Wind extinguishes a candle and energizes fire. Likewise with randomness, uncertainty, chaos: you want to use them, not hide from them. You want to be the fire and wish for the wind. – Nassim Taleb
Hell of a line, isn’t it? This is from Nassim’s book, Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder.
Most of life is definitely not grounded in certainty—it seems especially so lately, as much as we don’t want to admit it. I’ll use my own life as an example.
Right after I finished the first draft of my book back in 2021, I sent the manuscript to my editor and was riding high. The home I was building with my wife was moving forward on schedule, my son was being the ball of awesomeness that he usually is. It was a busy but fantastic day.
And then, my family called to let me know my mom was ill. Severely. I won’t go into details, but suffice to say I was very suddenly confronted with a universe of things I did not and could not know.
When can I see her? Will I be able to with the pandemic? Will it be months or years before she’s gone? Will my son get a chance to meet her? This one phone call created a damn legion of questions about her, me, life, God, you name it.
And I couldn’t answer any of them. I just didn’t know. What is this uncertainty teaching me, if anything?
A lot, turns out.
It’s almost like there’s a math equation baked into all of us: the more uncertainty you’re willing to face and embrace, the more resiliency and rewards you’re able to reap.
The quality of your mind, life, relationships, well-being, and so many others things are determined and influenced by your willingness and capacity to face the unknown and face uncertainty.
And by face uncertainty, I absolutely do not mean “make the unknown known” or trying to sneak your way back into certainty. To paraphrase Stephen Jenkinson, you have to let your lack of understanding become the rest of your understanding.
How To Develop Your Capacity For Uncertainty
Step One: Get clear on what you are unsure of. By reflecting and admitting to yourself the things you don’t or can’t know, you can start to be with the emotions and ramifications that come with those things.
Again, using my own life as an example: if I ignored the uncertainty of if/when my mom would get better, I would wind up letting go of the choices I want to make in the face of that uncertainty.
Step Two: Define what uncertainty is revealing to you. It’s almost always teaching you what you need to be present to. Oftentimes it’s grief or fear, but it can also be clarity and direction because you’re no longer clinging to what “should” or “needs to” happen. Your mind and heart become more flexible, more present, and humble.
Step Three: Take action on what’s been revealed. And it sounds counterintuitive, but maybe that action is simply accepting a certain situation. Maybe it’s taking time to meditate on a specific fear, anger, or frustration; WHY is it there? What is it trying to say?
In my case, embracing uncertainty taught me to love my mom where she was and how she needed to be loved, versus what I wanted or felt should happen.
And to this day, it is still informing me on what to meditate about, what to talk about, and even how I approach the topic of uncertainty with clients.
So take a step back. Hit the pause button on “solving” for uncertainty, and try out the above steps. You may be surprised at what gets revealed.
