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Talking points: transitioning, parents, resistance

Sometimes in life, we feel stuck, and that can happen even after you’ve done “the work” and developed a deeper understanding of how your past shaped your present. My anon guest this week (like many of us) has trouble feeling feelings. Together, we dig a little into where that comes from and why.

(00:00:00) – Intro and what it was like growing up

(00:09:23) – “It’s hard for me to feel the hurt”

(00:14:21) – What transitioning was like, and how we can honor both our parents and ourselves

(00:23:55) – Connecting with grief

(00:32:25) – It’s sometimes more about claiming what it was we wanted

***

This episode was brought to you by Cuts Clothing. Embrace the summer state of mind. Head to https://www.cutsclothing.com and use promo code MANTALKS to get 20% off your order.

This episode was also brought to you by BetterHelp. If you’re thinking of talking to someone, I encourage you to give it a try. Visit https://betterhelp.com/mantalks and you’ll get 10% off your first month.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

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Talking points: truth, social media, relationships, men, culture

Phew! Mark and I covered about a million things this episode, but that’s what happens when you’ve been friends for over a decade. There’s an overarching theme though: getting caught up in narratives, and how that actually fractures our ability to stay relational and kind to people. Dig in for this very wide-ranging conversation.

Editor’s note: while Adderall (dextroamphetamine) has some molecular similarity with methamphetamine, they are not the same. The attached methyl group—the “meth” part—lets the compound cross the blood-brain barrier very easily, last longer, and amps up how addictive it is. The “dextro” means the compound is arranged in a specific way so much lower doses can be used.

(00:00:00) – Why men a seen as the problem in our current society, and how social media plays into that narrative

(00:14:42) – Balancing our perception of what men and women each bring to the table

(00:27:59) – How Mark approaches charged topics and binary thinking

(00:43:07) – Dehumanizing is easier thanks to social media, and how to stay relational

(00:58:06) – Acknowledging complexity, and intersubjective reality

Mark Groves is the founder of Create The Love. His own rock bottom – a relationship ending – sparked his lifelong journey to turn his mess into his message. Today, Mark is a human connection specialist, speaker, writer, motivator, creator, connector and collaborator. All. The. Things. As a bridge between the academic and the human, Mark invites people to explore the good, bad, downright ugly, and beautiful sides of connection.

Connect with Mark

-New book: Liberated Love: https://markgroves.com/elementor-landing-page-1696/

-Website: https://markgroves.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/createthelove/

***

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | <a…

Talking points: mindset, social media, sex

Out of everything I’ve done, this is one of the simplest and most effective. To be clear, it’s not about going abstinence-only or becoming a prude. It’s about freeing mental bandwidth and take, taking ownership of my desires, and creating direction in my life. Dig in.

(00:00:00) – Intro, and why this isn’t about being a prude

(00:02:14) – The DBC: Digital Brain Cleanse. Step one, content

(00:06:17) – Step two: contacts

(00:08:06) – Last step: consciousness

***

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

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Talking points: trauma

This was an honor. The word trauma gets thrown around a lot these days, so it’s important to get back to basics and really sink into what’s going on and why. After all, this is humanity we’re talking about, and we’re nothing if not complex. Peter is a legend in therapy circles for his groundbreaking work in somatic education and trauma work, so we dug into many of the different (and unusual) things something like trauma brings to the table. Both Peter and I encourage you to listen WITH someone!

(00:00:00) – Peter’s definition of trauma and how it affects the body

(00:07:27) – Peter demonstrates a somatic exercise to help release trauma

(00:13:14) – Do men and women experience and handle trauma differently?

(00:21:40) – On how trauma needs witnessing to heal, and Peter’s experience with active imagination 

(00:34:14) – Navigating the almost mystical side of healing

(00:39:45) – Why the tiger?

(00:43:27) – How can men work in a healthy way with anger, and how betrayal can impact how someone expresses themselves

(00:49:08) – The main tool to help process trauma

Peter A Levine, Ph.D., is the developer of Somatic Experiencing®, a naturalistic and neurobiological approach to healing trauma, which he has developed over the past 50 years. He holds a doctorate in Biophysics from UC Berkeley and a doctorate in Psychology from International University. He is the Founder and President of the Ergos Institute for Somatic Education, dedicated to Community Outreach and Post-Advanced Somatic Experiencing® Training, and the Founder and Advisor for Somatic Experiencing International. He has taught at the University of California, Berkeley; Mills College; Antioch University; the California Institute of Integral Studies; and the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. His work has been taught to over 30,000 therapists in over 42 countries.

Dr. Levine is the author of several best-selling books on trauma, including Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma (published in over 29 languages); In an Unspoken Voice, How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness; and Trauma and Memory, Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past.

