Archives for April 2016

The Real Reason We Need to Stop Trying to Protect Everyone’s Feelings

Like every kid, I was forced to read Fahrenheit 451 in high school.
If you’d asked me what it was about before last week, I would have told you: “Firemen who burn books.”
And if you’d asked me why on earth they did that, I would have answered just as confidently: “Because a tyrannical government wanted them to.”
There is a trend afoot to conveniently remember the works of authors like Ray Bradbury and Aldous Huxley as warnings against distant totalitarianism and control. But this only scratches the surface of what these books are about.
Earlier this year a community college student in San Bernardino protested being required to read a Neil Gaiman graphic novel in one of her classes. It was too graphic, apparently. Her father—who does not seem to understand that his daughter is a separate human being (an adult one no less)—told The Los Angeles Times, “If they [had] put a disclaimer on this, we wouldn’t have taken the course.” A mom in Tennessee has complained that the gynecological information in the book in the bestselling nonfiction science book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, is too pornographic for her 10th grade son.
While these conservative complaints about the content of books is unfortunately as old as time. We’re also seeing surge in a different type.
A Rutgers student has proposed putting trigger warnings on The Great Gatsby. Robin Thicke’s song “Blurred Lines” was banned on many college campuses for promoting rape. Last year, Wellesley students created a petition to remove an art project featuring a lifelike statue of a sleepwalking man in his underwear in the snow because it caused “undue stress.” Controversial speakers (many conservative) have been blocked from speaking at college commencements. Pick up artists—never convicted of any crime—have had their visas revoked due to trending Twitter hashtags.
In August, Jezebel ran the headline “Holy Shit, Who Thought This Nazi Romance Novel Was a Good Idea?” I remember thinking, “Um, probably the fucking writer who spent a lot of time writing it.” Whether they succeeded at making anything good, I cannot say, but should they be shamed for trying? It’s not as if there aren’t good books of Nazi love stories. In fact, there is one called The Reader!
The people in these examples are certainly a bit ridiculous—but by no means bad. None of them see themselves as censors, naturally. They were being sensitiveoutraged, protective or triggered. And to be fair, most of their complaints and protests stop short of actually saying “This should not be allowed anywhere.”
But that distinction matters less than they think.
Let’s go back to 451, which I found myself re-reading recently. It begins with Guy Montag burning a house that contained books. Why? How did it come to be that firemen burned books instead of putting out fires as they always had?
The firemen have been doing it for so long they have no idea. Most of them have never even read a book. Except one fireman—Captain Beatty—who has been around long enough to remember what life was like before. As Montag begins to doubt his profession—going as far as to hide a book in his house—he is subjected to a speech from Beatty. In it Beatty explains that it wasn’t the government that decided that books were a threat. It was his fellow citizens.
“It didn’t come from the government down,” he tells him. “There was no dictum, no declaration, no censorship, to start with, no!”
In fact, it was something rather simple—something that should sound very familiar. It was a desire not to offend—of an earnest notion to literally have “everyone made equal.” And it’s at the end of this speech that we get the killer passage:

“You must understand that our civilization is so vast that we can’t have our minorities upset and stirred. Ask yourself, What do we want in this country above all? People want to be happy, isn’t that right?…Colored people don’t likeLittle Black Sambo. Burn it. White people don’t feel good about Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Burn it. Someone’s written a book on tobacco and cancer of the lungs? The cigarette people are weeping? Burn the book. Serenity, Montag. Peace, Montag. Take your fight outside. Better yet, to the incinerator.”

