life

An Open Letter to Seekers

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Isn’t it mind-blowing how many of us pay for truth, connection, and reality—but don’t show up when it’s right in front of us?

We buy an online course and do 20 percent of it.
We buy books and read a third of them.
We sign up for events we never attend.
We follow “gurus,” or pedestal prophets, hoping to get a glimpse at their human existence or hear something we already know but are too afraid to admit.
Look, I get it.
So many of us are searching for something we feel is missing or broken, thinking we won’t be happy and whole until we find it.
We struggle to feel content no matter what we are doing, who we are with, or what we’ve accomplished. So we pay for something, hoping and praying it will connect us to some “absolute truth.”
Seekers—I see you.
You’re not lost.
You’re definitely not alone.
You’re not broken, or empty, or wrong.
You just are.
You’re looking.
And that’s okay.
Honestly, for years I was in the same position. I looked in every crevasse of the human experience to find some universal truth in my existence.
It was the classic existential crisis: Why am I here? Who am I?
There is one universal truth I’ve learned through all of this, and I wish I could tell every seeker on the planet:
We’ll never find answers to these questions if we don’t give everything we’ve got.
I don’t mean this in some motivational “rah-rah” way. More in the “we need to jump in feet first and learn how to swim” kind of way.
Play full-out.
Buy the online course and do the whole damn thing—not because we paid $97 for it, but because it could literally hold the key to our enlightenment.
And perhaps that sounds dramatic, but think about it:
What if the answers we have been looking for were in one of the countless books we started but never finished?
Or on the other end of that coaching call we committed to, but didn’t show up for?
Or in the yoga class we paid $25 for, but decided to sleep through instead?
The worst thing we can do as a seeker is to sign-up for everything and show up for nothing.
I know this because my life didn’t change until I did.
I spent an entire week unsubscribing from email lists I didn’t open, giving away books I knew I had no interest in reading, and deleted courses I knew I’d never finish.
All of the unread, unfinished, uncommitted things had a cost—a weight that was holding me back from seeing my actual truth.

Every unfinished course, unread book, and half-assed therapy session seemed to push me further and further away from my ability to find answers.
It became increasingly clear to me that the problem wasn’t the programs or the books—the problem was my (lack of) commitment to finding answers.

So from one seeker to another, here are three things I learned after wandering for years.

1. The Four Life-Changing Words.
“Belief clings and faith allows.” ~ Alan Watts
These four words can change our lives. Our brains are meaning-making machines. They are pattern recognition pros, which constantly look to understand and make meaning out of things which often can’t be fully understood.
Therein resides the problem.
The challenging aspect of belief is that sometimes there is no evidence. Sometimes we have no real proof that we should believe. Because of this, sometimes it seems impossible to do so and sends us on a journey for answers we may never find.
Our job isn’t to constantly seek out evidence to believe something will happen the way we want. Our job is to have action-based faith. What I mean by “action-based faith” is this:
We need to take action in the right direction (or at least the direction we feel we should go) and have faith that whatever is meant to happen will happen. We need to notice where our mind is seeking evidence to believe and shift by asking ourselves, “What action could I take to have more faith?”
Faith is not blind; it helps us see what our minds cannot, but only when we’ve taken action that allows faith to be present.
2. Stop Saying Yes to Sh*t That’s a No.
“No: It’s a complete sentence.”
But how? How do we know what to say no to? Simple—if we aren’t going to complete something, press ctrl + delete.
Unsubscribe from the email lists we never open. Donate the books we aren’t going to finish. And say no to people who drain our time, happiness, resources, and faith in humanity. (You know the ones I’m talking about.)
So many of us are seeking happiness because we don’t know what it looks like. We say yes to everything and only enjoy some of it. We confuse ourselves about what’s a “f*ck ya!” and a “f*ck no.” It’s all just “meh, I guess so.”
We will never find answers living a “meh” life.
3. Stop Half-Assing Everything and Start Whole-Assing One Thing.
There are a lot of people who know a little about a lot of things, but not many who know a lot about a few things.
We put a half-assed effort into a bunch of courses or books and never really implement the content in those courses.
Last year, I implemented the “would I read this three times?” strategy and found it immensely powerful.
The reason this works so well is because most people buy books they don’t even plan on reading once, never mind three times. It forces us to really chose something, to be intentional, and to commit to something deeply.
Find a book you want to read and commit to reading it multiple times. Take notes, highlight it, implement one of its strategies for a week, and then see how this shifts your understanding of the core principles within the book.
We can use this concept in so many areas of our lives—dating, for example:
We swipe left and right so fast now we hardly see a person’s face. Instead, imagine that swiping right meant you had to go on three dates with this person. We’d be much more intentional, wouldn’t we?
So choose what you want to whole-ass. Choose, intentionally, what you want to commit to and then dive in like a navy seal.
So have action-based faith, say no, whole-ass the things that bring you joy, and before you know it, you’ll have the answers you’ve been seeking for years.
**This post was originally published on Elephant Journal**
An Open Letter to Seekers
Connor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s health, wellness, success, and fulfillment. Before founding ManTalks, Connor worked with Apple, leading high-performance sales and operations teams. Since founding ManTalks, Connor has spoken on stage at TEDx, with Lewis Howes, Gary Vaynerchuk, Danielle LaPorte, taken ManTalks to over a dozen cities internationally and has been featured on platforms like Forbes, Huffington Post, HeForShe, The Good Men Project, UN Women, CBC, and the National Post. Catch up with Connor on his website.

Stop Saying “Yes” when its clearly a “No”

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Make the choice to stop doing it. Literally chose to stop. Period.

Stop saying yes to relationships you know are a no.

Stop saying yes to people you don’t want to date.

Stop swiping right when it’s a left.

Stop saying yes to someone who treats you like a massive maybe.

Stop saying yes to partners who don’t share your values or sense of humour.

Stop saying yes to mediocre connections and communication.

Stop saying yes to mediocre, half-ass sex in your relationship.

Stop saying yes to dating people you don’t respect, who don’t inspire you and call you forward to grow.

Stop saying yes to ‘acquaintances’ who are clearly a no.

Stop saying yes to jobs you hate, bosses who cross the line and projects that leave you sitting in your car white knuckling the steering wheel while yelling at the top of your lungs cause you can’t fucking take working there anymore and you’re on the verge of a breakdown…

Stop saying yes to working for companies you don’t like, making products you would never use, and services that leave you feeling like a total fraud.

Stop. Making. Everyone. Happy. But. YOU.

Look, I get it. You have bills to pay, a family to provide for, and a future to build.

But who’s future are you building? The one you want or the one someone else has asked you to do?

So how do we shift? How do we be more selfish and choose ourselves?

Here’s the deal: everyone is selfish. All the time.

However, most people spend the majority of their time and energy trying to create the illusion they’re not.

They find jobs, causes, partners and friends all to create the illusion that they are selfless. They surround themselves with people who constantly need them, people who will reaffirm that they are a needed, important, and ‘good’ person.

But for those who want to lean into the discomfort of choosing themselves and start saying yes to the things that matter, there are a few things we need to know.

  1. What Being Selfish Is and Isn’t.

Being selfish is not about spiting people, intentionally hurting others, going out of your way to offend people, or recklessly choosing yourself at the expense of others (neglecting children, physically endangering others because of your behaviour).

Being selfish IS choosing to set good boundaries, being self aware, respecting what you need to perform and show up for the people you love most.

Healthy selfishness is the understanding that when you take care of your own needs first, you can better provide for the people who really matter to you.

2. Know That Happiness And Success Require Selfishness

Want to know one of the biggest things holding you back from success, happiness, real love, intimacy, great sex, and connection?

You would rather be selfless than happy (or any of those other qualities).

I’ll prove it to you.

Let’s use happiness to make this simple.

Think about someone you love deeply. Maybe your wife, husband, children, or family member.

Picture them in your mind.

Now imagine saying to them “I’d rather be happy than have you.”

You’re in a compromised position aren’t you?

Most people can’t imagine saying that because it would make them seem selfish, mean, or look like a complete asshole.

You don’t want to admit that when it comes down to it, but you would chose someone else even if it cost you happiness.

Let’s take it one step further.

Think of that person who you love so much.

Now imagine asking them, “Would you rather see me happy or be with you?”

The majority of people (the ones who have healthy boundaries and aren’t so attached to you that they can’t live without you) are going to say, “I want you to be happy.”

Isn’t it ironic that the people we love most want US to be happy, yet we are constantly making choices just to appease them?