Connect with Peter

-Website: https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/

-New book: An Autobiography of Trauma: https://books.innertraditions.com/autobiography-of-trauma/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drpeteralevine/

-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/peteralevinephd/

***

This episode is brought to you by Henson Shaving. Genuinely love these guys and their product because they’ve made my shaving experience actually enjoyable! Go to https://hensonshaving.com/mantalks to get two years worth of free blades with your new razor.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on <a…

Talking points: mindset, relationships, sex, culture

Mildly spicy title, serious thoughts within. All joking aside, there are a number of things that most of us men do that undercut or diminish our sense of inner leadership, authority, and trust. These are the top 10 that I’ve seen in my work and in myself.

(00:00:00) – Intro

(00:02:28) – Stop making excuses for not working out regularly, and stop giving women free attention on social media

(00:09:46) – Stop comparing yourself to other men

(00:15:41) – Cut back on time wasters, or let go completely

(00:19:07) – Learn how to stop pursuing short-term gratification, and kill the lottery mindset

(00:24:17) – Stop believing you’re fundamentally broken

(00:29:38) – Stop thinking you need to do it alone, and stop thinking that peace comes after some monumental achievement

***

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Become your own soulmate, whether you’re looking for one or not. Visit BetterHelp.com/ManTalks today to get 10% off your first month.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

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Talking points: relationships, sex

I’ve worked with a LOT of men and a TON of couples in relationships, situation-ships, and what have you. When it comes to what YOU as a man can do to craft a thriving partnership, there are 3 sort of “rules” that have come up again and again. They’re also what changed the game for me and led to the wildly wonderful marriage I have now. Listen in.

(00:00:00) – Intro and rule #1: stop worshipping sex

(00:05:24) – Develop the self-esteem and willingness to walk away

(00:09:08) – Get into the right place in your life, THEN find a woman

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking point: relationships, communication, boundaries

I am so honored to be talking to Nedra this week, whose work and words have helped untold numbers of people. Her work on boundaries balances firmness with kindness in a way that I find inspiring. If you’re wondering how to be more assertive and have deeper communication in all your relationships, this is gonna be your episode.

(00:00:00) – Intro and how closeness is measured by depth

(00:09:39) – Emotional followthrough is critical

(00:14:48) – How to invite others into deeper conversations and how men get trapped in problem-solving mode in relationships

(00:27:31) – Do men and women approach boundaries differently?

(00:33:41) – Nedra’s take on what men miss with women in communication

(00:45:56) – How much does our family system impact our ability to have boundaries?

(00:50:11) – Nedra’s thoughts on the future of therapy, and what’s going to be necessary

Nedra Glover Tawwab, MSW, LCSW, is the author of bestsellers Drama Free and Set Boundaries, Find Peace, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. She has practiced relationship therapy for 15 years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice, Kaleidoscope Counseling. Every day, she helps people create healthy relationships by teaching them how to implement boundaries. Her philosophy is that a lack of boundaries and assertiveness underlie most relationship issues, and her gift is helping people create healthy relationships with themselves and others. 

Nedra earned her undergraduate and graduate degrees from Wayne State University in Detroit, MI. She has additional certifications in working with families and couples and in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, plus advanced training for counseling adults who’ve experienced childhood emotional neglect. 

Nedra has appeared as an expert on Red Table Talk, The Breakfast Club, Good Morning America, and CBS Morning Show, to name a few. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, The Guardian, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including The School of Greatness, We Can Do Hard Things, and Ten Percent Happier. She hosts the podcast You Need to Hear This, and shares practices and reflections for mental health on her popular Instagram account. Nedra currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina with her family.

Connect with Nedra

-Website: https://www.nedratawwab.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nedratawwab/

-Podcast: https://www.nedratawwab.com/nedra-podcast

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | <a…

Talking points: social media, masculinity, culture, the manosphere

You know the type. The conflict-focused, disrespectful bastions of non-matured masculinity. All loudly promising—if only you follow their framework—the secret to making millions and having your own harem.

I get a lot of asks to weigh on this. Specifically, what makes these guys so popular. Here are my thoughts.

(00:00:00) – Intro and what I grew up with

(00:03:39) – The feeling of virility and reckless certainty is understandable, but it has a cost.

(00:07:49) – If I were 19, I’d get the appeal

(00:10:05) – Men with actual status aren’t out there selling you status, and the formula these guys use

(00:14:55) – We need to pull back and ask who we’re actually listening to

(00:17:54) – It’s hard to find real elders; harder to listen

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: relationships, sex

Thrilled to have Dr. Laurie return! This time, we go deep on sexual attachment. How it shows up, how it’s a little different than the attachment styles you might know of, and what might be blocking it in your relationship. There is TONS of good info and insight here, team, so listen closely.

(00:00:00) – What is the “sexual attachment cycle”?

(00:05:59) – Where does the push-pull dynamic start, and how cues to sex slow down in some relationships

(00:14:37) – What secure sexuality looks like on relationship

(00:21:19) – Why men come out of a hookup generally more satisfied than women

(00:27:29) – How do you end the push-pull dynamic and create secure sexual attachment?

