While life started decades ago, his real life adventure and the path to his purpose began in 2010 when he walked by himself from Canada to Mexico. Jordan Bower begun his 316-day journey most would only dream off doing. Over the 316 days he spent on his feet — first crossing Washington State, before heading down the Oregon Coast into the redwoods of Northern California, and all the way across the Golden Gate Bridge and making his way down to the white sandy beaches in Southern California — Jordan learned his story was my most valuable possession. By the time Jordan reached the Mexican border, he learned his experience gave him a story, one that would help shape his reality, as a life story does to most. Jordan also learned that storytellers were made, not born and that he had a unique ability to help people share their stories. Storytelling sets the framework for the way we engage with one another, and by changing how we tell our story, we set the foundation for meaningful and innovative work, authentic communication and mutually beneficial relationships.
In 2015, Jordan moved to the small city of Victoria, BC, where he started a communications business, offering story-telling services professionally to clients. His hard work was honoured with an invitation to teach at the Future of Storytelling Summit — an annual event in New York City that also included teachers like Al Gore, Margaret Atwood and Edward Snowden. Today, Jordan has the good fortune of working with dozens of interesting and inspired clients around the world. Each day, he learns more about integrating what he has learned on the road to benefit my clients and community.
As Jordan humbly once said, “I’m one of those lucky people who does meaningful work I love that engages my creativity. I feel privileged for what I’ve experienced, and excited for the road ahead.”
Age – 35
What do you do? (Work)
I’m a Strategic Storyteller. In my work, I help leaders, teams and brands find a more dynamic, purposeful and inclusive way to frame what they do, and to connect it with others.
Why do you do it?
We live in a time that pundits are calling the Age of Loneliness — a time when more of us spend more of our lives isolated and online. I think storytelling is the antidote. By making sense of our own stories and by listening to the stories of others, we become more conscious of who we are — and more conscious of the mystery that surrounds and fills us.
For me, it’s really fulfilling to help my clients put language around ideas they didn’t feel confident expressing before, and to restore authentic storytelling to the business world, which had rejected it. I love what I am lucky enough to do.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
This is a loaded question — we all make a difference in the world. The world isn’t static; it changes with us, with every conversation we have and every step we take. I don’t believe that anything I will ever do will meaningfully change what I think is bad about the world. I think that’s self-aggrandizing. Instead, I make choices that are fun, personally challenging and in integrity with my inner self. It’s an honour when those choices affect other people positively.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
In 2010, I came home one day to find a note on my kitchen table from my girlfriend. Her closet and wardrobe were empty; she’d left me for another man. I panicked. Within weeks, I had launched a Kickstarter project, raising more than $8,000 to walk from Canada to Mexico — it was an idea that we’d had together; by launching the project, I wanted to show her how committed I was to the relationship in order to win her back.
But I couldn’t convince her. At the end of the summer, with nothing more than a backpack on my back, I left Vancouver, Canada, with the intention of walking the length of the West Coast.
That trip was full of defining moments. In the early days, I was convinced that my now ex-girlfriend would “come to her senses” and show up at my tent the next morning. It took about three weeks and 200 miles for me to realize that, probably, she wasn’t showing up. Soon, the doubt and shame I felt about having “driven her away” started transforming into deeper inquiry into myself: like, how did I end up in a relationship with someone who would leave me like that? That was a Pandora’s Box of emotional self-examination, forcing me to dive deeper into my upbringing, my past relationships, my parent’s divorce and my own sense of self-pity, helplessness and pessimism about what it would mean to actually grow up.
As I made my way south — through Washington and Oregon, and into the Redwoods of Northern California, heading for the Golden Gate Bridge — I was faced with obstacle after obstacle — opportunities, I realized for me to “take the blue pill” and stop digging deeper into myself. There were cold nights on isolated beaches; couches surfed in the meth-ridden grow ops of Northern California; sad, intimate encounters with so many strangers met along the way. I cried often — for myself, for my lost relationship, and for the people I was meeting, who were forcing me to become less judgemental of others and more compassionate — more real, I think.
It’s still hard for me to dive deep into that experience. The emotions I experienced on the way were so powerful, and so intense.
What is your life purpose?
