Over the past few years I’ve been testing out the dating life after a journey of autonomy and inner discovery — a journey that helped me decipher who I am in the world, as a women, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a leader.
This divine journey allowed me to see into my needs and understand them at a fundamental, core level. A level that personally, I felt wasn’t attainable within the confines of a partnership.
Dating for me, has always been a pleasant exchange. Yes – pleasant. It’s hasn’t been ground-breaking, nor does it particularly excite me.
My philosophy with everything in life is that things should flow with grace and be relatively easy. Dating, for me, was not this. Not even fucking maybe. Every step of the dating process felt sticky, confined, and left me underwhelmed time and time again. So, I decided I wasn’t going to do it until the energy of dating was congruent with the rest of my life – ease, flow and grace.
I perhaps jumped ship too soon from my autonomous journey. And yes, in hindsight I should have been more clear about what I wanted, how I wanted to show up, and who I wanted to show up across from me at the dating table.
This is where I got it all backwards.
I went back to the drawing board and really dug into the topic of masculinity — a beautiful and powerful energy I wanted to understand, honor, and notice. After about a year of studying the masculine essence with one of my mentors I was able to define and appreciate it at a level I’d never experienced it.
Men are fascinating creatures. They just don’t know it fully. Within the confines of their soul they are capable of literally moving mountains. Many men haven’t fully allowed their divine masculine energy to be felt and utilized to its potential.
Assertiveness.
This is an attribute of the masculine I admire, look for, and honor. Assertiveness is not to be easily confused with aggression, which it can very easily slide into when intentions aren’t aligned.
Here is the difference..
A man in the club ‘accidentally’ rubs against a woman and plays the old, ‘whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn’t see you there – want a drink?’ tactic. Men, stop it. Just stop. This is lame and ineffective.
VERSUS.
Man in a grocery store, deciding between the almond or the soy milk. ‘Hey, how’s it going – I just had to say hi. I don’t know what it is, but I know who you are.’
YES – sexy, confident and assertive.
That assertive, protective energy is literally what breaks me. It makes me want to melt like butter in the arms of a man and fully receive him. As women, this is our natural and fundamental state. We are receivers, just take a look at our bodies. We’re designed for it.
I get it — in today’s world with the rise of female empowerment (go team women) the role of the man has been blurred. Many men don’t feel they fully belong or know how to fit into the modern day mould of a man.
It’s not as easy as it once was.
Protection and assertiveness are natural for men. It’s in your nature to play this role. We will never lose our essence as a species, we just need to transfer it to modern day terms.
Stepping into the true essence of your masculine energy requires an element of ‘inner game’ discovery and work. Yes, work. Work to break through the stories you might have created around women, men, or how to be in a partnership (or aiming to attract a partnership)
Tap into that, cut through the stories (that really aren’t yours, you’ve just been holding onto them) and discover who you are, as a man.
To hear Samantha speak, join us at our February 22nd event at Hootsuite HQ in Vancouver.
Samantha Skelly is the founder of Hungry For Happiness, an international movement to support women around the world who are suffering from binge eating and body image issues. Hungry For Happiness creates online accessible and affordable recovery resources to those who are suffering in silence. Samantha was awarded ‘Top 24 under 24’ in September 2013, In 2014 she was a finalist as the ‘Best Emerging Entrepreneur’ and Hungry For Happiness is now nominated for ‘Best Concept’ by Small Business BC.
Samantha aims to create a disruptive company in the eating disorder recovery space. Her vision is to create the largest and most impactful online resource to support those who’s lives are negatively affected by issues with food and their bodies. When Samantha isn’t working on her mission she is probably upside down practicing acro-yoga, playing guitar, at comedy improve class, or dancing salsa.
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