I’m at W*’s bachelor party and sharing one of my all time favorite memories about a drunken night out in Montreal. W* and a few of the other boys at the party were involved with the story. I figured that since it meant so much to me, they must remember it too.
But when I finished telling the story, something weird happened. Everyone looked at me confused. No one else remembered it. I should have been embarrassed that this moment, which meant so much to me, was completely forgettable to everyone else, but actually, it was hysterical.

***

Bachelor parties call up images of endless rounds of shots, lap dances, and belligerence.
While there is a time and a place for that, if a bachelor party is defined by debauchery, you’re shortchanging the bachelor and all of the attendees of an event that could be unforgettable.
Over the past five years, I’ve thrown numerous bachelor parties for my boys (yes, I’m like the male version of “27 Dresses”). I’ve learned that a well done bachelor party is much more than just a group of guys getting drunk in honor of the groom.
Instead, it’s a small work of art that – when done well – will be remembered in vivid detail by the groom for the rest of his life.
What follows is a guide for the Best Man on how to throw an amazing bachelor party.

Implement the “Grown Ass Man” Rule

There should be one and only one rule that pervades a real man’s bachelor party, and that is the, “Grown Ass Man Rule.” Simply put, everyone should assume that he (and all the other boys) are Grown Ass Men. That means that each guy will take care of themselves, monitor their own behavior, figure out what to do if they get separated from the pack, and ask for help when they need it.
Not only is this respectful to all of the attendees, it also takes serious pressure off of you, the best man, by politely declaring that you will not be baby sitting anyone.
I explicitly state this rule a day or two ahead of time to help set clear boundaries and expectations for behavior.

Build the Party With the Bachelor in Mind

As you begin to organize the party, think of what would delight your bachelor. If he loves to play pool, make sure you hit up a pool hall. If he’s the quiet type, resist the temptation to turn him into a spectacle while you’re in public. If he has a soft spot for rare scotches, find the nearest scotch bar, and make a reservation.
Tailoring the party to the bachelor’s unique disposition and preferences is an easy way to make an emotional impact. If you’re feeling ambitious you can make it your goal to create a bachelor party that is even more fun for the bachelor than the wedding itself.

Ask the Bachelor Who He Wants There and Then Get as Many to Show up as Possible

Send out a survey to the list the bachelor gives you, asking which dates and locations work best. Schedule the party at the time and place that allows as many men as possible to attend. While choosing an exotic location and working from there is tempting, keep in mind that people are always more important than places. It’s easy to have fun in a shitty location with great people.
Get the Dad Involved
Bachelor parties are one of the few male coming-of-age rituals still observed. Because of that, you can create magic for both the bachelor and his father by getting the Dad involved.
In most cases, I wouldn’t advise having the Dad present, at least not for the entire party, but I would create an opportunity to have his presence felt. Here are a few ideas:

• See if the Dad would like to pick up the tab for dinner, a round of drinks, or a bottle of the bachelor’s favorite spirit.
• Ask the Dad to write a letter or film a video and give it to the bachelor during the party. Encourage him to be vulnerable, honest, and playful in the message to his son.
• Invite the Dad to contribute a dare to the dare list (more on creating a dare list in a moment…).

Hold Space During the Party to Just Chill

When putting together a bachelor party, there is a tendency to fill every second with activity.
Resist that urge.
Instead, leave dead space in your plans. You’ll be surprised by how fun lounging around, having a few drinks, and shooting the shit with a cool group of guys is.
In fact, the story I started this article with, which was my personal favorite moment of W*’s bachelor party, only occurred because we had space scheduled just to chill.
These often become the memorable moments.

Create a Dare List for the Bachelor to Tackle Throughout the Party

To keep the party interesting – and to keep the bachelor at the center of everyone’s attention – I suggest creating a dare list that consists of challenges for the bachelor to complete throughout the party.
Reach out ahead of time to the guys attending the party, and ask each of them to come up with one dare for the bachelor. Tell them to keep in mind that the dare should make the bachelor leave his comfort zone, without being impossible.
One of my personal favorites from W*’s bachelor party:
“Every time W* orders a meal, he must stand up and high five the waiter.”
You can make the game even more engaging for everyone by adding the following elements:

• A way for the bachelor to opt out of the dare
• A way for the bachelor to reverse the dare by going above and beyond and enabling him to assign dares to the other guys in the group (if you do this, keep it a secret until everyone has arrived)
• A reward for the bachelor if he successfully completes all of the dares without opting out

So an example of a fully formed dare would be:
“Every time W* orders a meal, he must stand up and high five the waiter.
Cost of opting out: W* must pay for dinner on Saturday night.
After two successful high fives, W* is off the hook. However, if W* gets every meal on Friday and Saturday, and the first drink order on Saturday night, he may assign a shot to S* [the guy who created the dare], and S* must high five the bartender when he orders for the rest of the party.”
If your bachelor is emotionally mature enough, it’s nice to have a dare that includes him sharing his favorite memory of each member of the bachelor party.
The real goal is to be creative and playful as you create challenges for the bachelor.

