Archives for May 22, 2016

How I Got 2 Years Of My Life Back [And Why Suffering May Be The Start of Something Beautiful]

It was snowing outside, I was on my way home and my normal 90-minute drive from the office was already up to 4 hours.
4 hours in my car.
My back hurt from sitting in the same position for so long.
I sat there doing calculations in my head. Then, when I realized I couldn’t add very well, I pulled out my phone (I was sitting still so no worries about distracted driving).
If I average 3 hours a day commuting which was my average on a good day and didn’t include snow or accidents…
That’s 15 hours a week.
60 hours a month.
720 hours a year.
Let’s say I worked in this job until 55 years old (another 20 years) that’s 14,400 hours:
14,400 / 24 = 600 DAYS
Holy Shit, that’s nearly 2 fucking years! Knowing this, I should have decided there and then to change my life.
Change is easy for me these days, as I’ve done so much of it. But back then, no way.
I sat there and justified to myself why it wasn’t that bad: “I have a good job and am making a lot of money. We live in a nice house and my kids are in a good private school. I’ll just suck it up, be a good father/ husband and keep going through the motions,” I thought.
I see this type of justification a lot in my work now.  In order to make significant change people need HUGE amounts of pain and suffering. For me, even knowing that I’d spend 2 years in my car did little but give me something to feel crappy about on a cold dark night in December.
People on their deathbeds regret not seizing the moment, wasting life. I got lucky. I got Anxiety.

Why Anxiety Was a Gift — Getting My Life Back

People frown when I tell them that I see my experience with anxiety as a gift. I get it. Why would something that caused so much mental pain be a gift?
I wasn’t willing to slow down voluntarily. But severe panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and physical pain finally got me pondering if I was on the right path.
I have come to believe that anxiety comes from living out of alignment. The more out of alignment we are, the more the anxiety rears it’s ugly head.
I began working with a coach and at one point asked him this question: “Am I broken or is my job/ lifestyle making me feel so anxious all the time?”
His response was simple, profound, and gave me permission to start making changes: “Why don’t you change your job or lifestyle and see what happens?”
This speaks to the fact that making any decision about your future is better than staying the same.
I had been asking myself these questions:
Why is this happening to me?
Why can’t things just go back to the way they were before?
Why can’t I just feel normal again?
Continuing to stay on the same path would ensure continued anxiety. I’d passed the point of no return. There was no going back.
Trying to go back would put me on the same road to anxiety again. An infinite loop of misery. No. This time I had to change. I recently came up with this saying, “Stop Coping, Start Changing,” as a way to help my clients create positive change.
In the stress and anxiety space there are so many ways that we cope without addressing the underlying issue.
For example, I learned some elaborate breathing techniques, went on prescription medication, and saw a psychologist. But if I didn’t change at the core then I couldn’t expect my anxiety to just vanish.
This is why I’m not a fan of meds. They allow people to bypass difficult conversations and changes and avoid addressing the actual struggle. Not to mention the potential side effects that come with them.
So I began to make changes, small ones to start with, but eventually I left my job and regained those 3 hours a day I was losing to my commute.
I literally gained 2 years of my life back.

Fixing the Core Problem

If you’re struggling in some part of your life today (and I suspect you are — everyone struggles with something), then instead of looking to fix the symptoms, look at your alignment.
If you have a car with a shaky steering wheel and you replaced the steering wheel, would it fix the problem? How about getting a nice soft fluffy cover for your steering wheel? Would that fix it?
If you’re like me you’d take it to a garage. They’d most likely investigate the wheel balancing, tire pressure and tread, suspension etc. See what I mean?
If you ignore the shaky steering wheel for long enough it may go from being an annoyance to actually being dangerous.
For many of us being out of alignment results in anxiety, depression, being overweight, relationship struggles, disease, or lack of confidence.
If your steering wheel starts shaking, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and consider the source.
Once I began to address the alignment in my life not only did my steering wheel stop shaking, but I also got a new life on a new road, and I’m even becoming a better driver.
Read More By Tim Collins on the ManTalks Blog
5 Ways You Can Prepare for the Best [Instead of the Worst]
10 Simple Ways to Be More Selfish [and How it Helps You Avoid Anxiety]
4 Ways to Get More By Having Less: How to Downsize for Simplicity 
Tim JP Collins

Tim JP Collins is The Breakthrough Anxiety Coach and supports people suffering with Anxiety, stress and panic attacks.  Tim’s approach isn’t just about coping, it’s about moving past Anxiety and fear to live the life you were destined for.