And before you get offended, let’s clarify what Bradbury means by minorities. He’s not talking about race. He’s talking about it in the same way that Madison and Hamilton did in the Federalist Papers. He’s speaking about small, interested groups who try to force the rest of the majority to adhere to the minority’s set of beliefs.
I don’t mean to cherry pick. I see no need to pile on to college students as being particularly responsible for the “coddling of the American mind.” (Great piece, read it.) Though I do find it ironic that we require kids to read this book in high school and just a few years (or months) later, they’re leading the charge on exactly the kind of well-intentioned censorship Bradbury was talking about. I don’t mean to say that these examples come close to the kind of overt censorship that every reasonable person dreads. But I do mean to say that they come from the same place—and very alarmingly—ultimately end together in a much worse place.
In the 50th anniversary edition, Bradbury includes a short afterword where he gives his thoughts on current culture. Almost as if he is speaking directly about the events above, he wrote: There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running around with lit matches.”
There’s that saying: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. When it comes to censorship, one might say that the road to thought and speech control is paved by people trying to protect other people’s feelings.
It’s important to realize that today, we have a media system paid by the pageview and thus motivated with very real financial incentives to find things to be offended about—because offense and outrage are high-valence traffic triggers. We have another industry of people—some call them Social Justice Warriors—who, despite their sincerity of belief, have also managed to build huge platforms by inventing issues and conflicts which they then ride to prominence and influence. One might call both of these types Rage Profiteers. They get us riled up, they appeal to our notions of fairness and empathy—who likes to see someone else’s feelings hurt?—without any regard for what the consequences are.
Of course, the real and fair solution is much less politically correct but effective. It’s to stop trying to protect people’s feelings. Your feelings are your problem, not mine—and vice versa.
Real empowerment and respect is to see our fellow citizens—victims and privileged, religious and agnostic, conservative and liberal—as adults. Human beings are not automatons—ruled by drives and triggers they cannot control. On the contrary, we have the ability to decide not to be offended. We have the ability to discern intent. We have the ability to separate someone else’s actions or provocation or ignorance from our own. This is the great evolution of consciousness—it’s what separates us from the animals.
What also separates us is our capacity for empathy. But how empathetic the speech we decide to use is choice for each one of us to make. Some of us are crass, some of us are considerate. Some of us find humor in everything, some of us do not. It’s important too—but those of us that believe it and live our lives by a certain sensitivity cannot bully other people into doing so too. That sort of defeats the purpose.
There is a wonderful quote from Epictetus that I think of every time I see someone get terribly upset about one of these things (I try to think about it when I get upset about anything): “If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.”
He said that some 1,900 years ago. Even then we felt that it was easier to police the outside than examine our inside.
Control and discipline of one’s own reactions make for a successful person and a functioning society. I don’t think you want to live in a world where that isn’t the expectation of each of us. I don’t think you want to see the things that will need to happen when the burden of making sure everyone is happy and not offended is put on the government—or worse, a corrupt and bitter blogosphere.
But that seems to be the road we’re going down. Even though we’ve been warned.
This article originally appeared in The New York Observer.
Read More By Ryan Holiday on ManTalks:
10 Strategies for Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities
____________________________________________________________
Ryan-Holiday-interview-on-Chase-Jarvis-LiveRyan Holiday is the bestselling author of Trust Me, I’m Lying: Confessions of a  Media Manipulator and two other books. He is an editor-at-large for the New York Observer and his monthly reading recommendations are found here. He currently lives in Austin, Texas.
Get the ManTalks newsletter. Every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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Man Of The Week – James Butler

This week we get to feature a Man who’s story and journey so far is so rich and powerful that it will send a tingle down your spine! Our Man Of The Week is a champion and mindset coach who acts as a catalyst of change in the lives of others. James Butler was a man who dedicated his life to his career, the Canadian Forces, until a life-changing experience forced him to rethink his life, career and relationships. A true believer of human potential, so it’s no surprise today he is a Head Mindset Coach at Peak Objectives, where he empowers high-performing leaders to better serve their surrounding communities and beyond. A young and accomplished young Man, James opens up and shares vulnerable and moving stories from his past in this week’s edition of Man Of The Week.

Age: 27

What do you do? (Work)
I am the champion’s coach. What does this mean? I am the catalyst of change – the ripple in high-performing leaders’ lives helping them champion their cause to make powerful impact in their companies and communities.

