Archives for May 2016

Episode: 045

Discover how you can make the transition process easier on yourself in today’s episode.

Introduction:
Jason Connell is a speaker, former magician, and a writer on personal development. Jason discusses with Roger and Connor on today’s show about successfully moving through life transitions and accepting the new challenges that come from taking action. Jason also talks on the subject of manhood and some of the key things our everyday modern man struggles with in a society littered with social media.

Listen to it on iTunes

Listen to it on Stitcher

Key Takeaways:
[1:35] What was Jason’s defining moment as a man?
[4:00] It’s hard to follow/discover a path you were meant to follow. Many people wake up to a 9-5 job they hate.
[5:40] Millennials are feeling much more disconnected with others.
[7:40] Jason talks about his career as a magician.
[9:25] You don’t have to follow the same path for the rest of your life.
[10:40] Men suffer from the ‘lack of money’ barrier.
[12:15] Jason is slowly winding down on his 8-year company, Ignited Leadership.
[15:20] We’re prone to stick with what we know – even if it makes us unhappy.
[17:20] Your own brain is often not enough. You need to take action.
[20:00] Transition is hard. So give yourself some slack.
[21:25] What does a strong support system look like to Jason?
[23:00] One piece of advice to modern men? Stop being so strong and break down.
[25:15] What kind of things do Millennials struggle with?
[28:35] Keep in mind you can fail and it’s no big deal.
[31:00] Want to change but not sure how? Get a coach or a psychologist.
[35:00] When you’re more authentic with yourself, you become more attractive to women.
[37:25] Sex, money, or status does not validate your manhood.
[38:30] What kind of legacy would Jason like to leave behind?

Mentioned in This Episode:
www.mantalks.com/
www.ignitedleadership.com
www.jasonconnell.co/
The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell

Music Credit:
Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)

Tweetables:

“If you can’t feel a connection with yourself, there’s no way you can feel your connection to other people.”

“We tend to hold ourselves hostage to outmoded versions of who we truly are.”

“What you’re meant to be doing evolves and changes over time.”

Jason Connell is a speaker, former magician, and a writer on personal development. Jason discusses with Roger and Connor on today’s show about successfully moving through life transitions and accepting the new challenges that come from taking action. Jason also talks on the subject of manhood and some of the key things our everyday modern man struggles with in a society littered with social media.

Key Takeaways:

[1:35] What was Jason’s defining moment as a man?

[4:00] It’s hard to follow/discover a path you were meant to follow. Many people wake up to a 9-5 job they hate.

[5:40] Millennials are feeling much more disconnected with others.

[7:40] Jason talks about his career as a magician.

[9:25] You don’t have to follow the same path for the rest of your life.

[10:40] Men suffer from the ‘lack of money’ barrier.

[12:15] Jason is slowly winding down on his 8-year company, Ignited Leadership.

[15:20] We’re prone to stick with what we know – even if it makes us unhappy.

[17:20] Your own brain is often not enough. You need to take action.

[20:00] Transition is hard. So give yourself some slack.

[21:25] What does a strong support system look like to Jason?

[23:00] One piece of advice to modern men? Stop being so strong and break down.

[25:15] What kind of things do Millennials struggle with?

[28:35] Keep in mind you can fail and it’s no big deal.

[31:00] Want to change but not sure how? Get a coach or a psychologist.

[35:00] When you’re more authentic with yourself, you become more attractive to women.

[37:25] Sex, money, or status does not validate your manhood.

[38:30] What kind of legacy would Jason like to leave behind?

Mentioned in This Episode:

www.mantalks.com/

www.ignitedleadership.com

www.jasonconnell.co/

The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell

Music Credit:

Parlange & Latenite Automatic (www.jesusparlange.com – www.lateniteautomatic.com)

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every day in my journal for the past few months I have been answering a series of questions that forces me to get uncomfortably honest with myself.

Between the completion of a significant romantic relationship, losing a close friend unexpectedly, and many other life changes, I have been having a challenging year, but these four questions have become my north star. They have helped to guide me even on my darkest days. These questions are like the super-loving, no-bullshit friend who is willing to tell you like it is, day after day.

I highly recommend giving them a shot.

Here they are.

1. What the fuck do I want?

2. What bullshit am I putting up with that I need to cut out of my life?

3. What the fuck do I know that I need to do?

4. How can I honour myself more fully starting right now?

Let’s break these down slightly, and dig into why each of them is so powerful.

