Every January comes the flurry of goals, resolutions, and self-promises. If you’re on this newsletter list, you likely know how to set the classic SMART goals full of realistic and measurable actions to take.
But what happens when you’re trying to achieve something that’s not, you know, measurable? Or not even linear?
After all, it’s one thing to say, “I’m going to put on ten pounds of muscle.” It’s another to say, “I want a deeper connection with my partner.”
One has a pretty specific pathway, but does the other? You’ve gotta go by feel and feedback, and it can sometimes feel like you’re not getting anywhere.
So this is a message for all of you who (like me) continuously aim for non-linear goals.
On Uncertainty
I want to dig into one of the points I made in a recent podcast: the unknown and unforeseen.
When it comes to more non-linear goals, there’s a tendency to see any upset or surprise along the way as automatically bad.
But that’s not necessarily true.
Almost always, there’s extremely valuable information in the unexpected. In the thing you didn’t plan for.
Maybe it’s an obstacle that strengthens you, or a deep lesson in grief. Maybe it’s a simple “here’s what NOT to do”.
And yes, maybe it’s just pure chaos. But even then, you’re better off asking what truths or ideas might come out of the situation.
The legendary mythologist Dr. Martin Shaw puts it this way:
“What if we reframed ‘living with uncertainty’ to ‘navigating mystery’? Without uncertainty we have mission statements not myth. We have polemic not poetry, sign not symbol.”
When it comes to our aims—the deeper relationships, the self-leadership, the richness of true life—the unexpected needs to be a guest in your house, not an enemy.
The Seventh Step
There are six points in the podcast on how to achieve those more nebulous goals, whether it’s better intimacy or better internal dialogue.
But there’s one more I want to bring up here: have someone on your side.
I like to approach my goals as if I’m hunting or tracking. I look for evidence that I’m headed in the right direction. Signs that I’m getting closer or father from what I want.
What better addition to that process than another person who’s tracking the same thing? Not in competition, but collaboration.
This is a core component of the Alliance. I’ve designed specific pathways of study that men can travel down together so that they can “read the signs” of their own achievement more clearly—and congratulate other men doing the same.