Why do you do it?
I was a man dedicated to my career, family and future. But not long ago, I lost everything. A life-threatening injury and the results left me without my career, partner or physical health. I was at a cross-road: slip into a bottomless abyss or build a life from scratch. I chose the latter and dedicated myself to moving leaders forward – and helping humans realize their true potential.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
There are three main ways I make a difference. In my private practice, I help leaders center their personal power and better serve the world. In my wider business community, I train world-class coaches in an intensive program out of Seattle, called Accomplishment Coaching. In my personal life, I put service at the forefront: by volunteering and public speaking, I support initiatives to build stronger, happier communities.

What are three defining moments in your life?
– My first defining moment exploded from nowhere. In 2010, while trudging through an endless Afghani grape field – it was my job to walk ahead of patrolling Canadian Forces troops and clear explosive devices from roads, pathways and buildings – a member of the supporting Afghan National Army stepped on an improvised explosive device (IED), just 15 feet from where I stood. Time crawled like a slow-motion video and I wondered if I were still alive. As the ringing throbbed in my ears, my senses quickly returned. I immediately yelled for everyone to stop and stay still. In war, if there’s one bomb, there are always more. While rockets fired at us, my fellow soldiers stood stalk-still as I examined the ground at their feet; we had stumbled upon an IED ‘minefield.’ Over the next four hours, in 58-degree-Celius heat, I became an artist, locating and clearing bombs with a paintbrush and my fingers. On that day alone, I personally cleared five IEDs that would’ve killed us all. On that day, I learned the true potential of the human mind and our power to overcome anything.
– My next defining moment came from another rather uncomfortable predicament. I’d returned from Afghanistan and had been training for five-years to become a prestigious, sought-after bomb-clearance diver. Essentially, a highly-specialized professional diver who dismantles bombs under the sea – a tradition dating back to WW1. After years of grueling training, I had finally arrived at my ‘dream job.’ Unfortunately, during an advanced course, I suffered catastrophic failure of my left lung, while deeper under the ocean than most have ever gone. I awoke hospitalized, with a chest full of tubes and significant internal bleeding. The doctors didn’t think I would make it and suggested I make peace with my family. Obviously, I pulled through. But on the other side of the scalpel was a long road to recovery: I’d lost 65lbs, had a chest riddled with holes and was unable to walk. This was the wake-up call I needed. This injury was my catalyst to create a life of service – and a company that helps high-performing individuals reach their apex, without having to experience the hardships I’ve faced.
– As I continued my recovery, and embraced my new career path, I discovered the joy of a true client breakthrough. We’d been working together for three months. This client had a really successful life and career. He just wanted to brush-up his skills, develop new insight and perhaps embark on the road to retirement. But one day, we had a phone call and he unlocked something in himself that had always been there, but which he didn’t know how to access. Our call was powered by energy and emotion, but I thought maybe it was just temporary. But, over the next few weeks, he completely reinvented himself. Instead of retiring, he transitioned to a new career and powerfully claimed the life that had eluded him for more than 60 years. I learned that in a simple, yet powerful moment – at any moment – we have the power to change our lives. And I’ve learned to live in perpetual awe of how amazing life can truly be. 

What is your life purpose?
My life’s purpose is to be the conduit for human potential. And, as a result, foster a culture of growth and love not greed and fear.

How did you tap into it?
Every great coach has a coach; by delving into my own ‘self’ with my coach, I’m consistently reconnecting with my life’s purpose.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Rich Litvin, a high-performing LA-based coach. This man coaches with heart-centered power. He’s impacting world leaders and revolutionizing the coaching industry. Power over Profit!

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I strictly adhered to a morning ritual, which includes meditating, affirming and visualizing the life I want, as well as exercising, reading and writing. Check out the Miracle Morning for a strong example of what this looks like.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I know my balance is off if I’m struggling to connect with my tribe – and am so focused on my clients I forget to look after my own well-being. When this occasionally happens, I dial it back and schedule more time for myself and the people I love.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I was recently gave a keynote to the University of Minnesota’s Division 1 football team. As I was presenting to 200 of the biggest, best athletes the school could recruit to their top-tier organization, a player asked what inspired me to believe in the impossible. I told him, almost regretting my vulnerability as the words escaped my mouth, that I’d had a reading disability my entire life – and the day I stopped using that as a crutch and began searching for solutions, my life changed. Confessing to 200 professional athletes that I’d always had trouble reading was… crazy! But, my vulnerability – this defining moment – had an incredible result: it humanized me and created a safe space for valuable conversations. (And, since you’re wondering, I have a rare visual disability that makes words dance on the page.)