Here’s the cycle people get stuck in trying to avoid being seen as selfish:

We want to be happy –> happiness depends on us owning what we want –> we think what we want will hurt other people –> we compromise or settle –> we aren’t fully happy –> we realize this and want to be happy…. and so it goes.

So what do we do? How do we change the trend now that we know happiness and success require some selfishness?

We need to…

3. Learn How To Say No

First, think of someone who you think is very happy or very successful (those two things don’t always go hand in hand).

What makes them this way? Their bank account? Their perfectly straight, white teeth? Their nice car, big house, or the amount of travel they do every year?

Nope.

It’s their ability to say no to the shit that doesn’t interest them.

But this can be overwhelming at first. For most people, they have either become so skilled at saying yes to everything that the “No” facing them seems HUGE and insurmountable.

Because of this, we must start small.

When it comes to breaking the cycle, don’t try and make a big gesture (ie: getting divorced, buying the BMW you’ve always wanted and refusing to pick up the kids from school anymore so you can get in your 18 holes of golf after work. Those are just mid-life crisis indicators).

Start by noticing the small things you’re saying yes to on a daily basis that don’t work for you.

Maybe it’s a call with someone who just isn’t a priority (notice how you’d rather say ‘don’t have time for’).

Maybe it’s agreeing to go to the dinner with friends when what you know you need is a night in.

Start from these small “No” opportunities.

Start to shift your language to focus more on priorities than time. Where you would normally say “I don’t have time for that,” replace the word time with the word priorities. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you get used to it.

Finally, get comfortable being selfish.

Do one thing every single week that’s only for you.

Schedule it, block it off, and make it a top priority.

Maybe its going to see a movie solo, doing a scotch tasting, catching a sports game, grabbing your camera and going on that photo hike you’ve been dreaming of.

Whatever the activity is, do it consistently and notice how you begin to shift.

Good luck on real challenge of choosing yourself first.

__________

Connor BeatonConnor Beaton  is the founder of ManTalks  — an international organization dedicated to promoting modern men’s growth, purpose, and fulfillment.

ManTalks has grown to cities across North America, with several new communities forming this year.

He is also a podcast host and international speaker, having shared his message on stages around North America including TEDx.

Connor has been featured on platforms like Forbes, HeForShe, The Good Men Project, UN Women, CBC, CNN, the National Post and more.

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The Real Reason Men "Can’t Handle" Powerful Women

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The real reason women believe that men can’t handle our greatness? It gives us an excuse not to handle theirs.

 
When I first saw the headline, I balked a bit. Okay, a lot. Especially after clicking through and reading these ’10 reasons most men can’t handle a deep woman’. Because ‘deep women’ are honest! And know what they want! And are looking for a deep, intimate, real relationship!
 
In other words, the reasons are: because men are shallow, dishonest, distant, closed off, and incapable of real love. That’s what this viral article is really saying. And it’s not unique. It’s proliferated around the web, being republished over and over, in the few days since I first saw it, and there are thousands of others like it, with similar ideas about just how useless, unreliable, inherently disappointing, and frankly inferior men really are. The idea that most men can’t handle women, that men are letting us down, is everywhere these days.
 
Here’s the thing. These articles and ideas? They’re wrong. And they damage all of us in profoundly deep ways. In particular, these beliefs cause women to have terrible, unsatisfying and heartbreaking relationships with men.
 

This isn’t about men. It’s about women. It’s about unhealed pain. And these beliefs don’t just prevent healing that pain – they create even more of it.

 
Imagine an article titled ‘Most people can’t handle deep people.’ What would that really mean? It would mean that most people have difficulty meeting deep people where they are. Fully showing up, in the way that ‘deep’ people do, and want others to do, in the way that’s needed for true, satisfying intimacy.
 
In our culture, we have this story that men never show up for us. From the absent father and mid-life-crisis abandoner to the ‘best friend’ who secretly just wanted to get laid, the ghosting tinder date and the guy we lost our virginity to who didn’t know what a clitoris was, our very identity as women is shaped by stories of men letting us down.
 
Over, and over, and over.
 
Almost all of us have experienced that sense of abandonment, rejection and deep shame at some point in our lives. And in the context of a culture that tells the story that ‘good men are as rare as unicorns’, and that men are so unreliable, so unable to meet our needs that we must pretend we don’t need them, or need them ‘as much as a fish needs a bicycle’, that pain feels even more powerless, because it is tinged with fear.
 
The fear that no man will ever show up for us. That no man will ever provide us with what we need.
 
Now imagine an article titled ‘Most women can’t handle deep men.’ I don’t know about you, but I can already hear the outcry – that it’s misogyny, the hatred of women; that it’s just men who are angry they’ve lost a bit of power and privilege; that it’s sexist.
 
Those things are all correct. And it’s vital to understanding what happens when we as women believe that men will always let us down; to understanding why articles like the one mentioned go viral:
 

Because when we feel powerless, we have a choice. We can either look within, take our power back by taking responsibility for ourselves and our own actions, and heal… or we can blame someone else, and get angry.

 
The author of the original article wasn’t trying to be sexist against men. No, this belief doesn’t have hatred as it’s motivation – quite the opposite. It comes from powerlessness, which is based on fear that men will always let us down… And pain, from times that they have. It’s written from a place of woundedness, fear, and scarcity.
 
Not from a place of writing about reality.
 
Spoiler alert: men can handle deep, or strong, or smart, or otherwise powerful women just as well as women can handle powerful men.
 
But articles like that one, they act to confirm the belief, presented all around us, that men will never fully love us, for who we are, never give us what we need, never truly meet us.
 
And because we learn to believe that they can’t, our actions towards men change. We close our hearts, find what we expect, and end up in relationships where our deepness isn’t met, accepted and celebrated. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy, and a heartbreaking one: we learn to sabotage our relationships with men.
 
The truth is that, to the extent that individual men are able, based on maturity and experience, nine out of ten men are dying to share our real, deep emotional selves, to witness us, to be truly intimate. To be the one we choose, the one we give the chance to step up and be a great man, for the world, and for us.
 
Nine out of ten are so, so eager to do that. To love us. Truly and deeply. They won’t do it perfectly – no one can. But they will do it, they will give it their all, they will love us honestly.
 
If we let them.
__________
 
Hi! I’m Kathryn Hogan. If you liked this article, you’ll love my new book, which provides practical tools for overcoming the most common types of self sabotage. Your Big Life: Ground Rules to Get Unstuck and Stop Sabotaging Yourself, is coming now available! I’m a wellness and relationship coach, and author. I share powerful tools and mindful practices to help you live that Big, Rich, Satisfying life your heart knows you’re meant to be living.
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Man Of The Week – Jordan Bower