Tim worked in the corporate world as a Vice President of Sales for 15 years, so he is well versed in the business space.  He ultimately decided that wasn’t for him, and was drawn towards supporting others to live anxiety and stress free while going big in their lives.

Tim has also spent time in Entrepreneurial and Real Estate fields, starting a business with his wife in 2007, in their spare time, which went on to be brand name in the infant market and was acquired in 2015.

Tim is the creator & host of “The Anxiety Podcast”.​ Each week Tim interviews people that have stories that you will be able to relate to. The interviews are raw, real and vulnerable, and people share what’s really going on for them.

Tim believes that the more out of alignment we are in our lives, the more Anxiety & Stress will show up.  So he really looks at the bigger picture when working with clients.

Connect with Tim on the Web, The Anxiety Podcast, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or Instagram

Or, if you’re feeling a little old fashion you can just email him: [email protected]

Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.

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How Masculine Men Protect Women’s Feminine Energy

Masculine energy is all about breaking free from constraints, overcoming, closing the deal, protecting, providing, leading…. all absolutely necessary components for a woman to experience from a man so she feels safe and flourishes in her femininity, and feels like a woman.
A woman’s level of desire (sexual and otherwise) increases dramatically when she feels like her man is stepping up by pursuing her and protecting her. When this happens, she’s allowed to be the cherished and protected woman who can relax, feel safe, and trust her man.
So at the risk of being politically incorrect here, I am going to share with you what I’ve distilled from thousands of vulnerable conversations with women.
This obviously doesn’t represent all women, although in my experience, it represents a large majority.

Why Do Women Want You to Pay for Meals?

For a woman who wants to be primarily feminine in her energy in the relationship — during the courtship process — a man shows his masculinity by paying for meals. It sends the woman a strong subconscious message that says: “I am a strong provider. If you bear children and become vulnerable, I will protect you.”
A man shows his masculinity to a woman by hunting more efficiently than other men when he shows up as the initiator, the strategist in conquering her heart, and the leader that beats out other opponents. He shows that he can protect and provide should a threat to her family’s safety appear.
A man shows his masculinity when he plans the dates and has it figured out allowing her to relax and connect.
A man creates masculine safety for a woman when he has vision and drive for his life, sending a woman the message that he is a man with direction and deep purpose, which makes him stable and capable of deeply loving her as his woman.
This happens in nature as well….let’s talk physiology: there is an egg in the woman’s womb ready to be claimed and impregnated by the sperm that beats out all the others.
Almost every female client of mine deeply longs for a man to show up like this for her, to pursue her, protect her, provide and show up with strong masculine energy.
This desire is something very primal, and yet countless women often share — in hushed tones because it can seem like it goes against the “progressive” cultural narrative of the moment.
If women are out on a date, whether they are aware of this or not, they are seriously gaging a man’s masculinity.
Whenever women feel unsafe, and unprotected by masculine energy around them, nature has it that they adapt and become more like men…and this can often leave men feeling like a woman was physically beautiful but her energy made her seem like a man or like one of the guys.
This can also mean that men experience women who are hardened, masculine, and in competition with them to see who is the “real man” in the relationship. This may not show up at first, but it usually eventually does over the course of the relationship.
Polarity disappears — and with it very often attraction, connection and desire.
A woman needs to feel safe with her man to allow herself back into her feminine energy. Masculine energy is more about power. Feminine energy is ALL about vulnerability to create deep connection and attraction for you as a man. If a woman doesn’t feel safe, her feminine energy takes a back seat to survival and protecting herself.
There are many, many ways of expressing relationships, but understanding the attraction created by Masculine and Feminine Dynamics is often key in creating sustaining passion over the long haul.
Giordana Toccaceli is an International Dating, Relationship and Intimacy Expert having worked with thousands of women and men around the world to become their most attractive and magnetic selves and attract incredible partners into their lives in record time.
Giordana has worked with a wide range of clients from Top CEOs, Billionaires, successful entrepreneurs, professional athletes, actors, models and every day men and women. She is a regular contributor to Univision TV’s morning show “Despierta Austin” and the Founder of Woman’s Allure and the Co-Founder of Embody Love Project.
Book a free Discovery Session today and find out what’s holding your back from feeling deep freedom, vibrant health, and alignment in your life. Access your free gift today: Get Giordana’s Heal Your Heart” 10 Minute Meditation.


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