What did you learn from it?
We all have a story, a ‘dirty little secret,’ we don’t want others to find out about us, because fears tells us our secret will sink us. I learned that’s simply not true.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Don’t be a dick. You can have money, power and all the influence in the world… But if you’re a dick, all the money in the world can’t save you from yourself.

How do you be the best partner (boyfriend/husband – past or present)
When you’re in a relationship with the right person, for the right reasons, it’s a lot easier to put your best foot forward. I’m in a relationship that a) supports me in my life goals and b) allows me to express love, joy, admiration and companionship. If you’re in a relationship for the right reasons, you can, for the most part, be the right partner. Oh and that whole not-being-a-dick thing… Kindness and mutual respect win every time in my books.

Do you support any charities or not-for-profits? (Which one(s) – and why?)
The main non-profit I support now is Lifetime Networks – an organization partnering positive influencers with members of the disabled community. Almost like a Big-Brothers-and Big-Sisters for people with disabilities. This non-profit helps disabled people continue adventuring, exploring and living a vibrant life, despite their physical and mental limitations. In a materialistic world that glorifies the pursuit of ‘more,’ working with this incredible group of people helps me live in the moment, stay humble, laugh often and never forgot to help those in need. One day, I may find myself in need too and would be thankful for people willing to step up.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
‘Lean on’ by Major Lazer – “it hits me just right”

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
I see myself on a stage in front of tens-of- thousands of people, creating a movement of champions.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
That this world can work for everyone. We can all have a life of joy, peace and abundance while taking care of others.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The Motivation Manifesto, by Brendon Bruchard.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

5 Ways You Can Prepare for the Best Instead of The Worst

I stood there in the washroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror, sweating, shaking, judging myself and contemplating losing it all.
 
At this point my stress filled life had tipped over the edge into new territory.
 
Anxiety.
 
People often ask what’s the difference. My answer is usually that stress is event based or situational whereas anxiety is random and shows up at the worst times. Stress can be used as a motivator and can be positive. Anxiety leaves us with an emotional hangover that makes us feel tired and weak.
 
As I stood in front of that mirror, my mind was racing.
 

  • What if I get fired?
  • What will people think?
  • Will my family still love me?
  • How will I ever get another job?
  • Will I have to sell our house?
  • Will I go crazy?

 
It’s called catastrophizing. I don’t use that word too often though, as it’s hard to pronounce.
 
But once my switch was set to worst-case scenario thinking, it was like a virus I couldn’t shake.
 
Each day I’d worry constantly about the “what ifs.”
 
It was all consuming and extremely tiring.
 
My brain felt like a computer running every program simultaneously, without ever coming to a conclusion. I was low on RAM.
 
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Having now come out the other side of these dark times I realized that so much time was wasted on spinning my mental wheels.
 
The things I was worrying about the whole time didn’t come true. If I could bottle all the energy I wasted worrying I’d be able to power a small city for a year.
 
I had my first panic attack during a presentation, so that was something I worried about even as my life improved in many other ways.
 
If I had to give a speech I’d revert to my old patterns.
 
“What if I can’t get my words out?”
“What if people didn’t like my talk?”
“What if I collapsed on stage?”
 
This ruined the experience for me each time, as I was never able to be present. I’d worry, show up, do a good job, be relived that I hadn’t fucked it up, get lots of praise from the audience and usually have a brief moment of euphoria.
 
But then the next speaking engagement would come and I’d go back to worrying and what ifing.
 
So, I’m coming from the future to give you this message.
 
You CAN choose to have a different experience.
 

Here are 5 ways to prepare for the best:

 

1.Be Okay With Things Not Being Perfect

 
Waiting till everything is perfect is a surefire way to do nothing. Expect hiccups, expect challenges, expect to FEEL different. As things happen you can roll with the punches and be flexible while still enjoying the process.
 
