Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships
Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called “disorganized attachment”, and I’ve worked with a ton of men who have it. So let’s dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps.
(00:00:00) – Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel
(00:08:20) – Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant
(00:13:19) – What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?
(00:15:38) – What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency
(00:23:33) – One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child
(00:28:19) – Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment
(00:33:37) – More on what this looks like in a relationship: control, distrust,
(00:35:57) – Wanting closeness but fearing closeness, difficulty regulating emotions, and negativity
(00:38:24) – On being disappointed by others, protection from rejection, and concentration
(00:40:02) – The big one: inability to self-soothe
(00:41:40) – So what do we do? Two BIG steps
(00:45:24) – On how to self-regulate/self-soothe, and starting with the breath
(00:50:20) – Find someone to help you work with your hypervigilance
(00:53:07) – Develop consistent connection with your partner (or with friends). Here’s how
(00:56:53) – Build trust. Slowly. Over time
(00:59:46) – Set boundaries with the fear-based thoughts in your head
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