What the fuck do I want?

This is the seed. Every situation in our lives ultimately comes back to this.

What the fuck do you want? Honestly. Let go of all of the societal/parental/cultural expectations for one minute and admit to yourself what you truly want.

Do you want to change careers? Do you want to have children? Do you want to end your relationship? Do you want to start expecting more of yourself and feel more in alignment with your personal integrity, whatever that means to you? Do you want to live with your friends in the forest? Do you want to be polyamorous? Do you want to be a stay at home mom/dad? Do you want to get in the best shape of your life?

Admit it to yourself. Allow this question to drag it out of you.

And you can’t cop out and just write “What do I want?” because that isn’t the question. There’s more immediacy and force behind “What the fuck do I want?” You can’t hide from it. The question knows all of your deepest, darkest secrets… and it won’t settle until it has revealed them all.

You already know what you want. Your mental treasure is already sitting in the corner of your attic. This question is the high-powered flashlight that illuminates the truth of your desires.

What bullshit am I putting up with that I need to cut out of my life?

No is a powerful word.

In an instant, the word no can change the course of your entire life.

As in, “No, I don’t want to be a lawyer after all.”

Or, “No, you can’t hit me ever again. I’m leaving you for good.”

Or, “No, I’m not okay with wheezing for air every time I climb that stair case. It’s time to make a shift in my lifestyle.”

What bullshit are you putting up with that you know that you need to cut out of your life?

You’re allowed to say no to it. No matter what it is. I know people who have successfully cut ties from their toxic/abusive family members because it was necessary for them to live their lives. I know people who have changed career paths after the age of 60 and had an amazing time doing it. So stop putting so much energy towards selling yourself on false stories. It’s all possible.

You’re allowed to cut out anything that feels like it needs to be cut out. You have full permission. And you deserve the peace of mind that lives on the other side of your “No.”

What the fuck do I know that I need to do?

Similar to the last question, but in a more proactive framing.

If you know what you want and you know what you need to say no to, it’s time to start deciding on what you’re going to say yes to.

Yes, I’m going to pursue my dream job.

Yes, I’m going to ask them to marry me.

Yes, I’m going to pick up that new hobby that I’ve been fantasizing about doing for years.

You know that you need to do it… so go forth and conquer.

How can I honour myself more fully starting right now?

All of the aforementioned questions are ultimately about honouring yourself. But just in case you need it to be pulled out of you in a different way… how can you start honouring yourself more fully starting today?

This question brings immediacy to the table.

What can you do starting RIGHT… NOW to honour yourself more? If only 5% more. Start small, but start.

–

Give them a shot. See what falls out on the page/screen. It might just change the direction of your life for the better.