I gave a talk recently and several people in the audience told me their favorite part was my message that, “everyone struggles.”
 
We are human and imperfection connects us. We are drawn to vulnerability, we are drawn to authenticity.  It turns out perfection is actually going to make us less successful, who knew.
 

2. Picture the Ultimate Outcome in Your Mind

 
“Well, that’s just wishful thinking.”
 
Ever heard that before? In many ways we’re cultured to keep our feet on the ground and be realistic.
 
I say fuck that. Dream, think big, and move towards that. There are way more people in the world playing and thinking small than those that think big.
 
Think past the current task at hand. Worrying focuses our mind on an event, but what happens when that goes sideways?
 
Practice the opposite. Let’s say you’re going for a job interview. Consider what it will feel like to get offered the job, what will you say? What would your first day at work be like? Do you see yourself working there for more than 5 years? This allows us to put a single event in its place and create valuable context.
 
Picture your desired outcome, feel it, experience it. Then as things begin to go right for you it will all feel like part of a beautiful plan.
 

3. Feeling is Living

 
I still get nervous, but now I like it.
 
It confirms that I care.
 
I’m engaged in the task at hand and my body is preparing to support me.
 
A phrase that someone told me once and has stuck with me is, “Turn nervous energy into performance energy”. This can apply to anything in our lives.
 
The world is crying out for people to show emotion, to connect, to care.
 
So when you feel, realize that it’s an important barometer of significance. In the end energy is energy, what you CHOOSE to do it with it is up to you.
 

4. Realize That You are Going to Die

 
I appreciate that may not sound like an upbeat point, but bear with me.
 
We care so much about what other people think. We discuss and meticulously consider all of the variables and potential outcomes of either taking action or doing nothing.
 
I love this point because it really puts things into perspective, creating a freeing feeling that allows us to take action without as much concern for judgment or the downside.
 
Consider this, do you know who your great great grandparents are? Most people don’t.
 
So go ahead and put yourself out there. We know those who are okay with failing will also make the most ground.
 
It also means that in a couple of hundred years no one’s going to remember the time I drank so much that I jumped off a boat in the Caribbean into a harbor full of sharks and realized that the steps to the boat hadn’t been lowered into the water. Drunk, swimming with sharks, treading water indefinitely = not ideal.
 

5. Realize That You Get to Create Your Reality

 
After years of being on the hamster wheel, going through the motions, and thinking everything was okay. I now see that it wasn’t. I was just settling.
 
I didn’t know what was possible in my life. I was wearing blinders that kept me going the same direction never allowing me to enjoy the view.
 
When I took those blinders off I was able to get a view of what was possible in my life. I finally woke up to the possibilities.
 
I realized that I actually get to choose how I live my life. I get to create my reality.
 
Some days it’s hard. Some days people judge me and some days I flat out fail. But I believe in the process and know that I constantly experience the life I’m creating.
 
I now know that if I want more out of my life it’s up to me to be bold, to be courageous, and to simply step up.
 
So next time you start worry about something, choose to prepare for the best and use the energy for growth and expansion.
More By Tim Collins:
10 Simple Ways to Be More Selfish [And How it Helps You Avoid Anxiety]
4 Ways to Get More By Having Less: How to Downsize for Simplicity
Tim JP Collins
Tim JP Collins is The Breakthrough Anxiety Coach and supports people suffering with anxiety, stress and panic attacks.  Tim’s approach isn’t just about coping, it’s about moving past anxiety and fear to live the life you were destined for.
Tim worked in the corporate world as a Vice President of Sales for 15 years, so is well versed in the business space.  He ultimately decided that wasn’t for him and was drawn towards supporting others, to live anxiety and stress free while going big in their lives.
Tim has also spent time in Entrepreneurial and Real Estate fields, starting a business with his wife in 2007, in their spare time, which went on to be brand name in the infant market and was acquired in 2015.
Tim is the creator & host of “The Anxiety Podcast”​ Each week Tim interviews people that have stories that you will be able to relate to. The interviews are raw, real and vulnerable and people share what’s really going on for them.
Tim believes that the more out of alignment we are in our lives, the more Anxiety & Stress will show up.  So he really looks at the bigger picture when working with clients.
Connect with Tim on the Web, The Anxiety Podcast, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or Instagram
Or, if you’re feeling a little old fashion you can just email him: [email protected]
Get the ManTalks newsletter. Every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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How Should a Man Be at 30?