Get Organized Ahead of Time

Too often bachelor parties consist of a group of guys showing up and then winging it. Spur of the moment decision-making, especially with large groups, often results in lazy, lowest-common-denominator style decisions.
Instead, do a bit of work ahead of time to make the experience smooth and engaging for everyone. Most of the bachelor parties I’ve planned began on a Friday after work, and ended mid-morning on Sunday. I’ll assume that the one you’re planning follows a similar format, but if not, you can adapt:

• Declare a clear meeting spot for Friday night. If you are renting an AirBNB have everyone arrive there. Be sure to have beer, liquor and cigars on hand for people as they arrive.

• Friday night’s dinner and activities should be simple since people are arriving throughout the evening. I default to ordering a pizza and playing poker.

• Saturday during the day, have one main activity. For W*’s bachelor party, we played soccer golf, but other activities to consider include: lazer tag, pitch and putt, batting cages, a video game tournament, floating a river, archery, hitting a local casino, go karts, a barcade, or bowling. If you choose a competitive activity, consider placing a light weight bet on the outcome to make it more engaging for the boys.

• Saturday evening, the whole party goes out to a nice restaurant (be sure to make reservations ahead of time).

• Saturday night, bar crawl. I suggest starting at a nice bar, and slowly working down from fancy bars to dive bars.

• Sunday, for many people will be a travel day. I suggest an easy activity in the morning (breakfast, coffee, a round of cards, etc) and then declaring a hard stop time for the bachelor party.

Simplify Finances by Putting Everything on Your Credit Card and Divvy up the Total Later

If you’re rolling with a ten person bachelor party, it’s annoying to split the check ten times everywhere you go. Instead, put everything on your credit card, and then use cash, paypal, venmo for reimbursment.
This is easier for everyone involved (especially the waiters, waitresses, and bartenders). And of course, if you and the attendees can afford it, don’t let the bachelor pay for anything.

Create an Opportunity for the Guys to Raise Toasts and Share Memories with the Bachelor

A nice way to create a moment that the bachelor will remember forever, is to ask the attendees of the party to individually toast the bachelor or share one of their favorite memories of him.
Not all guys have the emotional capacity or willingness to do this. That’s fine. Vulnerability and honesty take courage. However, many of the guys will relish the opportunity to say, “I love you” without having to say, “I love you.”
Tell the guys ahead of time that there will be an opportunity to share stories and raise toasts, but there’s no pressure whatsoever to do this. If you’d like as many of the men as possible to participate, you should lead by example and go first. While this is easier for people after a few drinks just make sure it’s done before the bachelor is so drunk that he might forget.

***

The standard bachelor party is little more than everyone getting drunk in honor of the groom. Nothing wrong with that, but with a bit of effort you can create an event enjoyed by all of the attendees and more importantly, remembered by the bachelor for the rest of his life.
Read More By Jason Connell
Finding Your Deep Gifts in a Shallow World
Maslow Got it Wrong: What I Learned From Feeding the Homeless on My Birthday
How Should a Man Be at 30?

Episode: 040

There are 20 essential leadership habits that make a powerful and successful leader.

Introduction:
Brad Lomenick is a strategic advisor and leadership consultant. He has written two books on the subject of leadership, The Catalyst Leader and, his latest book, H3 Leadership. Brad discusses the three big Hs that every leader needs in order to inspire and propel them to the next level. He also not only talks about why millennials are different but offers some compelling advice to anyone who is just beginning their career or journey.
 