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While life started decades ago, his real life adventure and the path to his purpose began in 2010 when he walked by himself from Canada to Mexico. Jordan Bower begun his 316-day journey most would only dream off doing. Over the 316 days he spent on his feet — first crossing Washington State, before heading down the Oregon Coast into the redwoods of Northern California, and all the way across the Golden Gate Bridge and making his way down to the white sandy beaches in Southern California — Jordan learned his story was my most valuable possession. By the time Jordan reached the Mexican border, he learned his experience gave him a story, one that would help shape his reality, as a life story does to most. Jordan also learned that storytellers were made, not born and that he had a unique ability to help people share their stories. Storytelling sets the framework for the way we engage with one another, and by changing how we tell our story, we set the foundation for meaningful and innovative work, authentic communication and mutually beneficial relationships.
In 2015, Jordan moved to the small city of Victoria, BC, where he started a communications business,  offering story-telling services professionally to clients. His hard work was honoured with an invitation to teach at the Future of Storytelling Summit — an annual event in New York City that also included teachers like Al Gore, Margaret Atwood and Edward Snowden. Today, Jordan has the good fortune of working with dozens of interesting and inspired clients around the world. Each day, he learns more about integrating what he has learned on the road to benefit my clients and community.
As Jordan humbly once said, “I’m one of those lucky people who does meaningful work I love that engages my creativity. I feel privileged for what I’ve experienced, and excited for the road ahead.”
Age – 35
What do you do? (Work)
I’m a Strategic Storyteller. In my work, I help leaders, teams and brands find a more dynamic, purposeful and inclusive way to frame what they do, and to connect it with others.
Why do you do it?
We live in a time that pundits are calling the Age of Loneliness — a time when more of us spend more of our lives isolated and online. I think storytelling is the antidote. By making sense of our own stories and by listening to the stories of others, we become more conscious of who we are — and more conscious of the mystery that surrounds and fills us.
For me, it’s really fulfilling to help my clients put language around ideas they didn’t feel confident expressing before, and to restore authentic storytelling to the business world, which had rejected it. I love what I am lucky enough to do.
How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
This is a loaded question — we all make a difference in the world. The world isn’t static; it changes with us, with every conversation we have and every step we take. I don’t believe that anything I will ever do will meaningfully change what I think is bad about the world. I think that’s self-aggrandizing. Instead, I make choices that are fun, personally challenging and in integrity with my inner self. It’s an honour when those choices affect other people positively.
What are 3 defining moments in your life?
In 2010, I came home one day to find a note on my kitchen table from my girlfriend. Her closet and wardrobe were empty; she’d left me for another man. I panicked. Within weeks, I had launched a Kickstarter project, raising more than $8,000 to walk from Canada to Mexico — it was an idea that we’d had together; by launching the project, I wanted to show her how committed I was to the relationship in order to win her back.
But I couldn’t convince her. At the end of the summer, with nothing more than a backpack on my back, I left Vancouver, Canada, with the intention of walking the length of the West Coast.
That trip was full of defining moments. In the early days, I was convinced that my now ex-girlfriend would “come to her senses” and show up at my tent the next morning. It took about three weeks and 200 miles for me to realize that, probably, she wasn’t showing up. Soon, the doubt and shame I felt about having “driven her away” started transforming into deeper inquiry into myself: like, how did I end up in a relationship with someone who would leave me like that? That was a Pandora’s Box of emotional self-examination, forcing me to dive deeper into my upbringing, my past relationships, my parent’s divorce and my own sense of self-pity, helplessness and pessimism about what it would mean to actually grow up.
As I made my way south — through Washington and Oregon, and into the Redwoods of Northern California, heading for the Golden Gate Bridge — I was faced with obstacle after obstacle — opportunities, I realized for me to “take the blue pill” and stop digging deeper into myself. There were cold nights on isolated beaches; couches surfed in the meth-ridden grow ops of Northern California; sad, intimate encounters with so many strangers met along the way. I cried often — for myself, for my lost relationship, and for the people I was meeting, who were forcing me to become less judgemental of others and more compassionate — more real, I think.
It’s still hard for me to dive deep into that experience. The emotions I experienced on the way were so powerful, and so intense.
What is your life purpose?
I think, at my age, that answering this question would be inappropriate. Ask me again in 35 years.
Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I have an increasingly intimate relationship with my own inner wisdom that I am learning to trust beyond whatever doubt arises in my head. I am incredibly indebted to a counsellor I have in Los Angeles, who has spent the last 9 years helping me better understand my spirituality — and through it, myself.
Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Most of my habits are things that I criticize myself for — “unspiritual” things like watching sports and Facebook. I love the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Raptors in a way that I still don’t completely understand. One of the things I do every day is check in with last night’s sports scores, and get excited about the game ahead.
When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My body is screaming for movement, but my head is shouting for more time at the computer. My body is always right.
Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
It’s very vulnerable to be answering the questions for this blog post. My favourite form of storytelling is intimate, in person, and it’s very difficult to answer a series of questions using just my fingertips. To you, the reader, I’d love to be able to connect and share something emotionally meaningful that gets us both out of our heads. I know that you’re looking for something inspirational, like everyone else killing time on the Internet. It feels really vulnerable to try and inspire you, without knowing whether I’ll have ever been successful.
What did you learn from it?
To get out of my head, get into the flow, and to stop worrying about the consequences.
If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
There’s a great book called Iron John, which anyone who’s done some men’s work will know well. The book’s a modern re-interpretation of the old Grimm Brothers fairy tale called Iron John, which is more or less the story of a young prince learning how to be a king.
The book is great for a number of reasons — as the author says, fairy tales are humanity’s most deeply entrenched wisdom, because oral stories passed from generation to generation are like heavily filtered water — only pure truth remains. But the most important detail in the book is in the first 25 pages, when the young boy discovers the hiding place for the key to his inner man — his wildness, sexual power, creativity, confidence. Where is the key? It’s hiding underneath his mother’s pillow. The boy’s task is to take the key — not ask for the key — take the key.
The one piece of advice I have for another man is to read Iron John. If you can’t read the whole thing, read just the first 75 or so pages. And take the damn key.
How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Stop worrying about being the best partner. Instead, in my relationship, I focus on expressing my feelings appropriately, telling the truth and being intentional in the way I choose to act. For a long time, I was very concerned with “doing things the right way”, and that obsession with being perfect spilled over to all aspects of my relationships — conversation, future planning, sex. In the past few years, I’ve focused on being real instead, and trusting my partner’s ability to communicate clearly — and, occasionally, to accept or forgive my flaws. My relationship has been much, much stronger ever since.
Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I don’t actively support any charities. In the last few years, my focus has been on building my business, and all my available time and money has gone into that. One ambition for the future is to sit on the board of a non-profit. I think I’m still a few years away from that.
If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, by Paul Simon. Graceland was the album I listened to most while I was walking.
Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
More entrenched in the global business community, delivering storytelling services that are world class. Travelling widely to deliver trainings and workshops. Advising large scale clients. Staying grounded. Practicing yoga 4 times a week. Rooting into a comfortable home. Anticipating life with children. Feeling happy, loving and connected with my highest self.
What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
Honestly, I have never thought about this. I hope that I never do.
What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Besides Iron John (recommended above), Gary Snyder’s “The Practice of the Wild. Beautiful, insightful, wise and freeing essays written by one of America’s greatest poets. A true modern masterpiece.

Man Of The Week – Benjamin Ritter

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Benjamin Ritter has worked in the fields of public health, interpersonal development, and healthcare for the past 8 years. The last 2 years he has worked as an executive at Presence Saints Mary and Elizabeth Medical Center (PSMEMC), and runs his own consultancy practice focused on interpersonal development, dating and relationships. Ben has cultivated his leadership skills through personal and professional experiences. Through his career working in interpersonal development he has also solidified mentoring, coaching, and teaching techniques towards creating, and sustaining positive behavioral change.

Ben is a man of many talents, from authoring the book The Essentials – your one stop shop to life improvement and success with women, to hosting a live dating and relationship advice show through Dose.com, curating the Interfaith Relationships workshop, the Value Systems workshop, and co-hosting the Suave Lover podcast; featured multiple times as a top podcast in the area of Sexuality on iTunes, and host of the Live for Yourself podcast. He is a freelance writer in the topics of interpersonal development, dating, and relationships for Huffington Post, AskMen, TheGoodMenProject, ManTalks, and Elite Daily, and has been featured as an expert in a variety of other sources. Through his consultancy he has helped countless men and women with their personal development, dating, and relationship issues. He can be reached through his main website at: www.benjamin-ritter.com

Ben will also be speaking at the very first ManTalks Chicago event centred around ‘Mentorship’ on November 7th, 2016. Click here for more details and to RSVP.

Age: 31

What do you do? (Work)
Through workshops, and one on one consulting I lead people towards the change they want to see in themselves in their personal and professional lives.

Why do you do it?
Everyone has the opportunity to be satisfied and fulfilled in their personal and professional lives, but those aren’t courses that are included in school curriculums. Satisfied and fulfilled people create more satisfaction and fulfillment and are more likely to impact the world in a positive way. Improving public health through personal development and social relationships is my passion.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Eventually I would like to do something on a grander scale, even though I have no idea the impact of the personal transformations that I instigate. My background in public health began with the desire to impact public health policy and maybe that is in my future but current I spark and build people into their ideal version of themselves while reframing what “ideal” means, as well as improve their dating lives and relationships. Professionally and personally I also try to bring the values of personal respect, genuine interest, and the desire for others to succeed into every single one of my relationships.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
1) My first personal heartbreak. The memory of a love lost, and how it affected me personally was an incredible learning experience even at a young age.
2) My first professional heartbreak (losing my purpose), which ultimately led me to reframing my perspective on happiness, success, fulfillment, and dating/relationships.
3) Working a variety of jobs, especially hospitality (construction, dog walking, deli, server, retail, camp counselor, day care, a variety of brand ambassador gigs, modeling, acting, bartending, corporate healthcare, public health departments, and more – less a moment, more an experience). These experiences, especially working in hospitality has unbelievably impacted my character, and understanding of others.

What is your life purpose?
My life purpose is to value each moment and the greatness that can be found within any experience while continuing to spread my appreciation, respect, and genuine interest in the world and the people around me, and hopefully affecting positive social change on the way.