I feel like I’ve fallen behind. Most of my friends have houses, cars, stable 9-5s, wives, and kids on the way.
Me? I’ve got an apartment, a ton of frequent flier miles (though no car), and a business I’ve been growing for the past eight years. And though kids are many years away for me (I’d like a steady girlfriend first…) I am pretty serious about buying some plants soon.
In my worse moments I fear I’m going to be that weird 52 year old. The one still trying to hang with 20-somethings, misusing the vernacular of the day, clad in JNCOs and bright sneakers.
I turned 30 a few weeks ago. One of the most important things I learned in my 20’s is to stare fear straight in the fucking eye. When you actually examine your fears, you uncover their dirty secret: most have no real power and no real connection to reality.
So I went on a long walk and thought carefully about my friends lives, trying to figure out just how much I have fallen behind. The men I’m going to profile are all 30. I’m going to change their names – it would be insane not to – but little else in the following profiles are altered.

Five Men at 30

Mark just got laid off from his hot startup job in SF. He and his wife are separated after two years of marriage. They split because she caught him cheating. Worse still, it wasn’t a one off encounter. He was cheating in a very controlled, intentional way. I assume they’ll be divorced soon. Mark tells me that these changes (loss of love, and loss of employment) are for the better.
Karl has had some very tough years. One of his parents was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. The other parent is an addict with a touch and go relationship to recovery. Last year, Karl was dating a woman he thought he’d marry. Out of the blue, she broke up with him. Karl also suffers from chronic pain that the doctors haven’t been able to alleviate. He’s used his suffering to teach him about life, particularly love, strength, weakness, and the limits (or lack their of) of influence. He is in a monogamous relationship, but it’s future is unclear. It seems like a case of right person, wrong time. He has a job he likes, is very healthy (except for the chronic pain), and has a decent amount of money saved up.
Walter is the most successful of the bunch. He was the first to make six figures, and oversees nearly 50 employees at an organization he co-founded. But it comes at a cost. He works 70-hour weeks. For a long time he was overweight. I asked him a few months ago, “Are you happy?” He said he was neither happy nor unhappy. He’s engaged to a woman he loves, though the relationship is a distant second to his work. His fiancé knows she’s number two. She responds by throwing herself into her work, mirroring his actions. She’s become very influential at her organization. To most people, they look like a power couple.
Asad and his wife bought a big home in the most boring town I’ve ever been to. They say they love where they live. Asad has an advanced degree in engineering but makes less than he expected to. He and his wife have a decent relationship, and are expecting their first child this summer. Asad is the type of guy who likes to have a lot of stability in his life. While his life appears perfect on paper, there’s something haunting him, his wife, and their future children. His wife has a terminal disease that – shy of a medical breakthrough – is going to end her life before their children are grown.
Shawn is in school to become a doctor. His wife is a Physician Assistant. She’s pregnant and due in the autumn. They own a beautiful home in a small city where they have a lot of friends and family. They’re both healthy and happy. While they have a few minor problems, they seem to have won the life lottery.
Carl is my other close friend who seems to have won the life lottery. He married his first love, stumbled into his dream job (and with it a 100% raise), oversees a team of 25 who adore him, and owns a charming home. He is expecting his first child later this year.

What Do All Successful 30-Year-Old Men Have In Common?

Not much.
When I looked carefully at the lives of my friends, I realized something that surprised me: there was no clear avatar for how a man should be at 30.
It’s not that I was ahead or behind (and you’re not either), it’s that there is no singular path, no way you should be.
I know that sounds obvious — maybe even trite — but to me it was eye opening.
Some of my friends won the life lottery. They’re happy, healthy, in love, stable. Some have endured true pain. Most are somewhere in between. Most have romantic partners, but rarely are the relationships are placid or as easy as they appear. Few have any significant savings, and most are paying off debt of some sort.
Before I started reflecting, I was worried that there was something wrong with me because I am a work in progress. However, I realized that at 30, a man should be a work in progress.
At 30 your employment should serve the dual purpose of shaping you into a better man, while also improving your community. Health should be a priority, as should taking good care of the people around you. When faced with difficulty, I think you should stare it straight in the eye, and when you fuck up, I think you should proactively own it.