Listen to it on iTunes

Listen to it on Stitcher
 

 
Key Takeaways:
[0:35] Thank you to our sponsor Vancity Buzz.
[2:45] What was Brad’s defining moment as a man?
[6:30] So many aspects of Brad’s story have been built on the shoulders of other people who have
helped him.
[6:40] What does Brad currently do?
[8:00] Brad wants to impact the next generation.
[9:10] Brad focuses on building strong leaders.
[12:40] What is the secret sauce to creating a movement?
[16:45] As soon as you’re feeling big, you need to go back to the same thinking you had when you
first started.
[17:15] How do you influence a millennial?
[18:55] Millennials believe they can change the world. They are incredibly positive.
[19:25] Millennials have such high expectations that reality can throw them off guard.
[20:00] Go find something right now, even if it’s not your life calling, and go crush it.
[20:15] Be the best you can be with what you’re doing today.
[22:45] Millennials are the generation with options.
[23:45] It doesn’t matter how old you are now, it matters what you can do and what you know.
[24:30] Brad talks about his latest book, H3 Leadership.
[26:30] If you feel like you’re a humble leader, then you’re probably not.
[30:30] Every team knows their leader’s flaws.
[31:20] You have to lead with your true self.
[32:20] Always stay hungry.
[34:55] Great leaders are often the most curious.
[37:25] What is hustle?
[40:45] You have to create a bit of margin in your life in order for you to hustle at the right times.
[42:25] Generosity has to be part of your hustle.
[43:30] One of the most difficult lessons for leaders is to let go.
[44:40] Your job is to replace yourself.
[46:50] Brad talks about the young influencers list.
[48:45] Brad currently loves what Caitlin Crosby is doing.
[51:10] What legacy does Brad wish to leave behind?
 

Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Quotes:
“Everyone is a leader, everyone has influence.”
“I believe 100% in the current young generation. There’s so much about them that’s positive.”
“Go find something right now, even if it’s not your life calling, and go crush it.”
“I want a leader who is real every time compared to a leader who is right.”
 

I see a beautiful boy’s beautiful world through the eyes of my son. He’s 9. Old enough to process complexity but still a child.
Yet, the world wants him to grow up… in that traditional way.
A way that would leave him emotionally bereft, a hardened manchild, which perhaps explains why we have so many emotionally crippled manchild men over 30.
Cynicism and ‘tough guy’ posturing aren’t natural for 9-year-olds.
But I’ve seen it in many.
Girls have their own set of pressure and false programming. Boys receive one message over and over, “Don’t show weakness. Ever. Under any circumstance.”
“Boys don’t cry,” the world says. But that’s not true. Boys cry rivers of tears. They just learn to hide it young. By the time most boys have become men they’ve lost the capacity to feel fully.
Many men can’t cry. Even if we wanted to. We’ve lost the capacity.
Too much joy and you’re a dork. Show compassion to another human and you’re soft.
What feelings are boys allowed to feel?
Anger of course. That’s manly and expected, which might explain why it’s mostly boys and men who get into fights, commit violent crimes, crash cars, and commit suicide.
Boys are discouraged from showing pro-social emotions that connect and bring us together.
My son is on his own journey. I can’t shelter him from hardship, but there are a few things I want him to know.
I want him to know he never has to ‘man up.’
Because that term is just a thin veneer over, “never show any weakness.” Every man, from Brock Lesnar to Stephen Hawking knows deep down that we aren’t impervious to struggle. We’re not all powerful.
We’re made of flesh and blood and we hurt from time to time. “Manning up” should mean being honest and courageous, even if that means feeling weak for a moment or two.
That’s what I want for my son.
I want my son to know that boys can do anything.
Boys can have meaningful relationships. Boys can be a force for good. Boys don’t have to be society’s problem.
Boys can be friendly and connected, loving and kind, while still retaining masculine strength and direction.
These qualities aren’t conflicting.
I want my son to know that that caring equals strength.
Compassion is the ultimate strength. But compassion for others is impossible without compassion for oneself. We have a culture of misguided boys that become self self-loathing men who are incapable of compassion for themselves or others.
Boys are taught that caring is weakness, but it’s the ultimate strength.
Show me a man who cares only about himself and I’ll show you a brittle man.
I want my son to know he’s not a danger to society.
Boys can channel their enormous power, focus, energy, and drive towards positive and healthy ends.
Too many boys grow up thinking their only power comes from rabble-rousing and stirring up havoc.
The world needs healthy masculine energy now more than ever. I want my son to know that.
I want my son to know that he can understand women.
Show me a man who says, “I can’t understand women,” and I’ll show you a man who isn’t trying.
I want my son to know he can understand women because he can understand people.
I want my son to think of women as allies, not incomprehensible creatures with incomprehensible needs.
I want my son to know the most incredible expression of strength is love.
Because his heart is more powerful than anyone else I know, and I know that by loving others he is fully self expressed.
I want my son to know that not only is there no shame in that. On the contrary, it’s a point of pride now and forever.
I want him to know that he never has to mute his ability to love and that anyone who tells him otherwise has simply muted his own.
I want my son to know his future doesn’t have to look a certain way.
Because I know his future is more incredible than I can imagine.
I want my son to know he never has to stop daydreaming.
Because daydreaming is what geniuses and little boys do [and that’s pretty much the same thing anyways].
I want my son to know the pursuit of more for the sake of more will not make him more.
I want him to know that he’s complete as he is. I want him to pursue his wildest childlike dreams because what the fuck else is there to this life?
I want my son to know I will always love him.
Even when he pisses me off. Even when we disagree… especially when we disagree.
Read More By Zander Robertson on the ManTalks Blog:
There’s Nothing Left to Do But Die
The 5 Key Steps to Editing Your Life Story
__________________________________________________________________
Zander Robertson is editor-in-chief of the Mantalks blog. He’s ghostwritten more than 20 books for major publishing houses and self publishers. Zander believes that the world turns on powerful, raw, and true stories. Visit his website to learn more. 
Email him at [email protected] to pitch your article idea for ManTalks.
 