How did you tap into it?
I tapped into my purpose by failing, and having to critically think about purpose and what happiness actually is, and what it represents. Never-ending realism with gratitude helps me consistently tap into my purpose.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I think that I am a product of a generation, and have specific character traits that make it very difficult for me to have a mentor unless it’s through a structured program such as life-coaching. I am extremely lucky to have such great parents, and specifically I have looked up to the intelligence, compassion, perseverance, social skill and strength that my father has displayed throughout my life.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Practically every day I wake up and review the to-do list I created the night before. I focus on some of the quick ones initially and then move down the list. I also immediately stretch, do ab exercises, and drink about half a gallon of water in the morning. Later in the day I also workout with one day off during the week, which is incredibly helpful for my mind and body. Part of my day is also focusing on my relationships; calling my father and a couple friends.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
My work/life balance is incredibly important to me and it is rarely off, just out of focus. I tend to get short tempered, frustrated, and sad when I am not living according to my values. That could be my professional or personal life is focused in areas that it should not be.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us. What did you learn from it?
The moment I lost the purpose I dedicated a large portion of my life towards; despite knowing that it wasn’t right for me, it still is one of the most heart wrenching memories I have. It exemplifies the effect an investment of your mind and body can have on your health and taught me how to properly manage and invest in “your purpose”. Also it’s important to know that emotions are normal, the ups and downs are part of life, feeling them and accepting them allows you to move on and forwards.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
There are so many pieces of advice I would want to give. If I had to choose only one, I would explain that there are no standard templates for living and never to allow someone else’s template control and impose on your life.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Work towards tomorrow. Any fight in the bigger scheme of things is insignificant when you remember that you are going to be together. Your partner almost always has your best interest at heart. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
Sports and soccer specifically has always played a huge role in my life. I love the Chicago Fire Foundation for what they provide to the in need and at risk youth of Chicago. I also love what Cease Fire is doing. There are just so many people doing such great things.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Lean on me by Bill Withers

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Transforming future and current leaders like I am now but on a grander scale. I hopefully will have written another book by then, and have taken my work in-person to a variety of cities around the world.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I would like there to be a movement towards institutionalized learning based on facts in regards to personal development, dating, attraction, sexuality, and relationships.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Reframing by Richard Bandler and John Grinder

 
If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Grayson Miller

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Grayson Miller provides coaching, strong leadership and is a mentor to his team at StyleDemocracy. At StyleDemocracy, Grayson takes on the role of Vice President, digital director and content creator, spearheading the company’s development with their blog, social media outlets and marketing strategies for clients and followers. He focuses on the development of his team and allowing each individual to express creativity, vision and passion so that they excel in the work environment and feel fulfilled in doing so. A sacrificial leader, Grayson leads by example and ensures he has given his team enough support, love and encouragement to kick-start their entrepreneurial spirit and hopefully launch their dreams. Check out our newest Man Of The Week, Grayson Miller!

Age: 29

What do you do?
I am the Vice President – Digital for StyleDemocracy. I oversee and develop all of StyleDemocracy’s digital initiatives. In addition to that, I work closely with brands, helping them tell their stories to digital audiences.

Why do you do it?
I do it because retail, fashion, and digital marketing are all great passions of mine. I love telling stories and I find that the world of content creation and digital marketing is always evolving, which forces you to continually grow, learn, and challenge yourself.

How do you make a difference in the world?
Tough question. StyleDemocracy provides access to off-price clothing for our members and shoppers. For some, the savings on clothing actually makes a discernible difference in their lives. On a personal level, I have work experience in the mental health arena. Due to my knowledge, I have been able to guide people in the right direction in seeking help and support for mental health issues.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– Getting cut from my high school hockey team – I thought that I was guaranteed to make the team. I made it before so I coasted. It taught me that you always have to work for the stuff that you want, and that nothing in life is guaranteed. There is always someone behind you who will gladly take your place, so if you don’t continue to work and improve, you’ll often fall behind.
– Meeting my current partner – She’s the best. Always supportive and always pushes me to achieve my goals.
– Working for StyleDemocracy – I started out as an intern and today I am the Vice-President. My life would be drastically different if I took a different direction.

What is your life purpose?
I have much respect for people who are able to answer this question. I haven’t figured it out yet.

How did you tap into it?
I try to be the best that I can be every day. It’s hard and challenging for me. Being better is what motivates me.

Role-Model?
My father. Hard working, well dressed, never gives up. I try to live my life like that.

Do you have any daily habits?
I want to work on forming better daily habits. I try to take at least 30 minutes for myself every day. I might go for a run, sit by myself, read a book. It really doesn’t matter what it is, I just try to be one with myself for at least 30 minutes a day to block out the noise of everyday life.

When do you know your work balance is off?
When I’m not creative or I don’t feel like working. The not wanting to work part is the biggest sign to me that I’m tired. If I feel that way, I know that something is wrong.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I’ve had some close friends and family that have dealt with serious mental health issues. These issues challenge you to become more accepting and understanding. It has been a hard road for me in dealing with people that I love who suffer from mental illness. It can take every ounce of your strength to not feel like a victim and realize that mental health issues don’t discriminate and can affect people from all walks of life. It made me vulnerable because I always want to help people that I love, and sometimes you can’t do it on your own. Not having the answers is one of my most vulnerable feelings. You have to look inward to have the strength to deal with it.

What did you learn from it?
I learned to be more understanding and to be patient with people. It has helped me learn that people all have their own issues and in business and life, and you have to know how to be accommodating and compassionate.

How do you be the best partner?
I communicate about everything – probably in excess, but I find that even in long-term relationships, ambiguity can arise unless communication is constant.  I also always let her know that I have her back no matter what. I’m always one call away and while I may not always understand, I will always listen and give her 100% of my focus when she needs it.

Do you support any charities?
I have supported CAMH in the past. As you probably already know from reading this article, I have friends and family that deal with mental health issues. I support CAMH because I feel that Mental Health support and awareness needs to improve in our city.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Kanye West – Can’t Tell Me Nothing

Where do you see yourself in three years?
The President of StyleDemocracy – Digital

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
While it has improved a lot and there are many fantastic black business leaders, I would like to continue to instill the knowledge that race and ethnicity should not limit your ambitions and that with hard work, anyone can achieve parts of their dreams.

What one book would you recommend for any man?
Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

 

Man Of The Week – Zach Marcy

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Zachary Marcy, also known as Coach Z, is a Mind and Body Transformation Coach based out of Miami. His entire life he has been fascinated by physical fitness and psychology, and the relationship between the two. It wasn’t too long before Coach Z begun tirelessly working and investing over two decades of time and money into education on the mind and body, Coach Z has created a program that is a hybrid of life coaching, nutrition coaching and physical coaching practice, called Synergize Fitness. His passion is rooted in being able to help inspire others to transform their lives to one they can be proud of, but he keeps them all grounded with the gentle reminder that the journey of transformation is not a short one, but a life-long one that takes commitment and dedication day in, day out. From the moment you meet Coach Z, his hunger to have a positive impact on everybody around him is apparent from the way he talks to the passionate miniature rants (often referred to as Reverend Zach) he goes on when there is room for growth.

Coach Z, along with two others, will be speaking about ‘Overcoming Adversity’ at the very first ManTalks Miami event on Monday, August 29th. You can expect to hear moving stories from individuals who suffered from low self-esteem and the manner in which they tackled this head on to emerge victorious and successful.
Topic: Overcoming Adversity
Date: Monday, August 29  6:30pm (Doors open) 7:00pm (Event begins)
Location: Ariete Restaurant, 3540 Main Hwy, Coconut Grove
Note: the restaurant is being used as our event space and will not be serving food or drinks this evening.
Tickets: $30 – early bird and $40 regular**

Age: 40

What do you do? (Work) 
I am a Mind and Body Transformation Coach

Why do you do it? 
I chose this line of work because I can make a living doing what I love. I have drawn upon all of my life experiences and developed a unique model for success that is literally changing the lives of everyday people. There is no better feeling in the entire world. My model for success is creating a world wide Transformation Revolution making the world a better place.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self) 
I am bringing new inspiration to people who had given up on finding their way into a lifestyle of a healthy mind and a healthy body.

What are 3 defining moments in your life? 
– On each day my two children entered this world I felt a huge combination of gratitude and responsibility. Each birth was a defining moment for me, because all of my motivation transferred from self-interest to their interest.
– The third defining moment was the day I realized every hardship I’ve ever been through is actually a blessing. I  changed my own story by simply repositioning the narrative. My story is one of being sexually abused around six years old to be my tale of triumph.