So, How Should a Man Be at 30?

In a word, open.
Most of our lives thus far have been spent preparing for (school, first kisses, entry level jobs, etc.), or experimenting (traveling, sex, relationships, asking for promotions, etc.).
Our job now is to stay open. First, open to ourselves and what we find within, and then to the world around us.
That means that if you haven’t found your path just yet, that’s ok. Keep looking. If you have found your path already, then your job is to stride down it.
The error that men make around now (and it leads to cheating on your wife, bad health, living in the wrong place, etc) is doubling down on the mistakes they made in their twenties. The refusal to own and fix a mistake is a form of closure. It’s easier to be closed than open – openness requires a deceptive amount of courage – but being closed will never get you to where you want to be.
And if you get good at being open, you should take on the bigger challenge of finding the courage to be your true self.
Read More By Jason Connell:
Maslow Got it Wrong: What I Learned From Feeding the Homeless on My Birthday
Finding Your Deep Gifts in a Shallow World
_________________________________________________________________
author_shot (1)Jason Connell is a speaker and writer who teaches confidence, self-love, and self-compassion. He’s worked with everyone from Senior members of the Obama administration and professional athletes to middle school students and emerging entrepreneurs. He shares his thoughts on life, authenticity, and power at: JasonConnell.co.
 
 
 
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Tim Urban – Wait But Why

Tim UrbanEpisode: 037

What makes people like Elon Musk so different? It’s not just their drive or ambition…

 
Introduction:
Tim Urban is the creator and blogger of Wait but Why, a website that is anti-click bait and extremely informative. Tim originally started his website on a bet because he knew deep down that other people, too, craved for meaningful and substantial content on the web. The idea worked! Not only does his content go viral, but he was able to get the attention of people like Elon Musk, and more.
 
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Key Takeaways:
[2:35] What was Tim’s defining moment?
[5:40] Those who have a fall back plan, fall back but that didn’t apply to Tim.
[6:10] Even though Tim had a fall back plan, he was still very desperate to achieve his creative dream.
[6:20] You need to have a runway, a game plan that you’re able to carry out in a certain amount of time,
but it also has to be realistic.
[6:55] Some people work best when they burn their other options, others do not.
[7:15] Why did Tim create Wait but Why?
[11:20] Tim had an advantage where he could work 60 hours a week focusing on nothing but blogging.
[11:45] Connor never read blogs until he stumbled upon Tim’s blog.
[13:45] Tim knew he didn’t have a staff, so he had to find a way to work with his strengths instead.
[14:50] Tim shares his one piece of advice for any endeavor.
[15:45] What makes Elon Musk so unique?
[17:35] Don’t be the cook that copies the recipe, be the chef who creates them.
[18:45] How does Tim get over the ‘no one is going to read this’ fear?
[19:35] Trust yourself. You can be great.
[21:15] What was it like to prepare for the Ted Talk?
[24:55] What was it like to meet Elon Musk?
[27:20] Get ready for a series of rapid fire questions.
[27:25] Why did Tim visit North Korea?
[27:40] What does curiosity mean to Tim?
[28:10] What was Donald Trump like in person?
[28:30] What legacy would Tim like to leave behind?
[29:40] What is Tim most excited about?
 

Mentioned in This Episode:
www.mantalks.com/
www.waitbutwhy.com/
www.waitbutwhy.com/2015/11/the-cook-and-the-chef-musks-secret-sauce.html

 
Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Tweetables:
“The world is not that impressive. Most people are just copying what other people are doing.”
“Ignore what seems like the normal. Ignore what people say you should do.”
“Trust yourself. Your initial thesis should be ‘I think I can be great’, not good – Great.”
 

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