This article originally appeared on www.jordangrayconsulting.com

Read More By Jordan Gray on the ManTalks Blog

I Believe in Loving Like You Give a Shit

7 Things All Men Need In a Relationship

6 Ways To Save Your Struggling Relationship

__________

You’re wasting your life.
Yes you. The person reading this. I can’t be 100% sure of this, but statistically speaking you don’ t have much of a chance.
But I don’t mean that in a “people today are lazy and addicted to their phones” kind of way. Sure that might be true also, but I’m talking about work. Most of us are wasting our life through our work.
I bet your parents taught you to “work hard,” didn’t they? Every parent does. But few teach their kids the real meaning of work. There are different ways to work hard, but in the absence of nuance most of us only learn one — maybe two — types of work.
It’s the third kind most of us don’t practice. And we’re wasting our working life as a result. I’m going to explain the three types of work and show you how to do the third type effectively.
Let’s take a look at the three types of work.
Labor
Labor is any task that you need to do just to keep your job. If you’ve ever seen the movie Office Space think “TPS Reports.” If you haven’t seen the movie, please allow me to explain: The main character, Peter, is stuck in a typical dead end job where he endures the endless cycle: Commute. Busy work. Lunch. Busy work. Commute. TV. Bed. Repeat.
His overbearing boss heaps meaningless tasks upon him like filing TPS reports — the meaning of which is never explained during the film. But it doesn’t matter because we all know what TPS reports are — some task that the higher ups have invented to create a paper trail but don’t serve any useful function to the job at hand.
We’ve all been forced to do busy work. Everyone hates it because it ends up taking up all of our creative time and we never get real work done.
But in many work environments this type of labor is necessary just to keep our job. Fail to deliver what the boss wants and you’re done. And the boss wants TPS reports.
Not all labor is like that, though. Labor can be tedious but necessary, too. Labor is the day-to-day grind of chores and other rote tasks. If you grew up on a farm like me you’ll know that life is full of labor.
TPS reports suck, but most labor isn’t a bad thing — it’s just a repetitive thing. We all must do labor of some sort. Brushing our teeth is a type of labor.
We have food on our table because people do labor every day. Every product we consume is made on the back of someone’s labor.
Labor isn’t a bad thing, but we don’t need to elevate labor to be some noble pursuit, either. Labor simply is what it is.
If labor was our only capacity we’d still be digging holes in the ground with sticks. Labor doesn’t invent anything new or create anything. However, it is necessary to execute creative tasks.
To stop wasting our lives we need to do less labor and more of the other types of work.
Hustle
Entrepreneurs specialize in hustle. Hustle is like labor in the way that it can be learned quickly. You can start hustling now and be good at it by tomorrow. Chances are, hustle won’t test your skill, but it will test your courage, consistency, and strength.
Hustle is about making shit happen, which means pitching your product or idea, approaching people, and grinding for growth. It means getting in front of people and creating momentum.
I respect hustle. We all need to hustle in some way. Authors need to hustle to promote their work. Painters need to hustle to get their paintings in galleries. Entrepreneurs hustle all day every day.
Good things don’t happen passively. We need to hustle to make them happen.
I’m not saying you have to be like the king of hustle, Gary Vaynerchuk. We can hustle at our own pace. Gary Vee’s pace is super human, and I’m not sure if he sleeps. But everyone must deploy some level of hustle to succeed.
As we’re going to discover in a moment, there is another type of work that — when added to hustle — brings even better results.
Hustle is great. Everyone should hustle if they have big dreams. But hustle and labor alone will still result in a wasted life.
Money chasers hustle and labor, yet they waste their lives. I’ve lost count of how many millionaires I know that hustle and labor hard, earn huge fucking piles of money, yet despise their own life.
They’re wasting theirs. Because they don’t know the meaning of the third type of work..
Deep Work
Author Cal Newport would call both labor and hustle, “shallow work.” More on him below. Shallow work is necessary but we won’t stop wasting our lives until we develop a consistent “deep work” habit.
Henry Ford famously said, “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.” I heard this quote years ago and didn’t know what it meant until I began my own intentional deep work practice.
True achievement requires creation — and creation requires thinking and other types of deep work.
Charlie Munger said his partner Warren Buffett only “works” 20% of the time. He spends the other 80% reading and thinking. Of course, Buffett is working with that other 80% of the time. Reading and thinking are the most important type of work — deep work.
In Ashlee Vance’s recent biography of Elon Musk, we learn about one of Musk’s quirks. He was known to mentally ‘check out’. He could sit in a room full of people without noticing. It appeared bizarre to others, but he was deep in thought, focusing his attention on finding a solution to a single problem.
Brian Scudamore — founder of $250M franchise 1-800-GOT-JUNK — recently wrote about his habit of spending one day per week doing nothing but thinking.
I could go on.
Elite entrepreneurs and intellectuals spend huge amounts of their time doing — what from the outside appears to be — nothing.
But pure thinking isn’t the only type of deep work. Cal Newport defines deep work as “cognitively demanding tasks.” Replying to emails isn’t cognitively demanding. Neither is posting on Facebook or attending a meeting. And TPS reports certainly don’t qualify. Neither does making 10 sales calls per day.