What is your life purpose? 
My life purpose is to inspire others to experience a healthly mind and body transformation. Transformation, as I define it, is the constant and never ending pursuit of being the best version of yourself everyday for the rest of your life. This pursuit includes every aspect of life: personal, professional, physical and psychological.

How did you tap into it? 
I found my purpose when I realized I had the power to bring the kind  of positive changes to other people’s lives that I have had in my own life. I educated myself in the best ways to connect with others, and I found joy in teaching and coaching about the things I’ve learned.
Originally, I wanted to become a psychologist, but I knew the formal school setting wasn’t for me. Nevertheless, I branched into a field of psychologically called Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and I taught seminars to others on how to practice it. At the same time, I also became a bodybuilder. Once I blended all of my fields of study together, I realized how powerful the combination of the mind and the boy was. I  saw how people were getting lasting and permanent change in their lives.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
My father is my mentor as well as my clients who I learn as much from as they learn from me.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
This is a quick summary of my daily routine:
Morning MAVIM: Meditation, Attitude of Gratitude, Visualization, Intention and Movement
Mid-Day Mindfulness: I check-in with myself every three hours when my alarms go off to see if I’m on schedule, acting from my highest self and living out my day’s intention.
Evening MALP: Meditation, Attitude of Gratitude, Lessons I learned and Plan the next days MAVIM

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I know something is off when I feel tired waking up. I generally have so much energy and plan out my time so well that if I’m feeling a bit off everything gets restructured. My personal success depends on me being a high performer in life.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us. 
At around six years of age, my parents brought a few foster children into our home who had been removed from an abusive environment. One of the children proceeded to mimic the abusive behavior with me that he had experienced at the hands of his abuser. Although I reported it to my parents, after a few weeks of abuse a lot of life altering patterns in my life started to appear. I had moments of guilt, questioning my sexuality, homophobia, depression, anger issues, self confidence problems, bouts of misusing bodybuilding drugs and alcohol and food abuse, plus many failed relationships with women.

What did you learn from it?
I learned that you are not your problems and that you can either define your story to serve you or enslave you.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him? 
I would tell him that vulnerability and power do not contradict each other; in fact, they are directly tied together. You will only ever be as powerful as your biggest short comings and your willingness to face them without excuse.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
I put as much time and effort into improving my relationship with my wife as I do on my own personal development and my business.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I support any program for our United States Veterans because I know their service allows me to reach my full potential each day.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Cliché’ song… Jump by Van Halen
Actual song… It Was All A Dream by Jay-Z

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
In three years, I envision myself running a large international business helping people around the world accept Transformation as a way of life. I’ll be speaking at large conventions, I’ll have written two best selling books written and I’ll be presenting programs online to help people achieve the best versions of themselves.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I want my legacy to be that I helped the world to understand that in order to be a whole human being that reaches his full potential, you must work on yourself everyday for the rest of your life personally, professionally, physically and psychologically.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
I would recommend Way of the Superior Man, but the book that really changed my life was The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – James Clift

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In today’s world, its not uncommon to hear that the goals of many people we know are centred around achievements that they believe will enrich their lives. Media and society often create a blurring of the lines between achievement-based goals and fulfillment-based goals. Our newest Man Of The Week is James Clift, someone who we applaud for his outlook and attitude. After reaching those famous self-centred goals, James was left feeling unfulfilled and wondering what his purpose was and how to be of service to the world. While he is still discovering his purpose at the young age of 27, James knew quickly that he wanted to help change people’s lives, and he started by focusing on improving their careers. Today, James is the CEO of VisualCV.com – the internets largest online resume and portfolio creation website. By focusing on helping people find their professional careers, next job or to showcase their talents in ways they haven’t been able to do before, James’ idea and work has the ability to impact the lives of millions and potentially billions of people.

Age: 27

What do you do? (Work)
I’m currently the CEO of VisualCV.com – the internet’s largest online resume & portfolio creation website.

Why do you do it?
My original goal when starting this journey 5 years ago was to build profitable companies that allowed me to work anywhere in the world. I got there, and spent 4 months living in Argentina last year while growing my business.
It was awesome, but after reaching those self-centred goals you begin pondering how to be more of service to the world. That pondering has evolved my whys. On a business level, I want to help millions of people improve their careers (and as a result, their lives). On a personal level I want to scale up that impact – and play a part in creating something that impacts billions (eventually).

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
My company plays a role in one of the three most important things in a person’s life – their career. If we can help people land their next job or contract, that momentum can change their career trajectory permanently. That is why we do it.
The other categories are less complicated, but no less noble. The most important thing in life is being a good person (after first defining what that means to you). To me being a good person is being kind, honest, and making the most of the opportunities given.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– I missed the last shot at the Provincial championship finals in lacrosse that could’ve put us into overtime with a chance to win. Another painful moment was in Grade 12 basketball when I tried to take a charge but was called for the block with 15 seconds left in the Fraser Valley semifinals. We lost by a half-court buzzer beater. Losing hurts. Learn from it.
– I ran a window cleaning franchise in my second year of university. It taught me how to sell, and the difference between being a boss and an employee.
– My first company went through the Growlab startup accelerator when I was just getting into the world of tech entrepreneurship. That experience taught me how to scale my expectations for what a business could be.

What is your life purpose?
If any 27 year old tells you he knows his life purpose, he’s either delusional or lying to someone (maybe himself). Or perhaps I’m envious.
Right now my job is to build my company, and work on becoming a better person. I should probably spend less time contemplating my place in the universe, and more time doing those two things. That said, my life’s work is leaning towards building companies that make a positive impact, and helping more people do the same.

How did you tap into it?
Wine.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Elon Musk and Richard Branson are the obvious choices for entrepreneurial legends, but I don’t believe in mentors. I believe in having good friends that happen to be successful. Many of my best friends are successful entrepreneurs, and we learn from each other. Nothing beats a whiskey-fueled conversation with people that believe any crazy idea is possible.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Good ones?
Exercise every day.
Meditate every day in the morning for 10 minutes (this is a constant failure)
Don’t eat artificial sugar or refined carbs

Bad ones? My life is a series of dopamine hits from checking revenue/user numbers, emails, text messages, and twitter.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
The only time I hear the term work/life balance is when reading articles on work/life balance on Inc.com. I’ve never thought about it, as I’ve never really been employed.
I always prioritize my family, friends, and health over work –  the stuff that really matters.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
I made $7500 in year one of my first company, and couldn’t afford to pay rent. To keep the company going, I rented my room out on AirBnb and slept on my couch most weekends.

What did you learn from it?
It helped me realize that what seem like huge risks are usually quite small in the grand scheme of things. If your worst case scenario is an uncomfortable couch in downtown Vancouver, you’re doing ok. It has helped me justify taking those risks – knowing that I’m still pretty happy if I have a couch to sleep on.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Fall in love with things that make you a better person. Learn to love exercise, nutrition, building things, reading, dancing, hiking, learning –  anything that makes you smarter, happier, or healthier is a good investment.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Pick the right partner to begin with. I see too many relationships that are clearly doomed from the start. Of course there are sometimes more complicated variables, but in general a great relationship should be easy. Or so I’ve heard.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I LOVE Watsi.org. They are a crowdfunding platform for medical treatment in 3rd world countries that gives 100% of the money to the treatments. Watch Chase Adam’s talk on Youtube, and if you don’t fall in love with their mission please get a heart replacement ASAP. And donate to their universal fund on a monthly basis. The update emails from successful patient treatments make my heart smile.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
In a Sentimental Mood by John Coltrane – for those late nights that turn into mornings.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Tough question. I hit my last 5 year plan in 3 years, and have yet to make another one.
Here’s all I want – a life filled with amazing people, great conversations, and ambitious ideas. Perhaps I will create the place where all that happens in Vancouver.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
It is crazy that everything we do on the internet might be around for 1000’s of years. I guess my legacy will be the writing I do, the products I build, this interview (hmm), and anything else I decide to share. Hopefully some of it makes people do ambitious, good things for the world.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Waking up by Sam Harriss

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Ian MacKenzie

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This week’s Man Of The Week is Ian MacKenzie, often described as a new paradigm media activist, whose goal mission is to uncover and share stories of the emerging paradigm, moving away from destruction and towards a more life-affirming future. Using film as his medium, Ian crafts conscious memes on behalf of the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. Be it fluke or fate, Ian’s entry into the filming world came when he decided to join his best friend on a year-long journey to tell a story about a man who worked 52 jobs in 52 weeks to discover his true passion. The film, aptly titled, was called “One Week Job” went on to receive widespread media attention and ironically enough, it was Ian who discovered his true passion; filmmaking.