I think, at my age, that answering this question would be inappropriate. Ask me again in 35 years.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have an increasingly intimate relationship with my own inner wisdom that I am learning to trust beyond whatever doubt arises in my head. I am incredibly indebted to a counsellor I have in Los Angeles, who has spent the last 9 years helping me better understand my spirituality — and through it, myself.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Most of my habits are things that I criticize myself for — “unspiritual” things like watching sports and Facebook. I love the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Raptors in a way that I still don’t completely understand. One of the things I do every day is check in with last night’s sports scores, and get excited about the game ahead.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My body is screaming for movement, but my head is shouting for more time at the computer. My body is always right.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
It’s very vulnerable to be answering the questions for this blog post. My favourite form of storytelling is intimate, in person, and it’s very difficult to answer a series of questions using just my fingertips. To you, the reader, I’d love to be able to connect and share something emotionally meaningful that gets us both out of our heads. I know that you’re looking for something inspirational, like everyone else killing time on the Internet. It feels really vulnerable to try and inspire you, without knowing whether I’ll have ever been successful.
What did you learn from it?
To get out of my head, get into the flow, and to stop worrying about the consequences.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
There’s a great book called Iron John, which anyone who’s done some men’s work will know well. The book’s a modern re-interpretation of the old Grimm Brothers fairy tale called Iron John, which is more or less the story of a young prince learning how to be a king.
The book is great for a number of reasons — as the author says, fairy tales are humanity’s most deeply entrenched wisdom, because oral stories passed from generation to generation are like heavily filtered water — only pure truth remains. But the most important detail in the book is in the first 25 pages, when the young boy discovers the hiding place for the key to his inner man — his wildness, sexual power, creativity, confidence. Where is the key? It’s hiding underneath his mother’s pillow. The boy’s task is to take the key — not ask for the key — take the key.
The one piece of advice I have for another man is to read Iron John. If you can’t read the whole thing, read just the first 75 or so pages. And take the damn key.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Stop worrying about being the best partner. Instead, in my relationship, I focus on expressing my feelings appropriately, telling the truth and being intentional in the way I choose to act. For a long time, I was very concerned with “doing things the right way”, and that obsession with being perfect spilled over to all aspects of my relationships — conversation, future planning, sex. In the past few years, I’ve focused on being real instead, and trusting my partner’s ability to communicate clearly — and, occasionally, to accept or forgive my flaws. My relationship has been much, much stronger ever since.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I don’t actively support any charities. In the last few years, my focus has been on building my business, and all my available time and money has gone into that. One ambition for the future is to sit on the board of a non-profit. I think I’m still a few years away from that.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, by Paul Simon. Graceland was the album I listened to most while I was walking.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
More entrenched in the global business community, delivering storytelling services that are world class. Travelling widely to deliver trainings and workshops. Advising large scale clients. Staying grounded. Practicing yoga 4 times a week. Rooting into a comfortable home. Anticipating life with children. Feeling happy, loving and connected with my highest self.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
Honestly, I have never thought about this. I hope that I never do.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Besides Iron John (recommended above), Gary Snyder’s “The Practice of the Wild. Beautiful, insightful, wise and freeing essays written by one of America’s greatest poets. A true modern masterpiece.
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Man Of The Week – Zachary Stockill
From humble beginnings to becoming a successful author and an award winning researcher, Zachary Stockill has had an incredible journey in discovering his life’s purpose. Part of his fascinating journey include a 10-day silent meditation retreat to a stumbling into becoming an author and entrepreneur. Today Zachary is a leading figure in confronting and overcoming jealousy in our relationships and recently launched his first podcast, Travels in Music, a show dedicated to sharing stories about music from around the world. Zachary strongly challenges traditional notions of jealousy being a ‘normal’ feeling, rather a sentiment we as individuals need to confront and deal with to develop a pure relationship. You can read more about Zachary below and at his website, or you can follow him on Twitter @zfstockill.
Age: 28.
What do you do? (Work)
I wear many hats; perhaps, at the moment, a few too many. I write articles and books, create courses, build websites, and do a little bit of coaching and consulting. I’m currently experimenting with my first podcast, called Travels in Music.
Aside from writing about music and culture, I run a website called RetroactiveJealousy. I try to help people overcome jealousy and possessiveness in their romantic relationships.