A few deep work tasks:
thinking about solutions to a difficult problem
outlining a book
writing an article
researching
solving a math problem
writing code
reading difficult tasks
Those are just to name a few. In his book, Newport delves into the brain science behind deep work, shallow work, and distraction. The answer is unequivocal: We must work deeply to find solutions to difficult problems.
We can’t solve problems with shallow work only.
Here’s my own definition of deep work: “creative work that moves you beyond day-to-day survival.” Most jobs, professions, or careers have a series of daily tasks we need to do in order to just survive. We can get really good at those tasks to the point where we don’t even need to think.
Every morning we wake up and live the same day over and over again — nothing new is created. Money is made, life goes on, and we shut down to the magic of work.
My client mastered sales years ago and built successful businesses around this skill. If his work ever was creative it had became rote years ago. He had money and “success,” but his work no longer fulfilled him.
He wanted to start writing and creating but didn’t understand deep work. This is the biggest roadblock clients have when they first approach me. The world doesn’t prize or understand deep work. Labor and hustle are lauded but deep work is just misunderstood.
My client had a background in art, so intuitively deep work made sense. But it was many years since he made art. He had to relearn the habit of deep work — especially as it related to writing. Every type of creation has its own type of deep work.
When he tapped back into his infinite well of creation he said the most remarkable thing: “I have a whole new definition of work.”
Bingo. He nailed it. After years of working hard but shallow he had created a living but not a life.
As soon as he began working deeply he immediately found his deep well of inner creativity.
Domain Specific Deep Work
The first step of deep work is understanding its importance. Next, we must do the deep work specific to our domain.
When Warren Buffett reads an annual report, he’s not reading the same report you and I are reading. He’s done so much deep work at deconstructing and understanding reports and financial statements that he sees more nuance and depth.
He’s done the deep work of learning, then the deep work of deconstructing, and then the deep work of applying his past experience to the problems before him.
What do you see when you do deep work? Would you like to see some domain with half the acumen that Warren Buffett sees a financial report one day? I know I would.
Having a deep work practice is one of the secrets to a successful and happy life. Warren Buffett said, “I tap dance on my way to work.” He’s happy because his work is creative and fulfilling. Sounds funny to say about the second wealthiest man in the world, but it’s not about the money. Fulfillment in work and life has many components — one of the key ones is doing meaningful work.
And that requires deep work.
The Only Resource You Need
Cal Newport wrote a book called Deep Work that has altered the way I think and act. Newport’s premises are simple: a) deep work is lacking in our world, and b) deep work is needed more now than ever.
This situation has created a high demand, low supply situation for deep workers.
Yes, doing deep work is literally the most important thing you can do for your career right now.
Those doing deep work are the ones that will create everything of value in the coming years. They will dominate all of the best jobs and will build the greatest companies. Deep workers will invent all the great inventions and write all the best academic papers.
At the same time it’s harder than ever to do deep work. Our minds need deep work for us to feel fulfilled in our vocation — yet we default to the unfulfilling distractions of daily life.
At this exact moment when we need to do it the most, we’re least likely to do deep work.
Confession: Every morning I walk across my lawn to sit in a trailer that’s purposely placed far enough away from my house so that I can’t connect to the Internet. I find it truly difficult to avoid the Internet if it’s within range.
My internal defenses against distraction have been withered away by a decade of extreme Internet usage. So I take the drastic step of removing myself from the temptation.
If you can’t read Deep Work right now, then please listen to Cal Newport on the ManTalks Podcast.
But you don’t even need to wait that long to start implementing deep work into your life. You can get doing deep work right now by following a few simple rules.
Rules for Deep Work
It seems so simple on the surface to do deep work — but you’ll find your old, insidious habits difficult to break. You’ll find the shallow work tasks of labor and hustle will encroach on your deep work time. You’ll find email and social media to be constant distractions. Our world is not optimized for deep work.
This explains why so few people are consistent creators — let alone consistent elite creators. Deep work takes long, uninterrupted blocks of time. Few of us set aside minutes, let alone hours of time to do deep work.
But by following a few simple rules you can get up and running.
Rule #1 — Shut it Off
I will check email, Facebook, today’s website numbers, and sports stats in a constant loop of pointless distraction all day unless I create a clear boundary between myself and the Internet.
I don’t pretend to understand it. I want to create. I want to learn difficult things. I want to research, study, and think about difficult problems. Yet, if the Internet is even accessible I will find myself unthinkingly wandering towards it automatically.