Today, Ian is working on a couple different projects, with one particularly hitting close to home, Healing of Love (2016). A short film that aims to explore and excavate our deepest wounds around love, sex and partnerships. Follow Ian’s latest updates by following his Facebook fan page.

Age:  35

What do you do? (Work)
My friend once called me “The Indiana Jones of the new story.” I’m a filmmaker and activist that crafts conscious media to shift our cultural mythology away from destruction and toward a life-affirming future.

Why do you do it?
I’ve always been fascinated with stories, from reading fantasy books as a teenager, to writing short stories of my own as a young adult. Cultures are built upon stories as well, though they are often harder to see when it’s all we’ve ever known.  Given our convergent crises on this planet, from social, to economic, to environmental, we are called to reimagine our cultural stories at the deepest level.  I choose film as my primary medium as it contains a uniquely powerful alchemy that can catalyze change in a short period of time.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
Like many artists, I have little separation between my work, my life, my family, and my self. I don’t see them as separate realms, but intimately intertwined. (Case in point: two of my feature documentaries include my best friend (One Week Job)  and my partner (Amplify Her) as the main subjects).  At the core, I attempt to make beauty. In the face of so much cynicism and despair, making beauty is a revolutionary act.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– In 2007, my aforementioned best friend Sean Aiken graduated from college and didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life. Rather than dive into a career path, only to find out later it wasn’t for him, he decided to launch The One Week Job Project. He would work one job a week for a year, and contribute any funds paid to charity. Incredibly, the offers rolled in from all over North America, from a Dairy Farmer in Alberta, to a Hollywood Producer in LA, to an astronomer in Hawaii.
Halfway through the journey, I quit my job as a copywriter and joined him on the road, shooting the adventure on a basic video camera. While I’d had an interest in filmmaking, I’d never seriously attempted a documentary…until now.  Eventually, I crafted 100+ hours of footage into a cohesive film, which in 2010 we premiered to a sold-out audience in Vancouver and eventually aired on the CBC. I haven’t stopped making films since.
– In 2011, I attending Burning Man for the third time. While many come for the party, others stay for The Temple.  It is the yin to the gathering’s yang – a beautiful structure that serves as a place for collective grief and sorrow. That year, it was called The Temple of Transition, a magnificent building that taught me the meaning of agape.  On the final night, the Temple is always burned in silence – from dust to dust. And yet that morning,  something in me couldn’t leave without capturing a piece. I shot as much footage as I could, and post-burn released the short film Dear Temple.    I believe it was Mark Twain who said the two most important days of your life are “the day you are born, and the day you found out what you’re born to do.”  This day was the latter.
– Finally, in 2013, after multiple years of failing to conceive, and my burgeoning desire to expand the boundaries of our love, my wife and I decided to separate. (The complete story is an epic saga of joy and heartbreak, in fact, I’m currently finishing a 17 page essay on the end of the marriage – stay tuned).
Suffice to say, it launched me on an inquiry into our cultural mythology of sex, partnership, and the village, which has already taken me as far away as Tamera peace village in Portugal to shoot my forthcoming short Healing of Love – aimed at excavating our deepest collective wounds around love and sexuality.

What is your life purpose?
My life purpose is to weave the threads of the emergent culture – to see the larger patterns and craft a cohesive synthesis for others to understand and activate their own gifts.

How did you tap into it?
By having great parents and friends. By listening deeply to my soul’s inner calling. And by continuing to trust I will be lead to where I’m needed most.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Author, farmer, and spiritual activist Stephen Jenkinson is one of my most prominent mentors. After spending years in palliative care (what he calls ‘the death trade’) he recognized over and again a consistent death phobia that plagued the end of life. He traced the origins to the dominant culture, and the loss of our ability to be at home in the world.  Along with his wife Nathalie, they attempted the impossible – they created the Orphan Wisdom school, a teaching house to learn the skills of home and village-mindedness once again.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I’m on the road quite a bit and I have a hard time maintaining daily habits. The ones that do survive are the simple ones, like my morning coffee.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I recognize my work/life balance is off when I lose track of the basic joy of being alive. Work feels oppressive and never-ending. Relationships feel withered and burdensome. Usually it means I need to spend less time on the computer and more time outside. – along with saying ‘no’ to new projects, even though they’re often compelling.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
Recently, I invited a sharing circle with my close family. It was a long time coming, as I hadn’t had an honest and open conversation with them for almost a decade. Spending most of my time on the road, our lives had drifted further away from each other.  My family also inherited the Irish trait of avoiding sincerity with humour, which makes it difficult to really open up with each other. Therefore, creating the space for the circle was incredibly vulnerable.

What did you learn from it?
I’m happy to report the circle went very well and I wonder why I waited so long.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Finish things. It’s far too easy to start something, then let it flounder while you move on to the next compelling idea/project/relationship. You will be known by what you finish. That doesn’t necessary mean continue everything until it’s complete.  Respectfully bow out of a project if it’s no longer viable. Mercifully close that relationship if it’s become destructive or numbing. And learn to say no, rather than attempt to please everyone.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Remain committed to your mission. Often, that which first attracted your partner to you is the first casualty when you alter your life for a relationship. And maintain a shared vision for why you are together, even if that will change over time. It could be raising kids. Building community. Making art.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I’ve been a longtime supporter of Amnesty international, an important voice for human rights, and especially for those who have been wrongly imprisoned, tortured, and forgotten.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
“One Day They’ll Know” by Pretty Lights (Odesza Remix). This perfect fusion of two artists captures the epic feeling of driving down a sun-drenched coast or gazing out a plane window at the languid clouds below. I often find myself in these inbetween places, from one adventure to the next. This track beats back the feeling of overwhelm – reminding me life can only be experienced one day at a time.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
These next few years will see me touring my films Amplify Her and Healing of Love. Along the way, I’m also finishing a short from my time with Stephen Jenkinson called Lost Nation Road. I’m also gathering the wisdom of village-making – recognizing the importance of rebuilding structures of healing needed to create trust among people once again. This is especially true for men – who, in the wake of the rising feminine, need a new culture of true empowerment, solidarity and authenticity.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I see myself engaged in the necessary work of building a village on the West Coast, likely a gulf island. This is the real foundation of any future worth living. In the 1960’s the initial surge toward intentional community was sincere, but lacked the eldership necessary to plant the roots deep enough.  Today, that spiral is coming around again – only this time, we have the internet and emerging forms of decentralized decision-making and localized autonomy.  Combined with the grace and wisdom of indigenous peoples still connected to the land, and remembering our own ancestral lineages, we have the opportunity to collectively awake from the culture of separation into the joy of reunion – with each other and with all life.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
“Iron John” by Robert Bly. This seminal book kickstarted the previous wave that became known as the Men’s Movement, and remains just as relevant today. While the specifics of each man’s life may be his own, there exists an archetypal substructure that each of us must navigate on the path to initiation. This book is a map.

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Anthony Trucks

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Our newest Man Of The Week is Anthony Trucks, an author, speaker and former NFL player, for his ass-kicking story that has served as inspiration to people worldwide already. Life has been tough from the young age of three when Anthony was dropped off at a foster home where for the next few years he suffered abuse, starvation and repeatedly being told he was worthless. The roller-coaster that is Anthony’s life didn’t stop there with a terrible injury that ended his football career coupled with an unfaithful wife and the loss of his family and almost committed suicide. It’s fair to say life kicked Anthony’s ass!

How Anthony responded to his circumstances is the most incredible part of his story. J.K Rowling once said “Rock bottom is the foundation on which I rebuilt my life” and it is fair to say Anthony did the exact same thing. Hitting bottom made him realize his way of life was not working and in accepting that reality he was able to let go of the ego and limiting beliefs that held him back from truly living and enjoying life. Anthony learned mistakes are part of life and forgiving yourself creates the space for you to try again and truly enjoy life’s beauty. By stepping out of his comfort zone and being more open and vulnerable, Anthony was able to authentically connect with those around him, and also feel protected by self-depricating thoughts and by removing the world’s firepower against you. This is definitely a story you’ll want to read about, check out the full feature below!

Age – 32

What do you do? (Work)
I teach business owners, aspiring business owners, and those who just want freedom how to get out of their own way so they can finally get that freedom and enjoy their business and their life.

