How Vulnerable Sharing Can Heal a Hardened Heart

I told him I hated him and that everything he does annoys me and pisses me off!”

My client shared this with me.

I could see her entire body contract, tighten up, and her face take on a hardened look.

She had come to me struggling in her marriage of four years, desperately desiring intimacy and closeness with her partner, yet feeling a big, tangible distance between herself and her partner.

As her relationship and intimacy coach, she wanted my help in learning how to bring him closer to her and ignite passion and love between them again. So, after hearing her say this to me in our first session, I knew I had to spend some time here with her on this.

Gio: “So how do you feel about that?”

Client: “Well, I’m proud of myself for sharing my truth! I’m being authentic! I can’t lie, that was my truth. If he can’t receive my truth, then he is misunderstanding me, I don’t mean to hurt him. He should see I don’t mean to hurt him.”

Gio: “So when your father would tell you his truth, about how he felt about you, was it your fault for misunderstanding him?”

(Her father was verbally abusive, shaming her, shutting her down.)

Client: Silence.

Gio: “I can’t imagine how much pain you were in at that moment, can we explore and see if that is really your truth anyway?

Client: “Yes.”

Gio: “What was so annoying about him in that moment?”

Client: “That he doesn’t step up as a man, and that he is always so happy, like HE has NO problems in the world, while I am here…feeling so much inside.”

Gio: “And how does that make you feel?”

Client: “I don’t know, angry, alone.”

Gio: “You want him to see you and he isn’t and yes that is painful- we want out partners to see us… but the truth is you weren’t letting him see you. Do you know why that is?”

Client: “No.” (feeling sad)

Gio: “Because you are ashamed of how you feel. What were you angry about at that moment?”

Client: (Thinks, pauses, feels) “I was angry because well….everyday I wake up depressed, and he doesn’t see it. I am sad.”

Gio: “And you feel deeply ashamed for being depressed right? You are scared he won’t want you if he knows, so instead…. you fight with him, you project your fear and the anger outward onto him.”

“Do you see that you weren’t actually telling him the truth? You actually weren’t being authentic?”

Client: (silence)

Gio: “When you feel shame for being depressed, you are actually making your truth wrong. Do you see how you make him wrong, because you are making yourself wrong?”

Client: (Tears) “Yes.”

Gio: “How do you think he felt those words?”

Client: (Tears) “Like I did when my father spoke those words to me.”

Gio: “How about I help you to know how to share this with him so he can see you and you can give him a chance to step up?”

One of our strongest needs in relationship is to be seen by our partner. If there is one place we want to stop hiding, it is in the emotional safety created in our intimate relationship, which is supposed to feel like “home.”

However, to be seen, what we seldom realize is that we have to let ourselves be seen.  That is what authenticity is – allowing our true self to be seen by those we love the most.

The beauty of authenticity is that it is a gift to ourselves. When we are hiding, we also hide from the love coming towards us — and aren’t able to truly receive it.

This leaves us feeling disconnected, and the symptoms eventually surface and over time only get worse, symptoms such as depression, anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration, addiction and even rage.

By diving deeply into developing intimacy with herself, my client touched on the true authentic part of herself and from that point I began coaching her into creating that same emotional safety with her man, and it worked beautifully.

She began opening her heart to him and he began responding, coming closer to her and sharing his own heart with her.

Learning how to bring emotional safety into our relationships is one of the most foundational tools we need to learn for relationship longevity.

Emotional safety creates the bridge through which your needs and your partner’s needs are met, where you meet each other.

Read more by Giordana Toccaceli on the ManTalks Blog:

How Masculine Men Protect Women’s Feminine Energy

Why Women Stay In Relationships With Emotionally Unavailable Men

When Your Partner Isn’t Attracted To You Anymore

12966291_10153439436716332_855021454_n

Giordana Toccaceli is an International Dating, Relationship and Intimacy Expert having worked with thousands of women and men around the world to become their most attractive and magnetic selves and attract incredible partners into their lives in record time.

Giordana has worked with a wide range of clients from Top CEOs, Billionaires, successful entrepreneurs, professional athletes, actors, models and every day men and women. She is a regular contributor to Univision TV’s morning show “Despierta Austin” and the Founder of Woman’s Allure and the Co-Founder of Embody Love Project.

Book a free Discovery Session today and find out what’s holding you back from feeling deep freedom, vibrant health, and alignment in your life. Access your free gift today: Get Giordana’s Heal Your Heart” 10 Minute Meditation.

Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.

[fc id=’3′][/fc]

Leave a Reply

Read more

Poker Online Paling Terbaik 2019 Langkah untuk mendaftar di satu situs di permainan judi dalam situs Poker Online terbaik 2019 waktu ini sangat mudah dan cepat untuk di lakukan. Pada lakukan beberapa langkah mencari beberapa tempat untuk tampil judi ayang berkualitas terkemuka, cukup isi data bangun dalam form pendaftaran wahid serta anda butuh kerjakan konfirmasi aktivasi akun, sehabis kerjakan transaksi modal mula, dan kamu sudah dapat lakukan pekerjaan permainan judi Poker Online yang kamu ke arah. Pada pemkajian kesempatan kali ini kita kupas beberapa seputar situs-sitis game Poker Online yang terbaik sepanjang tahun 2019 ini. Bila kalian bukan tahu bagaimana langkah memproduksi akun dengan benar, kalian juaga belum cukup menginterpretasikan agar dapat lakukan permainan ini dengan baik, sebab agar dapat lakukan produk game judi Poker Online, kalian diwajibkan masuk di situs perjudian yang terkemuka dan terpercaya. Langkah untuk kerjakan pendaftaran bikin kalian beberapa junior yang interes untuk bermain di dunia situs Poker Online terkemuka 2019 yang dimainkan dengan online ini, langkah nya cukup mudah. Ditambahkan jika saat ini persyaratan oleh karena itu pemain judi pemula sekutil dan sulit, kamu seharga membutuhkan satu nomor perkiraan dengan salah satu bank yang bisa diaplikasikan untuk untuk transaksi kemudiaj perian waktu andaperlu mengisisdeposit atau transaksi yang alain, kurang lebih yang perlu anda lihat dengan nomor telephone yang aktif, dengan jati bangun diri yang lengkap, secara sosial media jadi alat berkomunikasi, serta alamat e-mail untuk kerjakan aktivasi account agar pekerjaan pendaftaran kamu bisa lanjut pada sidang permainan selanjutnya. Beberapa moral apabiala kalian bisa permainan dalam satu situs poker online yang terbaik 2019 ini banyak loh, salah satunya kamu bisa menyimpan banyak peluang untuk jadi keuntungan yang akan diperoleh dalam situs itu secara cepat biala anda sedang pada tempat keberuntungan anda, beberapa seperti bonus, parsel berupa uang asli ayang bias di cairkan nayata, chip gratis untuk bermain judi selanjutnya, dan ditemui beberapa lainnya keuntungan –keuntungan yang bisa kalian miliki. Di sini kami juaga akan memberikan beberapa tips untuk anda untuk start mendaftarkan satu situs judi Poker Online yang mampu dikerjakan di antara nya: Bertandang ke situs poker terpercaya Yang butuh akalian lakukan yang pertama ialah anda kudu mengarah satu situs Poker Online yang sudah terjamin aman dan terbaik bernilai yang terbaru 2019, apabila anda ingin memperoleh kaul ke manan dalam wahid permainan judi yang dikau lakukan karenanya kamu diwajibkan untuk mencari satu web perjudin Poker Online online terpercaya yang berkualitas serta aman yang tentu nya sudah terekomendasi. Setelah kamu dapatkan situs perjudian Poker Online online itu, kalian bisa langsung masuk di tempat bermain poker tersebut dengan kerjakan pendfatran kian dulu dengan data yang valid. Lakukan aktivasi akun pada per judian Waktu emua data atas pendaftaran yang anda lakukan telah jadi karenanya selanjutnya sesegera engkau menekan satu tombol untuk ok atau pilih faksi daftar. Nantikan sekejap mencapai berbatas situs perjudian itu kirim satu konfirmasi melalui e-mail aktivasi pada e-mail milikmu yang tertera waktu kamu sudah kerjakan pendaftaran. Transaksi deposit Waktu anda sudah kerjakan emua nya dengan baik karenanya kewajiban kalu selanjutnaya dengan isi perkiraan anda untuk pengisian deposit yang di setor tokoh pada bandar nya oleh karena itu alat pertaruhan nya. Permainan game judi Dan yang terakhir adalah melakukankegiatan bermain judi dengan masuk di dalam lawan main anda jika semua persyaratan bermain sudah biasa anda penuhi.