Steven Pressfield calls this ‘resistance.’ For some reason we find the thing we love most to be the easiest thing to be distracted from. We may love it the most, but anything worth doing is mentally taxing, and the brain doesn’t want to work unless it has to. That’s why we need to create artificial boundaries and forcing functions between us and the distractions.
Experiment with what works for you. For me the best thing — hands down — is to be out sitting in my trailer, about 50 yards from the house, where I know the Internet won’t reach me. I don’t bring my phone out to the trailer with me. There is no way for me to connect to the Internet without going back into the house, which would mean carrying my computer or grabbing my phone.
I make the trip several times per day. I need the Internet to work, after all, but mostly only for shallow work tasks. Deep work is offline work.
Find out what works best for you. It might be enough to simply ignore the phone, email, social media, and other distractions for a while. For me this isn’t enough, but it may be for you.
Experiment and stick to what works, but whatever you do shut off the Internet.
Rule #2 — Set a Time Limit
Deep work is mentally taxing work. Cal Newport cites the studies that prove 4 hours of deep work per day is optimal for most people. The tendency is to want to go beyond that, but very few people can effectively do deep work for longer than 4 hours in one day. I get started on my deep work anywhere between 5am on an early day and 7am on a late day. This gives me plenty of time [with breaks] to finish my 4 hours of deep work before lunch and then spend the afternoon doing shallow work like taking phone calls, sending emails, and various website tasks like posting blog articles and managing my email system.
Don’t overdo it. Just be consistent in your deep work and before you know it you will become a prolific creator. Most people struggle to write one article, create one video, design one web page, outline one chapter of a book, make one drawing, or plan one live experience.
Deep workers — even those only doing an hour a day — soon find themselves pumping out important work regularly. So don’t worry too much [at first] about doing too much. Just get consistent with it and see where the daily drip of work takes you.
Rule #3 — Practice Different Types of Deep Work
There are many different activities you can do in deep work. The tendency is to think of it as simply working in ‘flow state.’ Newport points out that deep work will often bring you into flow state but not always. Perhaps the more important kind of deep work is acquiring, organizing, and integrating difficult knowledge.
I often speak, write, and teach my clients about story. This requires a background in mythology, story structure, psychology, and other topics. I need to read works that are often difficult. To truly understand, contemplate, and integrate such works I need deep work time.
This kind of mental slog can’t be accomplished in between emails. It just can’t. You need long periods of uninterrupted time to read, think, and take notes.
Another type of deep work that’s rarely practiced is thinking. Yes, I literally mean just sitting in a room alone — thinking. Or going for a walk alone and thinking. Or a drive alone and thinking. Many people find it easier to do uninterrupted thinking when they’re on the move. One of my favorite philosophers, Friedrich Nietzsche, famously said that he never trusted an idea he didn’t get on his feet.
Whatever the case, it’s important to practice thinking. I find two great opportunities to think — the first is when I’m driving alone. Whereas I used to listen to music or a podcast, I now think. It’s incredible how much mental chatter you find. You want to structure this thinking time. You’re not just thinking about whatever pops into your head. You choose a difficult problem and think of the solutions. Using the right questions to guide your thinking works well.
Beyond learning and thinking, your deep work time might be filled by writing, outlining, envisioning a product or service, writing code, designing, drawing, or whatever your craft is.
You know – that beautiful thing you love to do but somehow never find time to do.
The End
I could go on about this topic. Chances are I will go on in a different article a different day. I refused to read another book for a month after reading Deep Work — I wanted the lessons to sink in. I sat and devoured the entire book in a single day, and took copious notes. I never looked back.
That last sentence was a lie.
I’ve still struggled to do deep work consistently at times since then.
And this brings up the most insidious problem of all. We need to believe that we deserve do to the work that matters. Every day we have a choice to do deep work, but it’s easy to be busy.
The truth is that we don’t have time not to do deep work.
It’s never been more important to create. Now is the moment of creation. There are fewer and fewer rote, laborious tasks that are highly valuable.
Shallow work and distraction will rob you of the most creative years of your life.
That shallow work task that seems pressing — it’s probably not that important and certainly not as important as doing your deep work. Your creations matter more now than ever — both to yourself and to the broader world.
Labor and hustle are still valuable, but without the deep work of creation they will ensure dissatisfaction in your work. Without them your deep work won’t get out to the world, but without the creations you make during deep work time you will have no labors to share and nothing to hustle.
“Come talk to me when you have something,” is a common remark. First you need to create the thing, which can only be done doing deep work time. Then you can hustle it to where it belongs.
Do the deep work. Do it now. Do it daily.
Read more by Zander Robertson on the ManTalks blog:
The 5 Key Steps to Editing Your Life Story
I Want My Son To Know
There’s Nothing Left to Do But Die: Why Overcoming is a Superpower
Or Listen to Zander Robertson on the ManTalks Podcast
 