(00:34:19) – Navigating intimate conversations, and don’t be fooled by social narratives

(00:43:21) – What creates a sexless relationship, and how to move forward

(00:51:13) – Rebooting sex after a sexless relationship: the blocks

Laurie Watson, Ph.D., MA, LMFT, LCMHC, Director of Awakenings, certified sex therapist, certified EFT therapist, certified addictions specialist from IICS, has thirty years of experience working with couples and individuals about love and sex. Laurie says, “I’ve never seen a couple who I didn’t feel hope for about their healing and happiness.”

Laurie is the host of the popular podcast, FOREPLAY RADIO, ranked in the top 10 on iTunes under Sexuality. Laurie authored her first book Wanting Sex Again—How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage in December 2012. 

She’s a popular blogger, with over 15 million reads between her WebMD blog and Psychology Today Online. Laurie also lectures physician residents, PAs, and PTs at Duke’s and UNC Chapel Hill’s medical schools on sexual function and dysfunction. 

She has been published or quoted in almost every nationally popular media resource including the New York Times, Buzzfeed, HuffPo, WebMD, Glamour, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, etc. A popular media figure, she has appeared on the Katie Couric Show and Vogue Weddings and is regularly on radio and television in Raleigh and Greensboro.

Director/owner of Awakenings, Counseling for Couples and Sexuality, Laurie supervises 11 clinicians in both Raleigh and Greensboro. 

Connect with Laurie

-Website: https://lauriewatson.com/

-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LaurieWatson.CouplesTherapy/

-Podcast: Foreplay Radio: https://www.foreplayrst.com/

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the <a…

Talking points: anxiety, relationships

You asked, I answer! The latest Man’s Guide, specifically for folks dating someone with anxious attachment or just general anxiousness. I’ve had a ton of couples come to be asking how to tackle this, so here are the important things to ask yourself, and six points you can work on right away.

(00:00:00) – Intro and one of the most important elements to shifting this dynamic

(00:03:38) – What role in the dynamic are you playing? It can be hard to admit!

(00:06:48) – Signs your partner has a lot of anxiety, and the general impact on you

(00:12:33) – Immense amount of empathy for those with anxiety

(00:15:18) – So what do you do? On responsibility and regulation

(00:21:11) – Don’t personalize the panic, and create some movement

(00:25:01) – Pull them back to the present moment, and one powerful question to ask

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Talking points: masculinity, culture, relationships

What is it men are actually looking for? We know how media tends to define “masculinity”, but what is it men are wanting to define? I sat down with MELD founder and fellow coach Owen Marcus to dig into some of this, because we’ve both found that what men really want and what mainstream narratives say they want are often two different things. Dig in, team.

(00:00:00) – Why do you think “masculinity” gets so much attention in our culture?

(00:05:44) – When are where do men feel most aligned, and why getting out of your head is important

(00:12:07) – Where did mature masculinity go, and the balance of biology and culture 

(00:19:25) – What happens when men miss moments of maturation

(00:27:03) – The value of being able to share what you’re going through with others, and what gets in the way

(00:33:27) – What is emotional physiology?

(00:39:24) – Tools to get back into the body, and what about men who avoid the work for fear it’ll make things worse?

Owen Marcus resisted getting into men’s work, and it was only because his pain exceeded his fear that he started his first men’s group in 1995 in his clinic in Scottsdale, AZ.

The conventional approach to men’s groups began to feel inadequate for Owen and the deep, transformative work he sought. After completing his straw bale home in the forests of Idaho, he decided to take everything he had developed in his practice and worked to create a new model. By the middle of 2005, he had a thriving men’s group group.

What began as the Sandpoint Men’s Group (SMG) grew beyond Marcus’s wildest expectations. Nineteen years later, it boasts over 400 alumni and more than 50 active members. This journey led to the birth of EVRYMAN and now MELD, each step an evolution of his initial vision.

Connect with Owen

-Website: https://meld.community/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meld.men/

-LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/owenmarcus/

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com…

Talking points: business, mindset

I’ve been asked this for a long time now, and finally decided to press the button. I don’t work in this industry to show off lambos, cohibas, and designer suits. It’s to help other men be what they know they’re capable of being. So if you’re someone who’s teaching, coaching, or making something for men, listen in, because here’s what I’ve learned.

(00:00:00) – Intro, why I’m making this, and the problems to solve when working with men 

(00:10:25) – What I’ve discovered works well. Number: get clear on the problem you’re solving

(00:12:33) – Speak to men directly. Not ABOUT men 

(00:15:08) – Use multiple platforms, but have one in the lead, and pay for training

(00:21:04) – Leverage other people’s mastery and credibility by paying for partnership

(00:25:55) – Give value every step of the way

(00:29:47) – Develop a very deep level of competency

(00:33:51) – Build really strong relationships

(00:40:16) – Repetition, time, and consistency 

***

Men, the next Men’s Weekend is VERY soon. Join us in California for a transformative journey of reclamation.

Pick up my book, Men’s Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices