of mental, physical, and spiritual health that equips people with the tools necessary to heal themselves. Nothing short of a paradigm shift, Dr. Nicole LePera’s teachings empower the individual to break free from trauma cycles and create who they want to become.

Connect with Dr. Nicole:

-Website: https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/

-Instagram: @the.holistic.psychologist

-Youtube: https://bit.ly/3fmD5eH

-New book: How To Be The Love You Seek: https://howtobetheloveyouseek.com/

-TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theholisticpsychologist/


Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why Most Men Have A Midlife Crisis—And What To Do

Talking points: middle age, mindset, death, nice guys

I’ve worked with legions of middle-aged men. As of 2023, I’m one of them. It got me wondering why so many of us radically change (or catastrophically implode) our lives in our 40s and 50s. Here’s what I’ve seen, where I think it comes from, and where to begin ensuring it doesn’t happen to you.

(00:00:00) – Intro and why I call it the “middle passage”
(00:02:52) – The biggest reason men go through a midlife “crisis”
(00:06:59) – Pleasing Syndrome, and how to fix it
(00:10:26) – Fear of our own depths
(00:13:29) – The collapse of the illusion that right action leads to right outcome
(00:17:34) – What do you actually do with this info?


Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How I Dealt With Procrastination

Talking points: mindset, life hacks, culture

The list of things I’ve tried to get over procrastination is so long you could wrap a town’s worth of Christmas presents in it. But there is ONE thing that’s actually helped. It’s pretty counterintuitive, but it seriously has worked every time I’ve used it. Listen in.

(00:00:00) – Intro and how I’ve battled with procrastination for a long, long time
(00:04:20) – Procrastination: what it’s actually trying to do 
(00:08:22) – The one counterintuitive thing that worked for me
(00:11:44) – A side effect you’ll need to look out for
(00:14:46) – We have a very anti-boredom culture


Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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