 
Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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How men define manhood can mean the difference between a good life or a lonely death.

A battle is being fought for the right to define what modern manhood is. People are being killed. And let’s not be squeamish about saying why things often turn violent. Some men and women who would enforce what is called “traditional manhood” are attacking those courageous souls who refuse to conform.
People are being beaten and sometimes even murdered for not doing manhood “right”. Those who assault these boys and men do it in the name of tradition, religion, patriotism, community, and god help us all, they do it in the name of their children.

Men like myself can consider ourselves comparatively lucky. Gay and transgender people daily risk being murdered for daring to live outside the narrow rules of traditional American manhood. However far removed straight or cis men may think we are from their experience of manhood, the battle for equality that gay and transgender people are fighting is creating breathing space for all of us; a space in which our smaller choices for difference might someday simply go unnoticed and unpunished. For this reason, we owe a clear and unequivocal debt to those on the front lines of change.
So at the outset here, it is important to say that while I have fought many battles to become who I am, I have never had to fight for my life on some dark street simply because of how I love. But gay or straight, white or black, rich or poor, every single American man feels the looming threat of what will happen if we don’t do manhood “right.” And we feel it every single day of our lives.
Welcome to the Man Box
Enforcing traditional manhood as the only acceptable path for men is called living in the Man Box. Charlie Glickman does a great job of explaining the Man Box here.
The rules of the Man Box go something like this:
1) Real men don’t show their emotions (Anger, yes, but little else.)
2) Real men are always confident. They make all the decisions.
3) Real men are providers not care givers.
4) Real men are heterosexual and sexually dominant.
5) Real men continuously talk and play sports.
6) Real men are never handicapped, disabled or unemployed.
And so on. Whatever else they are, “real men” never do anything that might appear as  feminine. And that’s the biggest tragedy of all. Because the emotional capacities we typically label as feminine are capacities that every man is born with. The choice not to develop them is the choice not to live a fully engaged life.
This subjugation of the feminine by remaining emotionally tough or isolated is the basic underlying principle of the Man Box. It has created a culture of male anger, frustration and selfishness. It is at the heart of our raging binary debates. It crowds our prisons and it populates our AA meetings. It leaves us feeling alone even in the midst of our families and our marriages. It has unplugged us from being human.
The battle to define manhood is taking place between those who live in the Man Box and those of us intent on making manhood a much wider-ranging and diverse experience. This kind of collision takes place every single time the status quo is challenged. Power does not give up power willingly. And make no mistake about it, billions of dollars are riding on how we define manhood.
Here’s one simple example: if “real men” are always warriors, then “real men” always go to war. You need look no further than the multi-billion dollar budget of the Pentagon to see how our cultural ideas about manhood directly impact the flow of wealth and political power in American.
Remember: We live the stories we tell. And so do our sons and daughters.
The Truth at the Heart of Manhood
If we want our freedom from the oppressive rules of the Man Box, we need to take away its control over how we define manhood. We need to create a world where being a man can mean being anything. Any work. Any play. Any love. Any life. And just to be clear, the options we’ll need to topple the Man Box will have to be so wide-ranging that being a man can even look just like being a women. And I don’t mean doing the dishes instead of mowing the lawn, I mean a man with a woman’s body.
And before some of you go CRAZY in the comments section saying that I want to turn our sons into girls, think for a moment. This is about creating such a vast range of options for being a man that no one ever again gets to say to any man among us, “you’re doing manhood wrong.” Nobody. This is about a world of boys and men who make their OWN choices based on what comes naturally to them. If America is truly about freedom then this is how free people live.
But there’s a much more fundamental reason why I say our definition of manhood should be vastly more wide ranging.