Why do you do it?
Because I am selfish. I grew up in foster care where I was beaten and starved, among other things, and I pretty much didn’t matter. I just want to matter to people and get the feeling that I receive when I help someone improve their life. I selfishly want to know that I mattered. The ONLY way I can get that feeling is to GENUINELY help someone. So I fully give of myself in every way to help so I can receive the feeling of knowing I made an impact.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
For me it’s many ways. I’m a father, a brother, a friend, a coach, and in time a husband.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– The memory of my mum giving me away at 3 years old into foster care. It left me in a whirlwind that took many years to overcome. It’s a tough thing to endure a feeling of total worthlessness when not even your own mother loves you enough to keep you. I felt like I didn’t belong on this planet.
– The moment I heard a girl say “the reason I’m so bad is because I’m in foster care.” Those words shifted my soul because I never wanted that to be an excuse for why I wasn’t great in life. Those words were the catalyst to me growing into the man I am today because I wanted to be everything OPPOSITE of what someone who came from my past would become statistically.
– The moment I was holding the right hand of my adoptive and watching her take her last breath as she lost her 17-year battle with MS. That moment was the moment that I fully realized how much impact one human can have on another when they unconditionally love and support. I am who I am, and doing what I do now, because of that woman. Watching her leave this earth centered me to the knowing that I cannot bury my casket full of potential.

What is your life purpose?
I am meant to impact people who impact the world. I’m a vessel that is carrying tools to prepare other vessels to go out into the world.

How did you tap into it?
Life kicked my a** and I got tired of it. I lost my marriage and my family and it led me down a dark path that almost ended in me taking my life. It was then that I awoke. When I did, I started living more alive and more vibrantly than ever because I understood life more as I dropped my egoic barrier and gave myself permission to learn and grow more as a man and a human.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
Right. Simply doing right. In my life I didn’t have many people I could trust to lead me positively. So for me doing what is right led me. Mostly because doing wrong is easier in most cases, whereas doing right is hard. I just do the hard work, and make the hard decisions, that are right. Even if it “feels” wrong, or difficult. I MUST be able to respect the man I see in the mirror every night before I lay my head down.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
I take time to meditate daily and put my mind at ease before I start the day. If not I enter a world unprepared to handle what may be thrown at me.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
At this point in my life I can literally feel it. Ill notice if I feel off for some reason and I’ll slow down and start being more cognoscente of what I’m feeling and what is going on in my world to make me feel that way. Then I address it and move forward.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
My ex wife had an affair and, after having grown up in foster care, it took from me the most important thing in my life. My family. I had an ego having been in the NFL and owning a gym at the time and it led me to a dark place. I felt I had nothing to live for. It wasn’t until the police found me through GPS and brought me home that I had to visit some deep truths within myself. I realized how much of my experiences were from my involvement, as much as I didn’t want to accept at first that they were. Although my ex wife had made a decision, I was part of the problem that led her to a place to even HAVE to make a decision. I am at fault for the failure of marriage and ensuing life consequences.

What did you learn from it?
We’re all imperfect. We all make mistakes. When you learn to own them you learn to make peace with yourself and life and you start to experience the world in a beautiful way. Being open and vulnerable also protects you from yourself and the world. Yourself because now you don’t beat yourself up and go dark, and the world because you take away the world’s firepower to use against you.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
You’re human, not just a man. Everyone on this planet matters. Men, women, animals, everything. You don’t have to be an overpowering brute to be strong and gain respect. Be human and you’ll find that humanity will see a strength in you that will be more powerful than anything you could comprehend. Graceful strength.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Communicate EVERYTHING. Be open about your fears, desires, frustrations, problems, etc. If not then you don’t give the other person the opportunity to truly support and connect to you. When you don’t connect you literally become your own roadblock to beautifully connected relationships.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I support any at risk youth and foster organizations I can find. Royal family kids camp, foster a dream, hope and home, etc. I was a foster kid and I only WISH I had something like these organizations when I was in the system.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Great question that I have yet to figure out. Something along the lines or “Trust Your Hustle” ……. I should get someone to write that song for me lol.

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Father of three amazing kids, and an owner of a thriving business that holds online courses and live events that transform people’s lives and businesses all over the world.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
The legacy of finding the strength to live your life EXACTLY how you want it. I want my legacy to be proof that a good man who truly cared and gave existed when few thought one did.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
The 7 habits of highly effective people

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

Man Of The Week – Jason Klop

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This weeks Man Of The Week is Jason Klop. Jason grew up on a farm in a small town in British Columbia, and it is his upbringing that taught him the values he lives by today, hard work and persistence where giving up was never an option. As his life unfolded, Jason was always someone who dreamed big and used others’ opinions, regardless of good or bad, as motivation and fuel to push him further. He noticed that some in life become victim to their limiting diseases/issues whilst others choose to persevere and overcome them and be free from limitations. This was something that deeply intrigued him and made him realize that his true passion lays in helping others realize what their purpose is, how to feel fulfilled, and ways to jump over hurdles. Jason is a man that wears many hats, some of which include being a Father, Doctor, Speaker, Coach and an Entrepreneur. Today, Jason runs his own practice where he creates the space that allows his patients to dive deep and truly discover what makes them tick and feel happiness. To help people achieve these transformational changes in their lives, Jason has created a coaching space, a blog and a podcast titled Step into the Jungle.

Age – 27 years old

What do you do? (Work)
Naturopathic Doctor who is on a mission to help entrepreneurs discover their purpose and live a passionate and fulfilled life. We all get to a point in our lives when we ask ourselves a variation of the following questions: Is this it? Is this what I am really here to do? How will others remember me? What will my legacy be?
My goal then is to help people get clarity on those questions and leave a legacy behind them that is by their design.

Why do you do it?
What I noticed when treating patients was that unless they were living a life of purpose, they would get or stay sick. This oddity perplexed me and so like any evidence based health care provider would do, I took to the literature. Remarkably I discovered that the available research validated this finding and so I decided it was time I stepped up into the role of assisting others discover and live that purpose.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
First and foremost, by example. It is so easy to always tell others how they should live their lives, but if you are not modeling that, then nobody will truly buy into what you are presenting them.
Second, by truly caring about people and giving them the time of day to listen. We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded by new information coming in, but we don’t often take the time to just stop and notice what is. I make it a part of my ‘job’ to actively listen.
Third, by understanding who I am and what value I bring to the world. If you are unclear on your purpose and calling, then you are merely wandering around trying to do this or that in order to make your mark on this world. However, if you are really clear on why you are here and why you are doing what you are doing, then it makes it much easier to execute and truly make an impact. This whole process however starts with looking in. There is no amount of external information that will tune you in to this process.

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
– I grew up on a dairy farm and was constantly surrounded by animals. When I was 11 or 12 I got a baby goat from a goat farm. This goat was sick and nearly dead when I got it. The deal the farm made with me was that if it survived I could keep it. Thankfully the goat survived with much TLC and became an inseparable pet. This was a defining moment because it made me realize my calling to care for others.
– I fully realized my calling when getting diagnosed at the age of 15 with an acute illness that the conventional medical system had no treatment for. As a last ditch effort, my parents took me to a naturopathic doctor and it was with some very standard treatments that I was back to my lively self. I then had a deep understanding that I was supposed to give people the hope that they could not find from within or without. It is often from our own challenges that we realize our purpose.
– The third defining moment comes from truly facing my fears and going after my dreams and aspirations. Oftentimes it is easier to do what is comfortable even though it may not be in line with our values and purpose. When faced with this choice, I chose to follow my passion, live my purpose and tackle my fears. Challenging but very rewarding!

What is your life purpose?
It is my purpose and passion to help others realize and live their purpose and passion.
If I am able to connect people with their true purpose and passion I believe they will decrease the likelihood of serious illness as well as have a positive impact on the world while doing it. The richest place in the world is the graveyard because there are unfulfilled dreams and aspirations lying waste. I intend to not let my talent lie quietly in that desolate place, so I choose to live boldly every day, meanwhile inspiring and helping others to do the same.