Why do you do it?
I think this is work that needs to be done. Retroactive jealousy, obsessive jealousy aren’t things that people talk about very often, and in my view there isn’t a lot of information available for people on how to overcome it, and how good life gets once you do. We take certain things for granted in our society, and there are models that I believe deserve to be challenged; among them, that expressions of jealousy and possessiveness are healthy expressions of love, and are a “natural” or “normal” aspect of romantic relationships. I don’t think that’s necessarily true. And I try to show people, through sharing my story and the stories of others, that life gets a lot better once you develop effective methods of confronting and dealing with jealousy and possessiveness.
I write about music and culture because I want to share stories that deserve to be told, and again, challenge perspectives and pre-conceptions which I believe deserve to be challenged. The common thread linking all of my work is a deep-seated curiosity about people, and the way the world works. I’m absolutely fascinated by human beings. We are a strange bunch.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
I try to inspire people to think a little differently, and challenge their perspectives as I question and challenge my own. I am working to be a better brother and son, and for me this has involved being more self-critical, and honest about the parts of myself I don’t like, and that need to change. I try to be a good and loyal friend to my friends, and the most crucial part of that is, I think, committing to being honest with them (and asking the same of them in return). And I am working to become a more thoughtful and generous lover and partner, always.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– I have a very clear memory of stepping out of the airport in New Delhi, India, when I was 20, having just begun my first trip overseas. I remember the smell so clearly—an aromatic orgy of cowshit, exhaust fumes, curry, dust, incense, you name it. More than anything, I remember thinking “This smells like the oldest place in the world.” I was hooked. And although adjusting to life in India was initially a challenge, I quickly grew to love the country. More importantly, I think that initial experience awoke me to the joy and wonder of traveling.
– Another moment involved a 10-day silent meditation retreat, depression, and some serious emotional baggage being lifted. At the risk of sounding like some sort of spiritual/new-age poseur, I think I had a brief experience of what Zen Buddhists call “kensho,” or “satori.” Basically, it felt like an ever-so-tiny glimpse into enlightenment. I remember feeling intensely, inordinately connected to everything around me—people, the earth, the trees, people I once thought I was mad at—and overflowing with love and appreciation for being alive. It was the most powerful, healing and transformative couple of hours of my life, and in some ways I think I’ve been chasing that experience for the past five years. Time to stop chasing.
– I also have a couple of very vivid and precious memories of falling in love for the first time. But these are moments best described in a different, more intimate venue, I think.
What is your life purpose?
In a word: evolution. It’s important to me to work at being a better, more honest and giving man than I was a year, a month, a week ago. And I hope I can inspire others to evolve as well, whether it’s in terms of their personal development, or just in terms of the way they think about certain things. It’s exciting to me to be able to inspire others to appreciate things—whether it’s sex, or music, or even just a good whiskey—that they didn’t fully appreciate before.
How did you tap into it?
I fell into this line of work largely by accident. A few years ago I wrote a book about jealousy under a pen name primarily as an exercise in catharsis, and very quickly things started to naturally evolve into the work I do now. I’ve been fortunate to have some kind and generous male mentors throughout my 20’s who have challenged me, and inspired me to grow. And my love of culture and music has always been there—my parents tell me I was singing and dancing before I could walk—so I’m not sure I “tapped into” it; maybe it tapped into me. Writing has also been a constant in my life. I’m introverted by nature, and this lends itself well to sitting alone in a room for hours at a stretch trying to work out your thoughts.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Can I give you a few? My father and maternal grandfather come to mind; they’re very different men, and I’ve learned some important lessons from them about being a man, acknowledging your flaws, and trying to grow into a better man. I have a lot of respect for the Canadian writer Zan Perrion, his approach to women and romance, and his adventurous spirit. I also admire Anthony Bourdain, not just for his travels and his talent as a storyteller, but the way he thinks about travel, the way he approaches it. I think Leonard Cohen is just about the coolest human being on the planet. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the Buddha; no other teacher has taught me more about life and living.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Enough of the spiritual, woo-woo stuff, something practical: a habit I picked up the first time I was in India was drinking a lot of water. I start every day off, immediately after I brush my teeth, with a protein shaker bottle filled with water. It’s a revitalizing ritual to start your day off with. And wherever I am, at any time, I always have a glass or bottle of water on the go. (This is especially helpful when you’re imbibing. Your liver can thank me later.) It might seem excessive or unnecessary to some, but it’s made a big difference for me in terms of weight loss, appetite suppression, energy level, etc. And yes, you’re peeing all the time, but that’s good too; it’s good to stand up, take a little walk, and get away from the computer on a regular basis.