Because this is what manhood already is. This is the fundamental truth at the very heart of manhood. Men are already everything you can possibly imagine, across any spectrum you can name, gender, race, sexuality, politics, spirituality, or society.
Some people just refuse to see it. Or they hate it. But it doesn’t matter. Man are already everything. When we finally accept a completely diverse view of manhood, when even the most far ranging possibilities are viewed as perfectly normal, we will finally have peace. Until then, we will have judgement, rage, violence, oppression and murder.
The Genie is Out of the Bottle
Often, I hear from self-described traditionalist men bemoaning the loss of the good old days. “When men were men and women were women. When everybody knew their role in the scheme of things.”
We may once have lived in a conformist world, but the vast diversity of the world can no longer be hidden. The internet, mass media and art, along with decades of fierce civil and human rights struggles have shown us just how big, beautiful and varied a world this is. When millions of us look into the kaleidoscope of cultural, racial, sexual and gender difference our world is presenting us, we see the different-ness in ourselves reflected back; whole new versions of who we might become, colorful and rich and tantalizingly real.

The genie is out of the bottle. The cat is out of the bag. We can never go back to  a mass culture of conformity. None of us. So, stop crying about the loss of the good old days. They’re gone. And be glad they are, because underneath the deadening blanket of conformity lurks explosive violence, bigotry, racism, sexism and a damaging model of manhood that is, in fact, a killer for men.
The Epidemic of Chronic Male Loneliness
As Good Men Project CEO Lisa Hickey said recently in an online discussion, “The Man Box isn’t serving any man well, even the men who are most committed to it.”
Why? Many many reasons. But here’s a doozy. The Man Box, which demands men model being emotionally tough, isolates and ultimately kills the very men who advocate for it.
Think I’m overstating the case? Ask yourself one simple question: why do men typically live shorter lives than women?

One of the central tenants of the Man Box is the subjugation of women, and by extension, the devaluing of all things deemed feminine. Since we Americans hold emotional connection as a female trait, we suppress it in our boys, demanding that they “man up” and adopt a strict regimen of emotional independence, even isolation, as proof they are real men. Behind the drumbeat message that real men are stoic and detached, is the brutal fist of homophobia, ready to crush any boy who might show too much of the wrong kind of emotions.
Read about how we train boys out of emotional connection in Dr. Noibe Way’s ground breaking book Deep Secrets. What is the result for boys raised in this way? It is a lifetime of emotional isolation.
Recent studies show that Americans are more isolated and lonely then ever before.
In a survey published by the AARP in 2010, we learn that one in three adults aged 45 or older reported being chronically lonely. Just a decade before, only one out of five of us said that. And men are facing the brunt of this epidemic of loneliness. Research shows that between 1999 and 2010 suicide among men, age 50 and over, rose by nearly 50%. The New York Times reports that “the suicide rate for middle-aged men was 27.3 deaths per 100,000, while for women it was 8.1 deaths per 100,000.”
In an article for the New Republic titled The Lethality of Loneliness, Judith Schulevitz writes:

Emotional isolation is ranked as high a risk factor for mortality as smoking. A partial list of the physical diseases thought to be caused by or exacerbated by loneliness would include Alzheimer’s, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, neurodegenerative diseases, and even cancer—tumors can metastasize faster in lonely people.

Men who never learn to connect emotionally are condemned to face lives of isolation (even while married and raising a family) and the damaging health effects this creates. To learn more, read How an Epidemic of Loneliness is Killing the Men We Love.

Liberating Ourselves
As men, we must grant ourselves permission to be emotionally vibrant human beings; we must liberate ourselves to live in a much wider range of ways. But when I talk about this liberation of men, self-described traditionalists raise objections. “You are telling us we have to change,” they say. “This new view of manhood is being forced on us.”
No, it is not.