__________
 Zander Robertson is editor-in-chief of the Mantalks blog. He’s ghostwritten more than 20 books for major publishing houses and self publishers. Zander believes that the world turns on powerful, raw, and true stories. Visit his website to learn more. 
Email him at zander@mantalks.com to pitch your article idea for ManTalks.

Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.

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Episode: 044

Why are people sending Frank their secrets on a postcard?

Introduction:
Frank Warren is the founder of PostSecret.com, where he publishes some of the secrets strangers have mailed to him on postcards. Frank has received over 500,000 postcards since November 2004. Some of these postcards are funny, shocking, littered with confessions, sexual desires, and more. Frank discusses why such a novel idea has turned viral and why people need a confessional outlet on today’s show.
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Listen to it on iTunes

Listen to it on Stitcher
Key Takeaways:
[2:25] What was Frank’s defining moment as a man?
[4:15] How did PostSecret get started?
[7:45] Frank has given his real home address for people to send postcards to.
[8:10] What is the magic that happens when someone reveals a secret to Frank?
[10:50] What men decide to reveal and conceal defines them every day.
[11:45] Frank reads some anonymous secrets.
[15:45] Despite so much technology that helps us to connect, there’s still a lot of loneliness and isolation.
[16:05] Are we posting too much on social media?
[19:00] Frank used to work on a suicide prevention hotline. How does he deal with all the heaviness?
[21:25] Roger used to live at a fraternity house where he couldn’t show his true emotional struggles.
[26:25] Did you know you could mail potatoes if it has an address on it?
[26:40] Frank talks of his least favorite/most haunting postcards.
[29:15] What’s next for Frank?


Mentioned in This Episode:
www.mantalks.com/
www.postsecret.com/
Frank@postsecret.com
Frank on TED
Mail Frank:
13345 Copper Ridge Rd
Germantown, Maryland, 20874
Music Credit:
Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Tweetables:
“In so many ways we have to wear these masks and play these roles and there are always consequences.”
“How we react and deal with secrets is an important part of who we are.”
“Secrets can be this thing that we bury deep inside of us or they can be like gifts.”
 

Frank Warren is the founder of PostSecret.com, where he publishes some of the secrets strangers have mailed to him on postcards. Frank has received over 500,000 postcards since November 2004. Some of these postcards are funny, shocking, littered with confessions, sexual desires, and more. Frank discusses why such a novel idea has turned viral and why people need a confessional outlet on today’s show.

Key Takeaways:

[2:25] What was Frank’s defining moment as a man?

[4:15] How did PostSecret get started?

[7:45] Frank has given his real home address for people to send postcards to.

[8:10] What is the magic that happens when someone reveals a secret to Frank?

[10:50] What men decide to reveal and conceal defines them every day.

[11:45] Frank reads some anonymous secrets.

[15:45] Despite so much technology that helps us to connect, there’s still a lot of loneliness and isolation.

[16:05] Are we posting too much on social media?

[19:00] Frank used to work on a suicide prevention hotline. How does he deal with all the heaviness?

[21:25] Roger used to live at a fraternity house where he couldn’t show his true emotional struggles.

[26:25] Did you know you could mail potatoes if it has an address on it?

[26:40] Frank talks of his least favorite/most haunting postcards.

[29:15] What’s next for Frank?

Mentioned in This Episode:

www.mantalks.com/

www.postsecret.com/

Frank@postsecret.com

Frank on TED

Mail Frank:

13345 Copper Ridge Rd

Germantown, Maryland, 20874

Music Credit:

Parlange & Latenite Automatic (www.jesusparlange.com – www.lateniteautomatic.com)

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It was snowing outside, I was on my way home and my normal 90-minute drive from the office was already up to 4 hours.
4 hours in my car.
My back hurt from sitting in the same position for so long.
I sat there doing calculations in my head. Then, when I realized I couldn’t add very well, I pulled out my phone (I was sitting still so no worries about distracted driving).
If I average 3 hours a day commuting which was my average on a good day and didn’t include snow or accidents…
That’s 15 hours a week.
60 hours a month.
720 hours a year.
Let’s say I worked in this job until 55 years old (another 20 years) that’s 14,400 hours:
14,400 / 24 = 600 DAYS
Holy Shit, that’s nearly 2 fucking years! Knowing this, I should have decided there and then to change my life.
Change is easy for me these days, as I’ve done so much of it. But back then, no way.
I sat there and justified to myself why it wasn’t that bad: “I have a good job and am making a lot of money. We live in a nice house and my kids are in a good private school. I’ll just suck it up, be a good father/ husband and keep going through the motions,” I thought.
I see this type of justification a lot in my work now.  In order to make significant change people need HUGE amounts of pain and suffering. For me, even knowing that I’d spend 2 years in my car did little but give me something to feel crappy about on a cold dark night in December.
People on their deathbeds regret not seizing the moment, wasting life. I got lucky. I got Anxiety.