I also pick up my guitar or ukulele and mess around for at least a few minutes every day. I try to dance, take a walk or swim, lift weights, or just get up and move at some point every day. It’s important to engage different parts of your brain at different times of the day, and doing something physical every day is important to me.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
When my eyeballs start to ache. For me, this means there have been too many hours, for too many days in a row, staring at a computer screen. Also, my social skills start to go to hell; even the simplest, shortest conversation with the barrista at the coffeeshop start to seem laborious when I’m working too hard, and keeping myself isolated. It’s usually around that time that I determine a cocktail is in order.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Over the past year I’ve talked and written more about meditation than I’ve actually meditated. I feel slightly ashamed when I extol the virtues of meditation to others, when I don’t have a regular practice going myself. It’s time to change that. I was involved in a motorbike accident in early 2015, and for whatever reason, since then I’ve found the process of parking my posterior on a cushion and meditating especially challenging.
What did you learn from it?
It’s almost painfully clicheed, but the accident taught me that I am not, in fact, invincible. And no one else is responsible for my physical well-being and safety. Don’t be an idiot, and take unnecessary risks. Take care of yourself, as physical health is everything, really. I’m only 28, and I’d like to spend a lot more time on this rock of ours.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
That you, and only you, are responsible for the quality of your life. No one is coming to “save” you; not me, not some woman, not your parents, not another self-help book, not another motivational quote on Instagram. You. Focus on what is in your sphere of control, and disregard that which is not. You are enormously powerful, but you have to direct your power and energy in ways that serve you. Anything else is a waste of time.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Needless to say, I am still trying to figure this out. Again, it’s clicheed, but I think it really does come down to empathy, understanding. One thing I’ve discovered through my work is that what people want, more than anything else, is to feel recognized, seen, understood. Most people don’t really want you to tell them what to do, or for you to override their pain and anger with your guidance or instruction. I think this is especially true in relationships. Many problems are solved, and conflicts avoided, when you can simply look your partner in the eye and say “I understand,” but the catch is you have to mean it. This takes a great deal of reflection, practice, patience, and just shutting the hell up from time to time. It took me too long to learn this, and I still have a long way to go.
Do you support any charities or not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I support Kiva, which is an organization that offers micro-loans to entrepreneurs in developing countries. I also support the World Wildlife Fund, as I’m quite fond of polar bears (from a distance, of course). I think Musicians Without Borders does wonderful, very important work. And with the ongoing horror in Syria and Iraq, at this moment in time UNICEF is as essential an organization as it’s ever been. Those people are doing critical, lifesaving work, day in day out.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
I’ve told friends that I want “This Is All I Ask” by Harry Nilsson played at my funeral, as it captures a certain spirit, an energy I aspire to in life: ease and delight. And I have long felt a powerful connection to the song “Hoppipolla” by the Icelandic rock band Sigur Ros, even though I have no idea what they’re singing about. To tell you the truth, I don’t want to know.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Living in a warm climate in a well-lit flat with a well-stocked bar, surrounded by good music, good friends, and beautiful women, doing challenging, meaningful work that I enjoy.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
More than anything, I want to make the lives of the people I love a little brighter. I hope, through my writing, that I will have inspired some people to think a little differently. (As William Zinsser once advised, “Writing is an act of ego, and you might as well admit it.”) I hope that I turned people on to possibilities and experiences—in terms of art, relationships, and life in general—that perhaps they weren’t aware of before, and which have improved their lives.
Which one book would you recommend for any man?
I’m currently reading Meditations by the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, and would encourage other men to do the same. It’s a compelling read, and offers lessons and perspectives that are just as valuable now as they were when they were first set to parchment nearly 2000 years ago. Not a book to read too fast; this one requires constant breaks, and deep reflection.
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