I am a man who has lived for decades under threat of punishment from the Man Box. What has been forced on me is traditional manhood which, for me, is a bad fit and a bad way to live.
I seek to redesign manhood for myself, by virtue of the most basic and natural of human aspirations, the freedom to be who I am. I do not seek to change traditional men. They have the right to choose for themselves their way of life. But not for me. I seek to make room in the world for who I actually am.
Being a traditional man or woman has its own intrinsic poetry and strength. But when people think they must shame and bully others to conform to their way of being, they have lost sight of what is right. Whether that shaming and bullying arises from the church pulpit, the halls of Congress, the locker room or the local bar, its fundamentally evil. It is a sign of moral weakness; a brittle and ugly flaw in our national psyche. It is a fearful need to control others and it is a catastrophic waste of our true potential as human beings. And for the record, it is fundamentally un-American.
And so, for our young sons, for all the boys coming along who are beautiful and varied and different. For the women (and men) who deserve a wider range of partners from which to seek loving companionship. For the rich emotional connection and vulnerability we are all capable of as human beings. For joyous diversity. For peaceful co-existence. For the celebration of what it means to be truly human we will fight for the right for men and boys to live the lives they choose.
The Man Box doesn’t know it yet, but it’s done. Dead. We will never again be cowed by bullies, we will never again back down.
To destroy the Man Box, once and for all: THIS is why we fight.
This article originally appeared on Good Men Project.
Good Men Project Executive Editor Mark Greene’s articles on masculinity and manhood have received over 100,000 FB shares and 10 million page views. Mark’s book, Remaking Manhood is a collection of his most powerful articles on American culture, relationships, family and parenting. It is a timely and balanced look at the issues at the heart of the modern masculinity movement.
Greene writes and speaks on men’s issues for the Good Men Project, the New York Times, The Shriver Report, Salon, HLN, and The Huffington Post.
To stay up to date with Mark and the Remaking Manhood movement, join him on Facebook.
Sign up to the ManTalks newsletter and every week we’ll send you an email with the week’s top articles and interviews.
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Episode: 039

Having the freedom to do and create a business you want is fantastic, but don’t be fooled, there are dark sides to it.

Introduction:
Jonathan Becker founded Thrive Digital, a company dedicated in user acquisition, lead generation, and more. Jonathan is a serial entrepreneur and has a lot of advice to share for others who are looking to break out and thrive on their own. One piece of advice Jonathan gives to other aspiring entrepreneurs is to quit while you’re ahead and use your newly learned skills to build something even better.
 

Listen to it on iTunes

Listen to it on Stitcher
 

 
Key Takeaways:
[2:50] What was Jonathan’s defining moment?
[4:45] What does Jonathan currently do?
[6:45] Jonathan offers his best online marketing tip for someone who is trying to break into the marketing industry.
[11:30] SEO is much more difficult today than it was a couple of years ago.
[12:25] Don’t invest massive amounts of money on an unproven idea just yet.
[12:45] Good businesses are doing something exceptional.
[13:45] Jonathan talks about the online porker company he tried to start.
[16:25] Jonathan couldn’t tell his parents about what he was doing.
[19:10] Don’t be afraid to quit while you’re ahead.
[22:50] Jonathan has always wanted to be in business.
[23:40] Thrive Digital is the fourth/fifth company Jonathan has started.
[27:15] What’s the dark side of entrepreneurship?
[30:00] Jonathan loves Uber because they’re disrupting the industry.
[34:25] How can you add value to your team and employees?
[38:40] What does success look like on both an entrepreneurial and personal standpoint? [40:45] What legacy does Jonathan want to leave?
[41:25] What’s Jonathan most excited about?
 

Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Tweetables:
“If you’re not doing something that people want, then it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing.”
“Don’t be afraid to quit while you’re ahead. Regroup, then take the skills and put them into something else.”
“One of the biggest things that millennials look for in a work environment is ‘greatness’.”
 

Hello my name is Roger, and I am a podcast addict.
 
My problem began about five years ago when a friend suggested This American Life. A classic.
 
But slowly I learned there are loads of podcasts out there designed to help me improve my life.
 
It’s sort of like Netflix. Some days you feel like political intrigue so you watch an episode of House of Cards. Then there are days when you just HAVE to know how the Hoover Dam was built, so you watch a BBC documentary.
 
Podcasts are the same way.
 
When I open my podcast app I might need a little inspiration, so I scan the latest episodes to see what jumps out. Or sometimes I’m facing a leadership challenge, so I look for an interview I could draw from.
 
I subscribe to a LOT of podcasts, so when I need something specific in my life, chances are I’ll have it at my fingertips.
 
Below is an eclectic mix of some of my favourites. It is by no means complete. I’m always searching for new talent, so if you have a few you’d like to share I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
 
The Art of Manliness
 
Brett McKay is a stud. His Art of Manliness site is a constant treasure trove of articles on all things man. So its only natural that the podcast (full of fascinating interviews and life tips) is equally great.
 
Favorite episode: The Enduring Appeal of the Great Gatsby
 
The Productivityist Podcast
 
This weekly show provides you with tips, tools, tactics, and tricks that aim to make you more productive both at home and at work. Each week features an interview with experts who bring a new perspective to the world of productivity.
 