Why Anxiety Was a Gift — Getting My Life Back

People frown when I tell them that I see my experience with anxiety as a gift. I get it. Why would something that caused so much mental pain be a gift?
I wasn’t willing to slow down voluntarily. But severe panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and physical pain finally got me pondering if I was on the right path.
I have come to believe that anxiety comes from living out of alignment. The more out of alignment we are, the more the anxiety rears it’s ugly head.
I began working with a coach and at one point asked him this question: “Am I broken or is my job/ lifestyle making me feel so anxious all the time?”
His response was simple, profound, and gave me permission to start making changes: “Why don’t you change your job or lifestyle and see what happens?”
This speaks to the fact that making any decision about your future is better than staying the same.
I had been asking myself these questions:
Why is this happening to me?
Why can’t things just go back to the way they were before?
Why can’t I just feel normal again?
Continuing to stay on the same path would ensure continued anxiety. I’d passed the point of no return. There was no going back.
Trying to go back would put me on the same road to anxiety again. An infinite loop of misery. No. This time I had to change. I recently came up with this saying, “Stop Coping, Start Changing,” as a way to help my clients create positive change.
In the stress and anxiety space there are so many ways that we cope without addressing the underlying issue.
For example, I learned some elaborate breathing techniques, went on prescription medication, and saw a psychologist. But if I didn’t change at the core then I couldn’t expect my anxiety to just vanish.
This is why I’m not a fan of meds. They allow people to bypass difficult conversations and changes and avoid addressing the actual struggle. Not to mention the potential side effects that come with them.
So I began to make changes, small ones to start with, but eventually I left my job and regained those 3 hours a day I was losing to my commute.
I literally gained 2 years of my life back.

Fixing the Core Problem

If you’re struggling in some part of your life today (and I suspect you are — everyone struggles with something), then instead of looking to fix the symptoms, look at your alignment.
If you have a car with a shaky steering wheel and you replaced the steering wheel, would it fix the problem? How about getting a nice soft fluffy cover for your steering wheel? Would that fix it?
If you’re like me you’d take it to a garage. They’d most likely investigate the wheel balancing, tire pressure and tread, suspension etc. See what I mean?
If you ignore the shaky steering wheel for long enough it may go from being an annoyance to actually being dangerous.
For many of us being out of alignment results in anxiety, depression, being overweight, relationship struggles, disease, or lack of confidence.
If your steering wheel starts shaking, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and consider the source.
Once I began to address the alignment in my life not only did my steering wheel stop shaking, but I also got a new life on a new road, and I’m even becoming a better driver.
Read More By Tim Collins on the ManTalks Blog
5 Ways You Can Prepare for the Best [Instead of the Worst]
10 Simple Ways to Be More Selfish [and How it Helps You Avoid Anxiety]
4 Ways to Get More By Having Less: How to Downsize for Simplicity 
__________

Tim JP Collins is The Breakthrough Anxiety Coach and supports people suffering with Anxiety, stress and panic attacks.  Tim’s approach isn’t just about coping, it’s about moving past Anxiety and fear to live the life you were destined for.

Tim worked in the corporate world as a Vice President of Sales for 15 years, so he is well versed in the business space.  He ultimately decided that wasn’t for him, and was drawn towards supporting others to live anxiety and stress free while going big in their lives.

Tim has also spent time in Entrepreneurial and Real Estate fields, starting a business with his wife in 2007, in their spare time, which went on to be brand name in the infant market and was acquired in 2015.

Tim is the creator & host of “The Anxiety Podcast”.​ Each week Tim interviews people that have stories that you will be able to relate to. The interviews are raw, real and vulnerable, and people share what’s really going on for them.

Tim believes that the more out of alignment we are in our lives, the more Anxiety & Stress will show up.  So he really looks at the bigger picture when working with clients.

Connect with Tim on the Web, The Anxiety Podcast, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or Instagram

Or, if you’re feeling a little old fashion you can just email him: tim@timjpcollins.com

Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.