How did you tap into it?
Introspection. Oddly we think that the answers to our purpose and passion should come from outside. Which book can I read to help me discover this, which talk can I go and listen to and etc. All of these resources are great because they allow us to question and learn what that might be. However, it is from looking within that you will find the clarity as to what you must project without.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
I am very inspired by Les Brown. He is such an authentic, caring and joyful man. I hope to have the honor of meeting him in person one day.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
To always be appreciative of those around me who are helping me get closer to my goals. We are so under-appreciated these days that people don’t even know how to accept praise. All it takes is 30 seconds to tell somebody that you appreciate them or to start the first sentence of your email by thanking somebody.
If you appreciate those around you, they will without a doubt also appreciate you. There is no faster way to ‘success’ than through the help of others.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I don’t fully buy into the whole work/life balance struggle. I believe we should focus on work/life integration. When you are truly living on purpose then your work is your life and your life is your work. I live and breathe what I do.
On the contrary, my highest value is my family and my health. As such, I take the time to exercise daily as well as spend time with my family. The balance is disrupted when I am not true to my purpose and living from my highest values.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
My vulnerable moment comes from my understanding that I need to welcome and express my vulnerability. Growing up I was always very in touch with my feelings and emotions. However, while growing up I would sometimes be made fun of for being ‘soft’. As a mechanism to protect this core innocence I ‘shielded’ up. I allowed a disconnect to form between my mind and my heart, thereby spending all my time in my mind where I could avoid allowing my heart to express its burdens and excitements. This mechanism served me for many years until I realized that this lack of connection wasn’t serving me and was in fact inhibiting me. I realized that my vulnerability is why people love and appreciate me because it is who I really am. I have since then with some guidance and much introspection developed a stronger connection between my head and my heart. This re-connection has allowed me to express my vulnerability to others without the fear of getting hurt and more importantly, it has allowed me to deepen my relationships with others. I cannot describe a more intelligent aspect of our being than the intelligence of our hearts.

What did you learn from it?
I learned that when you portray who you really are then you attract who and what you really want.

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
The best piece of advice I got from one of my mentors was to always look for ways to provide value in your mentor’s or desired mentor’s life.
In addition, be open to learning without challenging their perspective. We are all teachers deep from within, so if you are looking to add value to a mentor’s life and you are open to learning, then you will find a mentor who is willing to impart their knowledge and experience.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
Analogy from a farmer: your relationship with your partner is much like a crop. You need to water, fertilize and pull out the weeds before you can get the harvest. Many of us focus on what we can get without first focusing on giving and caring. When the focus is on supporting your partner in their development and level of fulfillment then you will be rewarded in kind. The truth is, what you give more of you get more of. Want more love? Give more love.

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I support Kiva.org. This organization gives microloans to people all over the world with emphasis on 3’rd world countries. I only lend money to women because I believe in these regions the women are the ones that can affect change in their families as well as their communities. Empowered women are powerful!

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Life is a highway by Rascal Flatts

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
Doing more of the same but at a higher level with a much greater impact

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
I want to be a man that has fully stepped into my greatness and meanwhile leave a legacy of others who have done the same.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Man Of The Week – Jeremy Hendon

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This week, we have the honour of highlighting Jeremy Hendon, an entrepreneur, coach and speaker. Ironically, Jeremy has found a way to balance doing ‘so much’ and ‘so little’ at the same time! Jeremy has a very intriguing perspective on life and how to live it, one very different from many of the men we have featured in the past. That’s not to say he’s wrong though, Jeremy’s logic does make sense and in fact allows you to notice many of life’s subtle little ‘traps’ we fall into, traps that influence our intentions, thoughts and actions. A man who epitomizes living in the present moment, Jeremy believes purpose is not something we pre-define, but a moment we experience. Read on to uncover more of Jeremy’s fresh take on life.

Age: 37

What do you do? (Work)
I do whatever I feel like, and it seems to work out.
My wife and I are entrepreneurs.  We have brands on Amazon, I recently built a plugin, we have websites that sell our books and courses, I do a little consulting/coaching and speaking, and I’m starting to host events.
But most of my time, I travel a lot, I eat a lot, and I talk to a lot of people.  I do some writing, some speaking, some podcasting, and I play a lot of board games.

Why do you do it?
Most often, because it’s what I think will make me happiest.
In my moments of clarity, I do what I do for no reason at all.

How do you make a difference in the world? (Work, business, life, family, self)
By “doing” as little as possible.
I believe we get caught up in “making a difference” only by viewing the world as imperfect.  This is a trap I’ve fallen into for most of my life – trying to make various differences from environmental reform to political change.
I’ve tried to change the world and to improve myself, but neither is necessary. Change will come and it won’t, and both are fine.
In the words of Ramana Maharshi, “The power that created you has created the world as well. If it can take care of you, it can similarly take care of the world also. If God has created the world it is his business to look after it, not yours.”

What are 3 defining moments in your life?
I honestly don’t know how to answer this question.
If it’s 3 moments that define who I want to be, then those three moments are “now”, “now”, and “now.”  If it’s 3 moments that define my perceived shortcomings, I’d probably choose three instances when I flipped out and yelled at customer service representatives.
I don’t know that any moments actually define my life or even give someone a good idea of what it’s like to be me, which is generally how I interpret the question.

What is your life purpose?
Haha…I don’t know.
I like to think my purpose is to be at peace and to play as much as possible.
But I’m excited to find out what the universe actually has in store for me. I don’t believe it’s possible to know in advance what my “purpose” is. I try to let go as much as I can.

How did you tap into it?
I believe that we create – rather than tap into – meaning and purpose. And so long as I can remain aware that all purpose and meaning is created, I can be at peace with whatever I create.

Who is your Role-Model or Mentor?
This changes all the time for me, but one person whom I have admired for a long time is Oprah. She has a lot of compassion and peace in her life for someone so busy and successful.
I have many informal mentors in my life, including some of my friends like Theresa Laurico, Arda Ozdemir, and Philip McKernan.
I also greatly value the contributions of historical figures such as Siddhārtha Gautama (Buddha) and Lao Tze.

Do you have any daily habits? If so, what are they?
Habits have become the new currency of dissatisfaction with the present.
Too often in my life (and I see it in many others), I’ve tried to implement habits in order to change something about my life or to “get somewhere.”
So I do have habits, but I don’t think of them as habits at all.  I meditate every day, write most mornings, and even work with some affirmations almost every day (mostly around peace, bliss, and serendipity).  The difference is that I don’t do these things for any reason other than doing them, and I just happen to do them almost every day.

When do you know your work/life balance is off?
I know when I feel like I should do something rather than just doing it. I don’t really have a distinction between work and life, so that’s the metric I use. Procrastination is usually a pretty good sign.

Vulnerability is a challenge for most men – share a vulnerable moment from your life with us.
My vulnerability is very dependent on circumstances. It might be vulnerable for me to admit how much money I make when I’m around billionaires but not when I’m around people earning minimum wage.
With that in mind, one thing I’ve felt vulnerable about admitting over the last few months is that I often feel unhappiness and despair. These feelings are something I still view as imperfect about myself, particularly in the company of friends who seem to be very happy with and excited about their lives and their businesses.
Like many vulnerabilities, it might not sound like much, since everybody deals with unhappiness and despair to some degree. But admitting as much to many of my friends has been extremely difficult, uncomfortable, and vulnerable.

What did you learn from it?
To welcome and even embrace those emotions.  (I have not fully learned this lesson…lol).

If you are or were going to be a mentor for another man, what is one piece of advice you would give him?
Be as you are.
Ironically and paradoxically, that might take a lot of work (therapy, personal development, meditation, time, etc.). Or it might take none at all. You are not your thoughts, emotions, or body. You can choose to identify with them or not, but you have no control over them.
Always ask yourself, “Who am I?” and keep asking it, until you realize that there is no “I”.

How do you be the best partner (Boyfriend/Husband- past or present)
The indirect answer is this… when I’m present and clear, I don’t try to be the best husband at all.
I attempt to act intuitively, without trying to please or make my wife happier. I find it both empirically incorrect and also egotistical to think that I could make my wife happy.  My actions might trigger mental or emotional patterns in her (as in anyone else), but her happiness is her own.
The caveat to all of this is that I definitely don’t always act or not act from that intuitive place. Also, you’d have to check with my wife about whether any of this makes me a better husband or not.  ☺

Do you support any Charities or Not-for-profits? (Which one(s) and why?)
I really like DonorsChoose.org. I love teaching, I love kids, and I love the platform of being able to choose projects to support.

If your life had a theme song, what would it be?
Let it Go (theme song from Frozen).

Where do you see yourself in 3 years?
In the Present.

What legacy do you want to leave for future generations?
An awareness that we don’t need to grow, change, or improve.  That peace and bliss are possible, but only through complete acceptance of ourselves and our world as it is.
But then again, maybe future generations will have technology that makes peace and bliss automatic.

What One book would you recommend for any Man?
Two books I recommend right now…
– The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell
– Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos

If you know a Man that is making a positive impact on the world, we would love to hear from you! Contact us at [email protected]

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