Favorite episode: Episode #182: Continuing the Mission of Service and Brotherhood
 
The Unmistakable Creative
 
This podcast has had over 500 guests, featuring the likes of Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, Simon Sinek, and Rob Bell. The show’s host, Srini Rao, gives a very thoughtful interview that features some of the world’s leading creatives.
 
Favorite episode: Making the Impossible Possible with Tim Ferriss
 
TED Radio Hour
 
The TED Radio Hour explores a certain theme weekly (for example: “What is Original?”) using a handful of awesome TED Talks to tell the story. It’s an even better experience if you listen to extended supplemental audio tracks on their website.
 
Favorite episode: To Endure
 
No Such Thing as a Fish
 
If you love useless facts like me, then you’ll love this podcast. Imagine 4 nerdy Brits crowded around a microphone trying to one up each other with fun fact after fun fact. I love to listen to this podcast when I am having a bad day – it’s a guaranteed laugh. Did you know that if you measured the surface area of every hair on the average sized otter it would equal roughly 2 NHL hockey rinks in size?
 
Favorite episode: No Such Thing as the Brilliant Billion
 
Ari Meisel – Less Doing
 
Ari is all about making life easier. So he spends each episode sharing with you the latest in ways to optimize your life. Ari was also one of our very first guests.
 
Favorite episode: Episode 86 – No Such Thing As Ghost Nipples
 
10% Happier
 
After having a nationally televised panic attack on Good Morning America, Dan Harris knew he had to make some changes. This lead him to meditation. In his new podcast Dan talks with smart people about whether or not there’s anything beyond 10%.
 
Basically, here’s what this podcast is obsessed with: Can you be an ambitious person and still strive for enlightenment?
 
Favorite episode: #1: Dalai Lama
 
The Tim Ferriss Show
 
Tim is all about deconstructing world-class performers – whether investors, martial artists, or entertainment people. Tim digs deep to uncover so much useful value. Tim is our, “white whale” to have on the ManTalks Podcast. We’re all ears if you know him 🙂
 
Favorite episode: Tony Robbins on Morning Routines, Peak Performance, and Mastering Money
 
Jocko Podcast
 
Jocko Willink is the author of Extreme Ownership and is a decorated retired Navy SEAL officer. In each of his episodes Jocko (and his side-kick Echo Charles) discuss discipline and ownership in business, war, relationships, and everyday life.
 
The listener also gains insight into the man that is Jocko. He is a machine. Just look at his Instagram and you’ll see what I mean.
 
Favorite episode: What Made Jocko
 
The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes
 
Lewis, a friend of ManTalks, brings you two episodes per week. They will inspire you. Period. Each episode tells an inspiring story from some of the best minds to help you find out what makes people great.
 
Favorite episode: Jason Silva on the Power of the Mind to Create Your Reality
 
ManTalks Podcast
 
What can I say, I’m biased…
 
Favorite episode: Now that wouldn’t be fair.
______________________________________________________
Roger Nairn is a the Director of Branding and Marketing and Co-Host of the ManTalks Podcast. Born and raised in B.C, Roger has a background in marketing and is an Account Director at DDB Canada. Roger has a bright personality, profound sense of curiosity and an endless depth of creativity which make for the perfect man for taking the vision of ManTalks and getting it out to the world. Roger is a kind soul who wants the best for the people around him. He is a loyal, a proud husband to his wife Allison, a cerebral strategist, a man with extensive marketing background, humility, razor sharp intelligence and a deep understanding of how to connect brands with people.

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Episode: 038

Listen to Lee’s journey and discovery on why some memories are more important than others.

Introduction:
Lee Eisenberg was the editor-in-chief of Esquire magazine for two decades. In 1995, he joined Time Inc. as a consulting editor and helped launch a series of new initiatives such as Time.com, Time for Kids, and The Time 100. In 2006, he published The Number, which became a national bestseller. Today, Lee talks
to Connor and Roger about his latest book, The Point Is, and why having a personal narrative is so important for our life journey.
 