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Episode: 043

What is your dream job and how do you find it? Chris offers some key advice on how you can begin the search.

Introduction:
Chris Guillebeau is the New York Times bestselling author of The $100 Startup, The Happiness of Pursuit, and other books. On today’s show, Chris discusses how you can find your dream job and do work you were meant to do. You can learn more by listening to this podcast and by checking out Chris’s book on the subject entitled, Born for This. At the end of the show, Roger mentions that if you’re feeling alone in your journey, don’t be! Chris has a huge community of people searching for their dream as well, so feel free to visit Chris’s website to find out more.
 

 

Listen to it on iTunes

Listen to it on Stitcher
 

 
Key Takeaways:
[0:45] ManTalks has officially launched in Toronto and LA!
[3:00] Please keep spreading the word about ManTalks.
[5:10] What was Chris’s defining moment as a man?
[7:10] Why did Chris write The $100 Startup and Born for This?
[8:45] Are you dissatisfied with the traditional path? Then Chris’s book is for you.
[9:55] How can you hack the job of your dreams?
[10:25] If you’re working for a company, you should think about yourself as leasing your talents to that organization.
[11:15] Chris explains the difference between hard skills vs. soft skills.
[12:10] Life’s too short to hate the work you’re doing.
[12:20] What are some of the signs that someone is in the wrong job/career/thing?
[12:45] You don’t need to know your life purpose at age 20. Most people don’t even know that at age 30.
[13:15] How do you know if you’ve found your dream job? Well, if you had to ask…
[14:50] How do you move closer to what your purpose is and make money?
[18:25] Chris dives a little bit into his background.
[19:45] We gain confidence through mistakes and trying different things.
[20:55] What’s the most popular question Chris gets asked at these events?
[22:45] Chris dives a little deeper into what he means by ‘side hustle’.
[24:20] What kind of legacy does Chris wish to leave behind?
[25:10] Do you think you’re alone in this? Go to Chris’s website.
Mentioned in This Episode:
www.mantalks.com/
www.chrisguillebeau.com/
The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau
Born for This by Chris Guillebeau

Music Credit:
Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Tweetables:
“If you hack your job, it’ll help you in your existing job or it’ll help you create freedom for yourself.”
“Life’s too short to hate the work you’re doing.”
“This is a process of discovery. It’s not something where tomorrow you’ll have the dream job.”

Chris Guillebeau is the New York Times bestselling author of The $100 Startup, The Happiness of Pursuit, and other books. On today’s show, Chris discuses how you can find your dream job and do work you were meant to do. You can learn more by listening to this podcast and by checking out Chris’s book on the subject entitled, Born for This. At the end of the show, Roger mentions that if you’re feeling alone in your journey, don’t be! Chris has a huge community of people searching for their dream as well, so feel free to visit Chris’s website to find out more.

Key Takeaways:

[0:45] ManTalks has officially launched in Toronto and LA!

[3:00] Please keep spreading the word about ManTalks.

[5:10] What was Chris’s defining moment as a man?

[7:10] Why did Chris write The $100 Startup and Born for This?

[8:45] Are you dissatisfied with the traditional path? Then Chris’s book is for you.

[9:55] How can you hack the job of your dreams?

[10:25] If you’re working for a company, you should think about yourself as leasing your talents to that organization. 

[11:15] Chris explains the difference between hard skills vs. soft skills.

[12:10] Life’s too short to hate the work you’re doing.

[12:20] What are some of the signs that someone is in the wrong job/career/thing?

[12:45] You don’t need to know your life purpose at age 20. Most people don’t even know that at age 30. 

[13:15] How do you know if you’ve found your dream job? Well, if you had to ask…

[14:50] How do you move closer to what your purpose is and make money?

[18:25] Chris dives a little bit into his background.

[19:45] We gain confidence through mistakes and trying different things.

[20:55] What’s the most popular question Chris gets asked at these events?

[22:45] Chris dives a little deeper into what he means by ‘side hustle’.

[24:20] What kind of legacy does Chris wish to leave behind?

[25:10] Do you think you’re alone in this? Go to Chris’s website.

Mentioned in This Episode:

www.mantalks.com/

www.chrisguillebeau.com/

The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau

Born for This by Chris Guillebeau

Music Credit:

Parlange & Latenite Automatic (www.jesusparlange.com – www.lateniteautomatic.com)

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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