Listen to it on iTunes

Listen to it on Stitcher
 

 
Key Takeaways:
[0:30] As of today, we’re in Toronto, L.A, and Vancouver.
[0:35] If you’re in any of those cities, come out to our event.
[2:55] What was a defining moment for Lee as a man?
[4:25] How do we really build a life story for ourselves?
[5:00] Why did Lee write The Point Is?
[7:15] Why do we endure certain memories and re-write others?
[8:50] Personal narrative requires a lot of self-reflection.
[9:00] Were there any commonalities in how people saw themselves?
[10:35] Lee has only kept a diary once in his life.
[12:20] When you record events in real time, you really don’t know what they’ll stand for later.
[12:50] Virtually no one is keeping a diary.
[16:25] Lee is a bit cynical about talk therapy; however, it can help reexamine past traumas and bad memories and help you rewrite your life story.
[17:35] Most people feel like they’re not using their creative channel efficiency.
[18:45] It’s important to uncover your story as well as share your story.
[20:10] You don’t necessarily tell your story to others, but at the very least tell your story to yourself.
[20:20] Why do we remember certain things so strongly and why do we attach so much importance to certain things?
[20:55] How can people dive into their personal story a bit more?
[22:25] We create personal myths for ourselves. What is your personal myth?
[23:30] What novel genre would your life story be?
[27:50] The power of narrative is why we can go through life and make some sense of it.
[28:55] Do people get their personal narrative mixed up with other people’s view of them?
[30:25] What legacy would Lee like to leave behind?
 

Music Credit:
J Parlange & Latenite Automatic (jesusparlange.com – lateniteautomatic.com)
Quotes:
“We often do not stop and think about ‘was it right’ and then often, we don’t go back and revisit ‘why did I do that.”
“Why do we remember certain things so strongly and why do we attach so much importance to certain
things?”
“The power of narrative is why we can go through life and make some sense of it.”
 

How Girls Are Initiated Into Dysfunction

In my work as a dating, relationship and intimacy coach, it’s often sobering to see how much the love that was absent in our childhood (and how we learned to cope with that absent love), drives our relationships in the adult years.
I often teach women to understand where men are coming from and the possible struggles and wounds they’ve faced, but I also teach men to have more insight into the struggles women grow up with.
You may have asked yourself at one time or another why many women find themselves attached to “absent love” by going after men who don’t show up for them and are emotionally unavailable.
The “not quite” divorced man.
The emotionally shut down man.
The man who uses them as a diversion while out looking for something better.
To be able to separate their attachment (or attraction) to an emotionally unavailable man many women need to figure out the subconscious relationship dynamics at play.
If a woman had an emotionally distant or absent father for example, it frequently leads to her establishing a pattern of relating to absent love.
After all, the love she learned in childhood was absent, and this is what she knows — that to get love somehow feels absent.
This leads many women to be the pursuer in relationships with men and to chase love, over-function and over-give to a guy, because they always have to earn that absent love their inner little girl was chasing….. instead of allowing love to come to them.
In a dysfunctional way of protecting themselves, only then do these women feel in love and feel intense desire or attraction.

What Does Absent Love Look Like?

It often looks like an emotionally unavailable man.
When these little girls have absent human fathers to learn to relate to, they create fantasy fathers in their mind, grabbing pieces here and there from movies, books or neighborhood fathers and projecting their idealized father.
So when a real man comes along, they are unable to see the man, they only see Mr. Right, Prince Charming, Rescuing Knight in Shining Armour.
They can’t see the human behind the man which forces the emotionally unavailable man further into his shell, his fear of being known is triggered, because who can live up to that projection?
Women with patterns of attaching to absent love need to work through this pattern so they can come out of their projected fantasy and come into relationship with a real, quality, man who is available for a deep and loving relationship.

How Women Can Change

The incredible thing is that in my practice I often see women turn this around and a relationship that was previously stalled begins to move forward.
For example, I was recently working with a client who was dating a man she had diagnosed on her own as emotionally unavailable.
She had come to me wanting my help in getting over him but as I heard the details of their interactions and how their dating relationship had panned out over a series of months, it was clear this pattern was at work.
As we worked through and unearthed her wounding around her absent father she realized that she had been showing up as emotionally unavailable for him.

The women I work with often come to realize that showing up in this way has kept them in a pattern of absent love and learn that the first step they need to take is to work through this so they can become available to the love they really want.
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Giordana Toccaceli is an International Dating, Relationship and Intimacy Expert having worked with thousands of women and men around the world to become their most attractive and magnetic selves and attract incredible partners into their lives in record time.
Giordana has worked with a wide range of clients from Top CEOs, Billionaires, successful entrepreneurs, professional athletes, actors, models and every day men and women. She is a regular contributor to Univision TV’s morning show “Despierta Austin” and the Founder of Woman’s Allure and the Co-Founder of Embody Love Project.
Book a free Discovery Session today and find out what’s holding your back from feeling deep freedom, vibrant health, and alignment in your life. Access your free gift today: Get Giordana’s Heal Your Heart” 10 Minute Meditation.
 

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